A/N:I will first apologize profusely for the very long delay. I've been finishing my graphic design degree and dealing with a lot of family issues. They've taken all my attention and killed my inspiration to write for a while. Then my brain got eaten by Batman again, so I had to give into the muse to get it out of my system. Now I'm struggling to ignore the temptation of writing Junjo Romantica fan fiction in order to get my other stories finished.
Now, in order to get this story moving quicker and finished sooner, I will be writing in much larger increments. I've found that I write better that way. So I'm talking huge chunks of chapters. Lol! I'm sure none of you will mind. ^_^ If it starts to go to fast then by all means let me know, but it's probably gonna stay quick paced. This story is going to be long as it is! So longer chapters will help. Thank you readers for you understanding and patience. I will endeavor to update quickly and more regularly.
Big thank you to DeathnoteBliss, who put in such a huge effort in beta reading this and giving me some much needed help in some problem areas. I can not thank her enough for all the work she did.
Warning: Teenage sex, cussing (of course)
Chapter Four
In the beginning, I tried to warn you
You play with fire, it's gonna burn you
And here we are now, same situation
You never listen, I never listen
Now I'm thinking of a way that I can make an escape
It's got me caught up in a web and my heart's the prey
Do you really wanna throw your heart away, away, away
Everybody's hurt somebody before
Everybody's been wound by somebody before
You can change but you'll always come back for more
It's a game and we're all just victims of love
Don't try to fight it, victims of love
You can't decide it, victims of love
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Victims of love
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Now you've back tracked
You're running away 'cause it just happened again and you just want it to end
You're trying your best not to let yourself go cold, so cold
Now you think about the things you thought you wanted to say
But when you open up your mouth it don't come out that way
Are you really gonna throw your heart away, away, away
Everybody's hurt somebody before
Everybody's been wound by somebody before
You can change but you'll always come back for more
It's a game and we're all just victims of love
Don't try to fight it, victims of love
You can't decide it, victims of love
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Victims of love
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Victims of love
-Victoms of Love, By: Good Charlotte
/
The rest of the year slipped by in somewhat of a blur for Akiha. The trips to the garden to visit Umeda ended. He did his best to avoid the other boy as much as possible. He only saw him in the hallways sometimes. He certainly never tried to seek him out anymore. He hadn't thought Umeda hated him like that. What really upset Akiha was that he couldn't get over the other boy. Not even after all the harsh words and the look in Umeda's eyes when he'd left Akiha in that classroom. Umeda had still been beautiful to him even then. He could still picture every moment of Umeda's hand on him. He'd beat off so many times just thinking about it. None if that, however, could change the fact that he now felt more unlovable. The void in him felt darker and colder. None of his 'friends' seemed to notice how deeply hurt he was feeling. As long as he smiled, they didn't notice. As long as they didn't notice, they stayed beside him; he needed them to stay beside him.
Summer came upon him faster than he'd anticipated. Suddenly, he found himself back in his room at his Dad's house. There were no friends to forget his troubles with for a little while. The world closed in darker around him. His dad was too busy to notice. He worked long hours every day to pay the bills, leaving Akiha alone to do as he pleased which meant there was no one around to help him or see how hurt he truly was inside. So he just stayed curled in his bed as the summer drifted away.
"Hey, Akiha," his father knocked on Akiha's door one late afternoon, momentarily breaking the blond out of his funk. Akiha was a little surprised to see his dad. He hadn't heard him come back from work and he hadn't been expecting his dad to be back early. He got along very well with his dad, but the man had been very busy with work lately. "May I come in?"
"Sure, dad," Akiha sat up from where he'd been lying on his bed.
"Look, your finals scores came in the mail and so did your year book. Do you mind if I look at them with you?" His dad asked with a smile.
Akiha sat up and forced a bright smile. His father looked happy. It always lightened his heart when his father was near him. Maybe it was because his father's smile was still so honest. Even after being abandoned and now having to work so hard on his own to take care of Akiha, the man could still smile like there was nothing wrong in the world—like Akiha was his light. "Sure, dad," he said, his smile becoming sincere.
"Your grades are really impressive, son. You must have worked very hard." His father praised.
Akiha felt the darkness in him recede a little further. "It was tough. My English classes were really difficult."
They poured through the yearbook together. Akiha regaled his father with all kinds of tales about school, and brightened when his father laughed at his stories.
"Osaka must be a wonderful school. I always wanted to go there myself. I'm so proud that you can attend." His father said, looking at the picture of the campus. He flipped the page. "Wow, you took this picture?"
Akiha looked down at the book to see his picture of the gardens printed on the page his father was pointing at. "Yeah. The photography club submits photos to the yearbook club and then they decide which ones to use. We never know which ones get chosen until we get a copy of the book."
"Look, there's more of your pictures. These are wonderful! You really have a talent here, son," his father beamed as he flipped through the pictures. "You know, if you like taking pictures so much, maybe you should be a photographer."
"Thanks, Dad. I was thinking about maybe doing that," Akiha was so pleased. He would never take for granted the fact that his father let him pursue his passions or wanted Akiha to choose his own way in life. His father didn't think the same way as a lot of Japanese fathers. Mr. Hara had been raised in England most of his life. He had a more westernized thought process than most Japanese fathers. Akiha's friends were always amazed at how laid back and cool Mr. Hara was about the things Akiha did.
When they finished looking through the book, his dad set aside on his desk and sighed. "Akiha," the man said soberly. "I know things have been difficult for you. I'm sorry I can't be around more to help you more. I appreciate all the work you do around the house though. I'm always grateful when I come home and see the place so clean."
"No, Dad, you're doing the best you can. You work so hard to let me go to Osaka," The smile slipped off Akiha's face.
"Thank you. I really am very proud of you. I couldn't have asked for a better son," his father reached out to grip his son's arm tightly. "Don't let the bad things in life destroy your happiness. You're going to be someone great someday. Don't give up on yourself. I think you're a stronger person than you give yourself credit for. And, no matter what, I'll always be proud of you. So do your best, too."
Akiha felt like crying. He was too old to cry on his dad's shoulder. How could he have thought that his father didn't notice he was hurting? He put his arms around his father's shoulders and hugged hard. "Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna work hard. Someday I'll be someone amazing, so you can be even more proud of me."
His father hugged back briefly before getting up. "You keep fighting for what you want, son." He smiled and left the room, closing the door carefully behind him.
Akiha touched the yearbook on the desk. He resolved to do better. He would continue to smile. He'd continue to make his father proud. No matter what, he had to keep doing his best for his father. He wanted to be just like his dad and work hard for everything he got in life. He wasn't going to stop smiling just because things got tough. He wasn't going to let a broken heart stop him either. He'd show Umeda when he got back to school that he was not beaten. Umeda might have rejected him before, but Akiha was determined now to win him over. This was not the end of the fight for love for Akiha Hara! When school started back up again, Umeda better watch out!
