"Oh, Lady Jade, why is life so, uh, unfair?" Princess Tavros sighed, flopping down onto her bed.
"Unfair? I thought your dad let you leave the castle!" her Lady in Waiting, Lady Jade Harley, pouted, tilting her head to the side.
"Oh, uh, yeah, that's probably true, I think," Tavros said, "but the way he, uh, said it, is kinda, suspicious. Step-Mom sure is acting funny lately."
"Oh, guess what!" suddenly, Princess Tavros's little sister, and second in line for the throne, Princess Feferi, burst through the door with the most enthusiasm, "guess what I just heard the cook downstairs glub to that salty barnacle brain maid?"
Feferi was always trying to one-up her older sister; especially since she was doomed to a life as a princess, and never a queen. She always wore the most ridiculous dresses; a kaleidoscope of colours, so many that the local taylor, Miss Kanaya Maryam, had to special-order most of the frabric from a far-away kingdom. Feferi also had the habit of falling in love with the wrong people, such as commoners. Vriska hated her for this reason, but Dave didn't seem to care; caring was uncool, after-all.
"What was it?" Jade asked, fixing her Ladylike headdress. Dressing all formal-like sure was fun!
"That fishy looking Also Evil Magician Eridan Ampora was spotted in the Scary Wooded Area!" Feferi cried, rushing over to Tavros' side, "ugh, I can't believe that glubbing eel would even think to sail these waters! Oh, he makes me so ANCHORY."
"Anchory?" Jade started, "oh. You mean angry. I got it, heh."
"He sounds, really, uh, pretty dangerous," Tavros said, "but I still really want to, go out to, the market?"
"How is that even a question?" Lady Jade asked through squinting eyes. Tavros shrugged.
"No, I reely don't think it's a good idea." Fef said again, stressing the reel just to get her point across, but this just made Tavros want to leave more.
"No, uh, no way!" She cried, jumping to her feet, "no, you can just, stay here, 'cause Dad gave me permission to go to the market and, gosh, I am going!" She frowned at Jade, who was staring at her with an open mouth, "come on, Jade, let's, uh, go!"
She marched out the door, Jade scurrying behind her. Her large bedroom doors slammed shut, leaving Feferi alone. The princess looked around suspiciously, checking under the bed, and the closet several times. You never could be safe, with Tavros being so desirable. Often princes, or famous heirs, came past the castle to court the queen-to-be, but Tavros always turned them down when Feferi would gladly take them. But no one wanted the SECOND in line for the throne.
When Feferi was sure she was all alone, she ran to the door, and locked it. Then, she burst out into the worst kind of laughter: evil.
"Finally!" She cried, "my plan is coming together! Assasin Grim Dark, you can enter now!"
The room shuddered, the air becoming heavy, groaning under its own weight. The wind picked up, tearing at the several posters of fairies and Pupa Pan the princess had hanging on the walls. Darkness accumulated and congregated in one spot, shifting and changing until it had morphed into the figure of a young girl with short blond hair, and a set of nasty looking...knitting needles?
("Wait, woah! Fuck man those things are motherfucking dangerous."
"Yeah, I, uh, know, but, I think she's, okay, uh, with them."
"Mothingfucking nearly poked my eye out once with one.")
"You called?" The girl asked with more sarcasm than Feferi thought possible.
"Yes!" She jumped up and down and clapped her hands together, "oh, I am so glad you culled make it!"
"Well your large deposit was quite the incentive," Assassin Grim Dark said, crossing her arms and looking at Feferi with as much enthusiasm as a rock, "so, tell me, what exactly do you have proposed? What is it that you want me and my extraordinary powers to do for you?"
"Okay, you sea, my sister Tavros is the next in line for the throne," she rolled her eyes, her many bangles and necklaces clinking together as she flailed about as she spoke, "and, well, I don't like that. I want to be top shark around here one day, not that little guppie, who thinks it's a big deal that she's going to the market! Like, reely! Oh my cod."
"Okay..." The Assassin Grim Dark started, "so you want me to get rid of her, right?"
