Author's Note:

So, I'm officially the worst person in the world. I feel terrible for leaving this fic up in the air this long. Can I still use the "writer's block" excuse? As usual, thanks to the amazing people that added this to Story Alerts, and an even bigger thank you to the lovely people (Trisana Sarrasri and gloriajv) that left me reviews, and, ahem, a correction. When I said it was Mike Royce killed in front of Castle and Beckett, I meant Detective Raglan. Thanks for catching that, gloriajv!

This chapter, I was going to do it solely from Lanie's POV, but then I thought it might be more poignant to do it from Jim Beckett's POV instead. This is going to be a very special chapter.

If you can forgive me for not updating (and if you're still out there), I still appreciate you reading this, and reviews certainly help! :)

Sorry for the insanely long author's note. Here goes.

Chapter 2: Losing My Grip

1 Month Before the Shooting (Flashback)

I told Rick Castle to call me Jim the second time I met him.

I told him that any friend of Kate's was a friend of mine. And I didn't tell him this, but I secretly felt that we were going to be family someday. Just a feeling. Kate never brought men around to the house, and the few times she did, they were never "just friends." I couldn't think of a time that she'd brought one back, either. Her relationships tended to end weeks after I'd seen "him," and I still haven't decided whether I should take that personally or not.

So when I saw Rick Castle a second time, for one thing, and was able to remember his name for another, I realized that he obviously was a good fellow, and meant a lot to Katie. Mr Beckett would be too formal given the circumstances. Whether she knew they were "just friends" or not. This was now the third or fourth time I was seeing him, and as far as I was concerned, I was just inches away from hearing wedding bells.

"Dad, no. We're just friends. It's nothing more than that," Kate had insisted after I had met him the second time, pleading me to understand. Or was she pleading for herself to understand?

"Okay Kate." I said with a wink. "All I know is that he seems to mean more to you than any of your boyfriends did in the past."

"Dad, I'm seeing someone right now. His name is Josh Davidson."

"Well, then why haven't I met him yet?"

Her face softened, and she took my right hand in her left, and put her right hand on top of it. "Dad...Josh is a doctor, a really amazing doctor, and a great guy, but he's really busy with work. I just haven't had a chance to introduce you two yet. That's all." She looked down sadly, and I could tell she was no more convinced of that herself than I was.

So I let it go.

My wrinkled blue eyes locked her young brown ones. "Katie, you know you mean the world to me, right?" She looked confused. She knew this. Why was I telling her this?

I shook her off gently, and wrapped her in a big hug. "I love you more than anyone else in the world, and that means that everything that's important to you is important to me. I want you to be able to tell me things that are going on in your life, like how you're doing, who you're seeing, and who you're doing."

Kate quickly broke free, ducked under my arms, and playfully punched me in the shoulder, like she used to do all the time when she was small and I'd teased her. "Da-ad!"

We looked at each other for a moment, wide grins on our faces, after our unintentional flashback to the past. Gosh, I'd missed this.

"I'm just teasing, darling." I grinned, and tousled her hair lovingly. "Ah Katie..."

She nodded, and kissed me on the cheek. "I understand."

"Good. Now, when do I get to see this Richard Castle again? He seems to be quite a lovely fellow."

My daughter rolled her eyes sarcastically, and turned around in an act of mock defiance. "Never, if you keep suggesting that we're anything more than friends."

"Okay, okay!" I raised my hands in mock defeat. "Touché."

She jumped almost three feet in the air when her phone rang. "Do you mind if I take this, Dad? It could be work. It'll just be a minute."

"Fifty dollars says that's the guy you're not dating."

Kate made a face, and pulled out her phone. When her face went blank and she rolled her eyes, there was no doubt as to who it was.

"Oh, go right ahead, honey," I grinned, and folded my arms.

"Beckett." She said, and rolled her eyes. "Hi, Castle."

I fist pumped in the air and celebrated my win, and eavesdropped on my daughter's phone conversation.

"No, I'm absolutely thrilled that you're calling me at 9 o'clock on a Saturday."

There was pause, and then Kate spoke sharply to the other person. "No! I'm not singing that song again, that was a one-time thing!" There was a hint of playfulness in her voice, though she would never admit it was there. I chuckled to myself.

"So, why are you calling, Castle?...Oh, another one? That's great, congratulations...No, I'm not mad. It means a lot to you, and I've put up with you following me around this long, so...No, I'm busy now, I can't, I'm sorry...Have fun without me...Yes, you can...Yes, you can...Anyways, see you tomorrow...Goodnight." There was an audible "click" as she hung up forcefully and sighed.

She turned to me, with a defeated look on her face. "So, was that cash or cheque, Dad?"