/
Summer went by far too fast for Umeda's taste. He'd enjoyed almost every minute of it. He'd gotten to hang out with Ryoichi, which gave him an excuse to stay away from his home. His family had taken a vacation to the beach for a week. He'd had a brief fling with a very cute boy, while on that vacation. His sister, Io, had been gone with her husband and son most of the summer. So he hadn't needed to deal with her bullshit. The only thing that had dragged his summer was down was Akiha. Even away from school, he could not get that incident with the blond out of his head. He'd done his best to ignore his still guilty conscious though. So yes, it had been a pretty good summer over all.
He certainly wasn't overly thrilled to go back to school. It was senior year now. The pressure was on to get perfect grades, apply to top colleges, and get accepted somewhere his father could actually pay for. However, the big decision of the year was going to be deciding what the hell he wanted to do with himself. He had no desire what so ever to be part of the family business. Io's husband had already pretty much taken over what would have been Umeda's position anyways. He knew his father would kill him if he even mentioned that he had no idea what career he wanted to pursue on top of not wanting to be part of the family business. It wasn't like Umeda had been stalling. He'd been trying to figure it out since he started high school. The only thing he seemed to have a real passion for was writing, and he was not going to be a starving writer. He liked expense things and to live comfortably. So if writing for a living was out then what was he supposed to do? He hoped he got inspired this year, because college was going to be upon him before he was ready. He just knew it.
While he was contemplating all this, he wasn't really paying attention to where he was going. He knew instinctively which classroom he was aiming for. He'd been at this school for two years now. He knew the whole thing inside and out. That didn't mean he was really seeing what was in front of him. So he was a little shocked when he walked right into someone and knocked them into some lockers. He stumbled sideways before regaining his balance and turning to see who he'd accidently run into.
"I'm sor-," he started and nearly swallowed his tongue when he saw who he was talking to. The boy in front of him was very familiar except he'd grown like 4 inches. "Hara?" He gapped at the blond haired boy in front of him.
"Hi, Umeda-sempai!" Hara chirped with a bright smile.
Umeda was still trying to get over the fact that he now had to tilt his head slightly up to look into Akiha's face to be annoyed by the fake cheer. "Hi." He managed to get out. The boy had been cute before, but now he was rapidly turning into a beautiful young man. How'd that happen? Summer always seemed to cause changes in what felt like almost overnight, but this was crazy.
"How was your summer, sempai?" Hara asked brightly. He looked so happy to see Umeda that it was starting to freak him out.
"It was good," he replied distractedly. He was staring at the blond hair that was hanging in front of those big ginger colored eyes. Dammit, how in the world could he be attracted to this irritating twit? "How was yours?"
Something dark passed through Akiha's eyes before the boy could hide it. His smile stayed in place though. "It was fine."
Umeda scowled just a little. It came back, oh so clearly, why he couldn't stand this boy. His mask was more seamless than before, but Umeda could still see through it. He was still a fake. "Ok, well I gotta go to class."
"Right. Me too. I'm glad I got to see you, sempai," Hara said sincerely. For a moment, Umeda saw the real Akiha looking at him. Those eyes looking at him now were soft and warm. He was truly happy to see Umeda. In that instant, he was even more beautiful in his sincerity.
Umeda blinked. "Yeah, later." He turned away and hurried towards his home room.
/
Ryoichi stood at the front of the class at the end of the day. He was president of their class yet again. It was almost unheard of for a student to retain this status for more than a year, yet the entire class had been unanimous in re-electing him. Umeda, to his dismay, had also retained his status as Vice President despite his vehement protest. Sure, he'd enjoyed last year's involvement in activities, but this was high school. He didn't feel like being that responsible for another year, especially during senior year. Umeda shoved those annoying thoughts aside as he listened to what his best friend had to say.
"Welcome back, everyone," Ryoichi smiled easily. "It's good to see you guys back after the summer. Thanks for re-electing me to be your class president along with Umeda as my vice president. Now, onto business…RA dorm election night is this Saturday. You can vote for any senior in your dorm to have this "privilege" (the boys all snickered). Of course the senior with the most votes wins. So choose wisely. Don't just pick someone you like. Pick someone you think will be fair, responsible, and can take care of any issues that occur. You don't have to be present when the RAs are elected, but it is highly encouraged. Which means you all better be there." He smiled again before starting towards his seat. He paused on the other side of the teacher's desk. "Oh, and don't vote for me. I've got enough to do without adding that to my list of duties." There were several groans at that.
Umeda rolled his eyes as Ryoichi sat down beside him. "Don't vote for you, huh? You knew they were all going to."
"Of course." Ryoichi smirked. "With any luck, now they'll all vote for you."
"Don't curse me like that. I've got enough shit on my mind too without having to worry about someone's toilet backing up at 3am." Umeda grumbled, propping his chin up on his fist. "Not to mention, that the kohai always pester the shit out of the RA, because they feel like the RA knows everything. I am not going to answer all their stupid questions. I have better things to do with my time."
"Hey, dorm RA is an honorable job. It looks good on college applications." Ryoichi's smile got a little more sarcastic.
Umeda narrowed his eyes. "No."
"It's up to the people, Umeda." The black haired boy said loftily.
Umeda already had a feeling he was screwed.
/
It turned out he was right on that subject. For a brief moment, after the voting was tallied and it was concluded that Umeda Hokuto would be the new RA dorm 2, the boy wanted to choke the life out of Ryoichi. Especially when his friend gave him that damned smug 'I knew it' look. What he really wanted to do was smack every asshole that had voted for him. However, with the shouts of 'speech, speech, speech!' growing louder and more demanding by the moment, he was forced to stand to acknowledge the dunderheads he wanted to hurt.
"First of all, I am not at all grateful that you elected me to this task," he snapped irritably. To his annoyance, this announcement only caused laughter and more cheering. "If you come to me with a problem it damn well better be legitimate. I am not putting up with any petty crap you can deal with on your own! If you do have a serious issue though, please come see me…it better be life threatening though. I'll try my best to be honest, fair, and look after the members of this dorm like a responsible RA is expected to." He scowled at end and crossed his arms over his chest as the rest of boys erupted into more cheering. Obviously, his dire threats didn't have the intended impact he had hoped for. He sighed. It was going to be a trying year.
Ryoichi draped his arm around his friend's shoulder as he steered Umeda out of the cafeteria and down the hall. "Good job, Umeda. I think you only succeeded in making them more pleased with themselves for voting you into the very honorable RA position."
"I'm sure you had nothing to do with influencing them in their choice," Umeda muttered darkly.
"You'll do a great job. There was no other senior worthy of the task," the dark haired boy replied easily.
"Stop trying to butter me up. I can definitely think of someone who was far more suited to the task," the other boy leveled his piercing amber eyes at his friend. Unfortunately, Ryoichi was one of the few people who was unaffected by that intense gaze.
Ryoichi shrugged. "I doubt it." He stopped walking in front of the first door in the downstairs hallway of dorm three. He reached out and with a flick of his wrist, snapped the door open. "On the upside, the RA gets the biggest room in the dorm…all to himself."
Umeda looked unimpressed. "Every senior gets their own room so they can study for entrance exams in peace."
"Yes, but those rooms are half the size of the normal dorm rooms. Yours is not. You also get a full sized bathroom unlike the rest of us poor students. So enjoy your RA duties. They come with some good perks." Ryoichi smirked, shoving his friend through the door. "Your minions, I mean the kohai, have already brought in your luggage."
