A/n: Requested by IfWeLivedaLittleEveryDay . Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH HARRY POTTER IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.

9 Things in Draco Malfoy's Desk and One Thing in His Trash Can

0. The New Order

Draco Malfoy isn't sure what to do with himself. He's just run from the school and he's on the Order's doorstep. Weasley told him where to find it, so he's here, but there's nothing there yet, because Weasley wasn't the Secret Keeper. Draco knew this when he ran, but he didn't have much of a choice. When Voldemort seized the school, he knew he had to get out. And with Weasley dead, he knew there was at least one opening in the Order.

He finally catches a glimpse of Remus while loitering one day, and almost gets himself killed getting himself noticed. He supposes it isn't Lupin's fault he thought he was an attacker. Sooner than he'd expected, he's part of the Order, filling the place where Weasley was. He thinks Harry, Hermione, and Ginny resent him for it a little, but he can't help it. He knows now that this is the right thing, and he wants others to know too.

So when Harry mentions a raid on the school, he volunteers right away.

1. A Map

They plan the raid for months. In the end, Draco solves their last problem and Harry says it's a go. But Draco still worries, so he takes the map, studying it every night for a week. And in the end, he was right to worry.

"Malfoy, WHAT were you thinking?" she said.

"What was I thinking- what were YOU thinking?"

"I was thinking that maybe if we were actually STEALTHY we could get some people out of there alive!"

"And I knew that wasn't the case!"

"WHAT? Look how this turned out, Draco! They all DIED!"

"And WE didn't!"

"I cannot BELIEVE you just said that!" she said. Several of the onlookers to clapped their hands over their ears. "It's entirely selfish-"

"As I am!"

"And entirely cowardly!"

"WHAT?" he said. "COWARDLY?"

"Yes, COWARDLY. I was willing to DIE for those people; that's what you don't understand! That's why you shouldn't be here, why you will never be like us!"

"NOW who's being discriminatory?" he said. She made a frustrated noise.

"I'm not being DISCRIMINATORY, Malfoy- my problem's with you and you ALONE!"

"Which MEANS you're discriminating against me!"

"I think you deserve it after what you just pulled!"

"'What I 'just pulled'? Granger, what I 'just PULLED' saved your life!"

"Saved my life? I saved my own life, thank you very much!"

"No, you saved mine," he said.

2. A Wand

When Draco was eleven, he was given a wand. He didn't fully understand wand-making, as most people don't, and expected there were only so many kinds of wands you could get. He assumed he would get a wand similar to his father's, but instead, Ollivander gave him a very different wand, and told him it was all his own. At the time, he'd been disappointed, but by now, he has realized that he doesn't want to be like his father. And he's using the wand against the man his father serves.

Draco and Hermione stood, breathing heavily, staring at each other, in a ring of people. They'd been sent on a mission and had completed it, but with six casualties. Going in, Draco had been told she was the most important person to get out. He'd been planning for that. She'd been told to protect him at all costs. She'd decided not to.

"I… did?" she asked finally. He nodded.

"Flint… you blocked Flint. He was aiming-"

"At you," she breathed. "And you Stunned Avery. YOU Stunned him." There was one of those audible silences as the twenty-three Order members watching waited to see how she would react.

"I… you… how COULD you?" Twenty-four people flinched. Draco also frowned.

"How could I- how COULD I?" he roared. "They TOLD me too, they all said YOU were the one to get out! I was following bloody ORDERS!"

"I don't care about orders!" she shouted. "I can take care of myself! Those were children we left there to die! They were just children!"

"They were all seventh years," Draco said quietly. "Sixteen, at the youngest."

"Exactly- children!"

"You're only eighteen," he said even more quietly. She didn't hear him.

"They had NO idea," she raved. "They… they saw me… us… they thought I was there to SAVE them! And then you came and half of them probably died thinking I was a traitor! We just-"

"So this is about your ego? You're upset that they died with a bad impression of you?"

"NO! I didn't want them to die at all! I didn't want them to die at all! They didn't DO anything, Draco! They didn't do anything wrong!"

"Neither did YOU! Merlin, woman, you are IMPOSSIBLE!"

"I'M impossible? Try having an arrogant, bigoted pig who thinks his plans are the best and ONLY way to go about things as your partner EVERY DAY, Malfoy!"

"I already DO, GRANGER!"

