Lucky Me

It was a cave, where they went. A cave where they were hiding from the creatures and from what else might be out there in the dark of this new world, Shawn had had the bad luck to find himself in.

He had needed some time to identify the place but then he noticed the hole in the ground somewhere in the back of the cave and he just knew where they were. Here it had been where he and Gus had dug the hole and found Bouchard´s treasure. It was unbelievable how far away all these memories seemed to him now. It was as if all of this had happened in another universe. Another dimension. And who knew. Maybe it had.

His hand wandered up to his forehead and touched the bandage that was there now. After they had taken care of Lassie and his leg (it seemed the spit of these things were more like battery asset than usual spit and in some twisted way it reminded Shawn on The Fly) they had also given him some treatment. Now his own leg was bandaged too – what as strange as it was had caused it to hurt hurt like hell now, where it had only throbbed before – and his head as well. As it seemed he had suffered some sort of a deep scratch that went from the back of his head all the way to his forehead. He had been lucky not to lose half of his ear, Dobson had said when he had cleaned the wound. Whatever had gotten him, it had to have some sharp claws.

But something told Shawn it hadn´t been one of those creatures that had done this, like Dobson seemed to believe. Some images had flashed through his mind then. Images of blinding lights and a sudden blast. Not an explosion but something as strong as that. Or even stronger. He remembered that he had been buried under something. And that was all his mind allowed him to get out. Except for that fact that he knew, that at this time, Gus had still be with him.

Now he was not only confused but depressed. What was all this? It couldn´t be real, could it? It was like facing the end of the world. So this couldn´t be real. It just had to be a dream. A horrible nightmare. Only that he didn´t believe that in a nightmare one could have a headache that bad. Besides, he had never used to dream things like that. Not even if he really had had a nightmare. Those usually contained speeches to reveal a criminal where he suddenly found himself lack of arguments. Or occasionally he found himself naked in front of the whole police station and wasn´t able to hide himself, while Lassie was laughing at him. Things like that. Embarrassment, that was his nightmares. Not something like this. Not by a long shot.

Chief Vick came over to him. She had a bandage too but it was just a small one at her upper arm. „I must say, I didn´t expect to ever see you again." she told him. „Not after all that happened. But I´m glad you´re all right."

„Thanks, chief." he said.

She looked at him with those hesitating glad eyes, he had noticed before. „Where is Mr. Guster?" she then asked him carefully, obviously expecting the worst answer.

„I don´t know." Shawn said and that was the truth. Except it wasn´t the whole truth. He might not be able to remember but he at least had a feeling that told him the truth. But it was too early for him to admit this. Instead he asked the chief: „How bad is it?"

„Very bad." Karen answered. „They are in the city. Nesting. Whoever could run ran. God knows where they are hiding. I just hope some people made it out of the city. We were escorting some civilians when the swarm attacked. Many people just scattered and ran. Some made it into the woods. More were killed." she closed her eyes for a moment, trying to force the horrible pictures back that had come up in her head. „We´ve lost too many already." she said.

Her voice broke and Shawn knew she couldn´t talk anymore. He reached out a hand for her and lay it on her arm for a moment. She took a deep breath and then nodded at him. He didn´t say another word when she walked off to sit down in a corner of the cave. He had never seen her that tired and … broken. But he could sympathize with that feeling. He had seen McNab being killed by one of those beasts and he still couldn´t stop think of it.

He turned around and threw a look at Lassiter, who lay in another corner. His wounded leg lay stretched out before him. He was sleeping. Or so it seemed. There was sweat covering his face and his breaths were unsteady. If he was sleeping then he was dreaming and in a place like this this could be even worse than waking.

