Thank you so much for all of the kind words! I'm going to try my best to update at least every other week. It could be more often or less depending on how school is going.

December 18th, 1996

In the morning she started to weigh the options. Was it a dream? A mistake? Pure insanity? Early onset dementia?

How on Earth was she supposed to believe that her landline was calling into the past.

Her cell phone rang, interrupting her thoughts.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. I won't be in until ten, it was a rough night." Jonathan.

"Oh— that'sfine. I won't be either then." She decided. He laughed.

"Well alright, see you then, Burkhart."

"Bye," she hung up, throwing her phone onto the other side of the bed.

She wanted to tell someone. But she couldn't tell Donna now, besides the fact that she'd think she's crazy, her father's death was still recent. She wasn't going to drag Donna into her delusions just to hurt her. And she couldn't tell Jonathan, he already thought she was going crazy.

The only person she wanted to talk to about it was Steven. The only person who assured her she wasn't crazy, or pulled her back down when she was.

When they first moved into the apartment, Jackie was fresh out of college. Steven was working in New York with Angie, trying to expand Grooves from just Wisconsin to nationwide. They were succeeding, which was how they were able to even think about affording their own place.

At that time, she was writing for a local, small paper downtown while on the hunt for a broadcasting job.

She'd often sit on the couch and lay out all of her ideas for a story in front of her. She was trying to bring a fashion column to the paper and her idea had to be absolutely fantastic. So she spent hours and hours camped out on the couch working on her proposal until he'd come out of their room

"Jackie, it's almost two in the freaking morning." He rested a hand on her shoulder from behind. She sighed.

"I know, but if I don't get this out now, I'm gonna forget in the morning,"

"If you don't get some sleep, you're not gonna have a brain cell left by morning."

She looked around at all of the papers that had accumulated around the couch. She'd done a lot of work since she got home.

She dropped the notebook and pen onto the coffee table and got up. He wrapped his arm around her walked her back to their room.

Once she laid down in bed, it was hard to keep her eyes open for much longer. But she was always conscious enough to feel Steven move behind her. He'd lazily drape an arm around her and kiss her shoulder and neck. She'd grab his hand and kiss his knuckles; mumble a thank you and I love you.

And through the years there were nights where she'd wake up suddenly and desperately get her thoughts down on paper.

Just a few weeks ago, she'd woken up and reached over to her end table for her notebook. It was there, but she couldn't find a pen.

"Babe," Steven said from behind her, his voice full of sleep. "What is it?"

"Nothing, sorry honey. I didn't mean to wake you. just need to write something down before I forget." She said over her shoulder. "I just can't find my pen."

"Tell me, I'll remember. And you can go back to sleep."

She stopped looking and turned back to him. "Propose an editorial about the stabber to Charlie. Tell Jonathan about it. Go clothes shopping for Carrie because today I saw her wearing the pants with holes again,"

"Jesus, alright. Got it. Go to sleep babe."

In the morning, she'd find a note on her end table saying stabber editorial, tell John about it, clothes for Carrie. —love you.

Donna convinced Jackie to take the subway with her, even though she was able to go into work late. Jackie decided to raid Steven's clothes once again, wearing a dark blue sweater of his that was baggy on her.

She went to the bagel shop down the street from her office. She sat at a table that was shoved into the corner of the shop. With her lox and cream cheese bagel sitting in front of her, she decided to try Steven's cell again.

After two rings, a tiny voice picked up, "hello?"

"Carrie? It's mommy,"

"Mommy! Guess what?"

"What baby?"

"Uncle Michael and Aunt Brooke are coming to Point Place tonight! And they're bringing Betsy and James and Melissa with them!" Carrie rambled.

"Wow, you're gonna have so much fun with all of your cousins, baby. Is daddy there?"

"Yes, but he's sleeping. And he said we'd be in big trouble if we woke him up." Jackie wanted to laugh. Steven always threatened when he was extra tired, but he always let the kids stay if they wandered in.

"Alright, you better let him sleep then. But Carrie honey, it's really important that you tell him I called, okay?"

"Okay mommy."

"I love you, call me later if you want to baby."