Umeda couldn't help the smile that snuck out at the edges of his mouth when Ryoichi said that. "You make some valid points."
"Well, you enjoy your new room. I have homework to get done." Ryoichi pulled the door shut behind the other boy.
Umeda listened to his friend's footsteps disappear down the hall. He looked around the room and smiled in satisfaction. Maybe RA was worth it just to have a room that was twice as big as his own back home. The room was set up with a single twin bed in the right back corner, a night stand (holy crap, his own nightstand!) next to it, across from the bed was a desk with a chair and bookshelf, and to his immediate right was a dresser. To the left, there was a door that he knew led to the bathroom. It was so awesome to think that he wouldn't have to share any of this space with another student. It was all his…
Yeah, maybe not so bad after all.
/
It was the first official Photography club meeting of the new school year. Akiha was very excited to be part of the club again. Thanks to Umeda's advice, he had joined last year even though he was a little late. He'd made a lot of friends in the club; people he felt that he could really connect with beyond just school work and sports. It was great to be back amongst his friends and in a place he could expand his creativity. After the talk with his dad during the summer, Akiha had become even more attached to his camera. Taking pictures had quickly become more than just capturing beauty. It had become his emotional outlet, his sanctuary, and his inspiration for living. His pictures had taken on a new style and passion. They didn't just capture beauty now, they captured the emotions of the moment. Anyone could pick up a camera and take a good picture. A photographer made the person feel just by looking at their picture. Akiha wanted to be that kind of photographer. He'd found his calling, and it was all thanks to his dad and Umeda.
"Alright, first order of business." the advising teacher, Hiroshi-sensei, announced. "We need to elect a new President. Since Souh-sempai graduated last year, this position has come open. All the other positions will remain the same since someone wants to contest them. We need to appoint a new person who will be responsible and capable of handling the duties required of the club president. I'll hand out some blank pieces of paper, and we'll do this the old fashioned way. Whoever has the most votes is the new president.
While he papers were passed around, several moments of silence passed. The group scribbled down their choice, and then all the papers were collected back up. Casual chatting broke out as they all waited for Hiroshi-sensei to tally the votes, but Akiha didn't join in with the chatter. He was too anxious to find out who had won.
"Ok, everyone! Listen up!" Hiroshi-sensei silenced them. "Your new president is…Hara Akiha!"
Akiha stared in shock as everyone began to clap and a few cheered. "Me? Really?"
"Sure!" His friend, Taki, grinned. "You're the best photographer in the club. You'll make a great president."
Akiha flushed at the compliment. He stood up and bowed politely. "Thank you for the votes of confidence. I'll do my best to fulfill all the duties as president as best as I can."
More clapping and cheering ensued.
"Alright! Alright!" Hiroshi-sensei got them back under control. "Now, President Hara, it's up to you to take care of the club. Go ahead…"
Akiha walked to the front of the classroom. "Well, first, I'd like to make a suggestion." He cleared his throat as all eyes focused on him more intently. He buried his nerves under a bright smile, and was relieved to find himself calming down. "I think all of us should pick a club, activity, or sport to be in charge of for taking pictures. I noticed in last year's yearbook that some of the clubs or activities didn't get photographed because of lack of interest. So I think it's only fair that we cover everything so that the yearbook committee has a better variety of pictures to choose from."
"That's a great idea!"
"I like it!"
"I want to photograph the kendo club!"
Akiha was a little surprised by the amount of approval his proposal was given. He was a little relieved when the vice president, Isao-sempai, stepped in.
"I'll make a list of all the clubs, sports, and activities that need to be covered. I think major events like the spring festival can be covered by all of us. I'll have the list created for the next meeting. You can put your name down next to what sport or activity you would like to cover. If there's more than one name in a section, the choice will go to the senior individual." Isao-sempai said.
"Thank you, Isao-sempai." Akiha sighed gratefully. This job was gonna be harder than he thought. "I also think it would be best if we all take turns so no one gets stuck photographing something they don't like for very long. It'll give each of us a chance to develop our skills in a new environment throughout the year."
"How often will we switch?" One of the kohai asked.
"I suppose we could vote on that…," Akiha suggested.
"I'll come up with a list of possible time lines for the next meeting too. We can vote on it then as well," Isao scribbled down some notes in his binder.
"Ok," Akiha smiled. "Let's make this a great year of photography! I'm looking forward to working with all of you!" He just hoped he would be good at this president job.
/
The next Photography club meeting came and went, with little incident. After all the voting had been accomplished, the assignments were delegated and the time limit established. Each student was given a club, activity, or function to be in charge of photographing for a month. At the end of the month, they all would rotate to a different area. It kept things balanced and it made everyone happy. It made Akiha particularly happy when he found out that he was going to be in charge of track and field, long distance running, and soccer. He didn't particularly care for sports. No, what he was excited about was finding out that Umeda had joined the track team. Now he could watch his sempai all the time at practice and have a good excuse to do so.
So here, Akiha sat on the side lines of the track watching his beloved sempai run. He knew the boy didn't care for track, but he seemed to at least be giving it some effort. For that, he was sure Ryoichi was the cause. Whatever the reason, the blond was just happy to see Umeda in motion. His sempai looked beautiful with his hair fanned out in the breeze. He ran with a quick grace that no other boy on the team could emulate. Umeda was fast, too. If he wanted, he could beat them all. He looked like he might take flight at any moment.
The blond held the camera ready in his hands. He wanted to capture the other boy even if only in a camera frame. He wanted to be able to look at it over and over again to relive this breathless moment of watching Umeda run. He waited until the other boy came around the turn. He put the camera up and focused in. He paused with his finger over the trigger until he knew the moment was right. Umeda drew closer and came in better focus. His face was relaxed, even content. He looked free.
The shutter clicked again and again and again. It was only seconds in a moment, but Akiha had captured those feelings in Umeda. He knew it. He could almost feel it in the film inside the camera. He felt a sense of accomplishment and awe. It was his first real taste of what it felt like to capture true emotion on film. He'd been trying for months to do exactly what he'd just done. All it had taken was his own emotions for Umeda pouring through the lens to capture the emotion in his sempai. It was the birth of his true passion for photography. Even then he knew what he felt was something significant that would shape the rest of his life. What he hadn't quite figured out yet was that it took love for his photographs to be truly heart wrenching.
Umeda had always hated running, but he'd been somewhat forced into joining the track team. Ryoichi was on the team and had been tired of his friend's lazy attitude about everything. So Ryoichi had coerced Umeda into joining the team, despite all of the other responsibilities Umeda had on his plate at the moment. Honestly, the amber-eyed boy could have killed his friend if it hadn't been for the fact that he loved Ryoichi so damn much. He supposed the upside to running was that it gave him something else to focus on for a while besides all the varying school pressures weighing down on him. He was focused on the pain in his struggling lungs and burning muscles. That was the part he hated about running. He was not a fan of things that hurt, but once he caught that runner's high, he began to enjoy himself a little. He got lost in the repetition of his feet hitting pavement, trying to time his breathing just right, and feeling the wind against his body.
