Chapter 2. Dwarves, Pirates and Mermaids (Oh My!)
It was sunset. Singing "heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's home from work we go," the seven dwarves made their way through the forest, stopping when they noticed that their trap had gone off.
"Something's in the trap, men!" said the leader, perching a pair of spectacles on his nose and examining the net. It was full of human. Specifically, a tall, skinny human man, wearing foreign garb and a disgruntled expression.
"May I ask you something?" asked Jafar, smiling. "Why would you set a trap here?"
"You see, it's like this. A while ago, we guarded a beautiful princess named Snow White from the witch-queen. We set all these traps to keep the queen and her minions out. It didn't work, but a prince rescued the girl eventually. We miss her very much."
"I mean you and your princess no harm. I am a visiting prince who wishes only to pay his respects to Snow White and Prince…" think, Jafar, think, what did that delusional witch say the boy's name was, it wasn't like he had any memorable personality, oh, that's it!—"Friedrich." He was sure he mangled the pronunciation, but was in no mood to care.
"Hmph. I don't trust him," said a dwarf at the back, wearing a red shirt. "How do we know the old queen didn't send him?"
"I heard the queen died." Technically, that wasn't a lie. The queen had been very briefly dead before Maleficent's dark ritual had resurrected her. Ah, Maleficent. What Jafar wouldn't give to meet her. With an arch-demoness on his side, he would be unstoppable.
"Wouldn't trust that witch to stay dead," snorted the red-shirted dwarf.
"Friedrich can take care of himself and the princess," said the leader. "He certainly looks like an important fellow. Let's let him out." The dwarves, as one dwarf, disarmed the trap, lowering Jafar gently to the ground.
"Fine, but I'm not taking one day out of mining to get him to the palace myself."
"We don't need to, Grumpy. We have a map."
And so the dwarves handed over the map of the kingdom to Jafar, who promptly teleported away in the direction of the castle.
"Told you it was a witch," said Grumpy.
"He might have been a good witch."
"T'ain't no such thing as a good witch. Fairies, perhaps, but no good witches. If Snow White gets hurt again, it'll be your fault."
After the palace gates opened, Jafar walked through seemingly empty hallways until he got to the throne room. There, the princess was sitting on a throne embroidering. The prince was nowhere to be seen.
"Oh dear. Who let you in here?" asked the princess. "I was not expecting company."
"I have brought a message from your stepmother," said Jafar.
"Now, sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. This simply is not done. I don't know where you came from, but here, you announce your presence to royalty."
"You first."
"Very well. I am Princess Snow White. And you are?"
"Sultan Jafar the Magnificent of Agrabah." It says something about Jafar that he can introduce himself as "the Magnificent" with a straight face. And that thing is not good. "But you will not live long enough to tell anyone I was here." He drew a dagger out of his robes. He could have killed her magically, but the queen wanted her heart.
"That isn't very nice. Weapons aren't allowed inside the palace."
"Who is here to send me out?" said Jafar, creeping up close to the princess.
Snow White made a screeching noise. Suddenly, a hawk that was perched on a branch outside flew in through an open window and struck the dagger out of Jafar's hand. While Jafar was holding the struck hand in pain, the hawk took the dagger and flew off with it.
"You little witch! Very well, I'll kill you the way I had planned from the start." He raised his snake staff and sent the princess flying towards the window.
The same screech. The hawk returned and shut the window.
"I have had enough of this. You are coming with me back to Agrabah, where I will make sure none of your little animal friends can save you."
"Snow White!" came a human voice. A man ran into the throne room. He was wearing a blue cap and held a bow in his hand.
"Who is this?"
Jafar's concentration broke, and so his hold on the princess collapsed. She landed on the ground and ran towards the fellow.
"Friedrich! Oh, you came just at the right time! This horrid man was sent by the queen to kill me!"
"I do hate to hurt a human being, but you have committed grave injustices upon my wife and my kingdom, whoever you might be," said the prince.
Jafar rolled his eyes. "Sultan Jafar the Magnificent. You really haven't heard of me?"
"I cannot say that I have, sir, but this is not your territory. You leave me no choice but to take your attempt on Princess Snowy's life as an act of war against my house and my kingdom."
"If this is a kingdom, why are you a prince?"
"My father is still alive, but he is too ill to rule. I will not call myself King until he is buried."
A faint voice called from another room, "Friedrich! Son! I need you right away!" Friedrich ran out of the throne room.
So did Jafar.
He won't be pleased when he finds out his father wasn't really calling, thought Jafar. Now what do I tell the queen. It would be a bit humiliating to tell her the truth…so I won't tell her yet. I have other plans to attend to as it is.
Snow White decided she had to look for help. Princess Aurora would know what to do, or her fairies would. Snow White sat down and wrote a letter to the princess of Homburg, then called the hawk again and gave her the letter to deliver. Snow White was young, but she was not foolish, and she had already figured out that someone like a foreign sultan was working with Queen Grimhilde not for the queen's revenge alone, but for his own ends. She decided to send another message, this one to the dwarves, so that they would be prepared for any invaders in Lorellia.