Shawn saw his face switching and felt a stitch in his chest. He wanted to go over to him and wake him up, save him from this nightmare, that was going on behind his closed lids. But he didn´t. He couldn´t. For some reason he couldn´t stand to look Lassiter in the eyes. For he was afraid what he would see in them. Maybe he would see the truth. A truth he couldn´t bring himself to commit to. Lassiter had always been able to tell when Shawn had a weak moment. And right now he felt more vulnerable then ever. Maybe Lassiter would know, when he looked at him. That was it what he really was afraid of. That the detective could see the truth in Shawn´s eyes. Only that Shawn had no idea what truth it could be that he was so afraid of. Did this make any sense? But that was the way he felt. It had to be something terrible that much he knew. What other reason could he have to feel so guilty?

He turned away from the sleeping detective and spotted Juliet sitting at the little fire in the center of the cave. She was staring into a distance that only she could see. Maybe thinking back at McNab too, who had died such a horrible death just a few hours ago. Maybe just wondering, like Shawn, if all this was just a dream that would end when she woke up. It had been hard for Shawn to see the chief in that state and also to see Lassie so vulnerable. But seeing her with this expressionless gaze was almost more than he could stand. He walked over to her and sat down opposite of her at the fire.

„How are you feeling?" he asked her.
„Not so good." she answered not looking at him. Her gaze was fixated at Lassiter he now saw.

„He will be all right." Shawn told her.

„Sure." was all she said and then they fell silent for a while.

„What happened?" he finally asked her, not only because he wanted to know, but also to fill this awkward silence. Right now he couldn´t so much as stand silence.

„No one knows for sure." she said and started rubbing her wrists. „They just appeared and when they did … no one was safe. And from one moment to the other human kind is no longer the dominant species on this planet." she gave a nervous chuckle. „It has been only three days but it feels like a lifetime." she said.

Shawn looked up at this. „Three days?" he asked.

„Yeah." she said without much attention to how surprised he was. He guessed she just assumed he was lack of time perception too, just like everybody else. When she finally looked at him, her eyes were asking. „Where have you been that long?" she wanted to know. „How did you survive?"

He wanted to say something but he didn´t know what. Partly because he still couldn´t really remember.

„Was it really three days?" he asked her instead.

She nodded. „That was the last time I spoke to you. You wanted Carlton to check out the Carver mansion."

Carver. That name stroke something in Shawn´s head. Yeah, that was the name of the place he and Gus had planned to check out. They had done so because Lassiter wouldn´t do it. At least not without a warrant. But there had been no time to wait for a warrant. Because …

...

„Because I´m pretty sure that they are hiding an alien vessel up there." Gus had told Lassie in spite of their agreement not to mention this certain part of the suspicions they had.

Of course Lassiter hadn´t believed a single word of that. Carver Enterprises was a high tech laboratory and just because there were sometimes rumors from paranoid locals that lived in the hills far too long on their own, it didn´t mean that there was something illegal going on up there.

„We´re not talking about illegal stuff." Shawn had cried. „We are talking about ill...interstellar stuff."

This new created word had caused a usual Lassiter frown but that had been the only positive reaction they had gotten from the detective.

„Spencer, just because its called Carver Enterprises, doesn´t mean that he deals with little green men." Lassiter had told them. „I thought you had embarrassed yourself enough with the Kessler case last year."

„This is different, Lassie." Shawn had cried.

„Right. This time we have evidence." Gus had supported him.

„Ah yeah? What? Your little nerd friend got something on his radar?"

„Right." Gus answered a little surprised that Lassiter had guessed it with the first try.

„He scanned the mansion of this Carver guy and there was a massive radiation coming from it." Shawn had explained.

There Lassiter had frowned. „Really?" he had asked now a little more seriously listening.

„Yeah. We don´t know what kind of radiation it was. But it was no heat signature."

„Definitely not heat." Gus agreed.

„But it was something enormous. Lassie. We have to have a look at this. And we have to stop them from whatever they´re doing up there, because the spirits tell me that they are already so close to the big finally of their perverted little experiment. We have to …"

But this talk must have gotten Lassiter back to the ground and he had interrupted him, telling them that he in fact could arrange a visit at the mansion. But he would have to get a warrant first.

