Mend This Tear- chapter three
DISCLAIMER: The Mentalist does not belong to me. It is the creation of Bruno Heller. I'm writing this fiction to express my love for the series and maybe vent a little.
Lisbon lets herself inside her condo with a weary sigh.
Despite Jane's request to leave him alone (and her own self preservation telling her the same) she'd gone to check on him before she left work.
She'd found the attic empty.
It worried her, because she wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not. Had he gone to his hotel, or driven to Malibu, as she knew he was prone to do sometimes when he was bored, or on the weekends.
Or when things got truly bad, Lisbon adds in afterthought. She hopes he's at the hotel. Malibu is six hours away. It was dangerous driving at night, especially when one hasn't been sleeping well and is distracted.
Trudging upstairs to her room; steps heavy with melancholy, Teresa thought she must be as depressed as Jane was, though she has much less reason to be.
No, I'm depressed, because he's depressed, she admitted.
Dropping her jacket and bag on the floor, Lisbon threw herself on her bed, trying to work out when her mood became so invariably tied to his.
She couldn't.
Turning onto her back with a sigh, she reflected that she'd known Jane was trouble from day one.
And that had been before his family was killed.
So why had she agreed to work with him? Why had she persisted in working with him, letting him continue with the Red John case even after his family was killed?
He closes cases.
It's what she told everyone, and it was true.
After her brothers had grown up, all Lisbon had left was the job. She lived to bring criminals to justice and to provide closure to victim's families. To do so, she would use every tool at her disposal.
Even if said tool acted like a tool most of the time, she thought wryly.
He closes cases.
Sam Bosco had asked her once if that was really all it was. She knew what her one time supervisor and longtime friend had been insinuating: that she was in love with her consultant.
It was ridiculous. Jane had been married when he joined CBI. She'd signed on with him for his talents, end of story.
Sam knew this, but that hadn't stopped him from feeling jealous. After all, he'd been married when she came to work under him in San Francisco. That hadn't stopped them from unconsciously developing feelings for each other.
Jane, however, was completely different. Lisbon hadn't even liked him at first. She rather considered him a necessary evil.
Unwilling to defend herself; Teresa hadn't shared this information with Bosco; she had refused to dignify his question with an answer.
But now she wondered if maybe, more than finding Bosco's statement far-fetched; she'd simply not wanted to consider its validity.
Because although what she said had been true, Jane did close cases, it hadn't been the whole truth, at least not for the last couple of years.
Had she fallen in love with him? She certainly loved him. She also loved Van Pelt and Rigsby and Cho. They were a family.
She did worry about him more than the rest of them, but that was natural wasn't it? None of the others got in as much trouble. None of them had their family killed by a serial killer they've been trying to help her catch.
Lisbon bolted upright from her bed.
No way, she told herself, no way was she going to feel guilty for his family's death. That would take her to a whole new level of self flagellation. Teresa held onto the belief that she wasn't a complete masochist. Not yet anyway.
The brunette changed into her sweats. She was tired, and it was late, but her thoughts had left her far too antsy to sleep. She'd run off her mood, and then sleep like a baby after passing out on her bed.
At least that was the plan. Something felt off to Lisbon the moment she stepped out of her condo, like she was forgetting something. The slight fog only added to her sense of unease, but eager to start her exercise, she ignored the inkling.
Teresa always ran the same route; the edge of the woods adjacent to the highway closest to her home. It wasn't designated for joggers, but she preferred it to the park which was usually occupied by boisterous teenagers at night. And the familiarity of the trail enabled her to exercise without paying attention to her surroundings. With her body moving on auto, her mind was left to wander freely allowing her to digest and reassess the day's events.
Along with soaking in her tub, thinking while jogging was Lisbon's favorite respite from the aggressions of her job.
Evaluating her decisions made her feel in control. Even when her analyses led her to discover shortcomings or better alternatives to decisions she'd already made, Lisbon never let it get her down. It was part of the process. She'd simply acknowledge her mistakes then let the negativity seep out as she pounded the pavement, resolving to do better next time.
But this night her conscience kept rearing its ugly head, thwarting her plans and compounding her agitation instead of allowing her to overcome it.
It pointed out that she could have done without Todd's statement. That she had let her attention to detail take priority over Jane's unwillingness to be in the same room with the man. Lisbon was usually more understanding; more sympathetic. But that day she'd been too preoccupied to try digging into Jane's psyche.
The case had rattled Teresa. Patrick had brought into the open dirt that had been swept under proverbial rug. Not forgotten, never forgotten, just hidden and therefore easier to ignore. Hightower had also refused to listen to her and unknowingly went along with Jane's plan (which admittedly, turned out to be a good one). Then, to add insult to injury, Todd refused to talk to her, said he wanted Jane.
Needless to say, Lisbon hadn't been overly concerned with the Jane's sensibilities when he expressed his reluctance to see Todd . She'd just assumed his was being lazy. So she'd pleaded until he agreed to go; sent him to witness that horrifying scene.
As if his life wasn't hard enough, she thought.
Teresa couldn't imagine what Patrick must be going through now. It was true that he was emotionally resilient; that he was still sane was proof of that. But he wasn't exactly known for his strong constitution. Jane didn't handle the macabre very well.
He had looked positively haunted when Lisbon saw him earlier at CBI, making his tea in the kitchen. But despite feeling gutted for him, she had not, would not, apologize for putting him in that situation.
Because you don't give in an inch to Patrick Jane; he'll hang you with it.
