-Chapter Four-

It had been three glorious, wonderful, remarkable albeit painful years. And he was divorced. Three years had passed since his ex-wife had sent the papers. Three years since he had signed the papers. And Toga was happy. Not the kind of happy that could be pulled off just to make those close to you believe you're all right, he was genuinely happy. Toga freely laughed and smiled now, although to the world at large he still seemed to be the same serious, cocky, smartass he'd always been.

However one special person was privileged to see another side of him. He and Kaien had actually become an official couple about a month after the divorce was finalized. Yet the people who knew about their relationship said that their peculiar friendship had just been one long prologue to their romance. A best friend and a lover all in one. Someone who'd accepted him for all his faults-physical and personality wise. The thought alone was enough to make Toga's raise a hand so his long slim fingers could cover an embarrassed smile.

He knew he was lucky to be where he was in his life. He had a great relationship with Kaien, he had his boys Zero and Ichiru who seemed to be growing everyday. He was so proud of them even if he didn't have the privilege of calling them his own sons. Along with his successes at vampire hunting sky-rocketing he was now only about two years away from an official teaching degree. Yes, he had everything he wanted. He was happier than he'd been in a long time.

So then why was he there?

He'd been asking himself that for the last hour. He was happy and he had a sense of stability which was incredibly precious for a man like him. So then why the hell was he there? Toga sighed and shook his head. He had a feeling he would never quite understand what he was playing at. He looked around him one more time.

No one new had entered the cozy quiet bar he was seated in. The room itself was small enough giving it an air of intimacy. There wasn't a TV broadcasting any news or sports games. The walls were a rich burgundy and there were soft fabrics everywhere. The bartender didn't have to worry about noisy idiotic patrons. It was a small bar of class and elegance. It was exactly in her taste.

And quite frankly Toga felt he didn't belong there.

It made him nervous. His stomach had non stop butterflies fluttering around and his palms were becoming sweaty. He'd exchanged his habitual nail biting for a gin and tonic about twenty minutes ago. He fleetingly looked at his nails and grimaced. His habit was getting really bad again. His nails were so badly bitten he physically couldn't bite them anymore lest he wanted to start gnawing on the nail-bed and draw blood.

Toga shook his head and took another sip of his drink. He frowned slightly.
'Should've ordered something stronger,' he thought miserably. He'd need it after all…well he needed it now.

She was late once again. When they'd been married she'd never meant to be late to anything but it always ended up that way. Toga had found it to be one of her most annoying quirks…that was before he'd discovered some of her crueler traits.

The tinkling of the bell on the front door of the bar pulled Toga's gaze up from his glass. After all these years he shouldn't have been surprised but he still couldn't breathe. Junko stepped inside and gave a small smile to the bartender who had looked up from his cleaning. Her long, soft, light brown hair was pulled into a classy bun. She wore the perfect amount of make-up to accentuate her glittering green eyes. The cardinal red dress she wore hugged her body to show how slim she was yet that she possessed all the right curves. Her steps were graceful and lady like in the black pumps she wore. Simply, she was stunning. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before.

It made Toga's heart sink a little. In his mind it only reaffirmed the fact that he didn't suit her-that he never had to begin with. The swallowed the lump in his throat and blinked away any suspicious moisture that had been in his remaining blue eye. It wasn't as if Toga hadn't made an effort himself. He'd worn a pair of polished black cowboy boots, along with his best pair of jeans-a dark blue pair that had no rips or holes whatsoever-, along with a well ironed black cotton long sleeve dress shirt.

For Toga's unique taste in fashion he looked like what some young women would call 'a sexy gentleman'. But when in the presence of his ex-wife Toga's confidence slowly drained from his body until it was a monumental task to rise from his seat. His body was running on automatic when he leaned in to kiss her cheek, tell her how lovely she looked, order her a drink, and pull her chair out for her. It wasn't until Toga was seated back in his own plush armchair that his mind caught up with him. And he was forced to ask himself once more, 'What am I doing here?'

