On a frosty Tuesday afternoon in the autumn, Craig was driving from work, having just picked Alfie up from day-care, proceeding to make one of his sneaky visits to a supermarket to stock up on the food stuffs he wanted. With the Dark Lord of All secured in a pushchair, Craig entered the supermarket he usually made a regular stop off at, only to his horror, found that the supermarket had rearranged everything since his previous visit a mere week ago. Bemused to where everything had been located too, he was constantly asking store clerks and assistants where all his favourite foods were located. This ended up making a stop that would usually last only twenty minutes go on for far longer than it should have. An hour into this particular visit, he had begun to panic. Sophie would be home before he would, and when he would eventually get home, he would have to make something up about where he was. Or just come clean in regards to the sneaky visits to the supermarket… then he contemplated why such an innocent act of shopping was being treated in his mind like having some sordid affair. As he stood around contemplating what to do – and Alfie sat in his pushchair, bored, and wondering when his dad would hurry up – a male store assistant noticed Craig standing perplexed, and approached him in an attempt to try and help Craig.
"Excuse me, good sir…" the assistant began, "can I help-"
Craig made eye contact with the assistant, giving the assistant full view of Craig's face, and Craig full view of the assistant's. Both men awkwardly paused as they looked at each other. For the store assistant – a man with a wide nose, a chin which could pierce the heavens and the greatest fringe known to mankind – was Craig's old, alien friend. It was The Doctor.
"Doctor!" Craig blurted out in a tone that sounded like a hybrid between a whisper, a squeal, and an exclamation of confusion "w-w-what are you doing here?"
"Nice to see you too, Craig" the Doctor bluntly and sarcastically replied "and first of all, it's not the Doctor anymore. Never the Doctor. Instead I'm John Smith! See, I have a badge"; the Doctor proudly pointed to a name tag, displaying the name "John Smith", which was idly hanging on to his work uniform, "and to answer your question, I work in a show now… again. Shops are cool". The Doctor's face broke out into his signature, childish grin.
Craig, whilst happy to see the Doctor, still had nothing but questions on his mind, many of these in regards to what the Doctor was doing in Colchester for a third time. Plus, it would be nice to have a catch-up session with his friend regardless, so he asked;
"Doc – John…" he spluttered, "I know you're working right now but… can we have a chat? Like, when you've finished. I've got some stuff to ask you, and it'd be nice to have a catch-up anyway, haven't seen you in months…"
"I'm afraid I can't stop to chat, Craig" the Doctor replied, "I'm sorry, mate, but I… I can't drag you into my life again. I need to hang low… can't afford to socialise with old friends again. I'd love to talk to you and all, Craig, honestly I would, but I just can't… try and forget you ever saw me here, okay? I'll be off; I've got work to do… see you, mate." Then he glanced at Stormageddon, who was sitting, confused about the situation at hand, in his push chair. "See you, Stormy."
And Craig watched as the Doctor turned – walked away – paused on the spot – clenched his knuckles – stamped his feet – and walked back to Craig in a huff.
"Alright!" the Doctor quietly groaned "We'll have a talk... I really shouldn't, but I can't help myself… I'm a fool, Craig…"
"Don't say that, Doctor" reassured Craig, already having forgotten the Doctor's request to call him John Smith "you're not a fool. I see no harm in us having a catch-up sesh, you know? We'll have a chat when you're free… when're you free?"
The Doctor paused, considering whether having a so called "catch-up sesh" with Craig would be a good idea. "Well…" he sighed "my lunch break should be in…" he glanced at his watch; "four hours ago." He smiled at Craig. "Come along then, Owens!"
And he proceeded to drag Craig – making him drop his shopping bags - with Alfie in tow, out the store for a walk 'n' talk session outside.
"I've been trying to hang low for a while," the Doctor explained to his old friend, "I learned 'the Doctor', got too noticed. So I faked my death and hid. I'm not even using that pseudonym much anymore. Hence John Smith on my badge." He proudly pointed to his name tag in the same way as before.
"You faked your death?" Craig spluttered, "Mate, that ain't legal."
"Who cares?" the Doctor responded "intergalactic laws can't touch me. Never have, never will. Regardless, there are some… things out there which have, I supposed, touched me, but I don't want them to touch me again."
Craig giggled. The Doctor didn't understand why. He merely continued his story;
"So I went to a place called Lake Silencio, in Utah, and as I said, faked me death. I did genuinely think I was gonna die there, it was a fixed point in time and all, but hey, as I always say, time is not the boss of you. Rule 408". He glanced at Craig as if to imply he should write that down and remember it. "Now it's considered a set-in-stone fact to most that I died on that lake. But I didn't". He then smugly grinned again. "Oh! I am oh-SO clever, aren't I, Craig?"
"You're mad more than anything; mate," Craig responded bluntly, "but I still don't get… why are you here? Why are you working in a shop again, in Colchester , again?"
"Just cuz I'm trying to lay low doesn't mean I intend to stop attempting to do good. Emphasis on attempting, mind you. It's just… there's something cropped up which I have reason to believe might prove to be somewhat dangerous-ish and, there's possibly a slim chance of it being other world-y. Honestly though Craig, don't worry about it, it's probably nothing, an-"
"Woah, what?" Craig burst out "Aliens? In my town? For a third BLOODY time?"
"Craig!" the Doctor hissed, quietly but sternly "Keep – your – voice – down."
"You try and make me!" Craig barked back "I am sick and tired of this! Why Colchester again?"
