I feel really guilty for updating this late, but messed up my document so I had to rewrite it many, many of times -.- But as you can see it worked in the end.
Disclaimer:As usual...I don't own Naruto or something else. I wish I could own Itachi. Damn… Itachi, why are you dead? Why did you have to die that early?
Aniki – thoughts
Aniki – Sasuke's comments
Chapter 3 – Memories: The flow of pain
- On the way home -
I remember that I went the whole way home totally absent and expressionless. The thought that Itachi my 'so-called brother' is now my Sensei too made my blood boil. I felt a deep anger and a deep hatred, which changed into annoyance in the very next moment.
"Hey! Sasuke-teme! Our Sensei, his name is Uchiha too. Do you know him?" This question wasn't actually a question, it was a statement. Naruto knew the answer and wanted to hear those words from Sasuke.
"That's the same question I wanted to ask you too." The pink said shyly with a blush rolling across her cheeks and with her hands behind her back in an innocent manner.
Sasuke stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at Sakura and Naruto with a expression full of hatred, which hit them like a kunai. "He is my… big brother and nothing is going to change that fact, unfortunately." Sasukes eyes spoke of bitterness and hatred as he said those words, which were like deadly poison. Naruto and Sakura looked at him surprised as he began to walk again. He had his hands in his pockets and didn't care if they come along or not. The blonde was disappointed by this. He had no family and Sasuke spoke of his family as if he were more happy without it.
Naruto closed his eyes, lightly biting his lower lip. "Then…" He said weakly and opened his saphire eyes. "… you hate him?" Again not really a question. Naruto just wanted to confirm his suspection as he looked at Sasuke, attempting to burn holes in his back. Sakura stayed quiet and Sasuke stopped again, still with his hands in his pockets. The Uchiha turned around and looked at them directly in the eyes as he said with a serious and bitter voice a firmly "Yes." He just let them both stay there in disbelief as he rose to his feet and started to walk again.
Why Sasuke? Why? Why do you hate your own brother that much? You don't know what it's like to have no family, to be alone and you, you comlain about your brother and hate him? I don't understand you Sasuke, I never will. Naruto thought sadly.
The blonde turned around to Sakura, a light blush was forming on his cheeks. "Sakura-chan, how about-?" His nervous attempt to formulate a question was interrupted by Sakura's cold answer. "No." She said and tried to run after Sasuke. "B-but Sakura-chan!" Came the blondes plead as he run after Sakura, trying to convince her.
- At home at the Uchiha's residence, evening -
Sasuke just got home, slipped off his shoes and went to the kitchen, in which Itachi stood and was walking over to him.
Itachi had a little smile on his face. "Hi Sasuke. Food is on the table, if you-" He started, but was stopped by Sasuke, who without any emotion pushed him with his right hand aside and passed by. The elder Uchiha just looked at him questionaly and confused.
"Otouto,-" Itachi began.
"I'm not your otouto! I'm Uchiha Sasuke, got that?!" Yelled Sasuke and turned around angrily. Itachi took a step forward. "What's wrong with you? Since early this morning you are so strange." Confusion was in his voice and he let a sigh pass his lips. "What is your problem?" He asked a little annoyed. Sasuke glared at him with all his hatred he could muster,voice raising. "YOU! You are my problem!"
Itachi was a bit shocked and closed his eyes for a moment, preparing himself to say something. But Sasuke didn't stop and went on. "YOU are MY problem! Isn't it enough that you are my- my- brother?! Do you have to be my Sensei TOO?! Do you have to criticize me the whole day now?! To make me a perfect ninja like you?!" He yelled louder than before and due to his anger and hatred tears were building in his eyes, which were trickling down his cheeks slowly. He couldn't stop them the just came out. His brother saw his anger and wanted to stop him. "Sasuke, I-" He wanted to say, voice filling with an different tone.
