Mend This Tear- chapter nine
DISCLAIMER: The Mentalist does not belong to me. It is the creation of Bruno Heller. I'm writing this fiction to express my love for the series and maybe vent a little.
Lisbon eyes snapped open with a small start, as if a loud noise had roused her unexpectedly from her slumber.
"You ok?"
She was curled onto her side, staring blankly at her hands on the bed in front of her. But the softly spoken inquiry had her jerking widened green eyes until they focused on its source. Jane was sitting in a chair only a couple of feet in front of her.
Her first thought was that he looked tired and groggy, like he'd been asleep. His stance supported that theory. Patrick was sitting cross legged, leaning back with his hands resting under his elbows.
"I'm fine," she murmured, blinking.
"You had a bad dream," he stated.
"I did not," Teresa replied, shifting her eyes, then cursed inwardly when she realized that she probably gave herself away. She was right.
"Liar," her consultant said with a knowing smile. His hands moving up to his arms to tap his fingers against them with mirth, "It's all about the-"
"Eye contact, yes Jane, I know," Lisbon interrupted from her prone position. She was a cop. She knew how to spot a fib before she ever met the mentalist. She just was never a good liar herself; not to those who knew her anyway. Minelli, Sam, Jane…even when she managed to hold their gaze, they saw right through her.
"I'm fine," Teresa repeated definitively, more to herself than to him, closing her eyes, as if to go back to sleep.
Knowing the woman wanted to avoid his questions, Jane let her.
He wasn't sure what woke him up. Lisbon hadn't made a sound, she never even moved from her position the whole time she was sleeping. All he knew was that he opened his eyes to see hers looking at nothing and her chest heaving slightly in fear.
Patrick took a deep breath then stood up to stretch, rolling his neck to get a few cricks out; a result from sleeping in the uncomfortable chair. He remained standing, when he finished, looking down at his waif-like boss who was preoccupying more than her share of his thoughts. He'd told Lisbon he'd be there when she woke up. But Jane felt conflicted now. Hadn't he decided to stay away from her? It wouldn't do either of them any good to continue this…friendship? Solidarity? Camaraderie?
Patrick wasn't sure what it was, but leaving seemed out of the question, despite how irked he was that she wouldn't share her dream with him. And why did that bother him anyway? He should be glad that she was helping him maintain distance. Wasn't that what he wanted?
The blond ran a hand through his hair as he stifled a yawn, then looked at the time on his mobile. 6:30. He was feeling hungry and remembered that he hadn't had dinner the night before. He'd been too upset; first with watching Todd die, then wallowing in memories of his lost family in his hotel room. But despite his rumbling stomach, Jane didn't want food. He felt cold, an inner chill that had nothing to do with the temperature. He needed tea.
Patrick was trying to remember if he saw a hot beverage machine in the lobby when a dark hand quietly pulled the curtain surrounding Lisbon's bed.
"Hightower, this is a nice surprise," Jane said, pleased.
"I thought I'd drop by before work. How's she doing?" The CBI head whispered, looking at Lisbon on the bed.
"Oh, don't be careful for her benefit. She's just pretending to be asleep so she won't have to deal with me," Jane said with a grin, looking at Lisbon. Jade eyes opened to glare at him, before Lisbon pulled herself up into a sitting position.
"I can't imagine why," Madeline said with a grin.
"I'll leave you two to visit. I'm going to go see if I can't find myself some tea. Would you like anything?"
"I'm fine, thanks," Hightower replied, taking a seat in the chair. Teresa was too busy playing annoyed with him to reply, but Patrick didn't need her to. He knew how she liked her coffee.
"So how are you feeling?" Hightower asked when Jane had left.
"I'm fine. Really ma'am, there was no need for you to come down here," Teresa said, embarrassed.
"It's not like I went out of my way. It's close to the office. Plus I need to know how long you'll be out."
"Doctor says I'm leaving today."
"Well that's good," Hightower didn't need to ask about the diagnosis. Cho had already filled her in.
Teresa nodded absentmindedly, without looking at her boss. Madeline realized she was gearing to say something and decided to make it easy for her.
"Something on your mind?"
