The world is full of 'what if's. What if I had done this? What if I had done that? We all have to live with the consequences of our actions, as a ninja Kakashi knew this. Over the years he did wonder about how his life would have been if his best friends and teacher hadn't died when they did but they were usually fleeting thoughts. Never had Kakashi strongly wondered what his life would have been like if…if he was with her. What would have happened if his closest friend had been his usual self and been with five other women? What would have happened if they tracked Kosuke down and caught him? Since they had brought Sayuri to the leaf village, there had been no sign of him. With him still out there and Sayuri's lack of sight, Tsunade didn't allow her to take part in the chunin exams. They had been unable to track down Jiraiya in time to learn about Sayuri's past experience as a ninja. The Toad sage had been in the distant lands doing research and gathering information on the Akatsuki. By the time he had gotten to the Lead, Sayuri no longer had any desire to apply for the ninja way of life because of her love of working in the florist and her unexpected pregnancy of Genma's child. By the time the Toad sage came to the village more pressing events came first and in Tsunade's old age had forgotten why she had called Jiraiya to her office in the first place. In turn, Jiraiya never saw Sayuri. This was the way things were, but still Kakashi couldn't help but wonder 'what if?' The ruby red hair glinted in the sunlight as she passed and his obsidian eye followed her from over the top of his Icha-Icha. What would it be like if he had gotten to kiss her, even if it was just once? What would have happened if he had gotten to spend the night with her? To hold her? To be with her in the place of the senbon user? His gaze fell to the small three year old girl with wavy brown hair and dazzling ice blue eyes as she held her mother's hand. What if that child had been his? "Uncle Kashi!" the bright happy voice made him snap out of his thoughts and see Tomiko Shiranui running up to him, grinning just like her father. The silver haired man gave the child a happy eye crease as she ran under the shade of the tree that he was sitting under. "You day-dreamin'?" she asked curiously as she climbed onto his lap and looked up at him happily. Kakashi glanced up to see Sayuri approach and sit down onto the grass near them, staring unseeingly ahead of her and with a polite smile on her lips.
"Yeah, I was actually. It's good to daydream from time to time." he said when he saw the expectant look on little Tomiko's face. The child giggled and looked curiously at the book open in his hand, the girl couldn't read so there was no harm in letting her look at the print on the pages. Kakashi's visible eye looked the woman over. She was beautiful and he could see why Genma chose to behave and settle down with her. He swallowed hard and looked down slightly at the round curve of her stomach beneath the light purple fabric of her dress. "How much longer until the next one comes?" he asked. What if that could have been his child too? What if Sayuri was his wife? What if he had been lucky enough to have one chance with her? What if he got to wake up to that beautiful face and heartbreaking smile everyday? "Should be another four months or so. Tsunade told us that it's going to be a boy." she said happily. "Congratulations…" Kakashi said genuinely but with a small strain to his voice. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he looked down at the three year old resting against his chest and silently feeling the metal zip of his open vest. What if this was his family? What if he had been lucky enough to have this family? What if he hadn't been a big fool and realized that he loved this woman from the very beginning? Why hadn't it happened the way he wanted?…Why hadn't things have happened differently? It was all too late now and all Kakashi could do was imagine a world were his 'what if's were real. All he had in this unfortunate reality were the 'what if's…