"A cheque. Make it to 'I Told You So Inc.'" I laughed the hardest I had ever laughed since we buried Johanna. "Normally I'd say, go ahead and go wherever he invited you, but since you've already made it clear that you're not dating, and I haven't seen my baby girl in forever, I'd like to have you stay a bit longer." I winked. "Hope that's okay."

She smiled, and nodded. "I'd really like that, Dad. I've missed you, and I have a lot to tell you."

Present Day

He'd called me Mr Beckett today, when he spoke to me. He'd called me on the phone, but that wasn't the only thing that surprised me.

Usually cheerful and exuberant, Rick was now obviously fighting back tears. His voice cracked when he asked for me, and I knew my greatest fear was becoming a reality. He took a deep, shaking breath, seemingly unsure how to start, and I knew.

It could only be bad news, and it could only be about Kate.

I swallowed. I was scared. I can count the number of times I've been scared on one hand.

I found my voice, and asked the question I almost didn't want to know. I put him out of his misery, and cut him off before he could say it.

"Where is she, Rick?"

I'm sorry, Johanna. I'm so sorry.

I got to the hospital in record breaking time. I don't know how many rules I broke just getting there, and I didn't care. The only thing that mattered was that my little girl was fighting for her life, and I had to be there for her. I guess the hospital attendants were informed of my arrival in advance, because as soon as I said I was James Beckett and presented my ID, they immediately stopped asking questions, and led me to Katherine Beckett's room.

"She's currently finishing surgery so she's not here, but you are welcome to wait here for her," the tall, gangly male attendant said quickly. "Can I get you anything, sir?"

"That won't be necessary," Rick Castle said, suddenly appearing from around the corner, with two cups of steaming hot coffee. "Coffee for you, Mr. Beckett," he said politely, but refused to make eye contact.

He turned to the attendant and asked a barrage of questions. "How long? Do you know how she is? Can we see her?"

The attendant shook his head sadly. "I don't know. But she could be finished in a few minutes, or a few hours. And from what I've heard about her condition, she could pull through, or..." He shrugged, not wanting to finish that sentence. "As soon as I find out anything, I'll let you know."

"Your name?" I cut in.

"Nurse Francis Lockwood."

"Thanks, Nurse Lockwood," I said brusquely. "We'll look for you in around twenty minutes for another update."

"Okay, sir," he said, and rushed off.

When we were alone, Rick turned to face me. His face was puffy and red, and he looked like he had been crying. He had pulled himself together since that phone call, but he was still shaking.

"Mr. Beckett. I – I'm..."

I shook my head. "No."

He stopped, and tried to continue. "I'm...sorry. I tried to stop her. I really did."

I said nothing. I knew it wasn't his fault, and I couldn't be mad at him. But at the same time, I just wanted to be mad at someone. Someone tried to take my daughter's life away. I couldn't lose her. I promised Johanna I'd keep her safe, and Rick had promised me the same thing. My firm mouth twisted in anguish.

"It's all...It's all my fault," Rick said, fighting to keep his composure. "I couldn't keep her safe..."

I shook my head again, and repeated, "No."

Then, I reached out and embraced Rick in a rugged hug, squeezing his shoulder with my arm. I didn't have the heart to let him feel any worse than he already did. As angry and vengeful as I was, if my Kate was gone, then picking on Rick wasn't going to bring her back. I felt him gasp in surprise, or maybe it was a sob. You'd think he'd never been hugged by another man before.

I whispered, "It's only the fault of the person who shot her." Partly to reassure Rick. Mostly to reassure myself.

Rick's knees buckled, and he dissolved into a flurry of tears. "Kate..."

If Rick was blaming himself, then I was equally at fault. We'd both tried, and failed, to keep Kate safe. Kate was strong, but by god, she was stubborn. If I couldn't stop her, and Rick couldn't stop her, then she was not to be stopped. As much as I pretended this wasn't the case, Kate was a strong, grown woman, and she was capable of taking care of herself and keeping herself out of danger. It was unfair to put Castle in the middle of this, especially when I'd known all along that she would never give up. I regretted that now, almost as much as I regretted not forbidding Kate to become a cop all those years ago. If only I'd known what she was getting herself into...Honey, you can't fight your way out of a bullet.

"I know, I know," I said soothingly. I spoke again, this time with resolve. "Now you listen to me, Rick. Our Kate's a fighter, and she won't let anyone sucker-punch her, let alone take her life away, and get away with it. She's going to fight this, and she's going to come out on top."

Rick pulled closer to me, and I just held him tighter.

Lanie's POV

Once I knew for a fact that I wasn't going to hear anything new about how Beckett was doing, I gave up on interrogating the hospital staff, and did what I was told. For once in my life.

So I waited. And waited. The seconds felt like hours, and the hours felt like days.