He didn't even notice Akiha had been photographing him until after practice was over and he started walking back to the locker rooms. When he saw the blond pointing his camera at him, he stopped in his tracks. He had hoped that the incident last year had chased the blond off. Apparently not. He sighed, before walking over to where the blond was sitting.
"I thought I told you to take pictures of other things besides me," Umeda remarked sourly.
Akiha smiled cheerfully up at him. "I am. You just happened to walk in front of my lens." It wasn't a total lie…
"What are you doing out here anyways? Aren't you part of a club or something?" Umeda asked curiously.
"I'm out here for my club. The Photography club is taking pictures of all the clubs, sports, and activities for the yearbook committee. I assigned each of us a different activity. I happened to get track, soccer, and long distance running." Akiha explained easily. He was so happy to be talking to his sempai again. He'd thought Umeda would never want to speak to him again. Yet, his sempai had been the one to come over and the first to start talking.
"You assigned?" Umeda blinked in bemusement.
"I'm the club president now!" Akiha chirped proudly.
"Wow," Umeda said before he could stop himself. "Well…uh congratulations, I guess."
Akiha's smiled suddenly became genuinely happy. "Thank you, sempai. I heard you were made RA for dorm 2. Congratulations."
The older boy was a little stunned by the sincerity of the blond's smile. It made the blond's ginger colored eyes even warmer and more unguarded. He had to force himself to concentrate enough to form an answer. "Thanks. Just remember to take pictures of other people besides me, Mr. Photography Club President."
"I will."
"Right. Well, see yah later, Hara." Umeda turned away.
"Bye, Umeda-sempai." Akiha practically crooned happily at his back. In less than two weeks, Umeda had talked to him twice now. Akiha was pleased with those results. So far, this year was shaping up to be pretty great.
/
Umeda knew he shouldn't have been so optimistic about the school year so soon, but everything had been going pretty well so far. His RA duties weren't nearly as taxing as he had feared. He'd had relatively few issues to deal with as an RA thus far. His classes were going very well and he was making good grades. His test scores so far for college entrance exams were high. Running wasn't as horrible as he'd envisioned. That didn't mean he cared for it though. It just wasn't killing him like he'd suspected it would. So all in all, it had been smooth sailing.
Which was why some higher power had to throw a wrench in the system and screw it all up!, Umeda thought irritably.
"I was given some rather unfortunate news," Umeda said to the residents of Dorm 2 as they all sat crammed in the day room. They were waiting to find out what was so damn important that they all had to be assembled here to hear it. "Apparently, the heaters in Dorm 3 have stopped working. The mechanic has been unable to find the source of the issue. The school has decided that since Dorm 3 heaters need repaired that they are going to go ahead and do the rest of the dorm renovations as well, instead of waiting until summer like they'd planned. So until Dorm 3 is fixed, those students will be sharing rooms with the other two dorms. That means all of you will have another new room mate for the time being."
All the students groaned.
"Yeah, I know! I'm not pleased either! I've no idea how long this situation is gonna last, so don't ask!" Umeda snapped, cutting off the questions before they started. "Also, the RAs are not allowed to choose who goes into which room. The principal decides for us. Something about not wanting there to be any favoritism or some shit like that."
More groans followed.
"If you have any serious issues with who is being put in your room, come contact me. I will get the issue resolved," he finished explaining before holding a list aloft. "I'll be posting the new room mate list on the bulletin board. Please review it carefully. Your new room mate will be moving in tonight so be prepared. That means clean up your disgusting excuses for dorm rooms! Especially Takashima! That filth will not be tolerated!" He glared at the boy he'd called out in front of everyone until the poor kid practically melted under his evil stare.
Umeda pinned the list to the board then got out of the way as quickly as possible. He still narrowly missed getting run over by over eager students. He went to stand beside Ryoichi. The dark haired boy was smirking at his friend's angry scowl.
"You're in a bad mood," Ryoichi remarked.
Umeda's scowl deepened.
"Got paired with someone you don't like?"
"Yes," Umeda growled. He shifted his gaze sideways to see his friend's knowing smile.
"Hara?"
"Yeah."
"Seems like fate's conspiring against you." Ryoichi chuckled.
"I'm having him moved to a different room." Umeda said flatly.
Ryoichi looked unconvinced. "What are you gonna use as an excuse? You know the principal's not gonna buy the 'I just don't like him' line." The dark haired boy pointed out.
Umeda grit his teeth. He really had no good excuse. He just didn't want to be stuck in a room with Hara. There were to many feelings and weird shit between them. It'd be awkward at best and severely uncomfortable at the worst. He didn't want to deal with this situation on top of everything else. Dammit, he hated when Ryoichi was right about things.
"I think someone's trying to tell you to deal with the situation instead of running away from it," Umeda's friend smiled, patting the boy on the arm.
This was gonna suck. Umeda just knew it.
/
Umeda opened the door to his dorm room to see Hara standing out in the hall, holding his bags. He looked up and blushed when he caught Umeda's gaze. The older boy was struck again by just how beautiful the blond had become over the summer. That in itself was a problem. It did Umeda no good to be lusting after a kid he was trying to chase off; a kid that was very obviously not taking the hint. So it was incredibly counterproductive to be feeling any kind of sexual desire towards Hara.
"Well, come in," Umeda snapped, jerking his thumb towards the inside of the room.
"Thank you for letting me stay here with you, sempai," Akiha replied gratefully as he dragged his futon and suitcase with him.
Umeda bit back a lot of harsh words. It wasn't Akiha's fault that he'd been assigned to Umeda's room. It was not in his nature to be cruel with his words; blunt, sarcastic, tactless, and sometimes mean, but never cruel. Only Akiha, seemed to make cruel words jump to the top of Umeda's tongue. He didn't know why. It felt something like self defense or denial. There were to many mixed up emotions where Akiha was concerned. That just irritated Umeda even more.
"I made space for you over here," Umeda pointed to directly behind his bed. "I cleared out the bottom two drawers in the dresser and some space in the closet for your clothes."
Akiha looked surprised by that. "Thank you."
"The desk is mine. If you wanna study, sit on your bed or use the day room. You can put your suitcase under my bed for now since there's no where else it will fit," Umeda grumbled.
"Sempai…"
"Yes?"
"I really do want to thank you for letting me stay with you. I know you…don't like me," Akiha felt acid burn the back of his throat as he said that.
Memories of that time in the classrooms arose in both their minds. They stood there awkwardly, trying to figure out a way break this new tension.
"Look, let's not make this weird," Umeda said suddenly.
"Weird how, sempai?" Akiha smiled brightly.
"You know what I'm talking about," the older boy scowled.
The blond just continued to smile, though it almost hurt to do so. "Ok, sempai."
The older boy growled irritably. "Get this straight. If you bother me at all, I will kick you outta here. You can sleep in the hall for all I care."
"Got it!"
Umeda knew he'd been right. This was going to suck. "And that fake attitude isn't going to work on me."
"What attitude?" Akiha's mask faltered for a split second.
The older boy's scowl just deepened. He spun away to go sit at his desk. "Whatever. If you wanna be thought of as an idiot be my guest. I'm gonna study."