But his otouto didn't stop and went on yelling. "No! I don't wanna hear it! I don't wanna hear anything any more! Not from you! Do what you can best! Do your fucking missions, let me down and forsake me and for god's sake leave me fucking alone!!!" His tears were slipping down to his chin and dripped onto the ground, but Sasuke didn't care about them. "You hear me?! It's enough, enough, ENOUGH!!!" Sasuke screamed and ran in his bedroom, closing the door with a loud bang. After the door was closed he leaned with his back against it and slowly slipped down to the ground. Knees pulled near his chest and head burried into them. Angrily he bit his lower lip in order to hold back his sobs. He hated Itachi now even more, because of him he got so angry and he had even started to cry, although it was unintentionally and altough his tears just came out all of a sudden.
Yes, I was angry and somewhat sad at the same time. I just wanted, no, in this moment I didn't give a fuck about anything, even if the world was going down. It didn't matter to me. I was so angry and hated, that it changed in the next moment into depression. I didn't know if I was angry at Itachi, or rather… at myself. He didn't do anything. I attacked him mentally, just because of frustration of the situation, I hurt him merciless and it didn't bother me. Hmm… somehow cold-hearted.
Sasuke... I...
#I'm sorry that I hurt you#
#It's something I must live with everyday#
"Sasuke." Muttered Itachi after he regained a clear mind and after the minutes went by. He didn't even think about what to do next, as he already walked to Sasuke's room, slowly and with a little hesitation he opened the door and saw a heartbreaking sight: His little brother lying on the bed, quietly, motionless and sleeping. On his cheeks and on the pillow were still the moist traces of his tears and one single crystal tear was dripping down his left cheek, which reflected the fading sunlight from the window and glimmered like an ice crystal held into the sun. Itachi's heart was breaking inside him and he felt a painful stab in his chest. Sasuke had cried – because of anger against himself but most of all because of…
#And all the pain I put you through#
#I wish that I could take it all away#
#And be the one who catches all your tears#
"Because of me." Closing his raven eyes as he quietly said those three words, the elder Uchiha walked over to his brother's bed. "It's all because of me, it's all my fault, I know." He opened his eyes and was now in front of the bed. Looking at the face of his brother a sad smile was forming on his own face. Itachi set himself down of the edge, his eyes never left Sasuke's. He rose his right hand and gently brushed the strays out of his little brother's face. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Sasuke." He whispered more to himself than to Sasuke and tenderly run his hand through the black hair. Sasuke didn't even stir through the touches. "I'm so sorry. I wished you were happy, I wished that…" Not wanting to say what he thought what would be best he interrupted himself. Itachi thought that his own death would make Sasuke happy. He drew his hand away and began to caress Sasuke's cheek in a lovely way. Touching this smooth skin a smile was forming on the elders face, lingering for a second and his eyes shone with love.
After a few moments of this comforting peace Itachi looked then at Sasuke's face once again, the traces of his tears still clung to him. He leaned in and carefully wipped them away with his thumbs.
#I'm not a perfect person#
#I've never meant to do those things to you#
"Sasuke." Itachi said weakly and leaned in even more, faces now only an inch away. His breath met Sasukes lips, came back to touch softly his own. "I hope, no, I want you to make your dream come true and then I want you to be happy, even if I won't exist then any more, so be it… so be it." Itachi's voice was nothing more than a faint breath and his lips made contact with Sasuke for the first in a long time. He kissed his brother lightly on the cheek, which developed into a longer contact after all. Mental tears were forming in his eyes, flowing down his face in a small flow. A small flow of pain. Slowly he backed away, the smell and taste of Sasuke still present on him. Itachi rose to his feet and went over to the door. But before he opened it he turned around a last time to look at his little brother. The young boy was still asleep and didn't even flinch for one second. "Sasuke…"
#And so I have to say before I go#
#That I just want you to know#
"I hope I die by your hands and see you smlie as well." A sad smile appeared on his face, which was fading within a second. The door was opened the next moment and Itachi left the room, thinking about Sasuke's smooth skin and his words the whole time. A single tear escaped his eyes. I wished you had a better brother, a brother you've always wished for and never makes you sad… like I have.
