I do what I can and I do what I do, and none of those things were writing Twilight.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Chapter 2: Repressing: Failed

It was a nightmare. My nightmare: the never ending one. I was numb, but not like the statue I would usually become when they were around. My brain was flight at the time being as I frantically looked all over for an exit to make my escape.

Sue was another story. Her brain must have been on fight because she as making her way towards them with two boys from La Push, Embry and Quil. They were nice boys and Quil had a little crush on me when we were younger and he still had a sweet spot for me.

"Carlisle, Esme." My eyes widened at her tone. She was peeved and it wasn't the peeved where you got nicked behind the ear. It was kind of like sending Superman kryptonite brownies on his birthday and laughing while watching him struggle on the last strings of his life. Brownie, anyone?

"Sue, it's nice to see you! Please excuse our late arrival; we had to pick up everyone on the way here and some of us were a little slow to the car." Esme Cullen: How to describe such a woman.

She was a beautiful woman with her caramel colored hair, her warm and inviting eyes, and a serene smile: ready to turn on with a strain of a muscle, and a natural glow to her. I'd often question, before it happened, about the outcome of her son and daughter since they were not the nicest people when their parents are not around and Esme was like the perfect person; I hadn't really seen much sympathy and Esme was the first, so I thought she was some type of angel. Unfortunately that changed once it happened. Again, I couldn't deal with all my issues now.

Sue gave her a forced smile and I quietly made my way to the kitchen leading out to the hallway where they stood. Embry shifted his eyes to me in the kitchen and I held a finger to my mouth to signal for him to be quiet. He gave short nod looking stiff and trying not to put too much attention to him. Embry was the quiet one of the bunch, respectful to others, and is the kind of person that will hear you rant for hours on end. He was a good guy, but terribly shy.

"Yes, well I'm afraid that some of your . . . guests . . . are not well come here." You could almost feel the disappointment coming from Esme.

"I invited them mom. You said I could bring guests, right?" I should've seen that coming. Sue flashed danger to Leah advising her to keep her mouth shut. Leah knew when to push her buttons and when to duck for cover. She got the message loud and clear.

"And, I'm sure she would like to see us after all these years." Esme said hopefully. I sunk to the floor and started to breathe slowly closing my eyes. She didn't know about them: how they really were. I didn't know if she finally got her head out of the clouds and got reality smacked into her face about how her "angels" acted when the curtains went down. All this time, I've tried to convince that I was ready for what was on the other side of this wall. Now that it was staring me in the face, I couldn't handle it!

After a few minutes, a realization struck me as I looked at the pattern of the newly done floors. What if I am never ready? I'd known I'd see them here. Forks isn't that big of a place. I'd see them around school if they went to Forks High. All my life I've been afraid of seeing them, around a corner sometimes they would be waiting for me, or I'd just bump into one of them by accident, and I was still afraid.

Most people would have thought it would be a great plan to do revenge, to get back at all they did to me. I didn't want to humiliate them, tease them, or want anything to do with them. I'm not wasting my energy and time just for them and worst of all I'd be just as equal to them and that is the scariest thing I could think of. Well, at the moment of course.

I'm stronger then I was when I was a thirteen year old girl with as much insecurity as you could count on your toes and fingers. Those people out there have no idea what I'm like now. I would bet anything to say that they just found another play toy in a matter of days. That chapter is over and I'm ready to start a new one.

I took a deep breath and got up from my seat on the floor and looked towards the entrance to the hallway. It's now or . . . well, not ever I guess. Again the town is not that big. Stepping out of the kitchen, I patted my hat down (natural reaction) and looked down to my feet thinking my brain is on auto pilot.

I didn't look any different from when I did when I was thirteen. My hair was a little bit longer, mom took me to a dermatologist to clear up the acne, I was a little taller, but those are natural. Nothing changed. One side of me was staying how stupid I was to do this that I should avoid them as best as I could. The other side was telling me how if I didn't I would always have that what if in life and plus it was better to do it here than in the hallway of school with no protection.

I couldn't even deliberate anymore. A little ray of sunshine chose for me.

Sarah came out from the other exit to the hallway and looking around for something.

Sarah was one of the Quileute elder's daughter and I use to babysit her any chance I got to when they held the weekly tribal meeting. It came to a point where they would only call me because Sarah would not let anyone else babysits her. Her skin was the trademark russet color with swimming brown eyes, and curls that framed her face lovingly.

