Okay, well, it all takes place a long time ago in a land far, far away. Like, in this place called, uhm, Camternia. It was a really pretty place, with lots of hills, and castles made of that stone, that's really cool, and lots and lots of animals.
The Princess always liked the animals; it was her favourite part of Camternia, because she had the magical ability to speak to animals and to get them to do stuff for her. The beautiful Princess's name was Tavros Nitram—
("Wait, woah, dude," Gamzee interrupted, his eyes slightly more wide than usual, "but bro, you're a bro, I thought. I mean I saw it last time we—"
"I know, but, uh, in this story I'm a girl 'cause I get to be the Princess," I said, "uh, just listen...")
Anyways, uh, the princess was very beautiful, with the prettiest gray skin and the coolest mohawk in all the land because mohawks are cool and make her look confident, and, uh, cool and stuff. She always wore yellow because it's a really pretty colour and she didn't have to say what colour her blood was because she was the Princess. However, her blood was brown: it was a secret she and her father kept closely guarded, because if anyone of higher blood were to know a royal didn't actually have royal blood, the Princess could have been beheaded or something. But she was well loved by her people, and her family loved her too.
Well everyone except the reigning Queen: Queen Vriska, who did not want the Princess to take over her job one day. In fact the only way Queen Vriska had gotten her title was by mindcontrolling cool and anything King Dave and making him exile his Queen, and enthroning Vriska instead. Of course, Tavros wasn't very happy about her new step mother, but she couldn't let the evil Queen find out her deadly secret; her blood colour. It seemed everyone in the kingdom was under the evil Queen's spell, except Tavros, and she felt like a prisoner in her own castle. She always wished she could just leave and be with her people who apparently adored her so much ("which, uh, I don't understand 'cause she never met them").
"Oh, uh, Dad," The Princess said one day, her fairy tinkerbull sitting on her shoulder, "I was wondering if I could go into the market, today, or something, uh."
"No no look kid," King Dave, who was known across the whole land for being totally and ironically cool, and wore shades all the time and was an all-around Cool Guy, said, "why the fuck would you even want to go out there I spent this whole time making this palace for you and you want to leave. Nice job being appreciative, yeah, I really appreciate it."
"Ooooooooh, darling," a slinky figure entered the throne room, hidden by shadows, her voice making the princess shudder like the sight of a spider or something, "may8 we should let her go! You know, let her exp8rience the city, inc8se see might…die 8efore she gets the chance." It was the Evil Queen Vriska, emerging from the shadows, her long, blue-and-black dress clinging to the darkness as if it were made of the dark itself. Tavros shuddered at the sight of her; with those lace gloves that looked like spider webs, and messy black hair thrown up into a bee-hive around the falsely acquired crown.
"No, man," Dave started, but suddenly he went stiff as a board, which means his expression didn't change at all, and said, in a strange monotone, "yes, yes, Tavros should go out into the city, this is a good idea."
"Peeeeeeeerfect," Vriska said, ebbing on a maniacle laugh, bringing her hands down from her temples, "you really are the most o8edient husband, Daveeeeeeee."
"Huh?" Dave looked sorta out of it ("so like you, Gamzee." "What, bro?" "Uh, nevermind"), but he merely shook his head and added, "whatever be careful or something cause theres fucking wizards out there. Like holy fuck wizards. But nah this is a totally awesome idea. Totally cool."
"Uh, Dad, I think she's mind controlling you," Tavros started, but winced under Vriska's glare, "I, uh, mean that's probably okay, though, or something, uh..."
"Oh, look at the time," Queen Vriska said, glancing down at a time-telling-device-less wrist, "I reeeeeeeeally should 8e going, I would h8 to miss my appointment," she turned swiftly, disappearing back into the shadows she came from, "see you l8ter, guys!"
"Uh, Dad, does this mean I can, uh, go out into the town?" Tavros asked once he was mostly sure Vriska was probably gone. Dave gave him a brief nod, his face the utter reflection of painstaking irony.
"Whatever do what you want, kid us Striders gotta stride," he adjusted the shades on his face, "see ya." He turned on his heels and left the Princess alone in the throne room, off to do his hair or whatever it is that is so cool. This left Tavros kinda confused cause she was pretty sure her last name was Nitram.
Shrugging, and winking playfully to her fairy Tinkerbulll on her shoulder, she skipped out the door, 'cause she had legs and was totally not, a cripple.
Meanwhile, somewhere on the other side of the glorious kingdom of Camternia, but not really actually all that far away, a lowly Poet was writing himself a poem.
"Roses are red, other flowers are blue, you're made of miracles, man, and I love you," The Poet said, writing with his ink-and-winged-beast-feather on a curling piece of parchment, "awh, no man, this ain't right..." He shook his head, a goofy smile still on his face even as he scribbled out the words, "nah man, this is supposed to be special, the best motherfucking poem Aradia has ever seen..."
The Poet's name was Gamzee Makara; he lived in the north side of Camternia, and spent most of his days writing crappy poetry and being with his matesprite-to-be, Aradia Megido. She was a lowly peasant; a orphan who's family had died years ago from a terrible disease. Gamzee had felt really sorry for her, 'cause he believed everyone needed a good bro, and let her live in his hive, and she would work for him as an assistant while he worked on his art. After a few sweeps, Gamzee found himself waxing red for the beautiful young troll, though he was almost completely certain she didn't feel the same way. So now he slaved away at his work, trying to find something that will win over her blood bladder. In a totally not creepy way.
