-Blackbeta chooses defeat-
Siblings rivalry can be tough, especially when you lose to your younger sister. We had a competition going on for years but now I see that I've lost, badly. I could never draw anything, my 'skills' rested in writing. I long ago accepted that she is better in drawing than me. But then she became also a writer. Because I was longer in the business I was the one ahead but now… I lost. She is better and far more popular than me. Her reviewers worship the ground she's walking on. She has tons of reviews and fanatic fans, daily messages of how great her stories and ideas are. And me? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I know I said I don't care about the amount of reviews I get but when I compare them to her then I do care, to a point where it hurts to look at.
I don't care if you mock me as an emotional brat now. I don't care if you think of me as a drama queen. Only the ones who lose to their siblings in things that are important to them know what's it's like to be in my shoes. It's a feeling that weighs you down, that hurts you greatly. So, what I'm trying to say is…
…I give up.
…This story is discontinued.
Well, I can't give any more
So now I'm giving up
'Cause nothing's ever good enough
What if I just pulled myself together
Would it matter at all?
What if I just try not to remember
Would it matter at all?
All the chances that have passed me by
Would it matter if I gave it one more try?
Would it matter at all?
Really, would it matter? I think I'm not strong enough to pick up the pieces back together because I lack it – inner strength that is.
The decision to give up has absolutely nothing to do with this pairing. In fact I still love it like I did in the beginning but I just can't go on with this war of who is the better author forever. By now it hurts really much, it depresses me greatly and that's why I'm putting an end to this by admitting defeat. The war is over… finally…
Sorry to all readers out there. I'm truly sorry. And now that it's over I want to thank you all for everything you did for me. Thank you for the support, for the kind words in the times of doubting myself and for everything else. You were the best, really. Thank you, thank you so much.
Goodbye to everyone who reads this. I wish you the best.
~Blackbeta