Author's/Note: Thank you to everyone who left feedback. I normally would reply to each review/comment posted but since I came back to FFN I've found they've shifted everything around and I'm not used to it. Give me a little time and I'll figure it out and I will reply to each person who reviewed. In this chapter Jack takes Ianto home and Ianto questions basically everything. This was an expression slightly of depression and the lack of drive to do anything, I don't suffer from agoraphobia or know anyone who does... the account of Ianto getting close to loosing it is my own interpretation of mental illness. Partly from my own experiences with depression so if I offend anyone or come across as insensitive then this is only fictional. Enjoy and as always, read and review!

Chapter Twenty Two

Jack had been worried; the doctor said there would be trouble if Ianto didn't wake up. His injuries weren't that severe apart from the bump on the head. Now that he was awake and lucid he was out of the woods and the doctor had him moved down to a regular ward. Rhiannon left to pick up the kids from her mam's and Jack hovered restlessly over his boyfriend

"Do you need anything?" he asked as he tucked the blanket in against Ianto's hips. The welshman had been staring at the cast on his left arm

"No, I'm fine" he replied, so quietly, without much effort that Jack couldn't help but pause. He'd been so wrapped in nursing his lover that he'd actually failed to notice that something was seriously wrong

"I know that tone, what's wrong..." he urged, Ianto looked up and for a moment Jack regreted asking, he looked at his young boyfriend and the fear and shame in his eyes made his want to wrap Ianto up in cotton wool and hide him from the world "Baby, what? What happened?"

"They were my friends. People I've known and worked with for years..." began Ianto as tears welled up in his eyes "I didn't do anything to them. I don't understand it. Why do they hate me so much?"

"Who?" Jack demanded barely above a whisper, he was afraid of the answer, afraid of what they'd done to his kind and caring boyfriend

"Johnny, and the guys from the team... they were... it's not supposed to hurt, y'know. It's only words but they..." Ianto was openly crying now "I never thought they'd call me..."

Jack couldn't help but scowl. He'd been there, he knew what it was like and it was awful... that kind of betrayal by people you knew, by people you loved!

"People surprise you" scoffed Jack bitterly "People you've known your entire life turn round and tear things apart so fast it makes your head spin. Let me guess; fag, poof, queer?"

"Yes" replied Ianto, he looked down and away from his lover. The young man sitting in the bed suddenly felt so ashamed of himself, almost as if he had to apologise for his existence "I-I'm sorry"

"No. No, don't" Jack hissed angrily as he ran his hand through his hair and sat forward in the chair "Don't apologise like that, like you're how they treated... you shouldn't apologise because there's nothing wrong with who you are! Society by law punishes people who attack and harm others... hell it's supposed to! Why should you be made to feel like you're lower than they are just because you love me? Just because we're both men? It isn't right and I don't want you to apologise for loving me. Not ever!"

"I'm sorry, I can't help it. I feel so disgusting and ashamed..." he sobbed as he curled in on himself, Jack rose to his feet and lowered the rail on the side of the bed before climbing on next to Ianto. The bed wasn't big enough for two grown men but Jack slid over and wrapped his young partner up his big arms while he sobbed out his pain.

With Johnny being held for aggravated assault and GBH, Rhiannon and the kids moved back home. A quick change of the locks and state of the art security system, paid for by Jack, gave them a sense of safety. So their house was empty when Jack brought his boyfriend home after his stay in the hospital.

Ianto still had a slight limp from his sprained ankle and his left wrist was still encased in plaster but none of that mattered as soon as the door was shut behind him and he was home safe.

"Glad to be home?"

"You have no idea" replied Yan with a warm grin. He flopped himself down onto the couch and felt himself sink into the cushions

"Want me to get you anything?" Jack couldn't help but ask as he eased Ianto's trainers off, making the younger man smirk

"Oh, I have something in mind. Get up here, you're attention's focused on the wrong end of my body" he told him cheekily, with his good hand he slid his fingers into Jack's dark brown locks and tugged him closer bringing their mouths together. The kiss was chaste for all the hint of passion Ianto had fed into his words and after a beat they broke apart to rest their foreheads against each other "It... I..."