Lisbon finally looked up from her where her hands were stroking the bed sheet to look directly at Hightower.
"Ma'am, why did you tell Jane I was here?"
Madeline wasn't sure what she was expecting to hear, but it hadn't been this.
"Is there a problem?"
"I like to keep my private life separate from my work. I find it isn't useful when the two overlap," Teresa said by way of explanation.
"Well this is a surprise."
"Ma'am?"
"I thought you two were friends." Hightower said, in an almost reproachful tone.
"We…" Lisbon started, but didn't know how to continue.
"At least you act like you like each other," Madeline added.
"We are friends," Lisbon said, confident once she came up with what she deemed an appropriate answer, "and I do like him as much as any other member of my team. But that doesn't mean I want to involve them in my personal affairs."
"Is there anyone else? Why else would you choose Agent Cho to be your medical proxy?"
That one hit a little too close to home for Lisbon. She and her brothers weren't all on the best of terms. She opted for the safe and convenient answer.
"None of my family members live nearby." The fact was stated neutrally.
"That's true," Hightower allowed, "but it's also true that your team is your family. You said it yourself when Jane was kidnapped. That you were the only family he has. Doesn't it go both ways?"
"That's different," Lisbon said, resolutely, "I'm his boss. I'm responsible for him, not vice versa."
"Well maybe you should tell him that, because he sure acts like he's responsible for you."
"I don't understand what you mean," Lisbon said. She actually had a pretty good idea where Hightower was going with this but had no intention of helping her get there.
"Don't be so defensive, Lisbon, I don't mean romantically. Though I admit it had crossed my mind before."
Yes, Madeline Hightower was approaching that thick red line marked 'danger, cross at your own peril', Teresa thought, lividly. She wasn't an idiot. She was aware of how Jane's attentions to her (what was left of them anyway) looked to those who didn't know any better. But besides Bosco, no one had ever dared make any insinuations; not to her face at least. And Hightower should know better.
Seeing her agent's guard go way up, Madeline tried a different tactic.
"Remember our conversation when I first came to CBI?"
"What?" The change of topic confused Lisbon.
"Basically I threatened to fire you if you didn't keep Jane in check," Madeline elaborated
"Yes ma'am," Lisbon answered, not bothering to keep the puzzlement out of her voice. They, rather, Hightower, hadn't started off on the right foot. Teresa didn't understand why her boss would bring up what surely must constitute as a sore subject for both of them.
"Have you ever wondered why I did that," Hightower queried, "besides the reason I gave you of Jane being our most important asset, I mean."
Lisbon stared silently, wishing the older woman would get to the point.
"I had it in my head the only reason you put with him was because you were in love with him."
Lisbon mouth dropped open, then closed, and she sputtered slightly in outrage. Madeline paid her no heed and continued.
"I figured it was only reason anyone would give him so much leeway; after all, his reputation preceded him. And of course I had read your file so I knew you were capable of great things. I wanted you to get your priorities straight; to remind you that your job was more important that some juvenile crush."
Once Lisbon found her voice she couldn't speak fast enough.
"Agent Hightower, I assure you-" she started frostily, but Madeline raised her hand, cutting her off.
"Let me spare you your indignation, Lisbon. I quickly found out I was mistaken in my assumption. Your behavior has been completely above reproach. I quickly realized the reason you work well together is because of your lack of ego; you don't compete with Patrick; rather you listen to his ideas and try to minimize the chaos he creates."
Lisbon was only slightly mollified. Her face was still red in ire and embarrassment.
"If anything, it turned out that Jane was the one I needed to worry about," the CBI head continued dryly
"How so?" Lisbon couldn't help asking. Her interest piqued as she remembered why Hightower started this embarrassing rhetoric; something about Jane acting responsible for her.
"I wasn't here two weeks when he basically warned me against upsetting you, demonstrated that he was perfectly capable of upsetting me if he felt so inclined."
"No," Lisbon shook her head, with an unbelieving smile.
"Yes." Hightower said seriously, watching bewilderment take over her subordinate's face.
"But...you suspended me," Lisbon pointed out painfully.
