Act 3

The Birth

( iFifteen months have passes since act 2, the scene is now the trashed living room of Finn/b is laying on his back on a large couch, his stomach has grown to the size of four large beach-balls/i)

bBen Finn/b: I...Can't...Move...

bReaver/b: (suddenly pops in the room holding a steaming plate of mac n' cheese.) Hello my pregnant sex bunny! How are we feeling today?

bBen Finn/b: I feel like shit! My back hurts, my stomach is queasy, my eyes sting and my ankles are still sore from were you broke them to make sure i wouldn't run away. Not that i could with this gargantuon stomach. And is that store brand mac n' cheese? I told you i only like Kraft brand!

bReaver/b: Sorry dear, that was the only kind that Bernard had!

bBen Finn/b: ...Bernard?

bReaver/b: He's the hobo i buy our groceries from. He lives in the alley behind our house.

bBen Finn/b: ...A hobo?

bReaver/b: Yeah. Oh right! The doctor called while i was washing the blood stains out from our sheets. He said that you're dangerously overdue and your stomach will pop if i don't cut you open as soon as possible.

bBen Finn/b: "pop?" "cut?" Those are just figures of speech right?

bReaver/b: Yes...Actually no. (holds up a knife)

bBen Finn/b: (screams)

bReaver/b: Don't you worry now! I'll make sure our children come out all nice and safe. They'll be pretty enough to sell to the pedophiles!

bBen Finn/b: Don't you touch me with that!

bReaver/b: Now's not the time to be roleplaying dear! We have to get your stomach open before you-

(he is intterupted by a loud "POP!" noise as Bens stomach pops open from the belly button. A warm glow fills the room emminating from his belly. Suddenly 25 little babies crawl out of the opening and gather on the couch. They sparkle in the light as they begin licking the birthing fluids off of thier bodies. Once they finish they crawl to Ben and latch onto his chest with thier sharp milk-teeth.)

bReaver/b: Aw, bless em. They'll be perfect for the local pedophiles.

bBen Finn/b: OW! No! (tries to push the babies away from his chest) Those don't work!

bReaver/b: Aw, they're feeding. How cute.

bBen Finn/b: They're not feeding, they're leaving hickies on my torso!

bReaver/b: Much like myself, that's just how they say that they love you.

bBen Finn/b: OW! They're biting me!

bReaver/b: Well they can't get by on skin alone. They have to feed on blood. Didn't you read that book i stole for you? "Rasing Man-Babies 101?"

bBen Finn/b: No. It had...something...all over it. It was all sticky. Were did you steal it from?

bReaver/b: Bernard.

bBen Finn/b: You stole a parentling book from a hobo?

bReaver/b: At the time, it seemed like a good idea.

bBen Finn/b: How could stealing a parenting book from a hobo seem like a good idea?

bReaver/b: Well i was broke.

bBen Finn/b: I thought you always kept 200 gold on hand?

bReaver/b: I do, but i had spent it on the radioactive goo i enjected into your womb.

bBen Finn/b: WHAT?

bReaver/b: Yeah, Anyway. He was sleepng in the gutter with a dead chicken and i noticed the bok in his lap. I thought it was relevent so i just picked it up and walked off.

bBen Finn/b: ...

bReaver/b: Want a Poptart?

bBen Finn/b: What kind?

bReaver/b: The best kind! Blueeberry!

bBen Finn/b: Son of a-

bReaver/b: Hey! Not around the kids!

bBen Finn/b: I think i'm going to be sick.

bReaver/b: Really? I thought morning sickness would of worn off by now.

bBen Finn/b: Pretty sure it's from the large wound in my now deflated belly and loss of blood.

bReaver/b: Hm, you're right. Let's get you to the hospital.

bBen Finn/b:I can't walk. My ankles are still broken.

bReaver/b: Yeah, from when i sweeped you off your feet~

bBen Finn/b: ...

bReaver/b: Sorry.

bBen Finn/b: I can't go out with these...monsters anyway. And we can't leave them here alone. They might eat the cat.

bReaver/b: Hm...I have an idea!

bBen Finn/b: It doesn't involve more whipped cream does it? I can't look at a can of the stuff without wincing.

bReaver/b: No no, just shoe boxes. We can put the kids in there.

bBen Finn/b: And how will we explain my...injuries to the hospital?

bReaver/b: Car crash. They always fall for that one.

bBen Finn/b: ...You've done this before?

bReaver/b: I'll get the boxes! (leaves and soon returns with 16 shoe boxes)

bBen Finn/b: Why do you have so many?

bReaver/b: Shoes get ruined a lot when you're breaking ankles.

bBen Finn/b: Oh...wait. How-

bReaver/b: Time to go!

bBen Finn/b: But what about the boxes?

bReaver/b: No time, you're turning colors from blood loss. (sweeps Ben into his arms and runs out the door, leaving the babies sleeping in a pile on the couch.)

(ilights go out/i)

-END ACT 3-