"I love you too mommy, bye!"

Jackie said bye just as she heard the dial tone again.

She pondered whether she should try the Formans' house phone again. Was she ready to deal with whatever was going on on the other end of the call?

Not really. She wanted to talk to her husband, present day. And as if on autopilot, she hit his number on speed dial again and waited.

"We're sorry, the person at this number isn't available right now." She groaned. "If you would like to leave a voicemail, please wait for the tone."

"Steven," she started after the tone beeped, "I miss you. I wish you'd answer my calls." She leaned her head against the wall, "the kids said you're sleeping. But please Steven, call me when you wake up, okay? I love you."

She hung up, wiping her eyes. Shit — she hated this.

For the first time in a while, she got to the office before Jonathan. It was a relief honestly, she always felt high pressure when he was here first.

She settled into her desk and booted up her computer.

At the same exact time that her AOL homepage opened up, someone knocked on the doorframe of her office. She looked over to see Brett, the camera man.

"Uh, Jackie," He started when she made eye contact. "Have you seen the news?"

She shook her head, "I just got in, what's up?"

"The stabber escaped."

"What?!" Jackie's eyes went wide. She looked back at her computer screen to see "State Park Stabber on the Loose" as the headline on the AOL homepage.

"Shit, is anyone covering this?"

"Kevin and Jamie are working on the article, but we need someone on the scene..."

"Right, of course, I'll go with you," she said, starting to pack everything back up.

"Great, I'll get the van ready." Brett hurried away from her office.

Jackie was glad she wasn't wearing the t-shirt again today. She wrote Jonathan a note explaining where she was before meeting Brett outside at the van.

Another thing Jackie was grateful for was the the hair and makeup crew. She didn't realize how much she hadn't been doing the past few days until they fixed her up.

Other channels were already on the scene when they got there. That didn't matter much considering their top reporters weren't showing face like Jackie was.

The first time Jackie ever followed the beat was during an internship her first semester senior year. The reporter she was shadowing called out sick after Jackie already arrived at the station. The usually reporters were dealing with another important story from the news desk. So the producer had her go onto the scene.

It was a collapsed crane at a construction sight in midtown. No one was injured but it was causing major traffic delays. Jackie interviewed workers on the scene, residents of the area, and civilians who's daily lives were being affected by it.

She felt on top of the world the whole time. She couldn't believe her producer was letting her go live, even if it was just a local story.

When she got home to the off-campus apartment she and Donna were sharing that night, Steven was on the couch in the living room. She'd given him a spare key and he'd been crashing there most nights since.

"Steven, you won't believe it," Jackie said when she saw him from the door.

"I was on air today! That reporter, Lisa, who I've been shadowing was sick so the producers sent me out." She hung her jacket up on the coat rack next to the door and kicked off her heels, not really paying attention to where they went.

"Yeah— we saw you on the TV in the office," he said, getting off the couch. Steven and Angie were working in an office in the city together. It was the start of nationwide Groove stores and it turned out the Barnetts had a lot of family in New York.

"Really?! What did you think? Was I too much? Oh god— I stumbled while talking to that cat lady who was a resident of the building. Was it awful?" She asked. They met each other half way in the kitchen.

Steven chuckled and put his hands on either sides of her waist. "You were fine, babe."

"Fine?" She asked, suspiciously. She placed her hands on his shoulders.

He tilted his head down and kissed her. It was like the ultimate stress reliever. Jackie immediately felt more relaxed. She unclenched her muscles and allowed herself to get lost in it, moving her hands up to his neck, then the back of his head and tangled her fingers in his hair. Steven always had this affect on her. His affection could relax her within seconds.

"Perfect," he whispered into her ear after pulling away.

Jackie had stayed outside the courthouse for hours, reporting live every thirty minutes until Jonathan came to relieve her around four.

"Jesus Christ," Jonathan said as he approached Jackie and Brett. He was holding a tray of coffee cups and was wearing his best wool coat, beige because it brought out his naturally tan skin (or some other bullshit explanation he gave).

"You're fucking telling me," Jackie replied. She was visibly shaking. It was well below the freezing point and jumping into the van between takes wasn't helping.