Once more Junko held all the answers, and he was the one to unwillingly play her game.

"Thank you for agreeing to see me Toga," she said far more softly than she had to. There was barely anyone there she didn't have to whisper.

"I couldn't hide from you," Toga replied in a bored tone at his normal speaking level. They weren't a married couple any longer, he didn't have to act like he was a match for her. Junko winced slightly at how loud he seemed to be.

"Well it means a lot that you came," she said.

"What am I here for?" Toga asked. Even he could hear the gruffness in his own voice, but he was helpless to stop it. When he went on the defensive Toga became very distant and very cold. But in his own defense it took a great deal to make him act like that.

Junko was about to speak when a waiter brought her drink and Toga asked for a shot of whiskey. Junko raised a delicate eyebrow.

"A whiskey?" she asked. It seemed like he was drinking something lighter when she'd first arrived, "This isn't going to be the Spanish Inquisition Toga."

"You never know," he said smoothly. He wasn't even looking at her now. And in some odd way that hurt Junko greatly. There was a point in time when the only thing he'd look at was her.

The waiter promptly came back with a shot glass and a small bottle of whiskey for Toga. As soon as it was in front of him Toga poured himself a shot and downed it quickly. Junko tried not to be entranced with the way he moved while pouring the drink or the way his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed. Toga only felt slightly relaxed as the burning liquor made its way to his stomach. It was going to be a long night he could tell that much. Junko took a sip of her strawberry flavored vodka and looked up at Toga nervously. He was still waiting for the answer to his first question.

"I wanted to come and talk to you…there have been some things I've needed to tell you," she started slowly.

"And you decided to not use your lawyer this time?" was the sardonic response.

Junko seemed pained for a moment almost as if she was going to say his comment wasn't fair. But she knew it was and she could only hope that by the end of their conversation he would understand her past decisions a little better. Yet the way Toga was downing the shots was probably going to make that a little difficult. She took a deep breath and reached out her hand to stop his from pouring another drink. Toga froze and he looked up at her panicked.

Was it wrong for him to demand why she was touching him? Her soft hands used to inspire such a great spark in him but now he didn't want their touch anymore. He didn't fight when she slowly took the bottle out of his hand and set it on the table. But he did pull back when she reached out for him again. Junko didn't want to pretend that didn't sting her heart. She sighed softly before she said, "I'm sorry Toga."

"What?" he hissed angrily. Whether or not it was his pent up emotions or the alcohol coursing through his veins that made him speak to her in that tone of voice he would never be able to tell. His hurt and anger was flowing throughout his body, and with no food in his stomach and with the sudden intake of gin and whiskey the world was starting to slow down and blur a little. But she was still as clear to him as ever.

"What?" he repeated in what he hoped was a softer tone.

"That's why I wanted to see you tonight. I wanted to say I'm sorry. I should have said it earlier but…" she trailed off.

Toga blinked rapidly and grit his teeth together.

"Too late love," he said somberly. He snatched the bottle with the amber colored liquid once more then quickly poured himself a drink and downed it. She just had to say that didn't she? The one thing he didn't want to hear…she just had to say it.

"I know," Junko replied solemnly, "but I've needed to tell you that for a long time."
"Why? So you wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore?" Toga took a wild spiteful guess.

"No, because it's true. I am sorry that I got a divorce from you like I did…I'm sorry I didn't stay married to you to begin with," she explained somewhat defensively.

"So why didn't you?" Toga asked one of the questions that had plagued him for years, "I mean apart from this." He gestured towards his eye patch.

"That was never the problem Toga," she said a little annoyed.

"Oh really? So this wasn't the reason you sent me the divorce papers just a few days after seeing the scars?" he asked sardonically.

"Actually no," she whispered.

"Then what was?" he demanded slamming his glass down on the oak table.