„How long do you need for that?" Shawn had asked.

„Maybe a day." Lassiter had answered. „Its Friday, Spencer, what do you think? The judges are playing golf now. I won´t get anyone before tomorrow morning."

„Then it will be too late." Gus had cried.

„Get real." Lassiter had replied with an amused smirk. „I will see to check out what kind of radiation it is your nerd friend saw. But that is all. You leave that man alone, you hear me?"

But of course they couldn´t have done this even if they had sworn on their pinkies.

...

„Three days?" he asked again, still unable to believe that. As far as he was concerned this talk with Lassie had been just yesterday. How could he have lost three days?

„Shawn?" Juliet asked, concern in her voice.

„I´m sorry." he chuckled nervous. „I … I seem to have problems with my memory."

Alone the sound of his own voice speaking the word memory seemed to bring something back into motion though. The Carver mansion. Gus´ blue car that stopped at the curbside right outside of the Carver property. Images from outside and later from the inside of the building. Strange images. But that couldn´t be true. Shawn was sure his mind was mixing his memories from yesterday – no, three days ago – with pictures from Star Trek episodes or something like that. It had to be like that. It just had to be.

„What happened to you, Shawn?" Juliet asked.

He looked into her eyes and felt like frozen dead. His mouth opened but there was no sound coming out. Eventually he managed it to shake his head: „I … I don´t know." he said. „I can´t remember."

Only that this time it was a lie.

...

They hadn´t gone up there immediately. Shawn had been the first one who had lost his patience. After he and Gus had separated, making themselves promise that they wouldn´t get head over heals into an obsession like this again (Lassiter had been right, they had embarrassed themselves enough already in this regard) he had been sitting in the Psych office for a while. He had tried to sit it out and he had succeeded. For a while. Then he had headed home and he had been able to stand the waiting for almost the whole night, telling himself that he had to stay calm. That he had to trust Lassie. But then the morning had come and he just hadn´t been able to stand it any longer.

He had called Lassiter and asked him if he had the warrant. Lassiter had snapped back at him if he knew what time it was and that he would let him know as soon as he had the goddamn warrant. Then he had hung up on him. Shawn couldn´t wait that long. He had never had real psychic visions but he had a very bad feeling about this Carver guy and his so called high-tech enterprise. He just knew that it was urgent to find out what they were doing up there and that it couldn´t wait any longer. So he had called Gus and told him he would drive up into the hills and check the Carver mansion himself. Gus had agreed to meet him there and so they had met. Early in the morning on Saturday the 23rd .

Shawn didn´t know himself how they had managed it to get inside of this highly secured building, but somehow they had. And what an inside it had been. The first floor was nothing special if one didn´t count the megalomaniac expensive interior. But the most interesting thing had been the elevator that had led upstairs into the tower that was part of the building. A single tower that had no windows at all, Shawn had noticed from the outside. Of course they had taken the ride. They just had to. Only that now in the retrospective Shawn wasn´t so sure anymore if it really had been a good idea. If they hadn´t maybe Gus would still be alive. Maybe nothing of all this would have happened in the first place.

...

He started to shake his head in a pathetic try to keep the memories from coming back to him. No he didn´t want to know it. He didn´t want to remember. Jules was looking at him from the other side of the fire but he couldn´t look into her eyes. He had to get out. Away from her, from everything. From everybody who could possibly see what was going on behind his forehead.

„Shawn …" she started but he cut her off.

„I´m sorry." he said and got up. „I need some fresh air."

And with that he was already on his way out. Only that before he could leave, his eyes caught Lassiter who still lay in the corner. The detective wasn´t sleeping anymore. Now he was fully awake and he looked at him as if he knew exactly what Shawn was running away from. As if he knew everything. Shawn felt himself frozen dead for a moment by that glare. But then he managed it to get free and continued his run for the cave exit.