"Craig, seriously" the Doctor hissed again, "it's probably nothing, and even if it is something, I'll have it under control. Just… stay away from me. I'm dangerous. That's why I've been on my own for a while… why I haven't visited you at all, for instance. Just please, Craig, forget about me, and this situation, it'll be fine. Seriously. So just resume your normal life of telly, work and sleep, as if this conversation never happened, and I'll be on my now."
He began to walk away from a confounded Craig and a fed-up Alfie, but again, stamped his foot and turned back.
"Al-RIGHT" the Doctor growled, "you deserve to know… there's more to what I've said… oh, I'm an idiot Craig… I try to hang low, and stay away from human affairs, but I fail miserably… all I do is get people hurt…"
The Doctor looked like he was on the verge of having an emotional meltdown. Craig felt somewhat depressed to see his world-saving friend seem so vulnerable. Setting aside Alfie's buggy for a second, Craig decided to abate his manliness for a second, and proceeded to give the Doctor a hug – in public, and everything. It was a half-hearted hug, and he noticed some people staring, but he didn't care.
"Don't beat yourself up, mate" Craig attempted to give words of comfort to the Doctor "all this dangerous crap that happens around you ain't your fault. You just try to do good, and yeah, sometimes it backfires... but you're a decent person. Alien… whatever. The point is, the fact you want to help doesn't make you an idiot in the slightest."
Despite being somewhat sappy and formed on the spot, Craig's words seemed to give his off-world friend some comfort, which was all that mattered. As a matter of fact, it seemed to have provided so much comfort that the Doctor's mood seemed to do a 180 degree rotation.
"Thank you, Craig," he said, quietly and gratefully, before his tone changed to that of an energetic one; "right. So! Basically, bout two, three weeks ago, the TARDIS locked on to alien signals, a communiqué, beaming out into space… the question was, what was producing these signals? I dunno. But they seemed to be coming from a very specific region of Colchester ; from a region baring not much beyond a farm. Farm being a very loose sense of the world, it's become all mass produced, and capitalist, and there's some factory there, eww… but yes, such an establishment has become, in recent months, very famous in the culinary world, so I decided to work at this supermarket, which fortunately stocks the establishments' products. Y'see, this farm's become the headquarters of a brand specialising in new super healthy meat substitutes, which personally sounds like a load of old nonse-"
"A brand specialising in meat substitute?" Craig burst in once again "what's its name?"
"Blimey, Craig!" the Doctor grumbled "you're in an interruptary mood today… heh, interruptary, what a word. Probably not even a word. In fact, it's not a word. It should be a word though. But yes, the brand's called… hmm… ah yes! Farmer Nick's All-in-All. Y'see, it-"
"Doctor!" Craig blurted out, "Sophie's addicted to that brand, and you're saying it's alien!"
"Craaaiiiggg!" the Doctor moaned "interruption! But yes, Sophie's addicted, and given the fact it might be alien… it's a cause for concern. And it's a clue. Perhaps. Does Sophie usually have an addictive personality, Craig?"
"No, actually, she's usually quite controlled." Craig replied. "It was confusing how she suddenly… turned, like she did. Do you think it definitely is aliens?"
"I'm afraid there's a good chance," the Doctor solemnly confirmed, "I think… further investigation is in order. What d'ya say, Craig?"
"Well I'd love to…" Craig pondered "but what happened to you being all, 'stay away from me, I'm dangerous'?"
"Well, if there's a chance this supposed alien plot involves your wife, you have a right to help out and all" responded the Doctor, "Besides, I'm gonna make an effort to make sure you're safe through this, Craig. Too many have suffered because of my carelessness. Not again."
The Doctor's face suddenly turned to that of realisation. He glanced at his watch.
"Craig, listen, my shift starts again in a sec," he explained "when can I see you? Perhaps go round yours, I mean, you do have some All-In-All products in your house, right? "
"I do, yeah," replied Craig "ironically tomorrow night, Sophie's out with her work friends. Could you come round then?"
"Coincidence, Craig."
"What?"
"It's not irony, Craig, it's coincidence. But back to your main point, yeah, I'm sure that'd be fine. So yeah… see you tomorrow, amigo!"
And the Doctor proceeded to turn round, and walk away. As did Craig, back to his car, taking Alfie with him. But as Craig got to his car, took Alfie out of his buggy and into the baby seat, folded up the buggy, put it in the boot, and was ready enter the car, he got a nasty tap on the shoulder. As a matter of fact, it was more of a thump than a tap. He turned round, ready to slap whoever thumped in the shoulder, but as he got a good look at such an individual; he saw that it was the Doctor.
"Sorry, Craig," the Doctor spluttered "I… was just wondering. You live in the same house you did last time, yeah?"
"YES, DOCTOR!" Craig snapped.
"Alright, alright…" the Doctor replied, bemused at Craig's rage "just asking."
And the Doctor turned around again, walked a few meters – then turned back yet again.
"So Craig, just checking, that's 6 Hadley Avenue, near the park with the big swings, right?"
"Yes. It is." Craig bluntly responded. He just wanted to get home as soon as possible at this point.
"Ooookay. See you!"
And the Doctor headed back into the supermarket, in a merry way. Craig, meanwhile, got in his car in a frustrating manner. As he drove home, the magnitude of the whole conversation he had with the Doctor had finally sunk in. Once again, aliens were going to potentially affect his life...
And then he remembered he never did get what he had to get at the shop. So he banged his head against the steering wheel in frustration.