She visibly flinched and looked around the deadly quiet room nervously. Toga did the same and apologized to the bar tender giving him a warning glance. He needed to get a hold of himself. He settled back in his chair and brought a hand up to his lips. He started biting his nails again, and this time drew blood.

'Damn,' he thought lazily. He sucked the metallic liquid away and grimaced. Blood…vampires…hunting… those things were his life, but at the same time they were slowly ruining his life. He couldn't wait for the day he could retire.

'But then I'll be old…or dead. Damn it,' he thought and had to resist the urge to grumble to himself. He was nervous and he was getting more and more hurt so now his bad habits came back full force. Pretty soon he'd be swearing like a sailor. He belatedly realized that maybe the half bottle of whiskey wasn't such a good plan after all. He hesitantly looked up at Junko with his remaining eye. Junko was taken aback by the underlying heartache she saw.

"Why did you really decide to leave?" he asked once more. He wasn't about to let it go although the answer he sought may not have been one he really wanted to hear.

Junko took a sip of her own drink for some liquid courage. She gently set it back down on the table and tried to figure out how to answer that question as honestly and kindly as possible. Well…the truth hurts though, doesn't it?

"Toga," she began, "I loved being married to you. I was completely in love with you. I knew what your job meant but I didn't really understand the dangers behind it…I didn't start to until I talked to some of the other hunters spouses. And then I realized that every time you left the house…was just another opportunity for me to never see you again."
She cut herself off to grab a napkin and wipe her eyes being careful of her mascara. She hadn't wanted to start crying, she knew he always thought people could be highly deceitful while crying. But she couldn't help it. Junko cleared her throat and continued, "Even though I started to understand what it really meant to be married to a vampire hunter when you're not one, I was still deceiving myself. I had such great faith in you I thought there was no possible way anything could ever hurt you."

Toga furrowed his brow dangerously, "So when I lost my eye, you lost your faith in me too?"

"Never," she replied simply, "but I stopped fooling myself into thinking you were invincible… it made me learn that one day I could be left a widow at twenty Toga…I wasn't ready for that…loosing you scared me more than anything." She then stopped fighting the warm tears rolling down her cheeks.

However Toga wasn't feeling sympathetic. If anything he felt more insulted that ever before.

"So you thought I was just gonna keel over one day huh?" he demanded angrily his words becoming more and more slurred, "If you felt scared why didn't you just tell me?"
"I did!" she said exasperated, "I told you every time you left! But you never listened to me. It was always 'Honey you're worrying over nothing' and then I forgot how to breathe while you were away."

Toga swallowed thickly. His worst traits were that he was stubborn and didn't like to listen. Kaien yelled at him about those all the time. But he hadn't known they had cost him his marriage.

Seeing that her ex-husband wasn't going to respond Junko figured she might just as well keep talking.

"I did what I thought was best to save myself from a broken heart…but it seems I failed miserably…I only missed you more and more…" she trailed off when she noticed her glass was empty. When had she finished it? It worried her a little now. She had never been much of a drinker so it really didn't come as any surprise when the lines of her surroundings started to blur together. She was surprised she'd been able to carry on an intelligent conversation…but she was more surprised that Toga had been able to carry on a proper conversation. Her ex-husband looked as if he might fall asleep any time. She considered telling him that maybe they should both call a cab when he finally spoke.

"I missed you too at first…then I found out you started dating this guy…like a week after I signed the papers," his words were slurred but his bitterness was crystal clear. Junko nervously tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear.

"Yes…but he didn't mean anything…well…I mean that I didn't care for him like I care for you," she replied. Toga frowned at her choice of words. Not 'I cared for you' but 'I care'.

"Junko why am I here?" he finally asked bluntly.

"Because I wanted to see that you're alright," she said looking worried.

"You had the chance to make sure I was three years ago…but you ran babe," Toga drawled sarcastically. And honestly he was fine. A lot better than he had he would be after she left. She'd broken his heart. He'd loved her deeply, but he moved on from that. He didn't want her to keep poking her nose into his life and screw things up. He was genuinely happy with his life, and he didn't want her to keep shattering what he had, so he was left scrambling to pick up the pieces.

