Act 1
The Beginning
(The setting is a shabby apartment, obviously owned by a bachelor)
Ben Finn: (Sitting in front of his computer with a bored expression, looking at nude pictures of David Hasselhoff on Google images. Suddenly there's a knock at the door, he stands and opens the door.)
Reaver: (Standing in the doorway dressed in only a speedo.) Pizza? (He holds up a pizza box.)
Ben Finn: I...I didn't order any pizza...Why are you dressed in a speedo? It's like 20 degrees outside!
Reaver: Well i wouldn't be able to fit in it if it wasn't 20 degrees.
Ben Finn: What?
Reaver: What?
Ben Finn: ...
Reaver: Pizza?
Ben Finn: Um...Sure?
Reaver: Cool, (walks in the apartment) I'll get the candles out. Do you like red or white wine?
Ben Finn: (Closes the door) I'll take white- WAIT. Wine? Why in Avo's name is there wine-
Reaver: (drops the pizza box on the floor and turns to Ben) I simply cannot contain myself any longer. TAKE ME MY LOVER! (leaps at Ben with the passion of something very passionate. Starts undoing Ben's belt.)
Ben Finn: What the fu- No! (tries to wriggle away)
Reaver: (freezes suddenly) You're right! We should use protection! (reaches in speedo and pulls out a condom, continues undoing Ben's belt,) We don't want any little ones running around now do we?
Ben Finn: Oh gods! RAPE!
Reaver: Oooh~ Role-playing are we? (Makes a kissy face at Ben) I can do that~
Ben Finn: (Panicking) Why is there a strange man in my house, wearing a speedo trying to rape me?
Reaver: (Sexy growl) To hell with condoms! HAVE MY MAN BABIES! (rips Ben's belt off)
Ben Finn: (screams in a surprisingly girly manner)
Reaver: YES! Scream with joy my love!
Ben Finn: NO! I need an adult!
Reaver: You're yelling more than I expected. Aww, this must be your first time. Don't worry my muffin, I'll be gentle~
Ben Finn: No. No! NO NO NO!
Reaver: (cocks an eyebrow and smirks) Oh, so you want it rough? I'm more than willing to oblige.
Ben Finn: I don't want it at all!
Reaver: (growls again) More role-play? I LOVE it! I've heard stories of people with rape fetishes but i had no idea you were one of them my darling! This is a fantastic development in our relationship! Now let me just get this off...(starts tugging at his speedo)
Ben Finn: (shrill screams) No! I don't even know who you are!
Reaver: (blinks) Oh don't be silly my darling! I've brought you your pizza for two months now!
Ben Finn: I've only ordered pizza two times in the past year!
Reaver: See? We've already known each other for so long! Now take off your pants.
Ben Finn: (still screaming)
Reaver: (rips speedo off)
Ben Finn: ( Falls silent with a look of shock and awe)
Reaver: YES! BASK in the glory of my manhood!
Ben Finn: What the hell is this? Some shitty pornography?
Reaver: NO! THIS IS LOVE!
Ben Finn: I HATE YOU. GO AWAY.
Reaver: YOU CANNOT IGNORE MY GIRTH ANY LONGER MY LOVE! (Tackles Ben to the floor)
Ben Finn: (girlish scream)
(All goes dark)
-END ACT 1-