Speeding up her jog slightly, Lisbon remembered back to when Jane shot Hardy, saving her life. It had been a big favor, to say the least, especially since Hardy took whatever he knew of Red John to the grave with him. Teresa hated feeling beholden to anyone, least of all Jane. But it never occurred to her that she'd been cutting him slack because of it until Minnelli raised the question. Or that Jane would take advantage of the situation until he'd insulted her and her team, saying that they wouldn't be able to cope without him. That was when Teresa realized that Patrick had been abusing her gratitude, though she never knew if he'd been doing it intentionally or not.
Jane had later joked that she resented him for saving her, so he'd probably come to the same conclusion at some point.
Thank God for superiors. They always put things in perspective.
At the time Minnelli had taken the Red John case away. Although Lisbon had been angry at first, she later came to appreciate the decision. It had lifted a huge weight off her shoulders.
There was no chance of that happening again, not after Red John killed Bosco's team. Not with Hightower as boss who saw Jane as her Golden Boy and Lisbon as a scapegoat for when things got bad.
Still, Teresa was starting to feel a new appreciation towards her new boss. Madeline was a hardliner, but like Minnelli before her, she'd helped put matters into sharp relief for Teresa.
"Your job is not to trust him. Your job is to trust your own instincts."
Lisbon had smarted from the reprimand at the time, but she now felt eternally grateful for the clarity it gave her.
I have no reason to feel guilty, Teresa told herself, not realizing she was dashing instead of jogging. In pushing Jane to see Todd, I was just doing my job, making Jane do his.
Too soon, Lisbon reached the bend in the road where she usually doubled back. But she was too hyped to stop. This unfamiliar part of the path was alongside a small exit ramp off the highway that was only used by truckers. It was quiet, eerie even, but Lisbon was too lost in thought to become aware of that. She did notice that the streetlights were spaced further apart so it was darker. She welcomed the gloom; let it consume her as she knew it consumed him.
"Red John is mine and I will exact my revenge on him."
If she had any sense of survival she'd report what he'd said to Hightower and get rid of him. But no, looking out for others was in her core; and Jane was no exception. Even if he all but told Lisbon he was unfixable.
It had been the day he killed Hardy, saving her. Jane had set himself up as bait for Red John. She'd shown up early, fearing for his life, and he'd berated her for it. Said he didn't care if he lived as long as Red John was caught.
It had hurt. Jane had been so lost in his disappointment that he hadn't seemed to register Lisbon's words that there were people who cared about him that needed him. The mentalist who saw all couldn't see that she cared about him, that she needed him.
Or maybe he had, but refused to accept her words; they would have gotten in the way of his self-pity.
"Some things you just can't fix."
As if Lisbon didn't know that. But the fact wouldn't make her give up; it wasn't in her nature. She'd fight for him, like she fought for her brothers. She looked out for them when there was no one else; made sure they did their homework, fed them, shopped for them.
And that was the easy part. The hard part had been keeping teenage boys out of trouble. She remembered once telling them that she didn't care if they ended up hating her, she'd do what it took to keep them safe. That had been the time she crashed one of James's friend's raves. A few kids overdosed the next day. It had been after she dragged them out of there.
And yes, they'd gotten ticked at her sometimes. Hell, Tommy probably still hated her guts. But she stuck it out because she had experienced the horror that comes from being unable to save someone.
She had kept them safe.
And she would keep him safe.
Yes, Lisbon knew full well that she couldn't fix everything. But she'd damn well try.
She wouldn't let Jane break like her father did. Not if she could help it.
But some days it seemed like she'd have to sacrifice too much; too much of her time, patience, career, sanity.
Love.
A memory suddenly came to Teresa; Patrick strapped by nylon in a chair, teenage bodies dead beside him.
Lisbon, so beside herself with worry she wanted to kill Jane herself.
A blood red smiley.
She stopped her mad sprint just in time to retch into the bushes on the side of the road.
It was only after her stomach stopped heaving that Teresa realized how erratic her breathing was; too much so to be caused by her run, or even vomiting.
Raising shaking fingers to her carotid, wanting to check her pulse, she felt sweat and tears she hadn't known she had been shedding running down her neck.
She could hardly inhale, and her breaths were getting shallower by the second. Teresa got out her cell phone and managed to dial 911 as she crumbled into the floor, her vision getting blurry.
Lisbon wheezed out a barely discernable 'help' to the operator before blacking out.
Author's Note:
*Bites nails* Well? What do you think? (especially readers who've read the original first chapter). It's better this way, right? First timers, be sure to let me know what you think as well. Feedback is more precious than gold Also, I've worked on this till my eyeballs practically popped so I can't make out mistakes or typo's anymore. Please let me know if you find any errors and I'll fix them.
About Jane and Lisbon knowing each other before his family was killed, here's my reasoning: We know that Jane's family was killed because he talked about Red John on TV; he had been consulting with the "police" on Red John's case. And in "Red Moon", Lisbon talks to Jane about a former colleague: "Howard used to work here before your time, good guy". This means that Lisbon was with CBI before Jane started consulting for them.
That entails that he and Lisbon knew each other before his family was killed.
Of course, "police" doesn't necessarily mean CBI. Jane could have been consulting with the local cops then after his family got killed the case got transferred to CBI. But for the purpose of this story, I'm going with the assumption that he had been consulting with CBI when his family got killed, and that he and Lisbon had known each other then.
About Bosco and Lisbon: I don't believe they had an affair; I do however, think that she cared about him just as much as he did her; at least when she was in San Fransisco before Sam killed whoever it was he couldn't catch. I was going to write about this in a separate fic, but it popped up here. I might explore it further here depending on how the rest of the story pans out. Suggestions are always helpful.