"What?" Jack coaxed him softly "Ianto?"

"I don't know. I just... I feel weird... being here, being back" he replied, his mind was a whirlwind of turmoil and he was having difficulty putting what he felt into words.

"Um... do you want me to leave you alone? I have some stuff in the office that Owen probably wants me to get done"

"Yes. No... I don't know... I just... how did you..." he closed his eyes tightly feeling ashamed of being so unsure and indecisive "How did you deal with it after your dad and brother hurt you?"

"Oh" mumbled Jack curtly. He pulled away from his boyfriend and stood up wrapping his arms around himself; they hadn't really spoken about this. Ianto knew about Jack's past but it wasn't talked about, well it wasn't exactly pleasant "I didn't. Deal that is... not really. After they did what they did Owen's family took me in... I didn't talk about it. I refused to... heh, thinking back it wasn't the best course of action. You shouldn't bottle it up, baby, you're better than that"

"I don't want to bottle it up, I want to get past it and was kinda hoping you'd show me how since you've been there" he explained. Jack smirked knowingly, a smirk that didn't reach his eyes, and he looked away

"I never got past it Yan, I'm building bridges with my brother but I'm terrified to face my father. He still has a hold over me and it fucking scares the shit out of me. You want to cope and move past this then face your fears... don't end up like me. Hiding out here instead of facing him..."

"Then that's what I'll do" Ianto replied. An idea formed in his mind and he'd go see Gwen or Owen about helping him. Decision made he turned his attention outward to his boyfriend "Have you ever thought about going to see your dad?"

"All the damn time" confessed Jack "I have all these situations in my head, every possible way it would go if I ever saw him again. To tell you the truth, one of those fantasies is beating the crap out of him for hurting me so much"

"I'd come with you if you ever did go back to London"

"Really?" Jack was surprised but then he should have expected nothing less from Yan.

"Of course. C'mere" Ianto said, holding out his arms. Jack flopped down into them and let himself be held safe "Tell me all about how your fantasies about seeing your dad again"

Jack lay curled up in his lovers arms and they spent the rest of the night talking about Jack's family and what his return to his childhood home would be like.

The next morning when Ianto woke up he was facing the window and Jack was plastered to his back with his arms tight around him. He rolled over in his boyfriend's arms and just watched him sleep. Jack must have been crying in his sleep because there were faint tracks on his face

"Oh Jack" sighed Ianto, then smiled "I love you"

"Mm" Jack rolled, sliding closer in slow awareness "Morning"

"I think I should make you breakfast in bed" declared Ianto, Jack quirked a brow in surprise and pursed his lips

"Um, no you shouldn't. I'm not the injured one here" quipped the american nodding down at the cast adorning his lover's wrist. Yan just scowled at it before sliding it under the covers

"Does this feel like I'm injured?"

"No fair!" moaned Jack enjoying the pleasant sensations until they were interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Both of them groaned, planning to ignore that interruption but the bell rang again in a long burst before stopping and starting again "We should get that. Tell them to go away so we can finish this"

"Yeah... well since I am injured" smirked Ianto as he lay back propping his uninjured hand under his head. Jack tried to scowl but failed miserable as he tossed back the covers and grabbed his dressing gown.

He wandered downstairs fighting an impressive yawn and opened the front door to find his brother standing on the step nose stuck in the newspaper, reading like his life depended on it.

"I had to come, have you read this? The community is in outrage" Gray announced after glancing up briefly before he pushed his way in. Jack rolled his eyes as his baby brother barged into his home

"Please. Come in" he quipped sarcastically before he shut the door and followed Gray "Alright, how have we upset the community now?"