"Yes, well, I couldn't very well let him think he controlled me. Besides, by that point I realized that while I was mistaken in my assumption of your feelings for him, I was right about his feelings for you. I thought I could use them, get him to behave."
Lisbon was astounded.
"You have to understand why I am telling you this, Teresa. More than the fact that you're the only one who can work with Patrick, you're probably the only one he truly considers important in his life."
"So that's it, you're worried about Jane? Typical," Lisbon added under her breath.
"Don't forget yourself Agent," Madeline warned, her tone gaining a hard edge.
"Forgive me, ma'am, I'm not at my best." Lisbon said, not bothering to check the sarcasm which continued to slip into her tone. If Hightower wanted to unprofessionally butt into her life, Teresa figured she didn't have to be professional about her reaction. "You'll understand why it bothers me that Jane is your concern right now."
"At the moment, it's you I'm worried about," Madeline stated gravely, "You're too closed off, Teresa. Now I know as a fellow female superior that distance is important to maintain a certain amount of respect, but that's not why you do it, is it?"
"All this because I want some privacy?" Lisbon stated incredulously.
"When Jane is the more forthcoming person, then you know you're in trouble."
"Jane? Forthcoming?" Lisbon scoffed in disbelief.
"He's here isn't he?" Madeline challenged. "You on the other hand are acting like he has no right to be. You're isolating yourself. Now I like you both. I don't know what's holding you back from returning his affections, but you shouldn't doubt his regard for you. Although he may not express it in typical ways, Patrick Jane cares about you; selflessly enough to take look out for you without you realizing it."
"Jane only cares about himself," Lisbon said stubbornly, "the fact that he asked you to take it easy on me once doesn't negate that."
"Teresa. Please don't make me say I'm older and wiser, that'll just depress me."
Lisbon's mouth quirked upwards despite herself.
"You're all he has. You said it yourself," Hightower repeated, "Now you asked me why I told him you were here: because it would have been cruel not to."
Lisbon did not want to hear this. Not now. But Madeline didn't intend on stopping, and Teresa couldn't bring herself to try and make her; even if she thought she could.
"I saw how worried you were when he was kidnapped. Imagine if you weren't able to see him afterward. Even knowing he was safe, how would you have felt?"
Lisbon remembered sitting on the couch with Jane after Hightower had rescued them from Rachel. She recalled how ecstatic she had been to be with him, to have him near her, alive in the flesh. Jane had even commented on her big smile; she had been that relieved.
That seemed like such a long time ago.
It took Teresa a while to realize that Hightower had finally finished her lecture.
It took her even longer to gather enough of her thoughts to formulate an adequate response to her boss's impromptu intervention.
"You're right, ma'am. People express their care in different ways. That's true for Jane. It's also true for me. Now I appreciate your concern, but like I said I'm a very private person. Even with those close to me. I don't see why Jane should be an exception."
Madeline frowned. It was not like her Serious Crimes Head to be so obstinate.
"What is it you're not telling me?"
"I don't know what you mean," Lisbon said, carefully maintaining eye contact.
"Does this have anything to do with the Johnson case?" Hightower asked, remembering the argument in her office, and how upset Lisbon had seemed over it.
"Ma'am, it's exactly what I said it is. Please don't read anything else into the matter."
Madeline shook her head ruefully.
"Fair enough," she said, looking at her watch, realizing she stayed later than she meant to. "I'll leave you to rest."
"Thank you for stopping by," Lisbon said, unsure if she actually meant the sentiment.
Madeline gave her an ironic smile; and Teresa knew her boss realized the indecisiveness behind the gratitude.
Once she was alone again, the patient released a big sigh.
Lisbon never would have thought it possible, but Hightower was an even worse visitor than Jane.
Authors notes: I'm actually cross eyed now. This was a nightmare to edit. please point out any mistakes so I can fix them. Sorry for the delay, I couldn't very well include this chapter before finding out if certain events of a certain episode (Red Queen) would render it worthless now could I? Many thanks to all who favorite and reviewed. Those who thought Angela seemed too real: I meant to write her that way to show how vividly Jane remembers her Don't forget to let me know how I did.