In the middle of the Central Sea, a boat captained by a pirate was making slow progress. In one of the cabins, a young woman wearing a brown robe (though just the hem of red trousers was visible underneath) was polishing a sword while a man in a purple vest and white pants looked at a map.
"Aladdin, where are we going?"
"I don't know, Jasmine. I think that's up to Captain Ammand. I hope he doesn't want us to ransack any ports or anything. I don't think I'd be good at that."
"Why didn't you ask him where we were going when we boarded the ship?"
"We needed to get out of Agrabah quickly."
"And Jafar would have caught us in the one minute it took to ask where this rickety heap of scrap wood is going?"
"Don't be insulting my ship, girl," said the captain, poking his head in. "And we're going to a little port city where I can resupply and you two can be off to do…whatever it is you need to do."
"We need to stop Jafar and restore the rightful monarch to the throne of Agrabah!" said Aladdin. He had no idea where that came from. A few days ago, he hadn't cared about the rightful monarchy of Agrabah at all. Sultan Hamed, Sultan Jafar, what did it matter to a street rat? Hands got cut off anyway. Of course, now, he was very much engaged to the heir to the throne, and being apathetic towards monarchy would be gauche, at best.
"The rightful monarch being?"
"My father. Or, if he has already died, my husband. Or, if I do not have one, myself."
"You can take the throne by yourself? I could have done with knowing that!" said Aladdin.
"No princess has ruled Agrabah alone for centuries. I do not know how the people would react. It is best if I marry you and we both take the throne."
"Captains are allowed to perform marriages at sea," said the captain. "Of course, if you would rather wait and see who you would find to marry you in port, you may." He left the cabin.
"What do you say, Jasmine? We can always have a big wedding when all of this is over."
"Aladdin, I'm a princess! I can't be married at sea by someone I don't even know!"
"Technically, you're not a princess anymore."
"It's ironic."
"What is?"
"The day before I met you, I told my father 'Maybe I don't want to be a princess anymore.' And now I'm not, and I don't think it's what I wanted. But I do know I still want to marry you, Aladdin. I am just not sure about…at sea."
"The captain was generous in offering. These seas are not safe, and he has many other things to do."
"Pirates!" yelled someone on the ship.
"Well…obviously," said Aladdin.
"No, ye landlubber! Other pirates! 'Tis the man with the hook what vexes us now!"
"How do all pirates manage to talk the same way?" asked Jasmine.
"I have no idea." He and Jasmine grabbed their swords and left the cabin. Sure enough, another pirate ship was gaining on the Barbary Falcon, and an angry-looking man was waving a metal hook like a fist.
"Can your ship out-sail them?" asked Aladdin.
"Don't be daft, boy! No ship can out-sail mine! You asked for the fastest ship in Araby, and you got it!"
"I don't think that ship is from Araby, then," said Jasmine. "Because it just pulled up next to us, and some of its pirates are swinging onto your bow."
"Then why are you standing around? Fight!"
"You just told a princess to fight!" said Aladdin.
"I did, lad. Do ye know why? Because I hardly assumed she was carrying that big sword for decoration."
"Don't worry, Aladdin. I'll be fine. Why don't you let the Genie out?"
"You have a genie?" asked the captain.
"Yes, but he only gives three wishes. I only have one left, and have to use it to free him. There's a story here, and I can't really tell it while we're fighting."
The man with the hook had reached the stern of Ammand's ship by now, and had drawn a sword. Ammand drew a formidable scimitar and began dueling with the hooked man. Aladdin and Jasmine started fighting with the other pirates, when suddenly the man with the hook looked away from his duel and at Aladdin and Jasmine. Ammand knocked the sword out of his hand and said "What are you playing at, you son of a dog? No pirate worth a ship would fight like that!"
"I am worth my ship," snarled the hooked man. "I am Captain James Hook, and I have a special message for those two."
"They're landlubbers. Hardly worth my time or yours."
"Oh, I beg to differ," said Captain Hook. He picked his sword back up and advanced on Aladdin.
"Jafar sends his regards, street rat."
"Jafar sent you?" asked Jasmine. "Where did he find you?"
"He has friends in low places."
The crew of Ammand's ship and the crew of Hook's were fiercely fighting now, and it was a tough job for Ammand to steer the ship.
"Ammand!" called Aladdin, before knocking one of the invading pirates off the ship. "Watch out for those rocks!"
It was too late. Captain Hook and his crew jumped off the Barbary Falcon and swam back to their own ship, then hastily steered it away from the rocks, but the Falcon was already on a collision course with them.
The next thing Aladdin saw was the face of a girl about Jasmine's age, with red hair and green eyes. He woke up. He and Jasmine were sitting on a beach, with Captain Ammand, most of his crew, and the wreckage of the Barbary Falcon. The girl was standing next to a tall man with thick black hair.
Someone was sitting on a rock near the shore. Aladdin rubbed his eyes. "I think I swallowed too much sea water," he said. "Tell me that isn't a half-man, half-fish sitting on that rock."
