Well I've got three reviews so far (which…makes it tied with both my other *ahem* Stories), and if other people have the same opinion maybe this thing will actually go somewhere. Or it'll sit here and rot and die a lonely, sad, Fanfiction existence. I'm opting for the first one, however it's not my decision.

But I will admit that the advice I give you is never going to help you in High School remotely. I haven't even been there yet. If it helps you. I'm afraid you may or may not be entirely human. In which case, please do not contact the government lest thy shalt be whisked away into some lab and dissected.

And yes. It is supposed to be weird.

BTW, on the ads at the top of the FF screen, I laughed because the ad was for "USA Today Bestselling Author. Sarah Morgan. A Night Of Scandal." Or something like that.

Chapterly Advice: Beware of the Police. They're the only people who legally are armed just in order to hurt you if you pissed them off. Unless, of course, you wear goggles, are trained to fight against tonfas and blunt weaponry, and are wearing a suit of rubber/Have Matrix reflexes.

See, I told you my Advice doesn't help anyone!

Benny: Write something positive about me!

Ethan: *Shoots*

Benny: …Give me a minute to respawn and I am going to kick your-

Rory: Hi.

Benny: Fuuu- can you NOT sneak up on people?

Rory: Vampire Ninj-*SMACK*

Erica: That's better.

Sarah: All that disclaimer stuff from the first chapter. Y'know that stuff? Insert it here. So no, Sturbanger does not own Sum41, MBaV, or XKCD, or any of that

A Dark Road Out of Hell

Once upon a time there was a land named White Chapel, which was strange because it was practically cursed with monsters of all sorts, and did not, in fact, have a white chapel in it anyways. And in this land there was a beautiful Half-Vampire Princess, who refused to become a full vampire. However, after a series of unfortunate events, The young Seer Prince became bitten by a vampire, forcing the Princess to fully become a vampire in order to save the Seer Prince. To this day, as the Princess copes with her fellow vampires, and The Prince writes a comedy story, complete with anticlimactic ending for a miniature fantasy tale.

Said Prince also promised never to squeeze humor out of self-reference.

…Shit.

Ethan here. I just finished murdering Benny several times and I am ready to make Chapter Two the start of the actually guide. And, contrary to popular belief, I did NOT use cheats to beat Benny. If anything, he forced me to cheat by trying to make his character better with magic. And, as I explained previously, he fails miserably at that stuff. I won't go into specifics, but he's gonna want a lot of new gaming equipment very soon. Otherwise he'll go into withdrawal. I don't know what comes after that, quite possibly a magical disaster on par with Hurricane Katrina. Or Hurricane ScrewItLet'sJustTrashFloridaAgain.

The second one hasn't happened yet. But I saw it. I told you I never get positive visions…

So it's time for me to actually be a guide to stuff. Then I'll go back to explaining my life and why you do not want to move to White Chapel at a later date. Today's a Sunday, so I'll tell you about High School stuff as it come along, quite likely in the middle of Science or Math, because I don't want to learn more about "Bromine Aluminum Nitrogen" or anything.

Anyways, It's time for Supernatural Corner!

…And yes. I promise one day I shall think of a better name for this segment. For now, since we're still doing the introduction, I won't say much. Just the basics

Sooo. This is the section where I'll tell you about everything supernatural, so that you don't end up like Rory, letting yourself get bit at a party, coerced into drinking blood, and suddenly an immortal vampire. Yeah, trust me that is probably not something that you want happening to you. This is also the section where I repeatedly warn you to avoid amateur spellcasters. Or else they could curse you. And that is equally bad.

Spellcasters: People who do magic. I only know two spellcasters, and that would be Benny and Jane. Yup. You do NOT want my sister to get a spellbook in her hands. Little girls with spellbooks can often mean giant lightning bolts and animated dolls. And Bennys with spellbooks…you get the point, right? These people cast spells and have potions.

Vampires: I'm pretty sure you all know what these are, they have pointy teeth, super strength, super speed, sanguire, and all that fun stuff. You don't want to mess with them. Even if you do have a little girl with a spellbook and about a hundred angry ghosts on your side.

Fledglings: These are part-vampire, part-human. It's the stage in between when a person is bitten and they drink human blood. They also die in seven days if they don't drink blood. Consequently, expect to see numerous dead animals around you if you happen to live near a fledgling.

I think those are the most important to know right now, because it's only chapter two and it's still introduction and all that.

White Chapel 101:

Lesson One: Howling+Hair+White Chapel=Werewolf.

It's simple math, when you see someone who is hairier than the average bear, who howls, and lives in this town, you're screwed come full moon. I recommend either magic potions that cure the curse, or silver. But you would never have done that second one to me when I was a werewolf, right? Because you love me. Because I am educating your mortal minds.

Rory and Benny just came over, so I have to go now. We'll be busy trolling the Dusk boards, and Benny's computer is dead, and Rory came over for the hell of it. Speaking of Rory, it took my hours to convince him to use "Vampire Ninja" as a screenname over "Rory Vampire," because he refused to believe that the second one would screw over his anonymity.