Junko nodded slightly. It was true what he'd said…and she couldn't exactly ask him to forgive what she'd done. But she had had her reasons, and she'd finally gotten the chance to try to explain them to him. He could take it or leave it. And based on the way he was fidgeting in his seat, she could tell he wanted nothing more than to leave.

"I'm sorry," she softly.

"I don't want your apologies," he said gruffly, "…there was a time when I only wanted you back… but that's long gone now….besides, I heard you have another man in your life," Toga questioned.

Shit. Her green eyes widened and she seemed at a loss for what to say. But that was what happened when you were involved with someone in the Hunters Association. Gossip spread more quickly than a wild fire.

"Um…" she stalled. How was she supposed to answer him? Anyone would assume they had started to date other people but she didn't want to tell him the truth and rub salt into his wounds more than she already had.

"I'm engaged," she answered finally. She closed her eyes and waited for the explosion she knew was soon to follow. But she waited and nothing happened. She tentatively opened one eye and was taken aback by what she saw. Toga was still seated looking off to his right side doing his absolute best to stop the hitching in his chest. His remaining eye was being flooded with moisture he refused to acknowledge or shed. Junko thought fuzzily that she'd never seen her former husband look so vulnerable.

'Well that's not true…' she quickly amended.

He finally took a deep breath all traces of his heartache gone from his features before he said, "Lucky man."

He had been the lucky one with her at one point but that was a closed chapter in his personal history. With a motivation he didn't know he had, Toga stood up and decided he would full well walk out of that bar with his pride intact and go back to the man who loved him no matter what. That plan was slightly faulty though, because with the full bottle of whiskey and the couple of drinks beforehand in his empty stomach standing let alone walking was a much hard task that he'd thought. As he stood up his long legs seemed like they couldn't quite keep him steady, and the world swayed in ways he didn't think should be allowed. But right before he was destined to fall he felt a pair of arms try and support him. He looked down and blurrily saw Junko sling his arm over her shoulders. There was no way she could support him for long…especially in those heels. But he really couldn't help himself. The drinks had somehow managed to sneak up on him swaying his world and blurring it.

However, the bar tender hoping to be of some use called over to them, "Miss we have some available rooms upstairs."

Junko seemed to light up at those words. A place for him to sleep it off. Good. That was just what Toga needed.

"Thank you, how much for one night?" she asked as she slowly but surely led Toga over to the staircase.

"It's on the house," the older gentleman replied.

"Thank you," Junko sighed gratefully.

And so step by wobbly step she led Toga up the dark wood staircase and down the short hall to a room that had a 'vacant' sign next to it. She was glad this building thought ahead of time about its clientele. An empty hotel style room was the best thing they could have provided some of their more intoxicated patrons. Junko somehow managed to get Toga inside the room and while he leaned against the door, she clicked the lock shut. She didn't want anyone wandering in randomly. She led Toga over to the soft bed and she noticed how quite he had been.

"Toga, are you feeling sick?" she asked putting a nervous hand on his forehead. He was warmer that usual, but she hoped that if she just put him to bed he could keep himself from bringing up all the alcohol in his system. She considered getting him something to eat, but she was struck by the desire not to leave him alone.

Downstairs around others Toga had still been hurt, but he'd tried his best to hide it. But in the relative privacy of this small cozy room, the unbridled pain and loneliness on his handsome face caught her off guard. She'd never seen him like this and she knew it probably wasn't the first time he'd looked like this. She didn't want to leave him alone, but she thought she was doing more harm to him by staying.

Junko pushed a lock of her brown hair behind her ear as a nervous habit and stood up. Just as she turned around she felt a strong but shaking hand grab her wrist. She looked down but Toga wasn't meeting her gaze. His raven locks hid his remaining eye from her view, but she knew by the slump and shaking in his shoulders that he must have been crying. She turned around to face him once more and he leaned forward resting his forehead on her smooth stomach.