"I think it is, Aladdin," said Jasmine.
"That's my father," said the girl. "He is King Triton, ruler of the merpeople. I happened to be swimming here when I saw your ship crash into those rocks. I turned into a mermaid and swam to my father's palace. We gathered enough mermen and mermaids to save your crew."
"Why would the Sea King do that?" asked the captain. "Last I heard, he hated land dwellers."
"I told him they were friends of mine. A year ago, I married Prince Eric, and my father gave me this amulet." She showed them a pendant around her neck with an image of a trident etched on it. "This lets me get my fish tail back whenever I like."
"Thank you for saving us," said Jasmine. "My name is Jasmine, and I am—or was—the princess of Agrabah. This is my future husband, Aladdin."
"I am Captain Ammand, and that man with a hook for a hand has made a fool of me one too many times!"
"So you have met him before, then?" asked Aladdin.
"No. Today was the first time, though I had heard of his doings in these waters."
"So he has only made a fool of you once."
"And that was one too many times! I need a ship to go after him!"
"I will get you a ship," said Eric to Ammand. "What do you need?" he asked Aladdin and Jasmine.
"Unless you're any good at defeating evil sorcerers who take over your kingdom, I don't think you can help me," said Aladdin. "I think for now, we'll settle for a place to stay."
"We have a place for you in our palace," said Eric. "Follow me, all three of you. My chancellor will find you a ship, Captain Ammand."
Eric and Ariel led them into a palace, where a tall lanky man wearing a black frock coat was sitting at a desk.
"What happened here?" he asked.
"There was a shipwreck," said Ariel.
"My first and my last. And it was all your fault!" Captain Ammand said, facing Aladdin.
"What? My fault?"
"You should have told me you were a fugitive! You should have told me that no-good dog of a vizier had men looking for you! I cannot avoid what I do not know is there!"
"Captain, I'm very sorry. I didn't know Jafar would be persistent enough to send pirates after us," said Aladdin. "Guards, maybe, it took a bit of dodging them to get out of Agrabah and to the port safely, but not pirates!"
"Very well. I will not blame you, then. Perhaps we will meet again. I doubt it. Who here will find me a ship?"
"Piracy is not legal here," said the lanky man. "In fact, that is possibly the definition of piracy."
"He was ambushed by Captain Hook, Grimsby," said Eric. "I'll deal with him." To the captain, the prince said, "Captain Hook is no friend of ours, either. If you fight him and leave our ports alone, we'll be glad to requisition you a ship."
"Thank you, your highness."
"Is that…a monkey?" asked Eric, pointing to a little furry monkey cowering under Aladdin's vest.
"Why yes, it is. His name is Abu." The monkey crawled out from under the vest and sat up on Aladdin's shoulder. He was wearing a vest and hat of his own.
"That is adorable," said Ariel.
"He's a mischievous little monkey, though. He'll be stealing your treasure in no time."
"My dinglehoppers!" exclaimed Ariel.
"Your…what?"
"She used to believe that the forks we eat with are some kind of hair-dressing device called dinglehoppers. She knows how to use them now, but she still collects them."
"Abu, don't steal anything. We are guests here, and I don't want a monkey messing things up."
"He understands you?"
"Not very well. He'll be fine if he doesn't see anything shiny."
"Why don't I give him something shiny to play with?" asked Ariel. She reached into a bag tied around her waist and handed a spoon to Abu. He started making weird faces in it, and everyone laughed, even the captain and Chancellor Grimsby.
Captain Hook, however, was not having nearly so much fun. Jafar had just materialized on his ship and begun screeching at him for letting the street rat get away.
"Your majesty, with all due respect, they did shipwreck. I believe they are dead."
"I won't believe that tricky little rat is dead until I kill him with my own dagger," said Jafar. "He has that genie's lamp, and there's one wish left in it for him."
"I know what will cheer you up, sire," said Captain Hook.
"You have found a more competent pirate to replace yourself?"
"No. But I can take you to the Sea Witch."
"I thought the Sea Witch died."
"One such as her can't die. She has lain dormant for a year, but she has decided it is her time to return."
"The Sea Witch knows where the Gate of Atlantica is. I thought all hope of finding it died with her. If she is not dead, you must take me to her. You have done better than I expected."
"So am I forgiven for not killing Aladdin? We had to change course, or our own ship would have been destroyed with the Barbary Falcon."
"You are not forgiven. And you should not have told me what ship carried Aladdin away from my city. Captain Ammand is not to be trifled with. He will be hunting us down. The faster you can get me to the Sea Witch, the better."
Author's Note: 1. Captain Ammand is one of the Pirate Lords from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. He was a minor character (really just a face and a name) but he's sort of an OC Stand-In here; I couldn't resist adding him even though everyone else is from an animated movie. 2. Ursula coming back to life isn't explained very well here, but don't worry, she'll explain it herself when Jafar sees her. Do you really think she would give a pirate the same explanation she'd give a sorcerer?