#And I can't stand the pain#
#And I can't make it go away#
#No I can't stand the pain#
Sadly and mentally absent he went outside to the pond, at which he used to sit with Sasuke, talking about random things, laughing and smiling the whole time he was with him. Good, old times. After he unconsciously went sure that no one was around the Uchiha let his a few tears streaming down his face and cried to himself.
#How could this happen to me?#
#I've made my mistakes#
#Got no where to run#
#The night goes on#
#As I'm fading away#
Full with self-hatred and anger he took a kunai from his pocket and…
#I'm sick of this life#
#I just wanna scream:#
#How could this happen to me?#
- Somewhere in Konoha -
"Man, I'm so full." A content Naruto said with a hand on his stomach as he walked down the streets of Konoha. It was late and he just had together with Iruka a few bowls of ramen. The blonde stopped dead in his tracks as he thought his eyes were betraying him. In front of him sat a person, with his back facing him and still he could say who it was. "Ah! Itachi-Sensei, what are-" Naruto called and was interrupted. "Naruto, shouldn't you be at home by now?" Came the weak response. "I could ask you the same! What are you doing here so late?" He asked back and went quieter as he thought he saw tears. "What's wrong?" Was the worried question as Nauto came nearer. He stood now next to Itachi, he couldn't see any tears but glassy eyes and trails of dried tears which used to be there.
#Everybody's screaming#
#I try to make a sound but no one hears me#
He thought about it. Tears, at his Sensei, an Uchiha, the big brother of the ice block bastard Sasuke. Naruto didn't want to talk about the fact, he didn't want to break his Sensei's pride, because he knew: Being related with Sasuke must be hard, most of all when he even openly admits that he HATES his OWN brother. That's why the blonde decided to pretend as if he hadn't seen the clues that his Sensei must have cried. All people thought Naruto was stupid, but that wasn't the case. Naruto knew much about feelings and he could exactly know how they feel, even if he never had these feelings.
"Is something wrong?" Naruto asked stupidly. He acted stupid. Itachi knew that Naruto got the hang of it and was happy that he didn't talk about it or else he had to lie about the reason. "No, everything is fine, there was just something on my mind." Faking a smile he went on wiping the dried trails away. Naruto sat himself down next to Itachi and joined him in at starring at the sea. A long silence filled the air, the sound of the animals communicating in the evening could be heard and a low breeze blew up to caress their skins and filling their noses with the smell of fresh grass. It was a beautiful silence, only the animals making their sounds and the soft rush of the sea as the wind blew gently over the surface. Their hairs seemed to dance in the breeze and Itachi rose a hand to keep the strays in their place. Everthing, even heart and soul seemed to be in harmony and nothing else seemed to matter. Naruto lost himself in this moment of peace until Itachi decided to break the silence and spoke up. "Naruto, you should go, it's late. Let's go, I will accompany you. I think a little walk would be just fine right now." He said and stood up. "Okay." Naruto responsed and stood up as well, he didn't even hesitiate or complain.
#I'm slipping off the edge#
#I'm hanging by a thread#
#I wanna start this over again#
Naruto and Itachi walked together towards home and Naruto told Itachi a few stories from the time in the academy. But Itachi didn't really listen to him, his thoughts were at Sasuke's words, his own last words, which he said before he left the room and at the past. The past years when Sasuke was only 8 and Itachi just 13. It was a nice time - back then. He wished that everything could be the same as back then and that Sasuke would be still happy and that all the things never happened.
#So I try to hold#
#On to a time when#
#Nothing mattered#
#And I can't explain what happened#
#And I can't erase the thing that I've done#
Flashback
Sasuke was just 8 years old and Itachi 13. Itachi, as a respected Ninja, busy with his missions, just came home from a long and difficult mission.
