"Nothing... well I think we can accomplish that for a little while at least" Bobbie said as she rose from the table. When one foot wouldn't go easily before the other, she reached back and held the table for support. "Just give me a minute."

Laughing Tracy got up and walked to the bar to retrieve another bottle. "Obviously liquor isn't your vice. Sit down before you fall down. I'd hate to have to explain to the board of General Hospital how the Chair was responsible for the Head of Nursing passing out and smashing her head open while in a drunken stupor." Tracy paused for effect and turned back on Bobbie. "It wouldn't be good for business either."

"Ha! You are the epitome of compassion." Bobbie retorted, grateful to be able to sink down into the plush seat of the booth again. "For your information I have been able to hold my liquor with many a man and lived to tell the tale."

"And how long ago was that?" Tracy asked as she returned to the table and took her seat.

"Too long ago" Bobbie laughed and held her glass up in a toast. Clinking the glasses each took a long drink then fell into quiet reflection.

"I've been keeping pace with Luke for years" Tracy offered quietly into the darkness.

"Do you really think he's an alcoholic?" Bobbie asked.

"Don't you?"

"No, honestly I don't. You and I have both seen addicts and Luke just doesn't fit the part. He has never hid the fact he drinks too much, but there is a difference between that and being controlled by alcohol."

"Then tell me, if he's not an alcoholic, what the hell is he?"

"He's scared."

"Scared of what? Luke has always had the world by the tail and everyone around him has to march to his drum or get out."

Shifting in her seat, Bobbie moved the bottle out of the way and pushed the glasses off to the side, as though removing any barrier that might block her words from seeping through to Tracy. "I know it always seems that way, but he is driven even harder by fear than he is by adventure."

Tracy reached for her glass for another drink, instinctively returning it to the side where Bobbie had pushed it. "Are you trying to tell me in all the years I have loved and fought with that man, that I don't know him?" her ire starting to rise.

"No" Bobbie said quickly, placing her hands flat on the table for support. She was amazed how much of a struggle it was to talk about the past. "No, not at all. If I were to be honest I think of everyone he has ever known that you are the one who knows him the best, and you understand and accept him more than anyone else ever has. No, you know him. But I know my brother and I know he hasn't told you everything he struggles with because he can hardly admit it to himself."

"My instincts are better than that, Bobbie. And I have a fleet of private investigators at my disposal. Everyone in this town knows about Florida and the bordello and Ruby and you working there as a teenager and Scott Baldwin. Then there are those of us who know about Tim Spencer and, God help me, the Eckerts." Tracy rolled her eyes in disgust at the name. "I know about the beatings and your mother's death and fleecing the johns. I even know if Mother had been successful in her plans Luke would be my brother and not my husband, though the mind does boggle at what that would have been like."

Laughing, Bobbie took another drink "Yours and mine both."

"The thing is, I know the basic story. Perhaps I don't know all the finer details but I know enough to assume his childhood was punctuated with beatings by your father, probably being told regularly that he wasn't good enough - that he wasn't a man. I know my husband and he would have felt responsible for you and your mother. I know he feels responsible for her death even though he wasn't. I know my tarnished knight and how he takes the weight of the world on his shoulders. And I know his sense of personal responsibility is so strong that he will sacrifice himself for the slightest crime in order to save the people he loves.

"I've often laughed you know, at Mac and others who think Luke doesn't care about people or situations, and I wonder how long have you known this man? I want to ask them if they are capable of seeing behind the mask to who Luke Spencer really is."

Bobbie watched her sister-in-law for a while, marveling a how her words could be spoken about herself just as much as they were about Luke. Tracy's mask was all anyone took the time to see, and for years Bobbie knew she was also guilty of a summary disregard. However, unlike Luke who would do larger than life heroic deeds to earn people's respect and admiration, Tracy quietly worked in the background building up relationship with the people who were important to her. It was Tracy who brought Luke's family back together years ago, Bobbie knew, and Tracy who held them together even now.

"You know Tracy, no one took the time to look behind your mask before my brother either." Bobbie replied before common sense got the better of her. Tracy's temper was legendary - no one made the mistake of not recognizing that - and her emotions were so raw already that Bobbie had no idea how she would react to anything said.

Silence was the only response. Then when Bobbie was about to speak again the single word reply came through night "Touche".

Scared. Tracy marveled at the word. She wouldn't use that to describe her husband nor would anyone else. The Luke Spencer that she knew wrestled with his demons on a regular basis, and had to try outrunning them at least twice a year. Sometimes he did it quickly, but more often than not he was gone for month and the only indication that he was alive was money missing from her bank accounts. It might seem perverse to anyone else, but the fact that he still needed her money somehow underscored the fact that he was coming back. When she felt weak she often wondered if that was all she meant to him, but deep down she knew better. Somehow 'driven by fear' just didn't seem to fit the image of the Haunted Hero.

Even though she knew Bobbie couldn't see her hand gestures clearly, Tracy still used her fingers to rattle off her thoughts. "So he's scared. Let me see. Scared he will disappoint everyone. Scared he will become an abuser like his father. Scared he might have been drunk that night after all. Scared this is some sick cosmic joke for not being a proper grandfather to Lucky's son. Scared... what... that he will never find forgiveness. What did I miss?"

"Perhaps scared that he will and he doesn't deserve it. Look Tracy, I don't expect it to make sense even to those of us who love him the most, but he is so scared of being a failure as a human being that he rushes to be the worst person he can just so he doesn't have to see the faces of those he loves when he destroys them. Of course he's missing the fact that this action is doing more damage than anything else."

"You sure he's missing that fact? I would think he's counting on it. Most people wouldn't put a picture of my husband by the word Martyr, but that's exactly what he is. He destroys himself and relationships in the false assumption that everyone is better without him." Tracy poured herself another drink and finished half the glass before continuing. "Do you still think I'm missing the point?"

Grabbing the bottle and topping up her own glass Bobbie smiled to herself. "You know, I've thought about having this conversation with other women from his past but every time I started, they wanted to rush forward to save him from himself. You don't want to save him, do you."

Her voice softly cracking Tracy answered "No, I don't want to save him. I just want him. I want to hold him while he cries and help him walk into each new day. I hate that he does this. I know I should be used to it by now but damn it all, this is different. Everything about this feels like the end. I'm afraid to answer my phone because it might be the police reporting they've found his body."

"Yes" Bobbie shuddered before taking another drink, "I have the same nightmare."

Silence hung in the air like an old friend as each woman continued to drink and reflect on the actions of those they held in common.

Finally Tracy spoke "You want to tell me about it?"

"Which part?"

"The part that you're thinking about right now."

Bobbie blinked back tears. "I remember one time Luke got there just after two men started to rape me. You see our wonderful father had lost at cards and I was his last bet. I must have been nine at the time - after a while everything runs together. Anyway, always the hero Luke tried to pull them off me but dear old Dad got angry at Luke for interfering so he decided to handle matters the way he always did. I don't know who screamed louder that night, all I know is that after a while I stopped. I must have passed out because when I awoke everyone was gone and there was my big brother... my hero... blood pouring down from his nose and eye, and he obviously had a broken arm the way he was favouring it, but none of that made a difference. He had a pan of water and was cleaning me up.

"Luke has seen real evil Tracy, and he has tried to fight against it at every turn. The thought that this time he was the evil is more than he can bear."