"Please don't go," he asked miserably.

Junko ran her fingers through his thick hair and sniffed. Wait, when had she started crying? She was confused, and angry at herself, and deep in the bottom of heart the same as her ex-husband. In the midst of all the beautiful people and opportunities in their lives…they were still lonely.

…And on some level they still longed for each other.

Neither of them remembered who made the first move, but she thinks it was Toga pulling her down on top of him. Maybe she was the one who let their lips touch again for the first time in three years. As soon as their lips parted for each other their hands started roaming. Clothes were shed, moans were let out, while bodies moved in sync with each other in a dance as old as the human race. Tears slipped out behind tightly shut eyes. No 'I love you' but 'please don't leave' were the only words exchanged. It went on well into the night, until both former husband and wife were spent, and promptly fell asleep.

Junko woke up early the next morning with a twinge of a headache. She rolled over and found Toga still asleep next to her. Her first reaction was to blush at the memories of the previous night. Her second was to feel sick at a certain realization. They hadn't used a condom…nothing except each other.

'Damn it' she thought. She was already about to marry another man and she'd just slept with her ex-husband. In a panic Junko swiped her dress off the nearby chair and ran to the bathroom. She made herself presentable and then did her best to sneak out the room. Little did she know that Toga wouldn't wake up for hours still.

And when he did he sat up and a single blue eye looked around the room. He was alone, just as he'd thought he'd be. She'd wandered into his life and then just up and left once more. He couldn't recall much of what had happened the previous night. He knew that he'd been with someone, and he could have sworn he'd been with Junko. Toga sighed and lied back down.

'It must have been a dream then,' he thought as he was left to wallow in his misery amongst cream colored sheets. His recovering mind was so baffled by everything yet he still reached over and clutched the pillow that smelt like her.

Surely his mind was just playing tricks on him…

"Don't you get it now?" Junko asked desperately.

Toga blinked dazedly. No…surely that time…he hadn't really slept with her…had he?
"What?" he asked. The small room connected to Kaien's office was starting to feel more like a prison each passing moment. Junko took a steady breath.

"Toga…I think he's yours," she said evenly. Toga nearly choked as he tried to swallow.

"What?" he asked panicked.

"Look Toga it would make sense! We didn't use anything-he was born nine months later-damn it he even looks like you! …My husband barely even talks to the poor boy because he's sure that Taro isn't his! Toga all I'm asking is a DNA test from you so that we know for sure!" Junko started rambling.

"Why don't you test his DNA and his father's?" Toga asked the volume of his voice steadily increasing due to his flustered mind.

"He won't do it!" Junko lamented.

"And what if he is mine?" Toga asked in a whisper.

Junko sighed willing her tears to disappear, "I would love it if you had something to do with him…if you don't want to be is father…" She trailed off.

"If he is mine…I would want to be around him growing up," Toga said softly.

"If you don't want him to know that you're is dad then you can just be a family friend I guess," Junko mumbled.

Toga's blood was boiling, "But you're forgetting something aren't you?"

"What?"

"You're already assuming he's my son and might not be!" Toga yelled.

"Toga look at him!" Junko nearly screamed, "There's no way he's not your son! Damn it Toga please! Please just get the test done!"

Junko came towards him and grabbed onto the front of his jacket. Toga backed up and bumped into the wall he looked around like a trapped animal. This…this wasn't the way he'd wanted to become a father…if he even was one. Toga looked out the window on the door.

He saw Yuki and Zero sitting next to each other with the little boy in question on Yuki's lap. They were his kids…Kaien and he…they'd spent years raising them. But that little one…that precious child with emerald eyes and black hair…might be his. Junko followed his gaze then looked back at her former husband.

"He…" but Toga never finished his sentence. Instead he broke Junko's grip on him and flung the door open startling everyone.

And then Toga did what he'd never wanted to do with faced with the idea of being a parent.

He ran.

-Chapter End-