3. A Letter from his father

Right after Draco ran, his father sent him a letter. Three days later he finally read it out of the kind of curiosity you hate. It was the usual drivel about following orders and what the hell was he doing betraying the family, but at the end, his father had written something that Draco had not expected.

'You are such a disappointment,' he wrote. 'I thought I'd raised you better than to consort with those beneath you. And that Mudblood girl is beneath you, Draco, no matter how misguided you are at the moment.'

In the phrase, there was hope that Draco would reform. But Draco has since seen enough of Hermione to know that, not only is she his superior in every way, but that she has qualities his father would admire. After all, she thinks she is and deserves the best.

"I've had enough of this," Hermione said. "I'll complain! I'll tell them what you are, Malfoy- a spoiled little brat with no real stake in our cause! You're taking the easy way out and-"

"'Easy way'? EASY way? Granger, there IS no easy way! And I picked the harder of the two ways, thank you very much!"

"Oh, sure, Draco, you think it's harder fighting for what's right!"

"It IS if you've got people on the other side! They're people too, you know, and you've been raised with them and then, all of a sudden you realize they're wrong and you're right and it means you should hate them but you can't!"

4. A picture from fifth year

He took it with him as a reminder of how things can go wrong so quickly. And besides, he does miss Pansy and Zabini. Even if they're a bunch of purist idiots, they were his friends, after all.

"At least you're right!" she said. "At least you're on the right side!"

"Fuck you!" he yelled back, taking a step forward. Everyone in the circle around them took a step back, and he seized her shoulders. "Shut up, just SHUT UP! Oh, fuck this!" His hands shifted to her face and he kissed her, hard. She froze.

"Just…STOP, Granger!" he said, kissing her again. "Stop it!" He kissed her again. "Please, just… shut… up." His voice got quieter and the kiss got softer at each pause. They stared at each other, then jumped away. He flexed his hands as if they were sore. She dug her nails into her cheek in horror. All were silent. Draco glanced to his left and saw Ginny standing there, looking somewhat murderous. Then his eyes moved back to Hermione. She made to take a step toward him and he stiffened, but she stopped herself.

"I'm… terribly sorry, everyone," she said in that voice that he knew so well. The one that was utterly controlled, as she wanted everyone to see her, and yet, was nothing like her. "Things got out of hand and I will not allow it to happen again. As you've undoubtedly heard, I will be making a complaint and soon, there will be a change in partners for several people, possibly. I'm terribly sorry if any of you are inconvenienced, but I believe this is the only way to go about things."

5. Last week's schedule

Last week, when Harry handed out the schedules, Draco noticed two things: that he was scheduled for normal shifts, finally, and that over half of them are with Hermione. When he casually brought it up to Harry, the Boy Wonder just scoffed.

"You want to know why? You've proven you're worthy, that's why." He went to leave the room, but stopped in the doorway and looked back. "And the thing with Hermione is just that you're crazy for each other." He ducked out of the way before Draco's jinx could hit him.

"So that's it, then?" he asked. She paused. "You're just going to interrupt things for everyone because we can't get over our juvenile little feud?" He scoffed. "I know you're better than that, Granger; we could do it, if we really wanted to." Suddenly, she knew that he was not talking of staying crime-fighting partners, but of something else, something she hadn't dared to think of since her sixth year of school three years ago.

"We… can't," she said, barely noticing that the Order was trickling out around them. "I can't do that. The things we've said to each other can't be unsaid, Draco. It doesn't work that way." He shook his head.

"Of course it doesn't. And I don't want them unsaid. You know that."

"I don't… we can't forgive each other either."

"I think we can," he replied firmly and for the first time since he'd kissed her, she met his eyes. "We can," he repeated. She bit her lip.

"It's not that simple, Draco," she said quietly, almost crying. "Maybe… you can, but I can't." For some reason, this infuriated him and he stepped closer, towering over her, as the last of the others left the small room.

"So even though I'm willing to forgive you, you're not willing to even try? I never said anything worse than you did, Granger; you always fought back." She shook her head, crying in earnest.

"That's exactly what I mean. I don't know if I can forgive MYSELF. When I'm around you… I'm the worst possible version of myself. I say things I shouldn't even be THINKING, I'm too bloody HONEST and I can't control what I say and keep to myself… I'm impulsive!"

6. A vial containing one memory

Draco doesn't always have access to a Pensieve, but when he does he tries to use it. Helps to clear the head, Snape said, and he was right. However, these days, it just jumbles his thoughts more. Because these days, he only watches one memory: the one of being slapped in third year.