"Not the community community, the gay community. Words gotten out about the attack on Ianto" he explained "They're out for blood. To the LGBT in Cardiff Ianto's a hero; an out rugby player from their own city? They adore him. I think there's going to be a protest or a campaign... I know the managers have gotten a lot of angry mail about the attack. They're looking for someone to blame"

"Did you get ri... oh, hi Gray" Ianto had come down and was wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. Gray's jaw dropped open when he saw his brother's boyfriend in so little

"Oh my sweet lord" gasped the younger American in appreciation

"Grayson" snapped Jack "You were saying?"

"Um, yeah" Gray cleared his thoughts by shaking his head "There was an article in a national paper and mommy said daddy saw it. He read it"

"So?"

"Well you were mentioned. You've officially both been outed and daddy found out that mom came to Cardiff. He knows she came to visit you"

"Shit" Jack sank down onto the couch.

"I'll go put the kettle on" Ianto told them and left the room. The welshman left the two brothers alone and wandered into the kitchen, he snapped the switch on the kettle then stood near the sink looking out the window into the garden. Jack had worked his green fingers on the garden since living here, it was really a beautiful place to sit out in especially today since it was so sunny. Ianto sighed and tightened his grip on the sink, the kettle boiled and clicked off, and he felt a tightness in his chest. I don't want to go outside, he couldn't help think to himself.

"Baby? You okay?" he turned abruptly to see Jack standing there looking at him with worry, Ianto plastered on a weak smile and nodded

"I'm fine. So what's going on with your parents? Your dad wouldn't hurt your mam would he?" he asked as he busied himself making the drinks. Nothing like tea when things seem completely fucked up.

"I have no idea" replied Jack as he came to stand behind his lover, wrapping his arms around his middle "Daddy always adored mommy, but he thought the world of Gray too and look how that turned out. I hope she's okay"

"She's fine. If your dad loves her as much as you say then he wouldn't hurt her, right?" he pointed out. Jack smiled and rested his forehead against Ianto's shoulder

"You always say the right thing. How did I get so lucky?" I wouldn't call meeting me luck, thought Ianto feeling self deprecating all of a sudden. Jack pressed his forehead against Yan's shoulder before wandering back in to his brother leaving the welshman alone to his negative thoughts.

Ianto pulled himself out of his thoughts and loaded the cups onto a tray to carry them into the living room. Jack was dressed and the two brothers looked ready to leave

"Jack?" he set the tray down before folding himself down onto the couch "What's going on?"

"We called mommy, she asked if she could come and stay with us for a couple of days. Daddy and her just had a really big fight"

"She can stay with me for the time being, we've got the space" Gray explained "Jack wanted her to stay with you but you're still not well after the attack; it isn't fair to you"

"Right" nodded Ianto, accepting and going along with what was being said.

"We're going back to my place. Jack's offered to help me tidy up and get the guest bedroom ready for when she gets here. Oh, the husband is not gonna like this" he quipped and Ianto resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Want to come, baby?" asked Jack but Yan shook his head, all he wanted to do was climb back into bed and not think about how getting near the front door filled him with dread "Alright, I'll bring something nice back for dinner"

Jack kissed Yan and then the two brothers were gone. He glanced down at the half drunk mugs of tea and sighed; might as well clean up, he thought to himself.

He left the mugs in the kitchen before he went to find his phone; he needed to talk to someone and thinking about it Ianto only had one person in mind.

Toshiko hadn't been up long when the phone rang, ever since she'd told John and her family about the baby her phone had never been quiet. Cousins and distant aunts she barely remembered all called to congratulate her and offer advice; she sighed as he picked up her mobile but was surprised and more than a little relieved to see that it was her ex-boyfriend calling.