"Yes!" Feferi jumped so high, it caused the Assassin to flinch, "yes, but not right away, and I'll tell you why! I don't want step-mommy and Daddy to know about this. If you wait until she's out at sea—I mean, at the market, then I can just blame it on that slimey, scaly wizard Eriderp."
"Oh, excellent plan your highness," the assassin said, "so, I'll just go grab a coke and maybe shop around downtown for a bit 'til you say go?"
"Yes! That seaounds about right!"
"Great. Just give me a call when you want this girl forever thrown into a pit of despair." The Assassing Grim Dark unfurled her arms, and, with a wave of her magical knitting needles, was gone in a flash of black light.
"Oh. My. COD!" Fef cried, shuddering with excitement, "this means I can get a whole bunch of new mourning clothes! Fishtastic!"
"So, uh, what exactly is the market?" Tavros sheepishly asked Jade as they walked through the great big doors of the castle and right out the front gate. Tavros was pretty much bursting with excitement, though she thought that would probably look stupid, and forced herself just to walk idly beside Jade.
"Oh, I guess you would never have been," Jade giggled, "I'm a noble person, too, but my granddad did take me once when I was little. I just remember it was really busy, with lots of people."
"Like a ball?" Tavros asked. Back, before her real mother was exiled from the kingdom, the royal family would host grand balls once a month. Tavros had been just a little girl, but she still remembered getting dressed up, and dancing with her dad out on the ballroom floor, the other guests crowding around and cooing with 'awhs'. That was back when her dad had been happy, and before Vriska got her fingers on him. Tavros could never hate anyone, but after seeing what Vriska did to the old queen, her mother...the princess didn't want anything to do with that woman. She was surprised Vriska wanted her to go to the market, since Vriska was usually against any freedom of any kind for Tavros. She must have felt it was completely safe.
"No, not like a ball," Jade said with a smile, shaking her head furiously, "no, because at the market, no one's paying attention to you! And you have to be careful if you're wearing nice clothes because they'll be able to pick you out really easily from everyone else—" She snapped her head up suddenly, pushing Tavros into a bush at the side of the pathway, before jumping in after her.
"Ow! What, uh, wow, what are you doing, Jade?" the Princess cried. She rubbed her head at the spot it had met with the ground, wincing. Jade was shushing her.
"Shut up!" She hissed, "someone's coming!"
"What, I don't, see, uh, anyone!" Tavros started, but sure enough, the horns of a fanfare could be heard coming up the path towards the castle. With a gasp, Tavros peered through the bushes to eye the newcomer, "who is that?"
"Oh, guys, you really don't have to have a whole fanfare and stuff!" A boy's voice could be heard under the relentless blaring of the horns, "I thought the horse was pretty cool already, but the horns seem a little too much—oh, no, it's not that you're doing a bad job!"
The small parade made its way up to the castle, passing right in front of the hidden princess and lady-in-waiting. The fanfare was comprised of only four people; two trolls in front, wearing the insignia of Alternilot, the neighbouring kingdom, and blaring on two musical wind devices. There was another human, who was wearing an important looking uniform, and clutching onto the reigns of a white muscle-beast, who was neighing furiously, and bucking every once in a while. Then, sitting uneasily on the muscle-beast's back was a boy, bumping around like a sac of tough-skinned land orbs. He clung desperately onto the crown on his head, and his royal blue outfit was growing more and more astray as the muscle-beast made its way up the incline to the castle.
"Prince John Egbert of Alternilot," Jade whispered back to her friend, "I think he's coming to...propose to you!"
"Oh, uh, yeah, I have received a few letters from him," Tavros nodded, "he just sounded like, a derp, to me."
"Maybe we should go back!" Jade cried, "I mean, he's come all this way, after all!"
"No!" Tavros cried, or rather said a bit louder than usual, "I mean, uh, I just really want to go to the market. I bet he'll probably, uh, be here when we get back, most likely."
"If you say so," Jade shrugged, "I wonder why I didn't see this happening before! Oh well. Come on Princess, let's go."