He reached it and as if the fresh air, he had claimed before Jules he would need so much, would have this effect, he immediately bowed down and puked behind the next best rock. It was almost a miracle that it hadn´t happen earlier. When he was done he sat up with his back leaning against the wall of the cave and just breathed. There was no way he could keep the memories out any longer, he knew that. He could close his eyes but that would make them come even faster. He had no chance. Knowing and at last accepting this, he took one last deep breath and closed his eyes, ready to let come whatever memory would persuade him. Even accepting that it would drive him completely mad as soon as he faced it.

And then it came.

...

The room had been bright with light. Everywhere there had been computers and from somewhere they had heard their voices. They had sneaked behind some of the computers and peeked out at them. And what they had seen … it had just blown their minds away. First they had believed it to be just a big plasma screen, that showed some sort of science fiction film. Some monster film. It had to be one because creatures like that didn´t exist in real life. But then they had heard these dudes in the white coats talking and they had understood.

„The portal is stable, sir." one of them had said.

„How long before we can start?" the addressed man, probably Carver the crazy scientist himself, had asked.

„Just a few more minutes." the first dude had answered. „We´re still waiting for the periodic wormhole to reappear. As soon as our instruments tell us, we can procede." Then he hesitated. „Sir, are you really sure you want us to do it? If anything goes wrong …"

„You´re here to create a bridge, Anton, not to think." Carver had replied and that had silenced the other man.

„Dude." Gus had whispered at Shawn. „Thats a transdimensional portal."

„A what?" Shawn had whispered back not believing a bit that it could be that.

„Didn´t you hear what they said?" Gus had replied. „They are trying to open the gate, portal or whatever they call it. When they do that these creatures will come over to our side."

Shawn had peered out of their hiding place to have another look at this big screen thing. He had to admit that it really didn´t look like a film what he saw there. It didn´t look like anything that was made up with special effects. Because it just didn´t look like a fake picture. It looked far too real for that. It even looked three dimensional. Still, it couldn´t be. How could something like that possibly be?

„We have to stop them." Gus whispered.

„Agreed." Shawn had replied. „Not because I believe these dudes really opened a gate to another dimension. But if this radiation Dennis found has anything to do with this, then they could create a really big mess with what they are up to."

„Then lets do it." Gus had urged.

„But how?"

Instead of answering him Gus had produced a bottle of water from under his jacket. Always prepared, that was the way Shawn knew his friend.

„Dude, sweet." he´d said. „Simple but genius."

„I know." Gus had replied and then they had fistbumped. It had been the last fistbump Shawn had ever gotten from his childhood friend.

They had sneaked around the console that had been their hiding place and went to the front of it. Gus immediately had poured the water over the panel, causing the machine to crackle and spark. The scientists had spun around to them in shock. Later Shawn had no idea where it had come from but one of them suddenly held a gun in his hand. He shot at them. Carver tried to stop him, not to save their butts but to save his machines from being hit. He failed in both regards. Shawn had managed it to duck down fast enough but he had heard Gus groan behind him. When he had swirled around he had seen his friend lying on the ground, bleeding from at least two bullet holes. The machine behind him had at least three holes and it was crackling worse than ever.

„You idiot." Carver shouted at the shooter. „Now we won´t be able to control the gate any longer."

Shawn hadn´t listened to them. All he had seen was Gus, who lay on the floor. He had crawled back to him.

„Shawn." Gus had croaked.

„Its ok buddy." Shawn had replied scared to death. „We´re getting you to a doctor. Just hang in there."

But Gus had already been drifting off. „Did we … stop them?" he had asked.

„Yes. Yes we stopped them." Shawn had said. „But don´t worry about that now. Just stay with me ok?" He had gotten his cell phone out, trying to call Lassie and tell him where they were and that they needed and ambulance. But something had disturbed his signal and he hadn´t been able to reach anyone.