"Aniki!" Called a young Sasuke, who saw that his brother was just slipping off his shoes and putting down his weapons. He run over to him in his arms and threw them over with his impact. Itachi laughed a little at his greeting and laid his arms around Sasuke. "Otouto. Yes, I'm home. Did you miss me?" He asked playfully with a smile on his face.
Sasuke smiled back at him and wrapped his arms even tighter around his aniki. "Of course I've missed you! Can we play something? Can we, can we, can we, can we?" He asked without taking a breath with an innocent, sweet smile on his face. Itachi's smile just widened and he rose two fingers and poked Sasuke's forehead. "Of course we can play something, I only have a little amount of time, but…" He stopped himself as he saw that his brother's smile faded and changed into a pouting face when he said the words 'little amount of time'. Itachi's heart hurt everytime his brother was unhappy and he couldn't stand the pain. "But for you I would give away every free second only to see your sweet, heart warming smile again." Sasuke's eyes lit up and shone with joy. He hugged his aniki tightly and thanked him for having time for him.
Sasuke didn't understand it but Itachi had back then practically said that he isn't just a normal brother to him, but more. He was the most important person ever and the reason why he didn't run away. Itachi already realized back then that he loved Sasuke more than a brother, more than he should. He really loved him. He couldn't help, but Sasuke was his angel, who held out his hand and would escaped with him from the hell.
"Okay, what do you want to play?" He asked his little brother and stood up together with him in his arms and looked with a smile directly in his raven eyes. Sasuke smiled back and hugged him. "Don't care, as long as we spend time together."
Itachi hid his smile this time and only smiled to himself in his heart. When he was around Sasuke he could let his emotionless and monotone voice fall off and was just happy and lovely, but only around Sasuke. "Well then, let's play hide and seek. Come, I'll bring you there." He said, gesturing his otouto to jump on his back for a piggyback. Sasuke jumped with a wide smile on his face on his nii-san and immediately wrapped his arms around his neck. Itachi's corner of his lip lit up and he walked with Sasuke into the woods. Once they were there they played til the had to go home. Content and smiling Itachi carried his little brother back to home. At home Sasuke was already asleep and Itachi laid him carefully down on his bed, putting the covers over him and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead. But before he left the room he turned around one more time and looked at his cute otouto with a happy and loving big brother look. "Otouto, I… ah… nothing." Shaking his head a little he quietly closed the door. The Uchiha then went into his room and laid himself down on his bed and then his look went back to emotionless again.
The time was nice, but soon the Uchiha slaughter followed, which took Sasuke's smile forever. The day, which will always be in Itachi's and Sasuke's memories as the worst day ever. The day, which took their bond they had. A bond, which no one should ever break and yet it was broken - forever.
End Flashback
#No I can't…#
#I've made my mistakes#
#Got no where to run#
#The night goes on#
#As I'm fading away#
#I'm sick of this life#
#I just wanna scream:#
#How could this happen to me?#
I didn't know anything from all the things Itachi did. I didn't know that he went outside, has cried and met Naruto and all these things. But I didn't care, because I was still angry at Itachi. Still, I don't know if I was really angry at him, maybe angry at someone other, but whom?
Itachi was still walking down the streets absent with his thoughts and didn't even notice that Naruto was still talking.
"Hey, Itachi-Sensei! Are you listening?" The blonde asked, angry that Itachi didn't laugh at such a funny point. Naruto always addressed him with 'you', but still he stayed at 'Sensei', which proved that he respects him but then again sees him as equal - unpolite or not? Or rather: I see you as a 'friend' and that's why the familiar address? Or is he just arrogant and full of himself? Whatever it was, it doesn't disturb the Uchiha. No one really had the guts to address him with 'you' besides Sasuke. Maybe because everyone was formal with him but that was what he hated.