She couldn't help but smile; she probably talked and spent more time with him now than she did when they were together. Not that she honestly minded, she found it nice to have that kind of intimacy with someone without things being physical

"Hello" she greeted him when she answered the phone, she'd had a very slow morning just sitting in her smalls and going over an old laptop. Her prominent belly got in the way but it gave her a sense of pride rather than irritation

"Hi, um... are you busy?"

"Ianto? What's wrong?" his tone sounded panicky "There's not gaybashers outside your house is there? You should call the police"

"No I... I'm having another kind of crisis. I just, please, I really need someone to talk to" he sounded so small, a lot of the time she'd forgot just how young he was.

"Okay, do you want to meet up at our usual café?" she suggested, and got a loud shout for her trouble

"No! I... sorry" apologised Yan "That's partly what I needed to talk to you about"

"Alright. I'll be there as soon as I can" she told him, Toshiko couldn't help but frown. Oh no, he hadn't been cryptic at all!

After leaving a note for John she began to wonder why she would happily drop everything for Ianto, even when she was in a state of heavy pregnancy, her wondering carried her out to the car and after settling herself behind the wheel it came to her. Ianto had said that he had been reaching that frame of mind when she'd met John, thinking back she had been as well.

Toshiko had been ready for the whole kit and kaboodle of a white picket fence and two point four children. Whenever she'd subconsciously pictured it, it had always been with Yan... well that was until John came along. She'd been comfortable with her job but after she'd been reunited with Gwen; the stable family life her Welsh friend had seemed far more appealing. Even now that she was with John, having his child, she was still viewing Ianto as the father figure in her played out fantasies. Which was not good. Not good at all. Am I still in love with Ianto, she asked herself as she stalled at a traffic light Tosh shook her head; no, I have John she decided finally.

Deep down her gut told her that she had to be careful when it came to this fantasy home life she had, especially now that Jack was on the scene. The more Toshiko thought about her ex-boyfrend the more she knew that she didn't want him in that way, she wanted him to be happy but she was still buying into that fantasy that told her that his happiness went hand in hand with her perfect family.

She parked on the road outside Ianto and Jack's house. Ianto's motorbike was parked in front of the window on the small stretch of flagged stone with a rain cover over it but there was no sign of Jack's fancy car that was basically penis envy on wheels. Toshiko eased herself out of the car and waddled to the door, she wasn't braced for the sight that greeted her.

Ianto was dressed in old worn jeans, a baggy dark grey hoodie and there was a cast on his arm over his wrist. He looked so broken and young; less like a proud grown man at the height of his rugby career but more like a scared teenager that needed to be hugged and cared for by his mother. The bruising of the beating he'd received was evident on his face and in his eyes, darkening them with shame. He backed away from the door and she shut it behind

"Tosh... there's something wrong with me" he confessed, tears forming in his eyes "I think I'm fucking loosing it"

"Come" she offered softly as she cupped his good arm at the elbow and ushered him into the living room. After sitting him down on the couch she pulled out her phone "Do you want me to call Jack? Your sister?"

"No! No, they can't know! I don't want them to know how wrong I am, please Toshi, you can't tell them" he begged her, frantic fear replacing those tears. She shook her head and lowered herself down onto the couch next to him

"I won't tell, it's okay. I won't tell them" she promised him, even though he was scaring her "Talk to me, Yan..."

"I can't go outside, I'm wrong and I'm loosing it... god..." he ran his uncasted hand through his hair as those tears returned but more frustrated this time round "I know that nothing bad will happen to me if I go outside but the thought terrifies me! I'm going crazy just like my mam did!"