-FML-

Hello people of the internet! Have no fear, the Lord of The Night is here! Ethan fell asleep, and I found this cool journal! And NO, I did not just go to a party, get bitten, and start drinking blood! Everyone else was doing it too! And no, I don't do something stupid every other hour! Although I may or may not listen to loud rock music.

I don't believe I've fallen asleep

Is this beginning or ending?

Am I stuck in a dream?

I don't want to know what I think I suppose

Out of the light into timely demise

There's a cross on the hill

The holy image of lies

I've opened my eyes but this dream is still real

You don't need to worry I'm just fine

I've just lost my mind.

Tell me it's over cause

I don't feel a thing at all

And my theme song is actually going quite well. But…erm...I'm too busy posting this other song to show you my theme song, so maybe next time.

Consciousness, no more

Senses all have disappeared

Am I alright, alive tonight?

Paranoid, or am I dead right?

Am I alright, alive today?

Crash and fall into his light with me

Look in my eyes, tell me I'm alright

I don't know if I'm still alive

If this is goodbye, forever's just a lie

Big enough to make you want to try

In just one life, how can we?

Live enough, to rest in peace?

In just one life, how can we?

Live enough, to rest in peace, now?

Anyways, I better go before Ethan wakes up. But remember, Vampire Ninja can find anything. There is no where he can put this journal that I will not find it.

Here, as I stand, hand in head

And one hand on my heart

As I depart, it's not so hard

What a day, to become a man!

You had your scars

But I never that that you would give me mine!

While looking for the answers, only questions come to mind.

Cause I've been lost in circles for what seems now for quite some time

And I don't know I came here

Or even how I got this far

All I can tell you is my fate is written in the black stars

Well

What am I supposed to do?

Bless myself, this perfect Hell

Of my own

Is the best I've ever known.

Tell me something I don't want to know

'Cause I can't believe it's so.

What am I supposed to do?

Besides, he wouldn't keep me from my loving fans, right? It's obvious that the only reason you people would read this thing to know what I, Rory Vampire, am doing! Why would anyone want to know about Ethan's life? It's rather boring when you think about it.

-FML-

I've become sick of everyone now

And I don't feel remorse for the forgotten

And I don't care at all

I've become sick of everyone now

And I'm the patron voice of all the problems

And I don't care at all.

Oh take me away

I'm sick of everyone today

I'm not okay, but I'm fine this way

I need no change.

So take me away…

I'm coming down

Fell apart

It's hard to keep together

When you don't know where to start.

I've become sick of everyone now

And I don't feel remorse for the forgotten

And I don't care at all!

I've become sick of everyone now

And I'm the patron voice of all the problems

But I'm sick of everyone!

Take my breath away

I don't need it anyways

Cause I'm fine here in my own forgotten world

Where I can be myself

Left with the hand I'm dealt

And it's hard to get a grip

When you're holding onto something

You just let slip away!

ARGH, RORY! He vandalized my notebook with ten minutes of song lyrics! Now I have to write around them, damnit! And people DO want to hear about my life and my advice. That's why it's MY guide to high school, White Chapel, and The Supernatural!

All these thoughts locked in my mind

Spinning round like endless time

For once in my life…

I do want to feel

Something you call real

I don't think that I've got

Time for these scars to heal

And the days just go by

Leaving questions in my mind

I guess I'll find the answer

Someday in another life.

Here, with my old friend

The silence in the end

It rings so loud that I cannot pretend

Id I just close my eyes,

And ask a thousand whys

Will it change or stay the same

Will it ever go away?

The question still remains!

All these thoughts stuck in my mind

Spinning round like endless time

For once in my life

I do want to feel

Something you call real

But I don't think that I've got time for these scars to heal

And the days just go by

Leaving questions in my mind

I guess I'll find the answers,

Someday in another life

Warning signs read Desolation

On the road of Desperation

Happiness Machines

I'm coming clean

What can you do for me!

I do wanna feel

Something you call real

But I don't think

That I've got time for these scars to heal

And the days just go by

Leaving questions in my mind

I guess I'll find the answers,

Someday in another life

So here, now I stand

At the end

Of a dark road out of hell

It's not so hard

As I depart

What a way to become a man.

Bah, sorry if it's hard to read all this, a certain blonde vampire just HAD to write song lyrics everywhere. Anyways, I better find a good place to hide this where Rory can't find it. Or I should just make him go back home instead of letting him stay over…but they he whines like a four year old. Sigh.

And yeah, I promise I'll write more tomorrow.

Ethan

Off to hide my journal better

My Bedroom

The song was "A Dark Road Out Of Hell" by Sum41.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed Rory and Ethan's writing.

I probably had more to say, but if I did, then I forgot. Bad memory and all. If there is a topic you want to be brought up (IE. Classes, Teachers, Social classes) You should review and tell me. Btw –FML- means time skip,