Toga leaned his head to either side stretching his neck and hearing satisfying little pops in response. He raised a hand and rubbed the base of his neck hoping to work out the rest of the tension. Various people carried their stress in different places but for Toga it was all in his neck and shoulders. Sometimes the muscles would be so tense they felt as if they were burning. As a matter of fact the past three months had been nothing but a never ending pain. He was tired, stressed, cranky, and to put it simply tired of this shit. Toga glowered at the textbook he'd been drawing up his next Ethics exam from.

He wanted to come home dammit! Yes of course he liked the house he had at the edge of town nearest Cross Academy-that was why he kept it-, but it hadn't been his home since he'd started living with Kaien. Toga ran his long fingered hands down his face. He'd always claimed to being used to being alone, he hadn't ever realized what it be like to be truly alone again.

He hated it.

The man he wanted to share his life with couldn't stand being around him and for good reason. And his kids-Toga winced now at the very thought of himself and any children he loved as his own. It was painful to realize once more that he had no children biologically…but when had he started to care about petty things like that? When had suddenly started looking at Zero and Yuki and feeling a pang in his heart knowing they didn't share the same blood as he did?

"Fuck," he moaned. He was tired of his thoughts constantly betraying him. He'd spent years raising and adoring those two…surely nothing had the right to come between that?
Except Zero and Yuki's own trepidation. They were caught between their two fathers and since they still had to live with Kaien they chose not to be around Toga too much.

It hurt. Everything made his heart ache. He desperately wished things could go back to how they were but, it would take a long time for that to happen if it ever did at all. He had made some progress though.

He'd finally convinced Kaien to set aside some time where they could talk to each other. It had been a week since Toga had received the results of the ominous test and he had yet to share said results with his best friend and lover…he hoped they were still in those relationships at least.

Toga leaned back and glanced at the clock. Quarter to eight…Kaien said he'd see him at eight at night for it was when all the Night Class students were in session and the Day Class students were restricted to their dorms. It was the only time interruptions were at a minimum. And Toga wasn't exactly sure how he felt about that.

Even so he knew it was better to be honest about everything. He swallowed nervously before he dug around one of the drawers in his desk. He grasped onto the envelope and shoved it into his slacks back pocket. He sat there in his rolling chair drumming his fingers against the wooden surface of his desk. He felt like he was trying to put off the inevitable…

"Alright," he muttered to himself.

He used most of his willpower to push himself out of the chair, walk through the door, and head to Kaien's office.

'One step at a time,' Toga reminded himself. He actually had to remind himself not to scowl at anyone who crossed his path…

Kaien blew an annoyed breath out through his nose. His eyes hurt again, and his glasses were only making it worse. He threw them on top of the report cards on his desk and rubbed his temples.

He was getting more and more tired by the day. Being angry for so long was exhausting. He knew he should have stopped questioning things a long time ago but he couldn't.

Doubt refused to be squashed down so easily. It made him ask questions his heart feared most.

Did Toga really love him?

Was little Taro Toga's son?

What would happen now?

Would Toga wind up leaving him?

Would he be forced to spend his years alone?

…Again?

Kaien inhaled deeply and wiped his eyes.

"Shit," he whispered as he cast a pained and accusing glare across his office. He was never one for swearing, but Toga swore like a sailor, and in the privacy of his own work space why should he be held accountable for such petty things?

He swallowed the rising lump in his throat. He knew Toga would be there soon but was it wrong of him to want to lock the door? To run and never look back?

'Since when did I stop thinking about running away with him?' he questioned himself.
Once again doubt was starting to cloud his mind and once again he was finding it difficult to breathe while fighting off tears. Kaien was angry. Not only at Junko…but also at Toga…although he almost wasn't the one at fault, Kaien was hurt by his actions. They shared their lives together. Didn't Kaien have the right to now certain things? And he was angry at himself for not being able to handle his emotions better…then again that had always been a weak spot for him.

He was the type of man to feel all emotions to the extreme. He'd been angry, confused, and hurt for months. He wanted it to stop. He wanted to look at Zero and Yuki-Kaien and Toga's children-and not see the worry in their eyes. He didn't want to have to look at them and wonder if Toga had really ever loved them at all.