After several calls of Naruto Itachi came back to himself. "Sorry Naruto, I was just absent. I'm sorry." Apologized Itachi with a still abesent tone. Naruto knew what distracted Itachi so badly and he decided to not talk this one over, although he was really curious about these things. "Ah, never mind. Wasn't that important." He lied, hurt that Itachi the first one who didn't look at him with those cold eyes didn't listen to him. The Uchiha saw that he hurt Naruto and wanted to make it up and make him laugh again. "No, it's just, it's because…" He started, not sure what he should say.
Come on Itachi, think!
Itachi still searched for something to tell and then he had something. Nartuo was now eager for his Sensei's answer. They both stopped walking and hoping not to mess things up. Talking was the biggest weakness of Itachi, most of all, when it comes to cheer someone up and Naruto's weakness was that he was quickly hurt.
"I just remembered what I thought when I first saw you. With you I first thought: Isn't that the one who did at his practice, because he did something wrong again, the Harem-no-Jutsu instead of Henge-no-Jutsu and got a lot of trouble from Iruka?" Naruto's eyes widened and his face went slightly red. "That was your first thought?" Naruto asked embarassed, which caused Itachi to laugh a little and Naruto joined him in laughing. After a few moments they stopped and started to walk again.
"Actually… this was my second thought." Itachi said and it was clear that the blonde wanted to know the first. "And what was really the first one?" Now fear was in his voice.
Was his first thought: That's the Kyuubi, the monster everyone in this village hate? Was is that thought? Naruto thought and let out a low sigh and went calm. He walked further and didn't notice that Itachi stopped again. The Uchiha had a smile on his face and spoke up. "My first thought was that I have great, good students, in which one of them has even the potential and the fire to become Hokage and this one is you, Naruto." He finished with a kind of big brother smile. Naruto turned around after those words, tears and joy filling his features.
"Thank you, Itachi-Sensei." Murmured Naruto more to himself than to Itachi.
Itachi let a content smile pass his lips, after all, he said the right thing. The most important thing for him was to make it up and make Naruto happy again, it succeded. Itachi couldn't stand it when anyone is unhappy, especially Sasuke. "Hey, tears don't fit the future Hokage." Itachi said and Naruto instantly wipped his tears away and muttered a "Thank you."
"For what?" The Uchiha asked surprised. "Thank you for being different and not condeming me or something like that." Naruto stated.
Itachi's corner of his lip lit up and went back to normal after a second. "Ah, never mind. Come on, now you really have to go home. Tomorrow is a special day after all."
And that will be hard.
"Okay." Naruto happily answered with a big grin on his face.
Itachi-Sensei is really okay, I'm glad. I thought that he would be like Sasuke.
Itachi brought Naruto home and went then himself home. In the residence he looked for Sasuke right away and then went to the bathroom after everything was okay with his brother. The steps did hurt and pain shot through his body.
"Damn, that was stupid. Now I have to deal with it tomorrow. I hope it won't burst open." Itachi mumured to himself as he stood in front of the mirror and took off his shirt. The blood of his wound could even through the bandage be seen. "Damn." He swore again and softly poked the right side of his chest. Again pain flowed through him and he had to bit it back. "That was a stupid idea. Next time, I should take more care of my emotions and not blindly overreacting." He said and winced at the pain in his chest.
AN: 3. chapter finish. No! It will not be ItaNaru! I hate this pairing. Oh well, Itachi seems so weak somehow… here
it's a bit the other way round from the usual image of Itachi. Sasuke is still the same, always the same teme and cold bastard we love, ne? Yeah, I really like it when it's a bit more dramatic. But enough of that. I think you are confused about the ending, well next chapter it will be clear to you. I should have warned you about the language, but I think it was in a still normal frame, ne? As for my errors and grammar mistakes, try to avoid them - even with 8 school years of english I'm still not as good as I should, but I will try ^^ Well then see ya next time.
Words: otouto – little brother aniki – big brother teme – bastard
I don't own #Hoobastank – The Reason# and #Simple Plan – Untitled (How could this happen to me?)#