"Ianto Jones you stop that right now! You're not going crazy" she snapped at him, her fear of him was amped up and she unsure of exactly what to do; she wanted to call Jack, he should know this, not her "You were brutally attacked for no reason, that doesn't make you crazy. Being scared to go outside is a natural normal reaction, one that we can deal with"

She took hold of his hands to offer him comfort and Ianto went quiet, he didn't meet her gaze for a moment but then looked up

"There was a reason" he told her

"What?" she asked, confused all of a sudden by what he meant. Toshiko scowled and her brow furrowed as she tried to understand what he was talking about

"There was a reason I was attacked. They hurt me because I'm gay... they hated me so much, Tosh, I can remember it so clearly everything they said and all the things they did to me... and they were right. I am wrong... that's why I can't go outside because I'm wrong"

"No, no you're not" she breathed, she felt moisture on her face and was unsurprised to find herself crying "You're not wrong, you're not! Let me call Jack, I think you need him more than you need me"

"I can't" he sobbed "He can't know, when he finds out... all I want to do is go back to hiding and pretending. I didn't know... I really didn't know but nothing was as right as being with him and now that I know..." he was rambling as his emotions got the better of him

"Let me call him, he won't be angry with you. He'll make you feel better... he loves you, doesn't he?" she asked ducking her head to meet his red, watery eyes

"Yeah" he nodded before another wave of tears overcame him, she pulled him into a hug and pulled out her phone calling Jack's phone number

"Hello?" came the jovial reply

"Jack, it's me Tosh. I'm at your house... you need to come home right now"

"Why? What happened? Is Ianto okay?" the happy tone was replaced with frantic panic

"He's okay, just... you really need to come home. I'll explain everything when you get here" she told him then hung up so she could give Ianto her full attention; he had his faced pressed against her shoulder while he sobbed. Toshiko wanted to find the bastards that did this to him and beat the crap out of them.

Jack glared at his phone, barely resisted the urge to throw it against the wall after Tosh had hung up on him. She'd told him that something was wrong at home but hadn't elaborated, the only thing he could think of was Ianto. Jack blinked as he tried to remember if his boyfriend had seemed upset or out of the ordinary when he left

"Who was it?" asked his little brother as he came back into the room carrying clean sheets

"I have to go home, right now. I'll call you later" he announced brushing past the younger Harkness

"But... we haven't made the bed up yet, hey!" he called after his big brother but his words fell on deaf ears. Jack shoved his phone into his jeans pocket, pulled out his car keys and hurried to his car, fear of not knowing what had happened spurned him on. He wished that Toshiko had given him more to go on but she'd been clear: come home right away. That was what he was did.

I'm amazed I didn't get pulled over, thought Jack, as he arrived at home. Toshiko's little three door was parked on the curb and he didn't even both locking his car in the rush to get inside and find out exactly what had happened.

Toshiko and Ianto were in the living room on the couch; Yan was in her arms half asleep sniffling and she was rocking him back and forth. A twinge of jealousy flared up in Jack's gut but he pushed it down so he could help his lover. He crouched down in front of them and slowly touched his boyfriend's knee before glancing at the petite Japanese woman

"Is it his sister? His mam?" he asked quietly, she shook her head and sighed

"It's him, Jack, he's really going to need you. You have to take care of him through this" she told him, again cryptic, scowled Jack. What did she mean? Through what? He didn't understand exactly what was going on!

"Tell me" he urged her "What happened?"

"He's struggling with the attack and his sexuality because of it" she told him, making him flinch like she'd struck him. He'd left Ianto alone to deal with this so he could play happy families; what made it worse was that he'd not noticed. Along with his jealousy he pushed his shame at his failure down so he could help Ianto, he could lick his wounds of being a bad boyfriend later but right now Ianto was all that mattered.