Akiha frowned at his sempai's back. How the hell did Umeda know it was an act? He thought his mask was perfect. No one had ever seen through his mask before, not even his closest friends. He should have known better than to underestimate Umeda's perceptive nature. The boy had after all been the one to inspire him joining the photography club. It scared Akiha a little. What else could his sempai figure out about him? Now he was more nervous about living with Umeda. How was he supposed to guard the darkness in his heart and the mask from the older boy's perception? How was he supposed to make Umeda love him if the other boy saw the ugliness in his soul?
He swallowed hard before slowly beginning to set up his futon and put his clothes away. He'd just have to do his best to maintain his mask. Somehow, he'd make Umeda love him. He couldn't give up, even when he was afraid. After all, if he wanted Umeda to love him shouldn't Umeda love all of him, even the tarnished parts? Akiha would keep trying to make Umeda understand his feelings. He had to be strong. He had to keep smiling…
/
Akiha was once again at the track taking pictures of the sports clubs. Umeda had since given up trying to find some way to chase the blond off. Akiha was not bothered by the older boy's glare. Umeda decided it was best just to put up with the attention and picture taking. From what Akiha had told him, the club members would all be rotating positions at the end of the month. He could hold out until the end of the month. He wished there was an end date in sight for when Akiha would be moving back to dorm 1. How long did it take to repair a dorm? It'd been a week already! He sighed as he ran, irritated by his inability to let go of this stuff even while doing something that normally wiped his mind clean. Why was he letting this kid get to him so much?
The rest of practice slipped by before Umeda realized it. He'd been to lost in his thoughts to pay attention to the time. He went through the motions of showering in the locker room, changing clothes, and waving good bye to the other club members. He wasn't at all surprised to see Akiha still sitting on the sidelines where he'd been the entire practice. His camera was packed away now. He just sat there with his hands folded in his lap, waiting patiently. Umeda grumbled under his breath in irritation. This kid just couldn't take a hint…
"Can I walk back with you, Sempai?" Akiha asked guilelessly when Umeda was close enough.
Umeda sighed tiredly. "I can't really say no. We're sharing the same room. It'd just look weird if you're trailing behind me like some oversized puppy." He blinked, nearly blinded by the younger boy's delighted grin. Fuck, he thought, why does this kid have to be so damn beautiful?
He didn't see the looks the other boys were giving them as he and Akiha walked back to the dorm. He was trying to hard to ignore how close Akiha was walking to him. He glanced side long at the blond, who was practically glowing with happiness. He was probably letting the blond get away with too much and leading on when he really didn't want to. He could only say no so many times to someone who wouldn't listen before just giving up and bearing it. It was only until the other dorm was fixed. Then there would be no more walks back together, and no more awkward silences in his room.
/
Umeda was too wrapped up in school work to realize what the other boys were whispering about him. They stopped whenever he looked up, switching subjects whenever he seemed to be taking interest in their conversation. He didn't really care. It was probably just another dumb rumor or hype over another dumb anime. Umeda didn't have the time to get involved in such petty nonsense. College exams were looming ever closer. Every weekend he went home his father was breathing down his neck about colleges and career choices. He was just too stressed to notice that he had become the subject of the latest rumor.
He didn't really start to notice things were off until he tried to get one of his regular fuck buddies to sleep with him and got turned down. That started to clue him in that something was off. No one turned down sleeping with Umeda if they strayed off the heterosexual path and he came onto them. That was somewhat worrying, but his current situation was even more aggravating.
Umeda puffed out a cloud of cigarette smoke in irritation. There's nothing quite so frustrating as being right next to the person he loved and not being able to do anything; not touching, not kissing, not anything. It didn't matter that he was sitting close enough for their shoulders to touch if he just leaned a little bit closer. It felt like he was a million miles away from Ryoichi. He could look over into his eyes and see nothing of the feelings he hid inside himself reflected back at him. It made him want to cry, rage out at the unfairness, or want to blurt his true feelings just to see if that look would change at all. Instead, he clenched his fists, half crushing his cigarette, and pretending to ignore the ball of hurt that had settled in his chest.
It'd been over a week since the last time they'd really gotten to hang out. Between classes, club activities, studying and homework, and trying to dodge Akiha, Ryoichi and Umeda barely got to see each other, but Umeda had finally had enough. He needed to see his best friend. He'd gone to Ryoichi's room, practically kicked the door down, and dragged his friend up to the roof for a smoke break. Yet, even having gone through all this trouble to get Ryoichi alone, the boy had yet to say a word to Umeda. Honestly, Umeda wondered sometimes why he even loved this jack ass, who gave him so little regard.
"So how are things going with your boyfriend?" Ryoichi finally spoke up. His irritating smirk made Umeda want to punch him.
"He is not my boyfriend. I'm about to go beg the principal to switch rooms. He's driving me crazy. Even when I'm trying to study I can feel his stupid eyes on my back giving me that damn puppy love look." Umeda snapped, annoyed that when his friend finally did decide to talk it was about a subject he was trying to get away from.
"You know for someone who doesn't even like that guy, you sure let him hang around you a lot," Ryoichi's smirked widened knowingly. "Even walking back to the dorm together…?"
Umeda glared. "I do not. He just follows me everywhere. And I can't help that we both share a room so walking back together just happens."
"Sure, Umeda. I thought I'd just let you know that there's a rumor going around that you guys are dating…" The dark haired boy's smirk turned more amused.
"What!" Umeda practically yelled.
Ryoichi shrugged.
"Oh, that's it! This shit needs to stop! I do not like him! Why does everyone keep forcing their opinions about him on to me!" Umeda stomped off ranting furiously.
Ryoichi watched his friend go with a grin. "You're not fooling anyone." He muttered to himself before heading back to his own room. Now he could go finish studying in peace…
/
Umeda stomped all the way back down to his room and flung the door open with a bang. Akiha jumped up from his futon, dropping his book in fright. He saw the look on Umeda's face and cringed back. The last time Umeda had directed that angry look at him, he'd jerked Akiha off against the a classroom wall and left him stricken in the wake of cruel words. He swallowed hard, but forced a cheery smile.
"Hi, sempai. What's the matter?" Akiha hid his hands behind his back to hide their shaking.
Umeda swung the door shut and stomped over to the blond. "I was just told that there is a rumor that we are dating."
"Really?" Akiha looked surprised and somewhat pleased. If only it were really true.
"Yeah, really. Apparently, you hanging around me all the time is making them think we're together. No wonder I haven't been able to get laid lately! These stupid rumors are chasing people off who might be interested in me!" Umeda snapped angrily.
Akiha didn't look at all upset about that. In fact, he looked even more pleased. If people thought of them as a real couple maybe Umeda would change his mind. Maybe the older boy would see what everyone else saw; that they made a good couple and should be together.
"Stop following me around! You're giving everyone the wrong idea about us!" Umeda growled. "I've got a reputation to keep up and you're ruining it!"
Akiha looked wounded. "But I want to be with you, Sempai. I love you."