He handed a coffee to her and a coffee to Brett. She took a sip of what she immediately recognized as a gingerbread latte.

"Thank god," she exhaled deeply, relieved.

"Get out of here Burkhart, before you start losing fingers to frostbite," Jonathan told her. She nodded and took another sip of her latte.

"That would ruin my manicure plans," she said. His face lit up and he started to laugh.

On the cab ride home, her cell started to ring. She had to dig it out from the bottom of her purse frantically to make it.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Jacqueline, are you getting a divorce?" Her mother's voice demanded from the other end of the call. Jackie groaned.

"No! Why would you think that?"

"Because I heard your husband is in town with the kids and without you. Jackie what is going on?"

"I have to work, mom. I'm covering a huge story so Steven took the kids himself," Jackie had been dreading this call. Whenever they went to Wisconsin for the holidays, they'd bring the kids to her mother's (if she was in town) for one day out of the two weeks they stayed. And that was only if Jackie was feeling guilty or her mother heard they were in town through the grapevine.

She had been sure this year Pam was going to be in Mexico, but apparently not.

"Separating during a holiday is the first sign of a marriage going south," Her mother's voice said so surely.

"Did Diane from bookclub tell you that?"

"Diane has been divorced three times, she knows better than anyone, Jackie." Fuck Diane.

"I'm not Diane, mom. Steven and I are fine. The kids are fine. So don't worry,"

"Well if you're so fine, make sure your husband brings my grandkids to visit. Eduardo will cook and everything," Eduardo was her mother's long term lover. Pam called him her husband, but her and Jackie's father weren't even formally divorced, Jack was still in jail for another seven years.

Jackie actually liked Eduardo, he was kind and caring, basically the opposite of her mother. Eduardo was the only reason Jackie ever tried to initiate visits to her mother first.

But she also wondered what would happen once her father was out of jail. Sometimes she'd visit him when she visited Point Place. He knows about Eduardo, but Jackie didn't know if he even knew how to envision a life outside of prison anymore, regardless of what her mother was doing.

She used to visit him once a week when he was first arrested, then it became once every few weeks. After she left for college, it was only once every time she visited Point Place.

Once the kids were born, she was torn. Her relationship with her father was complicated enough, she didn't know whether or not she should bring the twins into the equation. But she did bring them to visit twice. Once when they were only four months old, and the other time was the last time they were all in Point Place for Christmas in '94.

The first time was the twins' first Christmas. Jackie figured she could go visit him once like she usually would, and just bring Steven and the babies along. They weren't old enough to ever remember it if it all went to shit, so it was a virtually foolproof plan.

It went as well as it could have. They were never allowed to touch him besides at the beginning and end of the visit, so he just smiled at the twins the whole time. He basically gushed about how beautiful they were, and even showed them off to his friend at the table next to them. The twins didn't even cry — which was a huge surprise.

When they drove away from the prison grounds, Jackie started to cry.

"Jackie," Steven started, but she cut him off.

"I can't have my kids live like this," she said through her tears, shaking her head.

"I don't want them to know what the inside of a prison is like, what the protocol is when you're visiting a prisoner." He grabbed her left hand with his right.

"I love my father, but I can't do this to our kids. They deserve better than the shit I had to grow up with." She looked over her shoulder through her tears at the twins in the back seat, both sleeping soundly. She felt Steven pull her hand up and kiss the back of it. She looked back at him.

"We don't ever have to bring them back if you don't want to." He said, giving her a quick glance. She nodded. "This is on your terms, babe. You know I'm completely on the same page about not bringing our parents' bullshit onto the kids." She nodded again.

"Thank you." She said, it came out hoarse because she was still crying. Her head was leaning against the headrest, turned towards Steven even though he couldn't look back. He had dropped their hands back down onto the middle console, she was rubbing the back of his lazily with her thumb.

"I'm on your side no matter what you choose." He told her, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

Let me know what you guys think of it so far! I'm thinking of creating a corresponding spotify playlist that'll update every time there's a new chapter. Will have more info on that during the next chapter.