Days went by and Matthew really seemed to be getting better. He was going back to being his normal self, with only slight bouts of depression now and again.

But then one day, everything changed. As he was sitting at the table, watching Gilbert make breakfast, he realized that he was falling for the man. He thought of him in a way that he'd never thought of any man before... or any woman, for that matter. While Gilbert was okay with gays—as was obvious by his relationship with Francis and Antonio—he also was extremely straight. Over the years, even before he showed that he knew that Matthew existed, he'd been a womanizer, who had girlfriend after girlfriend, going through them like a child goes through clothes when they're going through a growth spurt. That, and he joked and made fun of Francis and Antonio all the time, calling them fags, ass vandals, fruits, cocksuckers and the like. Matthew was sure that Gilbert was as straight as a ruler, so there was no way that the two would ever end up together. This was a secret he'd have to take with him to his grave.

When Gilbert turned around with the food, he noticed Matthew's dejected expression and slumped posture. The boy had been perfectly fine a moment before, but now he looked so forlorn that Gilbert's heart hurt. "Hey... what's wrong?" he asked tenderly, setting the plates down and bending over Matthew.

The boy jumped, as if he hadn't even noticed Gilbert until that moment. "N-nothing, eh," he stuttered, flushing slightly and looking at the plate set before him. "Thanks for this."

"Of course. Now eat up and stop looking so glum," Gilbert said, poking either side of his mouth and trying to push it up into a smile.

Matthew let his face stay in the shape that Gilbert pushed it into, a smile now there, but it didn't reach his eyes.

Gilbert heaved a sigh and sat next to him. "Matthew, if you end up hurting yourself over whatever you're thinking about, I'm going to be very upset. I don't need to find you nearly dead for a third time."

"I won't..." he mumbled, not sure if it was truth or not. Instead, he just ate the food that had been placed before him in utter silence.

Gilbert didn't like the quiet that filled the room, so he filled it with meaningless chatter about how poorly he was going to do on their upcoming exams, but how that didn't change his awesomeness. There were many things that he talked about, none of which Matthew really absorbed, but he sat there, pretending to listen nonetheless, and that was enough for Gilbert, who blabbered on and on, completely unaware of Matthew's true inattentiveness.

As oblivious as Gilbert was at that moment, he eventually did realize that Matthew was getting distant as time went past. Whenever he talked, he didn't get any signs of listening from Matthew, who just looked more and more despondent as time went on, and Gilbert did his best not to let that get to him as well.

"Francis," Gilbert said during their last school lunch together, "I'm worried. Matthew just sits there looking so..."

"Woebegone?" Francis asked in his usual dramatic fashion. "Oui. Antonio and I have noticed as well. What do you propose we do about it?"

"I don't know... I was hoping you might have an idea," he said truthfully. "As awesome as I am, this one's got me stumped. But... I hate not seeing him smile."

"Ah, young love!" Francis declared, grinning.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Gilbert stuttered.

"I mean you are becoming a... how do you say it..." Francis stopped for a moment to ponder, then continued, "butt pirate?"

Gilbert got really flustered at that, pushed away his chair, consequently knocking it over, and then storming off.

Matthew blinked and looked over to Francis. "What's wrong with him?"

"Oh, he's just confused over matters of the heart," Francis said, smiling warmly at him.

"Oh," Matthew said, not knowing what else to respond with and going back to being downhearted.

Francis realized then what was wrong. Matthew was in love with the seemingly straight Gilbert. If only Gilbert himself could see this and realize that nothing was wrong with falling for someone.

~~~
It was the middle of the night, right after Gilbert had stormed off away from Francis. Matthew couldn't sleep. He was tossing and turning, jealousy coursing through him at whoever had gained Gilbert's affections when he couldn't. Carefully, he climbed over Gilbert's sleeping form and headed off to the bathroom, turning on the lights, not caring that they hurt his eyes.

Matthew stared long and hard at himself in the mirror, trying to figure out what he could change to make himself more appealing. His hair was already growing to a more feminine length, and because his body still didn't seem to want to gain back the extra fat, he even had a bit of a womanly physique. Matthew pulled off his clothes and continued to look at himself. It had be the fact that he still had male appendages. All he wanted right now was Gilbert, and if he had to take matters into his own hands to get him, he would.

Matthew made his way to the small trash in the bathroom and rummaged in it until he found the razor blades that he had contemplated using on himself just the other day. He held them to his skin, ready to make another cut, but then he just couldn't bring himself to do it. After flinging them against the opposite wall, he pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and sobbing.

It was probably twenty minutes after that when Matthew heard knocking on the bathroom door. Then again, he didn't have a time telling device on him and it might have just seemed longer than it really was.

"Y-yeah?" he asked, and his voice cracked in a way that made it obvious that he wasn't just sitting in there for the fun of it.

"Can I come in...?"

"I'm naked..." Matthew didn't want Gilbert to see him so vulnerable and crying.

"Did you hurt yourself...?

"I-I was going to... but no."

Gilbert's voice was full of relief. "Thank god," he murmured. "Now... you never gave me a straight answer. Can I come in?"

Matthew laughed sadly at the thought of anything being 'straight'. "I guess," he replied.

Gilbert slowly opened the door and made his way inside. "Hey..." he said, sitting down net to him and wrapping his arms around the naked body, pulling him to his chest. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong...?"

Matthew really didn't want to. He was worried that he would lose Gilbert's friendship if he did, so he shook his head.

"Why not...?"

"I-it concerns you."

"Well, I don't want you being upset over something that I can fix," Gilbert told him softly.

"I don't know that you can fix it," he mumbled.

"Tell me and I'll be the judge of that."

"Promise you won't hate me," Matthew said, almost desperately, tears threatening to spill again.

"I promise," Gilbert replied, entirely serious.

"I-I love you."

At first, Gilbert was shocked at the revelation, but then he realized what his feelings had been all along. "I love you too," he replied softly, pulling Matthew into a tighter embrace.