Strangely, her face wasn't in its usual smile today, but it brightened up quickly once she saw Sue and the boys. She made her way towards them, a little shy because she has never met the people at the door before.

"Auntie Sue, where's big sister?" It broke my heart to hear her call me that again. If there was one thing I regretted leaving Forks, it was leaving my loved ones behind and Sarah was one of them. Sue looked down at her kindly as she was still searching her eyes over the rooms and at one point going in between Quil's legs since she couldn't see over him.

I smiled at her curiosity and her easily made frustration. She was only one when I left and now that she's five, she didn't change a bit. I leaned on the door entrance and watched her with adoring eyes. Sue advert her eyes from her to me, but they were concerned and questioning. Quil and Embry didn't seem to like that I got out of the kitchen leaving me easy to spot. The people in the rest of the house couldn't hear us over the music and the noise.

Are you sure about this? I smiled tightly and nodded at her. Her eyes held determination and smiled with triumph on the quirks of her mouth. Showtime I guess. Let's hope I don't get the stick.

I walked out towards keeping my eyes only on Sarah. I heard a gasp of surprise, but it was low, so I'm not sure if anyone heard other than me. Sarah looked at me curiously for a second, and I was afraid she didn't recognize me. Realization came on her face as she squealed and latched on to my leg and hung on for dear life.

"Big sister, I missed you so much while you were away! Mommy said you were staying now, but to keep quiet. Is it true?" She was whispering in my ear at this point and I laughed at her oh-so-serious face forgetting for a moment whose was in front of me.

I hugged her to my chest reassuring her of this. "Yeah, Sarah-bear I'm staying. Think you could stand having me around all the time?" Sue and the boys laughed at her eager response and she hugged me tighter talking a mile a minute about the things we could do.

Right now my focus was on them. I could never look anyone of them in the eye before, but I felt a sudden surge of confidence. I picked Sarah off the ground and she obliged resting her head on my shoulder. I looked Esme in her eyes as she smiled kindly, sadly at me. I was going to be civil with her, but it didn't mean I forgave her. I know it's stupid to hold a grudge after what four years? I wanted nothing to do with them, they probably the same, but too much went down for me to just forgive and forget.

I gave her a wry smile. "Hello, Ms. Cullen." She winced softly at the formality of my statement, but recovered quickly. She returned my smile but with more anxiety then warmth. I remember that smile. It was distant but still fresh.

"Officer, that's impossible! They were just talking to Bella before she went berserk and scared them away. They had nothing to do with this."

"Are you sure about this Miss Cullen?"

"Yes, of course! My daughter came home crying about Bella and what she did! She's unstable!"

Nothing to do with it: Right. She knew what happened that day, but she just couldn't believe that of her perfect children could ever do something that heinous.

Sue clutched my hand and gave Esme a cold stare. Memories could get you killed in this house.

"Bella, you . . . you look well." I bet I looked better then the last time she saw me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and blinked back forever nightmares. If anything, she was one of the last people outside of my family to see me before it happen.

Carlisle looked down less brave then his wife in facing me reminiscing as I was in his treachery.

"Did you find any problems with her?"

"Um . . . no she's a little banged up, but nothing serious to take into consideration."

"She doesn't sound she's a little banged up."

". . . Look . . . My kids mostly likely didn't do anything, and they are good kids and it was probably an accident. Tanya was always talking about how Bella was jealous of them and she tried to get them in trouble in class. Maybe this is another trick that Bella made up to get my kids and their friends in trouble."

" . . . I'll look into it."

He knew I heard the whole thing from behind that door. As he was fixing me up, he could never look me in the eye. He honestly believes that I was the mastermind behind this whole thing.

As if I wanted to kill myself.

And then I saw them. After five years of repressed memories, it came rushing back like the aftershock of a horrid earthquake. Each face contributed, none less than the other, but if possible more than the rest. It was like a race. Whoever could be the meanest to Bella Swan and made her cry wins.

First was Mary Alice Brandon Cullen. Adopted by the Cullens with her twin brother when she was a toddler, she had everything on a gold platter. Nothing was too expensive only something was under pay. Carlisle was a doctor, and before a trust fund baby to a grandfather tycoon in the upper east side of New York. Esme wasn't that much better. Her father and mother left everything to her when they died including a big amount of cash considering she was their only child. She was also a fashion designer having designs in the biggest places this world knows.