"Okay" he reached forward, stroking Yan's hair back off his head

"Jack?" mumbled Ianto, he glanced at Toshiko and scowled "You called him"

"I had to" she replied, refusing to feel guilty about calling Jack for help

"Baby, why didn't you tell me?" Jack added, Ianto shook his head as fresh tears formed. He couldn't help but be ashamed of his weakness, this was exactly why he didn't want Jack to know

"I didn't want you to see me like this. I didn't want you to hate me for not being strong enough" explained Ianto shaking his head as he tried to pull away from Jack and Toshiko

"I would never ever hate you, not for this! Please... let me help you, talk to me!" Jack begged but Ianto shook his head

"You're part of it... I just... I don't know what to do. I love you, I love you and I can't go back but I just don't know how to make me right. I don't want to be wrong, Jack, I don't... I was happy, I thought it was okay"

"It is okay" began Jack, one hand outstretched for support but the distraught Welshman backed away

"No it's not!" yelled Ianto "If it was okay then they wouldn't have been able to do this to me. They wouldn't have wanted to! The problem is me! There has to be something wrong with me! I'm not right in the head! And I can't... god, I can't go out there! I can't because then everyone would know that I'm wrong. I thought it was okay to be this way but it's not, it's not Jack... what they did to me... they did it because I deserved it"

"Toshiko" Jack wouldn't look at his boyfriend "I think you should go home"

"Um, yeah. Could you help me up off the couch? It's too low" she replied sheepishly. Jack helped her up and walked her to the door.

Ianto sucked in a heavy breathe holding it in for when Jack would come back and that would be that. He really did love Jack but there was no way that Jack would want him to stay after this... Jack came back in and the room felt hot and cold all at the same time

"First things first, are you gay?" he demanded of Ianto "Whether you feel it's wrong or not. Are you gay?"

"Yes" Yan nodded his head, his eyes trained on the floor

"Then I don't want to ever, ever, hear you say that being gay is wrong. Or that you're wrong for being gay... I don't ever want to hear you speak those words to me again"

"I-I won't. I'm sorry, Jack" he stuttered out an apology

"You were being irrational" the American man continued "You do not deserve anything they did to you, they were wrong! Not you... you definitely did not deserve what they did to you"

"But..."

"No, Ianto, no! I'm gay... do you think I should have the crap beaten out of me?"

"What? No!" cried Yan, outraged that Jack could even suggest such a thing

"What about my brother? Or his husband? Do they deserve to get beaten up for being gay?"

"No... I..."

"Then why the hell do you think you should?" asked Jack simply coming to the conclusion easily and Ianto found the floor interesting again

"I-I don't know... they said... I felt.."

"I love you" Jack interrupted Ianto, a smile forming on his face as he slowly moved towards his boyfriend "I love looking at you, I love talking to you, I love how completely daft you can be, I love your smile, I love how you enjoy rugby, I love how you think you're dumb when you're not, I love how you help Tosh, I love how you go out of your way to spoil your niece and nephew and most of all I love how you love me"

"Jack... I... I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to feel" he mumbled as fresh tears came to his eyes "Before I felt so anxious about going outside, it made me so angry at myself and at the team members that did this to me. I haven't had this anxiety about open spaces since my father passed away"

"This has happened to you before?" Jack was surprised to hear that part of his boyfriend's past, but then to be honest Ianto didn't really talk about his father

"Yes, I should have told you" he replied "I just hate the weakness and how much it scares me. I don't want to end up like my mam, her illness drove tad to his grave... I couldn't handle it if I did that to you"

"You're an idiot. That is not going to happen, things are different now and we'll get you whatever help you need, there's a reason you're having a hard time right now. You've been through a hate crime. It's damaged the weak self image you have of being a gay man and I blame myself for that. I had just assumed you were comfortable with it... it's a hard thing to accept; it took me eight years and you've hardly had eighteen months!"

"I want to be okay with it, I should be okay with it, I love you and I want to spend my life with you" protested Ianto "I think it's best that I find a therapist that can help me"

"Baby, I'm not going to resent you if you're not. Hopefully this therapist can do housecalls and it doesn't matter what it costs, anything that helps you is worth it"

"I... thank you" Jack just nodded before tugging Ianto down onto the couch so they could cuddle. Jack wanted to offer the comfort he should have been giving that his boyfriend had gotten from Toshiko, Ianto sank into the welcome arms and felt immeasurably better being held by Jack than he had been by Tosh.

TBC...