A ct 4
Healing

(The setting is a small hospital room, Ben Finn lays on the bed passed out, stitches are running across his belly and casts are on his ankles. Reaver is sitting in a chair next to the bed watching a Spanish soap opera on television)

Ben Finn: (groans and opens his eyes) Wha...what...

Reaver: (perks up right-away and turns off the television and turns to Ben) Hello my darling! How are we feeling?

Ben Finn: (rubs his eyes) Like I've been raped by a landmine, what happened? When did we get to a hospital?

Reaver: Oh we were in a car crash.

Ben Finn: Car crash? Do you even own a car?

Reaver: Several actually, not that it's relevant, none of the cars were mine. We were walking anyway.

Ben Finn: (stares at him blankly) ...What? How does that work?

Reaver: Well see, you MAY have passed out on our way to the hospital. After that i MAY have gotten over excited and thrown you down in the middle of the street to ravish you like a drunken Arourian prostitute. This all MAY have led to you getting hit by a semi.

Ben Finn: Wha- How- Then why didn't you get hit?

Reaver: Well of course I jumped out of the way silly. YOU just lied there like a lemon.

Ben Finn: I WAS PASSED OUT.

Reaver: Hmm, good point.

Ben Finn: You just left me in the street to be hit by a semi? I CARRIED YOUR DEVIL SPAWN

Reaver: In retrospect it might have been a little bit selfish.

Ben Finn: You son of a-

(suddenly the door slams open, hitting Ben in the leg, jarring his cast, Logan steps in.)

Logan: Whoopsies. Morning, or afternoon you two. I can't be bothered to remember which one it is honestly. How are we feeling today?

Ben Finn: (Through gritted teeth) Like i've been raped by a landmine.

Logan: ...Is that some sort of pet nick-name thing you two have going on? Because i really don't-

Ben Finn: NO. It's NOT. I feel like someone has shoved two or three landmines up my ass and let them detonate all at the same time! THAT is how i'm FEELING today.

Reaver: You're such a spitfire darling.~ (reaches over to hold Ben's hand)

Ben Finn: (hisses and pulls away) DO NOT TOUCH ME.

Logan: Well i suppose it's expected after such an extensive surgery. Things get shifted around in there a bit while we're sewing you up. It's no surprise you're a bit sore.

Ben Finn: And my ass? Did you doctors just HAPPEN to ram a submarine up there while you were "sewing me up?" Because i haven't felt this much pain since last March when they did free drink night at "The cock in the crown!"

Logan: Uh, no. We're short on submarines at the moment, and besides, it wouldn't be physically possible for your-

Ben Finn: PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE? I just carried devil spawn around in my NON-EXISTENT WOMB only for them to BURST out of my stomach! Do NOT tell ME that something is physically possible.

Reaver: Dear, i think you're getting a bit cranky. Perhaps you need a nap...

Ben Finn: OH NO. YOU listen here. I am NOTHING to you. I am not your DEAR, your SPIT-FIRE, or your "LITTLE SEX LLAMA." I am TIRED of you!

Reaver: (Dramatic gasp) What are you saying? You...you're leaving me?

Ben Finn: YES. I am bloody-well leaving you!

Reaver: (lip quivers) HOW COULD YOU? After all i've DONE for you! WAITED on you hand and foot, brought you mac n' cheese and poptarts-

Ben Finn: THE WRONG KIND. Kraft is the only brand i'll eat! and Blueberry poptarts are an abomination!

Reaver: (gasps) I DON'T KNOW YOU ANYMORE! (storms out of the room)

Logan: (long awkward pause) Well...that was-

Ben Finn: NOT. ANOTHER. WORD.

Logan: ...m'kay.

Ben Finn: Bring me my things! I'm leaving this hospital, and i'm leaving this nightmare behind me!

(lights go out, end of act)