"Hi, Gamzee!" She bounded through the doorway, then, her long black hair shining in the bright Camternian sun, her red dress simple, but Gamzee couldn't take his half-lidded eyes off her. She bounded across the small gatheringblock and gave Gamzee a big hug, because she was, uh, really happy to see him—
("Wait, bro," Gamzee interrupted the reverie again, looking up at Tavros with big eyes, "I mean Aradia's a cool motherfucker and all but I thought we were all red for eachother."
"Well we are in, uh, real life," I said, curling closer into his arms, "but not yet in the story, the Princess hasn't even, uh, left the, castle, yet."
"When the fuck is that gonna happen?" He asked, "that's the best part."
"Yeah, just listen to the, uh, story 'cause it's gonna, happen, soon, probably.")
Aradia looked down at The Poet's scribbled poem and laughed.
"You're awfully kind," she said, pulling on her overcoat and walking out the door, "but be good for now because I'm going to the market to buy dinner. And I'm not making you anymore of those pies until you've finished your first play!"
Aradia knew that Gamzee was an aspiring playwright, and she knew that because of his love for slime pies, he was always too distracted to get anything done. She had a plan; a plan to nurse Gamzee off the pies, because hopefully then he would be able to do what he loved, and that would make her very happy. She just liked to please people.
"Oh, uh, best friend," Gamzee got to his feet, ready to protest the sudden prohibition, "Aradia!" But she was already out the door and skipping down to the market.
The market, where the Camternians gathered almost daily to buy and sell everything from grubsauce to physic readings, was just beyond the Scary Wooded Area from The Poet's house. It was a very scandalous place; it's where the wandering vagabonds and thieves of light liked to hang out, waiting for prey or maybe just someone who could give them a hug. It was cold, and dark, and was also infested with monsters. Aradia was never too scared, walking through there, though, because she was sure that if she were nice to everyone she came across, they would be nice to her, as well.
Unfortunately this was not true. ("Awh, shit, no man!")
This particular time, while traversing through the forest, she came upon a plotting duo.
"Yessssssss, just get rid of her," a wickedly, obviously evil voice said, "I don't care how you do 8t, just m8ke sure it's done!"
Aradia gasped, hiding behind a nearby tree. The voice sounded awfully familiar, and one quick glance around the tree she was using as a shield confirmed it; the Evil Queen Vriska, standing with her back to Aradia, and...someone else... Aradia squinted, trying to determine who the other figure was.
"Yeah, whatewer, consider her fish fried," The slightly wavy voice said with a strange drawl,"and you know what, I'll ewen drop the fee if you, maybe, swim down through the kelp leawes with me...?"
He was switching his Vs for Ws, and Aradia spent most of the conversation trying to figure out why.
"Shut up, Eridan, you know I h8 swiming," Vriska hissed, "you know how many spiders have died by death of the bathing respite block drain?"
Aradia gasped again; the other figure was none other than the Also Evil Magician Eridan. With his fish-spangled wizard's hat, and white wand of sci—uh, magic, he was the most deadly magician in all of Camternia. He also always looked rather bored or upset and he cried a lot, but don't tell him that.
"Please, Wriska, this loneliness...it's krilling me!" Eridan was on his knees, begging. Aradia stifled a laugh, 'cause he sure did look silly, and totally not evil or capable of killing anyone ever.
"Oh, get up," Vriska yawned, and rolled her eyes. When Eridan didn't move, she hissed, and pulled him by the cape to his feet, "you got the pl8n? Go out to the mark8t, find the Princess, and kill her!"
"Yes, yes, I got it, fuck," Eridan scuttled to his feet, adjusting his wizard hat, "holy carp, Wriska. I'll just swim on up to the castle now and—"
"No!" Vriska took him by the collar and rammed him up against a tree, setting his half-moon viewing apparatuses askew, "she must die in the market, so th8t her father doesn't not8ce, or see her d8th!" She flashed her fang-like teeth, adding in a whisper, "with that little fairy princess gone, I'll kill off D8ve and RULE FOR8VER!" She burst into maniacal* laughter, letting go of the Also Evil Wizard Eridan, to claw at the sky her hands.
"Uhm, okay, whatewer," Eridan fell to the ground. He stumbled to his feet and dusted off his cape, "yes, that princess is out of there."
"No!" Aradia cried, giving away her cover. She wimpered as Eridan and Vriska laid their eyes on her.
"And who 8actly, are you?" Vriska asked, approaching the young girl like a spider approaching its prey. Aradian flinched and started to back away.
"Aradia Medigo," she said bravely, putting her hands on her hips, but Vriska's cackles deterred her from using her own telekinetic powers, "and I can't let you go and murder our super nice, super cute, and cool, princess Tavros!"
("Uh, that didn't really sound like her, maybe, but, uh, whatever.")
"It's a fuckin' peasant blood," Eridan sneered, "I didn't know they allowed such powerty in these parts. I thought you had a good estafishment goin' on here."
"You plan to kill her!" Aradia cried, but it was too late; Vriska had already gotten behind her, and had hit her on the head with her magic eight ball; the sickening thump was probably heard all through Camternia. Aradia's eyes rolled back in to her head, and the young troll collapsed to the ground. Eridan laughed even though he really did nothing.
Vriska glared at him and he stopped laughing, fidgeting with his wand awkwardly, wondering if you could still be in a quadrant with someone even if they were unconscious most of the relationship.
"This peasant knows too much!" Vriska hollered, causing the Also Evil Wizard to jump, "Eridan! Finish her! Make her pay!"
"Gladly." He said, raising his wand. It started to glow in his hands and cackle with energy. He pointed it at the innocent girl lying on the Scary Wooded Area floor.
And that was the last time anyone had ever seen Aradia Medigo alive.