Alex decided to head home around two in the morning. She walked, being in no way able to drive after seven glasses of vodka. She was dreading waking up the next morning, the hangover was going to make her ten hour shift killer. However, she'd power through it nonetheless, for Marissa, always for Marissa. Alex kept her promise, she paid for her girlfriend's schooling, she paid for gas when Marissa made a trip down to Newport, she made sure they had a decent place to live, overall Alex just provided for Marissa.

"And I'm the selfish bitch." Alex thought as she counted the number of things she did for her lover. That was what their latest fight was about, however Alex was clueless as to why Marissa would think she was the selfish one. "You would think that after all I've done for her, she would be okay with me going out for a little stress relief. But alas, I'm in the wrong for not coming straight home to her bitching." Alex shook her head in frustration. "A little appreciation would be nice… even a simple 'how was work' would be excellent, or even a 'thanks Alex, I'm so glad you're here for me.'"

The walk took about fifteen minutes if she cut through the streets, but every night Alex found herself taking the long way home, trying to put off the pain of rejection by finding the front door locked, porch light deliberately left off. On these nightly walks, Alex would ask herself each night "Why do I keep coming home? Maybe staying is worse than leaving. What would life without Marissa be like?" The answer to these questions usually cameas she walked through the apartment complex's parking lot. "Because she needs me, I love her, and I'm not quite ready to give up yet. Life without Marissa would be like living in a freezing hell. Impossible."

She walked up the winding pathway, and stood at the porch for a moment, staring at the A&M's right by the door. She smiled, remembering how Marissa insisted on bringing the A Alex had put by her old door, and bringing home a matching M. She ran her fingers over the letters, wishing life was as easy as it was back then. Wishing their relationship was as simple as it was back then. "Now I'm lucky if she doesn't change the locks one night." She couldn't deny how pissed she would be if Marissa changed the locks. "I pay for the damn apartment, if I come home one night and find my key doesn't work, I'm gonna kick down the door, jack Marissa's car keys, and crash that piece of shit… then I'll walk away."

However, her key worked, this time. She stepped into their apartment slowly, making sure she didn't make a sound. She stared down the hall to their bedroom, trying to will the door open. She knew it would be locked, she used to come and check every night, begging that some part of Marissa cared if Alex made it home okay, but her efforts were futile… the door was never left unlocked.

She moved towards the couch she had been sleeping on for the past couple months. She hated that couch, she wanted to drive over it with an eighteen-wheeler, it always made work a bitch. Though the hangover didn't help any. She lay down, in the fetal position, just wanting to sleep, but instead going over the night's argument in her head.

Alex walked through the door around midnight, already drunk. Jodie had dropped her off after a night meant to relieve some stress. "Where the hell have you been?" Marissa asked as soon as the door closed.

"Great, we all know how this is gonna end." "The bar, with Jodie." She leaned against the door. "Not like you care."

"Yeah, cause I don't care about you at all." Marissa said sarcastically. "When did you get off?"

"Ten, the same time I get off every night." "It's nice to know you're paying attention." Alex thought.

"And you didn't think to come straight home?" Marissa asked, hands on her hips.

"Oh, I'm sorry did we have you yelling at me scheduled? Can we get a rain check, cause I'm sure it'll happen soon enough." Alex said raising her voice.

"You're such an immature selfish bitch!" Marissa yelled. "Hah! I'm the selfish one."

"Oh that's right, on top off my ten hour daily shift, I was supposed to come home, do the dishes, wash your clothes, and cook your dinner. I'm sorry if I want a break in between my two full time fucking jobs. Carrying shit all day, and taking care of you!"

"Fuck you! If you want a break so fucking bad, why do you even come back?" "To take care of you damnit!" Alex thought, shaking her head.

Alex lowered her voice. "I'm starting to ask myself the same damn question."

"Whatever." Marissa grumbled turning away, and heading for the liquor cabinet.

Alex turned away, and heading out the door. "Back to the bar, big surprise."

Alex lay there, on the couch from hell, just thinking. Usually she would cry herself to sleep nowadays, but now she was out of tears. She was just tired, tired of crying, tired of fighting, tired of the couch, and tired of coming home not knowing if Marissa still loved her. That thought made her want to cry, but she didn't, knowing by her alcohol intake that night, she would probably cry vodka tears.