Umeda glared at him. The blond looked sad and pathetic. Even so, Umeda still thought he was cute. It would be so much easier if the kid was ugly. The problem was that Umeda really did find him attractive. He wasn't at all adverse to the idea of kissing or touching Akiha. It was the love part that Akiha wanted from him that turned him off. That and the blond was so frustratingly annoying with that act he pulled! He drove Umeda crazy!
"Can't you try to love me?" Akiha asked, naively hopeful.
"I already told you I'm in love with Ryoichi." Umeda reminded the blond, turning away. He suddenly felt really drained and tired.
Akiha's hand snagged the older boy's sleeve. "Please, sempai?" He hated how desperate he sounded. "Just kiss me one time. Maybe that will change your mind."
"I really doubt it," Umeda said harshly, glaring over his shoulder.
"Please," Akiha whispered. "I just want to know what it's like to kiss someone I love."
Umeda couldn't really begrudge the blond those kinds of feelings. After all, he at least knew what Ryoichi's mouth tasted like, even if he never got to feel it again. Kissing Akiha was a bad idea though. Umeda hadn't been able to get laid since the blond had moved into his room. He'd barely gotten the chance to beat off either. He was sex deprived. Kissing this kid, who he found attractive, was a dangerous idea. He'd lost his morals towards sex long ago. He knew if he liked kissing Akiha, it could very easily turn into something else. It was the something else that might lead Akiha on, even if all the older boy wanted was a good orgasm. Umeda definitely didn't want to give the blond a reason to hope.
Akiha's hand tightened on his sleeve and the blond shifted closer. His eyes were bright, and so very earnest.
"Dammit," he cursed, because he was weak and the blond was too damn beautiful to resist right now. Not with his big ginger eyes pleading at him like that. He leaned over and brushed his mouth across Akiha's lips.
The first touch of Umeda's lips surprised Akiha. He'd been dreaming of this moment for over a year now. Now, that it was happening it felt like nothing he'd ever imagined. It was like his world, that had been skewed sideways, was suddenly righted. Akiha's whole body felt molten hot. It was like the air had been sucked right from his lungs, but he didn't care. It was everything he'd dreamed and nothing like it all at once. He found his fingers suddenly buried in silk fine mahogany hair. He groaned at the softness under his fingers and on his mouth.
For Umeda, what should have been just a simple kiss had warped into one of pure intensity and lust. He hadn't meant for that to happen. He certainly hadn't wanted to feel this way, not for Akiha anyways. He had known better than to tempt himself. He just couldn't stop himself from slanting his mouth against the blond's and deepening the kiss. Akiha's mouth opened so eagerly to Umeda. The boy tasted like something pure, yet dark at the same time. It was the weirdest, most intoxicating taste he'd ever encountered. His brain tried to dredge up anything that might compare: sunshine after a thunderstorm or honey with bitter black tea. He wasn't sure, but he wanted more of it. He swept his tongue further into the blond's mouth and couldn't stifle the moan that escaped him. The flavor was almost overwhelming.
Umeda finally broke the kiss and they both gasped hard, trying to recover from the ferocity that had overtaken that kiss. Akiha looked dazed, like he'd been sucker punched. Umeda's own brain was more than hazy with lust. The blond had tasted good; much better than Umeda had ever expected. One taste suddenly seemed like a tease. His cock was already hard in his pants.
Fuck it, he thought. It didn't really matter that he didn't like Akiha. What he wanted right in that moment was the blond naked and underneath him. He wasn't one to pass up fleeting desires. He liked to live in the moment. So he if he wanted Akiha right now, he was going to have him. The afterwards didn't matter. Consequences be damned.
Umeda shoved the blond up against the wall and pressed in close. He reached over to flick the lock shut on the door. The last thing he wanted was anyone walking in on what was about to happen and making the rumor mill that much worse.
"W-wait, what?" Akiha gasped in befuddled surprise.
"Just go with it," Umeda growled, before kissing Akiha hard.
The blond moaned as his sempai continued to kiss him; although this time with more teeth and tongue. Akiha tried to keep up with Umeda, but the sensations were quickly becoming overwhelming. He'd dreamed of his sempai doing this to him. Reality was just ten times more intense. Umeda was like kissing fire, scorching hot and burning down his defenses. Akiha arched instinctively into the older boy's body, needing desperately to get closer and feel more. The two groaned when their erections rubbed against each other. Umeda's hands were suddenly on Akiha's belt. He ripped furiously at it, needing to feel the blond's dick in his hand again.
Akiha was too shocked to even protest. His hands were gripping white knuckled into Umeda's school sweater. His knees nearly gave out when his sempai's hand closed around his swollen cock. He whined in the back of his throat as that hand stroked him from root to tip while Umeda bit Akiha's lip and sucked hard. The blond couldn't stop himself from bucking his hips into that tight grip and moaning shamelessly. Umeda's mouth left his to work down the blond's neck, nipping and laving wet kisses over his skin.
The blond felt like his heart was setting a speed record. His brain felt foggy from pleasure. It was just so surreal that his crush was actually doing this stuff to him. He wasn't dreaming. This wasn't just another fantasy he wanked off to. This was so very real. Oh, and that thing Umeda's hand was doing to the head of his cock felt way too wonderful to be make believe. Where had this guy learned these techniques?
Umeda was getting lost in Akiha's honest reactions. He'd never felt more turned on then he did right now. Maybe it was the forced celibacy or that Akiha's mask was finally stripped away, that was driving Umeda crazy. He'd never seen the blond act this open or sincere except in brief moments. It was enthralling knowing that his touch was the one breaking through the blond's shell, leaving him vulnerable like this. He wanted to see what other noises and faces Akiha would make. For the first time in his sex life, Umeda wanted to be inside someone instead of being the one taken.
Umeda straightened up and looked seriously at the blond. "I wanna fuck you."
"W-what?" Akiha gapped, barely able to comprehend what Umeda had just said. Then it clicked. His eyes went wide. This was all so new to him. No one had ever kissed him before and only Umeda had ever touched him like this. He had no experience with sex at all. And now, Umeda wanted to have sex? That meant his cock inside of Akiha. The blond swallowed hard. He'd dreamed of it. He wanted to try it. He wanted to know what it really felt like to be taken that way. "Ok," he consented. This might be his only shot with Umeda. If he let the older boy have his body would he finally be able to accept Akiha's feelings?
"Have you ever done this?" Umeda asked seriously.
Akiha shook his head. "No."
Umdea grinned wolfishly. Akiha's heart thudded heavier in his chest. He suddenly had the irrational thought that he was about to get eaten. A second later, Umeda was stripping him out of his clothes. He was naked before he had time to even protest. His sempai herded him towards the bed before shoving him down on to it, then Umeda walked over to his desk to dig out his lube. When he turned around Akiha was still laying half propped up on his elbows, legs spread unconsciously from the way he'd fallen, with that still stunned, nervous look on his face. Umeda tossed the tube of lube, which Akiha caught instinctively.