"Maybe…" He reached out and took hold of her hand. "Maybe that's a good thing." She shook her head violently.

"It is not." She shook her head, backing away but keeping his gaze. "I am a systematic person, Malfoy. I need to think things through and process them, filter them, to make sense of everything. And when I can't do that… I can't make sense of myself. So truly, this girl you kissed tonight wasn't me. And I beg you to forget it, as I would like to." She bit her lip and seemed on the verge of saying more, but instead ran to her room in the upstairs of Grimmauld Place. It seemed everything had gone quiet. Draco stood in the kitchen, quietly, alone.

7. His new schedule

Harry passes out new schedules and, damn it, this one doesn't have him with Granger at all. Draco doesn't know why, but he kind of wants to punch Potter now. More than usual, that is.

After the argument, Draco didn't see Granger for four days, twenty-one hours, and three minutes. He wasn't even sure how he ended up alone with her. All he knew was that after the nightly meeting, he'd been talking to Lupin about organizing patrols and suddenly, Remus was excusing himself, everyone else was rushing out of the kitchen, and across the table, also alone and staring at him as if she was entirely terrified, was Granger.

8. A Deluminator

Basically, the entire Order knows the story of how Ron Weasley got the Deluminator. Bloody oaf couldn't shut up about it for ages after things. The part they don't know is that, when he died, Draco was with him. And before he died, Ron pressed a thing into his hand and said, 'You'll want to find your way someday.' When Draco notices it in his desk, he feels almost as if it is a sign. He needs to find Granger, but now that he he has, he isn't entirely sure how to go about things.

"Granger. Hello." He noticed she was shaking. She nodded.

"Mal… Draco. Malfoy." He hid a smirk.

"Granger."

"You said that already."

"I know. What do you want me to say?" Hermione looked down silently for a minute.

"That you don't hate me after what I said."

"I don't." Hermione looked up quickly.

"You… you don't? How could you not? I said horrible things, things I didn't mean and that you didn't deserve. I'm sorry." Draco bowed his head.

"Granger… I'll admit that I didn't deserve a lot of the things you said. But I deserved your anger." Hermione shrugged uncomfortably.

"It turned out all right, I think. I know how to defend myself, control my emotions. And you're not so bad now."

"Actually, I do rather like getting your goat still, Granger. There are certain things… there are certain things that annoy you that I can't resist doing, even though I'm capable of doing so."

"You know how to whisper, don't you?"

9. A nice stack of books

There's a lot of research to be done, now that they know Voldemort's attempting another potion of sorts. The best two at potions are Hermione and Draco, so they're often scheduled in the library together. They're actually supposed to work together too, but she mostly just ignores him, even when he tries to ask questions. She says he's too loud for a library, and that he's distracting, but he mostly just thinks she doesn't want to talk to him.

"Pretty much. I only don't because I know it annoys you when I don't whisper in the library."

"I'm only pretending to be mad. It's sort of a delightful little quirk that you can't whisper. I suppose you can though, so… Well, I'm not that distracted anyway- I'm only pretending to read when you're there."

"I knew it." Hermione gazed over at him. He stood slowly and came to stand in front of her. She shook, torn between stepping up to him and backing away. He was just the distance that she had to do either. She looked up at him.

"What do you want, Granger?" he asked. Her eyes darted frightenedly. He took her hand.

"You don't have to be scared of me," he said quietly. "I'm not going to hurt you anymore. What do you want?" She bit her lip, looking down at her feet. Finally, she looked up.

"I just want a chance to really get to know you," she said. He nodded.

"There may be no one who knows me better."

1. A newspaper clipping

Before the Battle of Hogwarts, Draco was still living at the school. He was still getting the paper. And, he'd learned one morning, that Weasley and Granger were still together and going strong. In fact, the Prophet said that they'd been spotted together in Muggle London, hiding there from Voldemort no doubt. For some strange reason, Draco had lost his appetite.

Through working with her, Draco had realized he'd felt sick because he wanted her. Since third year, he'd thought she was the one for him, but hadn't seen it, because of the blood barrier. Then, once the barrier was gone, Weasley was in the way. He'd kept this newspaper clipping as a reminder that Granger was Weasley's, no matter that he was dead. But she's shown a remarkable amount of willingness to move on, and Draco's ready to move with her.

Despite the fact that he owes Weasley rather a lot, Draco doesn't need the reminder anymore.