Behind him Carver and the others were screaming at each other. They tried to stop something from happening. Up until this moment, Shawn hadn´t really believed that something could truly happen, except for some bad radiation to get out and poison the environment and maybe the city. But now he heard sounds that just couldn´t be from a film. He turned around and what he saw there would have been enough already to let a person lose his mind. The screen had been cracked. Only that it wasn´t cracked at all. One of those creatures he had seen in the film, was standing in the screen. IN the screen. Its back was still on the other side but its front was in the room with them. The guy with the gun shot at it but the bullets glanced off the armour of the creature and went into several parts of the computer all around.

„Shawn." Gus croaked and caught his friends attention one last time. He had reached out a hand for him but in the moment when Shawn turned around to him, the grip of Gus´ hand had already loosened again. His hand fell down to the ground limp and lifeless.

Behind Shawn there were screams now. But this time it were screams of agony. He didn´t need to look at it to know that the creature had gotten the man with the gun. The man who had killed his friend. Then there was an explosion, when the computer the bullet had hit, went off. Something hit Shawn at the head and the blast threw him some meters into a corner. Then he only saw fragments falling down on him from the ceiling. He raised his arms to protect himself. While he got buried under the fragments of the computer, he could hear more screams.

The gate was open and the creatures who had found they would get plenty of food on this other side, came over to them. Soon they had crowded the room and smashed the walls to get out. Out into this new world they had entered without even understanding how. Suddenly there had been a portal between their world and this one. A portal that its creators hadn´t been able to control the way they had planed to do it. Because somebody had made a mistake. A bad bad mistake. Had not somebody once said, that the worst things in human history used to happen in the best imaginable intentions? Shawn didn´t know if somebody had ever said this, but he knew it was true. Damn it was.

...

He was shaking. Their intentions had been good. They had tried to stop it from happening and with that they had caused it themselves. Now Gus was dead and the world they had known was changed. At the verge of destruction. The dawn of a new species. A species that didn´t even belong to this world. But now it was here and suddenly human kind was not the dominant species any longer. They were hiding in a cave for gods sake. And all this was his fault.

He couldn´t go back inside and look them in the eyes knowing that he had been the one who had brought them here. How could he ever live with this knowledge that he was lying to them about this truth? This fundamental all changing truth. He couldn´t tell them. That was impossible. How could he expect them to live with this truth and not to kill him for it? Or to send him away, what would be essentially the same. Shawn had never wished his father here more than in this moment. No matter what he had done, Henry had always been there for him. He had always been there. Now Shawn didn´t even know if his dad was still alive. Probably not. It was devastating to hope for something like that in this new world.

He had lost his best friend and he had lost his father. He had lost the whole world. The only people that were still left, were the ones in this cave behind him. He couldn´t afford to lose them as well. He just couldn´t tell them. He would have to find a way to live with it … or to kill himself. He should be dead anyway. He should have died along with Gus and all the other guys that had been there in this room, where it had started. But he had been lucky. The fragments that had buried him, had disguised him from those oversized bugs and he had survived. He had been lucky to live to see what he had done to the world.

Lucky me, he thought. Lucky me that I was allowed to live so I can see what will become of this world. Of human kind. He had been unconscious for three days but he had been lucky enough to wake up again. To wake up in a horror version of The Lost World. A world in which human kind was fighting against killer bugs and living in caves once again. And he had had the luck to run into the only people left on this planet that he could really rely on. That had been the only real luck he had had. Lassie and Jules were here and so was chief Vick. Buzz had been here too but now he wasn´t any more.

He looked over the woods beneath the cave´s entry and sighed. Somewhere down there were bugs as big as cars. And they were hungry. Hungry for him and the others. So far they had survived. The only thing they had to do now was surviving a little longer. Long enough to see the army arrive and bomb those creatures back into their own dimension. If they could survive that long – if – everything would be all right. Only that he knew it wouldn´t be all right. Not as long as he remembered what had happened. He had been lucky enough to survive. But only to live with the memory of his best friend´s death and of the biggest mistake they had ever done.

Lucky me, he thought bitterly, fighting back the tears. Lucky me.