The blond glanced down at the tube and blushed fiercely. He looked back up to see Umeda sling his shirt into the corner before stripping off his pants. Akiha' heart jumped into his throat when Umeda pulled down his boxers and kicked them aside. The blond had never seen anything so unbelievably beautiful in his life. Umeda looked like some kind of angel; hair disheveled, mouth a little swollen from kisses, all that bare pale skin, long and strong legs, and that perfect hard cock that was curling up towards his belly. He was a beautiful, lustful angel. He stalked over to the bed and climbed on. He took the lube of his Akiha's hands and set it aside. He grinned as the blond stared at his cock and licked his lips. He grabbed the younger boy's hand and pressed it to his cock.
"Touch me." He whispered to the flustered blond.
Akiha temporarily stopped breathing at the first touch on that silky, hot skin. He tentatively wrapped his fingers around Umeda's cock and stroked. Umeda rocked his hips and hummed in appreciation of the friction. Akiha's grip tightened as he grew more confident. He worked the other boy's cock like he would his own. It was so different to be jerking off someone else, yet oddly familiar in the shape and weight of that cock in his hand. The blond quivered when Umeda's hand wrapped around his dick once more before beginning to stroke. They stayed that way from a few minutes, stroking in unison. Umeda's mouth found one of the blond's nipples and nipped playfully. He grinned when Akiha jerked like he'd been shocked. The older boy spent a little more time torturing Akiha's nipples and enjoying the candid reactions the blond was giving in response. Umeda's arousal spiked with each shudder and moan from Akiha. Umeda pushed the blond's hand off his dick when he couldn't stand it anymore. Things were progressing too slowly and Umeda wanted inside the blond. Akiha stared down at him in shock as the older boy shifted downwards until his mouth was inches from the blond's erection. He had no idea what Umeda was about to do…
Umeda spread Akiha's legs and ducked his head down to swipe his tongue from taint to cock tip. The blond's whole body shuddered hard. Umeda chuckled against Akiha's cock. The blond whined at the feel of moist air blowing across his dick. He sucked in a quick breath when Umeda swallowed his cock completely into his mouth. At the same time, a finger pushed its way inside of the blond's tight hole. Akiha's body jerked like it'd been electrocuted. He was so overwhelmed by the combination of new sensations that he didn't know what to do or think. His fingers scrambled in the sheets as he fought not to buck up into Umeda's mouth. He didn't know if he wanted to get away or get closer. The finger in his ass felt strange and uncomfortable while Umeda' mouth felt unbelievably amazing. His body was too confused to decide what to do.
"Ah, God!" he gasped as Umeda swirled his tongue around the head of the blond's cock as he added another finger. Pain sizzled through the pleasure this time. It zapped up his nerves making his muscles tremble. He tried to force himself to calm down so he could focus on what it all felt like. It was incredibly mind boggling to know his crush was doing this stuff to him.
Umeda worked in another finger, mindful of the blond's gasp of discomfort. He did his best to loosen Akiha before pulling off the blond's cock with a wet pop. He smirked at the look of stunned pleasure on the blond's face. He grabbed the lube and poured a generous amount onto his dick. He rubbed it on, sighing at the slick pleasure. He was getting close to losing control. He'd never fucked anyone before. He'd only ever been on the receiving end of things. He wanted to just plunge himself inside of Akiha, but he wanted to learned how to be a good top too. That meant taking his time and getting this right.
He leaned over to kiss the blond. Akiha stared up at him in slight shock from his position on his back. "I'll be honest, this probably gonna hurt until you get used it. Just take my advice and don't tense up. Relax or this will just suck for you."
Akiha swallowed hard, a little fear and nervousness leaking back into his eyes as Umeda placed the blond's legs over his shoulders. It felt really weird and kinda scary to be almost folded in half like that with the older boy leaning over him. "Just do it."
Umeda grinned. "If you say so." He pushed the blond's legs up higher and lined up cock to that waiting hole. "Take a deep breath…"
Akiha did.
"Let it out slowly," Umeda instructed. He waited until Akiha was almost done breathing out and then pushed his cock in. The blond's legs immediately went tense in his hands. His whole body locked up at the intrusion. Umeda pressed a kiss on the inside of Akiha's thigh. "Breathe in…out. Relax," he encouraged. He continued to press in slowly with each exhaled breath. Helping Akiha settle down and accept his length, also helped Umeda keep his control together otherwise he would have come immediately. Then he was finally all the way in. He stayed still so Akiha could get used to the feeling of being filled. He remembered how it felt his first time and wondered if the blond was just as awed. Judging by the look on his face, Umeda was pretty sure Akiha was blown away. He took the time to really feel how Akiha felt around him. It was warm, tight, soft, silky, and so fucking wonderful. He looked down to take in the sight of his cock buried inside the blond's hot body. The sight was so erotic that he had to struggle not to come. His cock twitched hard in arousal.
"Wow," he breathed.
"Ah!" Akiha whimpered at the peculiar feel of that cock twitching inside him. He felt cleaved open, vulnerable, and somehow whole. He looked down to see what Umeda was looking at. He swallowed hard at the sight. "Fuck," he gasped for the first time in his life. Umeda's cock was all the way inside him! He tensed up at the thought.
"Oh God," Umeda's breath rushed out, as those muscles clenched around his dick. He thought he saw stars for a minute as ecstasy roared down every nerve in his body. "I gotta move!" He groaned.
Akiha's back arched in response when Umeda thrust into him for the first time. Both moaned in agonized pleasure. Umeda began to rock in and out at a steady pace. They both tried to concentrate on the sensations overpowering their bodies. Umeda began to slowly speed up. He wanted desperately to come. It was to wonderfully intese for him to hang on for too long. He leaned over and canted the blond's hips up higher, searching for the blond's sweet spot. He smirked proudly when Akiha yelped in surprised gratification.
"Found it," Umeda whispered and struck Akiha's sweet spot again.
They began to fuck in earnest. Their bodies rocked and slapped together. The sound of the wet slip and slid of Umeda's cock inside Akiha's body was like the bass beat to their pants, moans, whimpers, and curses. Umeda began to lose his rythmn as his orgasm grew closer. He gritted his teeth and reached down to hike Akiha's thighs higher still. The blond whined as that cock pummeled him harder, striking his sweet spot with enough force to make him writhe and tears form in his eyes. Pleasure was like a freight train bearing down on both of them. The pace was fast and relentless now. Both were nearly wild with the need to come.
"Stroke yourself," Umeda ordered breathlessly.
Akiha swallowed hard around a dry throat. He looked up into Umeda's eyes and shook his head. "I'm so close. Just-ah!-please keep going!"
Umeda laughed a little wildly. "Ok." He pulled out nearly all the way and shoved back in with a sharp snap of his hips. Akiha shouted helplessly as he came so intensely it felt like he was flying apart. The world seemed to fade out around the edges. Umeda thrust into him twice more before he succumbed to the impossible grip of Akiha's body around his cock. He cried out sharply as he came hard. He collapsed on top of the younger boy for a minute, trying to catch his breath as aftershocks sizzled through his body.