His mind was happy to fling cruel accusations left and right, but reigning them in, figuring out how to see which ones were pure idiocy was becoming a lost art to him. He hadn't been in a slump this bad in a long time-probably since he met Juri Kuran. He feared becoming the dark and cynical man he'd once been.

For Toga, his sarcasm and rough and tough demeanor was all a façade…for Kaien those qualities were what made him his true self. His happiness and ignorance was a façade he'd perfect over decades to stop people staying away from him.

It had worked. He'd become committed to Toga. The way the boy was always so crass, so mean, melted under Kaien's sweet words, while the former hunter himself was able to keep his own harshness at bay. But without that raven haired hunter…

'What am I exactly?' he wondered.

Was he a man pretending to be a loving father? No he really did love those two.

Was he a man severely depressed? If he was he would've been a drunk by now.

'So what am I?'

Nothing. Or maybe something undetermined…he couldn't tell.

But he wanted him back. He yearned to see a smile reach that solitary blue eye, he ached to touch those hard worked fingers once again, and he burned to kiss those sinful lips of his. His spite didn't want Kaien to forgive him. But the toll on his heart was too much. He couldn't force himself back into his own furious ways.

So he would be honest with Toga…it would be hard. So difficult but he would to what he'd always done. Fake it until you make it. Maybe he wouldn't shower the younger man with hugs and kisses these next few weeks but…then again, maybe he would.

They needed to make up for lost time. After all time was something so rare these days. And he wouldn't let his heart miss out again.

They were both nervous wrecks by the time Toga reached the office. Toga was better at hiding it somehow. Kaien covered his lips with his fingers, hoping that if he could physically bar off his speech he could prevent himself from saying anything stupid.
Meanwhile the raven haired hunter didn't know where to begin. Usually when they were alone Toga would start off with a "Hey babe."

That wasn't going to work this time.

He swallowed thickly unsure of what do to. Then again…it would be better to let the medical report do the talking for him. He slid it onto Kaien's desk before tentatively sitting down in one of the plush chairs in front of him. And then Toga did the only thing he could. He waited.

Kaien remained perfectly still apart from glancing down at the worn envelope. He eyed it as one would look upon a living breathing demon sitting atop his desk. He snatched it up so suddenly it almost made Toga jump.

However years of vampire hunting had taught him to halt such reactions before they reached the surface. What they couldn't teach him was how to be indifferent at this time. Toga's stomach was churning and his clothes were too hot. Yet he stayed silent as Kaien read over the same paper he had countless times.

It was as if neither man believed it. In retrospect Kaien would be ashamed of his response; at the time he was elated.

Negative.

One word had never sounded so beautiful to him. So the cute little boy with green eyes wasn't Toga son. It was almost a shame. He was a cute little devil. But knowing Toga wouldn't be forced to have any type of contact with his ex wife now…the relief made Kaien giddy. He laughed so hard he cried and cried so hard he laughed all in the same series of breathes.

Finally his warm tears weren't caused by anguish but by something much more pleasant; release. From the heart ache, from the pain, even most of the worries. His old friend doubt would take a little longer to leave him be but for now it was enough. When he finally looked up he didn't fight against his longing for the man in front of him.

He wouldn't kid himself, even in the depth of his suffering he was madly in love with Toga. He wanted him now just as strongly as he had before this near catastrophe happened. And maybe Toga understood that, because he looked…more like the Toga Kaien adored.

Instead of looking deadly pale his skin took on that borderline tan tint, as his dazed looking blue eye shone with it's former brilliance. His body language spoke volumes while his lips-ones that were begging Kaien to kiss them-were still. Kaien hurriedly wiped his eyes and looked at his lover.

Toga squirmed a little mainly because he was worried that the love in Kaien's eyes would fade back to the disdain he'd endured for the past three months. Yet the brown eyes he sought day in and day out gazed upon him with the look he always yearned for. Nothing less than Kaien's whole acceptance and heart. And Toga would forever be grateful for that.

"So," he whispered at first then cleared his throat, "What…do we do now?"

"Come home," Kaien responded instantly.

Both men were silent for a moment. The words Kaien had been dying to say…and the words Toga had been dying to hear…they were finally out in the open air. Now it was Toga's turn to hide a solitary sob behind what sounded like a laugh.