I needed to be by myself, but unless I actually left the hospital, I just couldn't get away from the sick, dead and dying people in the facility. And now my best friend was one of them. She was my best friend. I've never said it out loud before, and we've never officially acknowledged it, but, being the only two women at the twelfth, we had bonded together pretty quickly since our very first case together, and I couldn't imagine life without her. But now I was being forced to. And I sure as hell didn't like it.

I leaned against the wall in the hollow, white stairwell, and slid to the floor. There was a dull thud as I hit the floor, and it echoed in the dead silence that filled the room. Ugh, dead silence. Poor choice of words.

"Do not die, Kate Beckett. Do not die." I repeated, weakly, but persistently, even though I was alone. I wiped my tear-stained cheeks, and tried to compose myself.

I looked down beside me, and saw the cardboard coffee tray on the floor, with three coffee cups waiting patiently in it. One for me, one for Rick, and one for Beckett's father, when he finally got here. We could all use our energy right now.

So I made myself stand up weakly. I picked up the coffee, and walked back to Beckett's room.

I could see that her father had finally arrived, and he was comforting Rick now in a giant man-hug. I'd never seen Rick anything but his usually cheerful, annoying self, and I'd never met Beckett's father before. Well today is just a day of many firsts, huh, Lanie?

I turned on my toe, and walked out of the room, so that they could have their privacy. The coffee was probably cold by now, anyway. But damn it, I tried. I tried to do something nice, and as usual, it just wasn't good enough. But at least I was outside her room, and I would be there when they brought her back. And all I could do was wait.

I found myself admitting that two strong guys hugging each other has got to be one of the most powerful things I've seen. Powerful, even if it wasn't the most macho. But the fact that it was so emotionally powerful made them seem even more manly, even though that obviously wasn't what was on their minds right now. And it shouldn't even be on mine.

My heart leaped when I considered where the others were. Where were Ryan and Esposito? And Josh? Did Rick call him yet, or was he hoping I would do it? I'd have to ask when the hug was over. Where was Beckett now? How was she feeling? Did she feel pain? Was she okay? She could be awake, up and around, or already dead and buried, and I wouldn't even know.

I hated not knowing more than anything.

I needed someone to tell me that she was gonna be okay, and there was nothing I wanted to know more than the fate of my friend. I couldn't stand that the state of her life was up in the air, as changeable as the eyes of the dying. God, today was really not a good day to be a medical examiner. Or the friend of an brave and brilliant woman who had been shot. Or that brave, brilliant woman herself.

The adrenaline was messing with my mind. I couldn't think coherently. Whenever I tried to get my mind off Kate Beckett, once I was asked to skedaddle by the paramedics, my thoughts were filled with images of Beckett grimacing in shock and pain, screaming out, closing her eyes for the last time, and being laid to rest in a deep grave...

Castle. What was going on in his mind, right now? He must be even more messed up than I am.

I walked back in, and acknowledged Mr. Beckett with a grim nod. I didn't look at Castle. I couldn't.

"Hi," I said gently. "I'm..."

"You must be Lanie. Kate's told me all about you."

"Lanie Parish." I confirmed, weakly. I looked down, and focused on the coffee tray in my hands. She talked about me? I swallowed, and offered the coffee tray out to the two men. I'd already choked mine down. It had been horrible.

"I've brought coffee for you, Mr. Beckett."

"Thank you, Lanie." He took the coffee gratefully, and I'd realized that Castle had already given him coffee. Castle was still holding his, but reached out for more. He didn't say a word.

We stood there, in a really awkward triangle, and sipped our coffee, without speaking, hearing nothing but the hum of the fluorescent lights above us. But then we heard something else; brisk footsteps approaching. We whirled around so that we were facing the door, hoping for an update about Beckett.

My heart beat faster and faster, anticipating information, news, anything. I gripped the empty coffee cup so tightly my knuckles turned white. Please, God, please.

I watched Castle in my peripheral vision. He was watching, alert for the first time in hours. He swallowed anxiously; just as afraid as I was.

We waited with bated breath as the footsteps slowed, and disappeared, along with the tiniest shred of hope I had left.

Do not die, Kate. Do not die.

Author's Note:

This chapter was a fair bit longer than the other ones, and it's an attempt at an apology for the lack of updates. Hopefully there will be another tomorrow night. Sorry for the delay, readers! I still love and appreciate every one of you. Let me know what you thought of this, and I'll update faster and more frequently. Also, I'm aware I made Jim Beckett seem a bit dual-personality in this fic - my intent was to show that he is very serious, strong to the public, but he has a special side of him that he reserves for his daughter, and now Castle, because he trusts him. I apologize if it was unrealistic, but I thought it would be interesting to have a father figure for Castle, since he never knew his father, and what better father figure than Mr Jim Beckett? I thought it was sweet, but I don't want to get out of control, so feel free to write me a review and tell me if it gets out of hand. :)

As usual, thanks for reading, and even more so for reading AND reviewing! ;) Have a great day!