After a minute or two, he very slowly rolled off to the side and lay sprawled out on his back. Beside him, Akiha curled over onto his side facing Umeda. They were silent as reality finally began to close back in around them. Umeda closed his eyes tightly as he tried not think what a bad fucking idea it had been to screw Akiha. But damn, it had been awesome. He glanced over to see Akiha's eyes closed as his breathing evened out into a light doze. The blond looked almost angelic, calm and peaceful. There was no stupid cheery smile and no wide, lying eyes to obscure the real beauty hidden inside Akiha. If it weren't for Ryoichi maybe Umeda would have given this kid a chance. He closed his eyes and let himself drift off to sleep. He'd figure this bull shit out when he woke up.
/
The sun was going down when Umeda woke up. He glanced over to see the blond still curled up exactly as he had been. Umeda sat up with a groan. He was starving, but knew he'd slept through dinner. That meant he was gonna have to go out somewhere and get food. He was still tired and desperately needed a shower. He didn't feel like going out. Beside him, Akiha stirred and blinked several times as he slowly woke up.
"Hey," Umeda said, feeling kinda dumb at saying something so lame. "Are you ok?"
Akiha sat up with a wince of pain. "I'm sore."
"It happens when you're bent in half for a while," the older boy remarked.
The blond flushed brightly. "I didn't mind."
"It was good right?" Umeda asked, a tad anxiously. He hoped that he'd made it really good for Akiha since it had been his first time being seme.
"It was really good," the blond smiled. Akiha slipped his arms around Umeda's shoulders and hugged him. "Thank you, Sempai. I love you."
Umeda cringed and pulled the blond's arms off. "Look, I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea," Umeda sighed. "You're really cute, and I think I was just too sex deprived to think straight. It was cruel of me to sleep with you for that reason. I'm sorry, but I can't love you."
Akiha's eyes darkened before being hidden behind that wall of false cheer that Umeda hated. The smile never slipped off his face for a second, but somehow it had suddenly become fake. Umeda wasn't fooled.
"I understand, Sempai." Akiha smiled gamely. The sex had been incredible though. He was grateful his first time had at least been with someone he loved. Even if Umeda couldn't love him back, he'd given Akiha something special. It just hurt to know that Umeda had used him like that. "It was just sex. It didn't really mean anything—."
"Why do you do that? That fake smile isn't fooling me." Umeda interrupted in frustration. "It's so fucking annoying."
Akiha's smile vanished. "Because I have to."
"No one has to act that damn cheerful."
"I do. I can't let my dad think anything is wrong." He admitted before he realized it. Maybe he was still feeling too vulnerable and shaken by what had just happened, because he never would have said that had he been thinking clearly.
Umeda frowned. "What's your dad got to do with it?"
"He's a single parent. My mom abandoned us. She left us without a reason. So he works his ass off to put me through school. I wanted to come here to go to school, but I'd never told him. Somehow he found out and enrolled me." Akiha explained quietly. He'd never told anyone this-ever. He didn't know why he was telling Umeda. The boy didn't even like him. Yet, he loved him and maybe that was all that mattered. "So even when things are hard and I feel like I'm not worth the effort he puts forth, I just smile. I always smile for him. And maybe if I keep smiling some day I'll mean it, because I'm honestly happy."
Umeda was speechless. He had no idea this kid had such a dark side to him. "There's more to it than that though…" Umeda could just sense it.
Akiha swallowed hard. "How do you know?"
"Because I can see it in your eyes. What's the rest of it?"
"I smile because people smile back. When they smile back I feel loveable. For a second the black hole inside me lessens and I can breathe."
"Black hole?"
"When my mom left it felt like it was my fault. It seemed
like she ripped a part of me out when she left. It feels like a big gaping black hole." Akiha whispered, pressing a hand against his chest like it was something he could physically feel.
"Did you let me fuck you, because it made you feel loveable?"
"Yeah," Akiha twisted his hands. It was getting harder to talk about this. He felt like Umeda was ripping away the mask he'd so carefully created. He felt exposed in front of the other boy in a way that had nothing to do with being naked. "You made me feel whole again. I couldn't even feel the black hole in me when we were—," he flushed, "And I realized…"
"What?"
"I really do love you."
"That's a bit of a leap just because I slept with you." Umeda scowled.
"It's not just because of that. You're the only one that's ever made me feel like that." Akiha said fervently.
Umeda sighed heavily. "You don't love me. It's your mind taking what happened between us too seriously. We hardly know each other. I don't even like you. I mean, yeah, you were a great lay, but that was it. Don't make it out to be something more than that." It was a harsh thing to say, but it was better he say it then let this carry on any longer.
Akiha looked down at his hands again. "Couldn't you try to like me? Even a little?"
"Ryoichi, remember?"
"Right. Him."
"Listen, you're good looking. You'll find someone to love you. Don't put your misplaced affections on me. I can't return them." Umeda found himself saying a little more kindly than he'd meant to. "I'm gonna go take a shower and then get dinner."
"Ok," Akiha whispered, lying back down on the bed and curling up.
Umeda stood there reluctantly for another moment. He didn't know what else to do. If he showed anymore kindness to Akiha then the blond would never give up. He shook his head before going into the bathroom. Akiha lifted his head to watch the door shut quietly behind his sempai. Akiha got up slowly, wiped himself off with his discarded shirt, before getting dressed into some clean clothes. He needed to go find somewhere to think for a little while. He slipped silently out of the dorm room and disappeared down the hall.
The blond made his way to the garden where he'd had his first real conversation with Umeda. He sat down in the same spot that his sempai always like to read in. He curled up with his back to the tree and took a deep breath.
Akiha didn't regret letting Umeda take his virginity. In fact, he was incredibly grateful it had been his sempai. He at least knew what his love's mouth tasted like and how his body felt against Akiha's own. The blond got to experience a level of intimacy with Umeda that most people never got from their unrequited. Even if this was all he ever got from Umeda, Akiha would make due until he truly won his love's heart.
Umeda didn't seem to understand that he'd given Akiha more than just a first sexual experience. He'd given Akiha a reason to feel like he was not quite so broken. He felt like he was falling apart after everything that had happened with his mother. He felt ugly and unloved; like every time someone looked at him they were pitying him. He thought no one could possibly want him or desire him. And Umeda, in the space of only a few minutes, had reduced all those feelings to ashes. Maybe the boy didn't love him, but he had wanted Akiha in that moment. With every thrust of his body he was telling Akiha that he was someone desirable and beautiful. In fact, the impact was stronger because Umeda had no other feelings for him. It really was stupid and irrational, but it felt like Umeda had been healing him.
When Akiha had confessed about the darkness in his heart and his past, Umeda had not looked down on him or been disgusted by him. Umeda had only made sure that his rejection was clear. He had treated Akiha just the way he always had. That meant more to the blond than the sex did. Akiha had loved the other boy before, but now he was truly, irrevocably in love. He was determined, now more than ever, that someday he would make Umeda love him back.
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I know some of you are like 'how could Umeda have slept with Akiha like that!' They're teenagers. They are victims of their hormones and don't how to control their urges yet. Sometimes, need and lust just over powering everything else. You just stop thinking and give in, even when it's a terrible stupid decision. I've been victim of it myself. It sucks. It makes you irrational and it makes you think things like 'wow, I really love this person' when really you're just high on endorphins. This is life. And it hurts. We all do dumb shit. :)