"Really?" Toga breathed fighting back a whole hearted grin.

Kaien nodded smiling as he said, "And be damned if I ever kick you out again."
"Why?" Toga asked slightly confused.

"Because there is no me without you, Toga."

The one eyed hunter snapped his head to the side hoping to hide how his eye now shone brilliantly with gathering tears.

"Why do you always do that?" his deep voice almost sounding petulant.

"What?" Kaien asked furrowing his brow.

"Why do you say things that break my heart?" Toga asked looking back at his lover a silver strip running down his cheek.

"Sorry," Kaien said softly. Truly he wasn't sorry at all. He knew Toga was nothing but sentimental mush on the inside. His brusque personality was a shield to hide a heart that had been hurt countless times before. Kaien really didn't want to be added to the list of people who'd hurt this unreasonably handsome man before him, but he couldn't resist teasing Toga.

Toga used a forefinger to eliminate the incriminating tear before doing what the hunter had always done best and preached to his students. Man up.

"No, I'm sorry," he said.

Before Kaien had a chance to reply Toga acted on impulse, something the seemingly harsh man rarely did. He stood up, placed a hand on the desk in front of him, cupped Kaien's cheek with the other, and pulled the ex hunter in for a long overdue kiss. Neither one of them was genuinely surprised by the action. They'd been hoping for this since Toga first walked in. Although Toga had initiated the kiss he let Kaien rule it as he always had, as he always would. It was a simple kiss, closed mouthed, but it held a promise of so much more to come. The thought of what would happen then made Toga go week in the knees.

"I love you," Kaien said gently with a serious expression.

"Thank you," Toga started, "Kaien I want you to know…I've never…I've never loved anyone like I love you. Even when I was with her…" he paused for a moment then swallowed, "No one will ever take over your place in my heart. I can't kick you out even if I wanted to."

Ah, the gruff tone was back in that strong deep voice of his.

"There's my boy," Kaien teased while running a finger across Toga's lips. Toga kissed the finger then took Kaien's hand in his.

"I'm serious though. I've never stopped loving you. Not once," Toga said.

"I believe you," Kaien nodded. And he really did. Toga sighed thankfully.

And …well, Toga was going to escape from his devious wrath that night. A mischievous grin spread across Kaien's face and Toga would've been lying through his teeth if he said shiver hadn't run down his spine at the promise held in those light brown eyes.

"Now shut up and kiss me Toga."

A command Toga was only too happy to oblige.

Because he never stopped loving Kaien…

I never…

"She says I am the one…but the kid is not my son…"

Okay so I'm sure the first question you want to ask is; where's the smut? XD

Oh there will be smut. They will have very yummy make up sex XD

However because of 's rating system I decided to have the real 'making up' chapter as a separate one shot. It will be called "Adoration of Ownership" so look forward to it! :D

Now just a few more things I want to say:

1. First of all thank YenGirl for coming up with the character Junko and letting Yagari fans write about her.

2. Thank you to Zoeleene for pushing me to write this fic.

3. Thank you all for sticking with it! ^^

Also I need to mention how big of role two songs played in the writing of this story. The main one is "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson, and "Mr. Brightside" by the killers. "Mr. Brightside" helped me create this last chapter, but "Billie Jean" was kind of the driving force for this fic. Hence the epigraph as the last part. (That's the quote that's all in italics in a section all by itself.) I needed to include that to show and credit where some of my inspiration came from. Who knows you guys might like to listen to the songs before you ever wander back to read this again.

This story was pretty hard for me to get through. I don't know why but it seemed to take more effort for me to keep pumping out the chapters. I think the end products is pretty good, but I know most people are just waiting for the smutty chapter XD

I did have some fun with this one, but I didn't really feel the passion as I did for one of my previous stories "A Way Back Home". Oh well, each story teaches me something different and I refuse to be an author who starts a story, posts, it on the internet, and then leaves it there to rot. So I finished it, and I really hope you enjoyed at least some of it.

If you're in a generous mood I would love some feedback. Tell me what you liked and what you didn't. If you've followed my writing for a while and have anything in particular you'd like to see let me know. I don't always accept everything but I like to try new things.

So thank you all, and I hope to see you at the end of my next story. Oh and of course Kaien and Toga thank you too! ;D