With her past life a blank, all she knew was money equaled status and I and the two didn't match. My family was living on a kindergarten teacher's salary and a police officer's one as well. We didn't have much, but we would rather have something with love then everything without it. Every day she would mock me for clothes, and she was subtle in her attributes to my style. She thought if you were not with the times, you are a crime to society.

One thing I didn't get was that everyone else basically dressed the same. I wasn't as well off as her, but I wasn't as different then the kids in our class at that time.

She always came to school with Prada purses and Gucci gems strutting down the hallway like she knew what it was she all about. Her criticizing my style didn't bother me much. I may have been a kid, but I wasn't that much of a crybaby. Sometimes when she would start, I would walk away before she even got to finish. What did it matter what she thought of me? Ok, you made your opinion known, you have the right to free speech and I respect that.

It didn't mean I had to listen.

With her patience running thin already with me, her anger for me escalated one day. It was just after recess and we were coming down to the classroom getting ready to leave the room. I was talking to one of my friends, Angela about what we were going to do this weekend at one of Seattle's parks. A shriek interrupted us coming from the back room. Alice didn't want her stuff to touch the poor people things, so she made the teacher lock her purse in his back room. When she came back, it was gone and guess who the number one suspect for this terrible crime was? (Are you guys psychic?)

Long story short, she's hated me ever since. Well, more than usual.

Alice grew from the last time I saw her. Not by much, but she still grew. She had shorter hair with was in spikes surrounding her face, naturally her baby fat was gone giving her a sharper face, and she looked as if she grew a couple inches taller.

When we younger, she would never back down from commenting on every aspect of what I was wearing. Staring me straight in the eye with a mocking gleam in her eye, sometimes she would say how much that it killed her eyes to see me and look at me every day.

Now she wasn't as confident.

Her eyes were just like her father's down on the floor admiring the carpet. Fiddling with the hem of her dress, I could tell this was awkward for her; I didn't expect that kind of reaction.

I shifted my gaze to the man next Alice holding her hand. His eyes were wide with surprise still and he tensed as my eyes meet mine.

Jasper Harrison Hale was one of the blond twins of the Hales. Their parents were always out with something, but they checked in with the other to make sure they had the other watching and spending time with the kids. The Hales came in 7th Grade and became fast friends with the Cullens, McCarthys, and the La Push version; Jasper was a little slow in that process. I made friends with him when he first came, and we just stuck by that until the following summer. We were near the end of summer and Jasper asked me to be his girlfriend.

I liked Jasper a lot, but not in that sense. He got angry with me saying that all this time he thought I was different, but now he saw through me. Jasper started to accused me of leading him on and calling me stuff like a tease and just talked to him because of his connections with the group.

"I know that you have problems with them Bella, but that's so pathetic!"

"Jasper, I'm not using you to get to anyone! You're my best friend!"

"Tell it to someone who cares, Bella."

Soon enough, he starting dating Alice and quickly got the gist of their dislike for me. He mocked me for everything I told him like secrets that I trusted him with. At the time, I didn't have that many secrets, but I didn't really confide in anyone about them. It still hurt to have made a friend like Jasper, get as close to him as I got, and then have it all amount to nothing.

After that, Alice must have known something went down between us or he told her about the situation and this fueled her dislike for me, so that happened in addition to that. It wasn't like she was so chipper to make amends before, but regardless.

He recovered from the shock and Alice winced slightly. He would always clench his fingers if a problem or something bothered him, but I didn't know if that was the reason or if he still did it. He smiled kindly at me like I was an old friend come back from a long vacation. I raised an eyebrow at him at him in disbelief while keeping my face smooth. His smile faltered, but remained intact.

These were the ones that I understood their dislike for me more than the others. The others were a little a more complicated then I could comprehend at that time. I fixated my gaze on the door behind them in the crevice Jasper and Emmett provided to make it seem like I was looking at him.

"Alice . . . Jasper . . . Emmett . . . Rosalie . . . Tanya . . . Jacob . . . Leah . . . . . Edward," they all looked startled by my direct address to them all except for Edward. He looked in my direction without actually looking at me. A smile made its way to their faces giving nothing away.

They had years of practice.