First of all, I forgot the Disclaimer once again, so here it is, I don't own those characters, just the story.

This story had luckily a nice impact on you readers so I have to thank you all for the kind reviews, the alerts or simply reading. It means a lot to me to have a nice feedback!

Back to the story, this part two is entitled after Love Vigilantes, song by Iron & Wine. It's actually the song that moved me to write this three-shot. If you want a link to the song don't hesitate to ask!

It's shorter than the previous chapter, but I hope you won't mind...Enjoy!

I've Been So Alone, You See

Weeks had passed from the moment Derek left and time didn't seem to go by any longer. It was like a part of me was missing.

I walked aimlessly around the hospital late at night, even if I wasn't on call. I couldn't master to be home, in what was our bed, sleeping on his pillow without breaking down. I was in million pieces and one was currently in Afghanistan.

"Hey" Cristina's voice pulled me out of my misery, just for a moment.

"Hi" I whispered

"What are you doing here, are you on call?" she asked, almost concerned

"I had a patient to monitor, it's no big deal"

"How long have you been home in the past two weeks?"

"Cristina" I retorted, annoyed. I just wanted to be alone.

"Mer, I'm all for surgery, but this is not healthy" she shook her head

"I can't go home, okay?" I admitted, my voice raising a tone, then becoming a whisper again "Derek is everywhere at home and I just...I can't be there when he's not." I fought my tears, I had cried enough and I wasn't one to cry.

"Why don't we hit Joe's, have a few shots, you know, the usual" she suggested

"I met Derek at Joe's" and I'm pregnant. I dismissed, grabbing a chart from the nurses' desk and walking away. She followed me though.

"He's not dead Mer!" she exclaimed, frustrated.

"Yet" I mumbled to myself.

Cristina grabbed my forearm roughly and stopped me. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she hissed

"He can die every minute of the day!"

"Don't you think I didn't thought the same about Owen?" she looked at me straight in my eyes, her piercing stare burning away all my resolutions.

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

"It's going to be okay, Meredith. He'll be back in two months and you'll have lots of sex. Just snap out of it, please, it's not healthy"

"Yeah, you're right"

"Are you just saying it or you mean it?"

"I mean it. I need to be healthy"

"Everybody needs to" she frowned

"I'm pregnant" I mumbled, but Cristina understood perfectly. Her eyes widened slightly at my revelation.

"Congratulations?" she hesitated, her face drawing a small, sincere smile.

"Derek doesn't even know yet because I can't tell him that over the phone" I sighed "I'm a coward"

"He'll understand, hell he'll shout it from the rooftops as soon as he'll know!"

"I miss him"

Cristina brushed my arm lightly in comfort, looking at me with understanding eyes "This constitutes hugging" she pointed out and she was able to make me laugh.

"Thanks"

"Anytime, I have to look out for the first of the five chatty children" she winked, walking away and then I had no doubts who had gained the godmother's rights.

As soon as I got home, I found Derek's e-mail in my inbox and a smile appeared on my face.

Dear Meredith,

I know it sounds cheesy to write that, I was going to start with 'Meredith, my love' but I could already see you trashing the mail, so I decided to start like this.

I chuckled at his antics, he could make me laugh only by writing something.

Dear Meredith,

How are you doing? Life here is incredibly busy. I have worked for forty-eight hours straight and I can barely stand, but I needed to get this out of my chest. I see death every day and bombs and believe me I know I'll have nightmares every night for a while when I'll come home, but I'm glad I came out here because it made me a better doctor. I hate leaving you, but this had been a wonderful experience.

I was worried about the nightmares and the fear of him getting hurt nagged at me every day, but knowing that he at least felt a real purpose doing so had been the best thing I could ask for.

I missed having Amelia around too and after eight weeks, I wish I could get back to my Amy-less life for a while. She's frustrating, but I bet you could tell the same about me. She's also surprisingly good to be just a resident. Not good as you, but I'm biased here.

Thinking about Amelia made me smile, from what he had told me, she was a really great sister, even if a bit out of the conventional schemes. Even from talking about Amelia he could get very cheesy. I missed his boyish grin when he said things like that and I had to roll my eyes at him, keep him in line.

I'm thinking about our wedding sometimes when I go to bed and I can't sleep. I can imagine you walking down the aisle in a white dress, more beautiful than ever before, a bouquet of flowers in your slender, shaky hands while you giggle. It's getting me through the darkness of death and I hope it would console you knowing that you are always in my head.

A tear escaped my eyes and I needed to reread the passage to realized that I was imagining the same thing. My hand went to rub my stomach silently, then I continued reading.

Amy, reading over my shoulder, says that I'm utterly corny, but she knows it's partially her fault, I lived with four girly sisters my whole life, I was bound to be corny at least through osmosis.

I couldn't even think how spoiled our baby will be if it turned out to be a girl. I didn't know what to expect, as long as the baby was healthy nothing more mattered.

It feels a bit old fashioned talking to you through words and not the phone, but I guess I needed you to have something concrete to read when you miss me. I treasure all your e-mails and I hope I'll get a dirty one as soon as you want to send it to me, that will be surely treasured.

I could work on dirty e-mails, especially considering the raging hormones, except that it made me miss him even more, so I was going to try to avoid that little bit even if it brought another smile to my lips.

I love you so much and I can't wait for you to be my wife. Life is not easy right now, but we'll get through everything together. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, I'll never stop loving you.

Derek

I'll never stop loving you either, especially after you gave me our child to take care of. I miss you so much.

I wished that just thinking things, he could probably hear me in the back of his head.

I marked the e-mail as unread, deciding to reply later, too many emotions running into my head to think clearly, then I fell asleep thinking of him once again, on his side of the bed, hugging his pillow that at this point smelled more like me than him.

AN: Mer is in a dark place, I know, it will end happily, I promise.

I wanted Mer to have a conversation with Cristina so she could give her some perspective in life, but at the end of the day, she's still going to miss Derek. I'm being a bit mean, I know, it just wrote that way.

Bear with me for one more chapter, I'll be good with them!

Thanks again for the feedback on this story, I had doubts readers would like this but as long as people read I'm happy!