WAHHHHH! I'm so sorry about how late this is! I feel like a failure! But it's long, okay? Still friends?

Happy Birthday to Boss Iggs!

Ugh. If I ever have to type the word "squirt" again I might throw up. But AVPM reference if you're into that!

Own nothing! Hail Prussia!

"Okay," Prussia grumbled to Spain. "That didn't work. What now?"

"How about this?" Spain suggested. "We glue a coin to the floor. And when Austria bends down to pick it up, he won't be able to!"

Prussia looked at Spain. "I'm disappointed in you."

"No, get it?" Spain laughed. "It's funny because he's a penny pincher!"

Prussia facepalmed. "No, we need something awesome. That's kid stuff! What can we do that will both piss of Specs and make the party more awesome?"

Spain and Prussia thought for a moment. Spain looked up.

"Alcohol?"

"Alcohol!"

Just then, France burst into the room. "Mon Dieu! You will not believe-"

"Dude," Prussia said. "You're late."

"I'm sorry," France said. "I was-"

"Save the graphic details for later," Prussia said. "We're hatching our plans."

"Be very graphic later," Spain winked. "But right now, help us figure out how to slip alcohol into Austria's drink."

France bit his lip. "Get Austria drunk? Is that so wise?"

Prussia cackled. "I can take that asshole with one hand tied behind my back. I'm not afraid of him picking a fight!"

…

Hungary crept through the dark hallway, carrying her shoes in case she had to run. She heard the familiar obnoxious voices and held her breath, straining her ears to listen.

A few words popped out. "Graphic." "Austria." "Asshole."

She blushed and knelt by the door to hear more.

…

"But why?" France asked. "Why get him drunk if he's just going to pick a fight? That will not improve the party."

Gilbert smirked. "Remember Marie Antoinette? Good things happen to you when Austria drinks."

Francis colored under his white makeup.

"It's also really funny," Spain chuckled. "When we were married, I used to slip an extra something in his drink before bed. Those clothes came off faster than Italy's at siesta!"

Gilbert raised an eyebrow. "That sounds pretty illegal, Toni."

"Does that mean we're not doing it?" Francis asked.

"Oh, no," Prussia grinned. "We're doing it even more now!"

There was a sudden shout outside the door. "Ve! Lizzy! Have you seen Prussia?"

The door shushed Italy violently. "Shh! Feli, what are you doing here?" Hungary's voice whispered.

"Doitsu told me to check on Gilbert," Italy's voice said, blissfully loud. "I can't find him anywhere!"

Spain and Francis were already out the window, lifting Prussia in his wheel chair into the garden.

"Wow," Prussia said. "Dude does not get espionage."

"Good thing, too," Spain grunted as he set the wheelchair on the ground.

By the time Hungary barged into the room and noticed the open window, the trio was already hidden behind various bushes. She cursed.

"Gilbert, I know you're out there! I'm not letting you do anything graphic to Roderich's asshole, dammit!"

The shouting woke up a man dozing on the lawn. Greece adjusted his kitty ears and looked up at Hungary in the window.

"Elizaveta…" he said slowly. "Why are you… talking about Austria's asshole?"

Hungary let out a "yeep!" and slammed the window shut, embarrassed.

The trio came out of their hiding places and regrouped as Greece laid back down for a nap.

"That was close," Gilbert said. "Thank God for Feli."

"Right," Spain grinned. "Anyway, where are we going to get alcohol? I didn't bring any."

"Nor I," France said.

"Ye of little faith," Prussia smiled. He took a flask out of his jacket and waved it. "Prussia is always packing."

France took the flask and opened it. "This is beer," he said distastefully.

"You put beer in a flask?" Spain giggled.

"Yeah. Why?"

France sighed. "Will you ever learn subtlety? Beer does not mix with anything without tasting like beer. Also, it's half gone."

"Whoops," Gilbert grinned.

Spain sighed. "There is another option," he said. "But you're not going to like it very much."

…

"No," Prussia said "No, I am NOT talking to him. No way. I don't even care about the alcohol anymore."

Spain and France pointed at the giant man in the bear costume. Russia sat in a nearly empty room talking to Latvia, dressed like a puppy. One of them was thrilled about the situation. The other was Latvia.

"You know he always carries a gallon of vodka on him," Spain said. "Just ask for a bottle."

"No!" Prussia said. "You do it!"

"No way, dude, that bastard is terrifying!"

Prussia looked imploringly at France, but he had run away to the other end of the hall and was peering from behind a decorative plant.

"There's gotta be another way," Prussia said.

"We need his vodka, Gilbert," Spain said. "Just ask for a bottle and get out of there. It won't be so bad."

"FINE!" Prussia said finally. "Fine, I'll do it! Just because I hate Austria!"

Prussia angrily rolled his wheelchair into the room to talk to Russia. France came up behind Spain and they shared a sigh.

"That boy is an idiot," France said.

"I wish he realized how transparent he is," Spain agreed.

…

Prussia glared at the floor as he rolled into the room. He wasn't sure why Specs had so many sitting rooms and why all the color schemes were a snobby aristocratic red, but he hated everything about it as he rolled up to the couch. He heard that horrible, hated, guttural chuckle that still gave him nightmares and his nails bit into his palms.

"Kolkolkolkol," Russia chuckled. "Look, Latvia. It is Little Prussia, come to visit with us! How very nice!"

Latvia trembled, his brown puppy ears shaking. "Eh…heheheh… Hi, Prussia."

Prussia resisted the urge to spit on Russia and run away. "Hey, guys. How's it going?"

"Very well, isn't that right, Latvia?"

"Erp!"

"Latvia has agreed to come visit me for Christmas! We have been discussing it!"

Latvia's eyes filled with tears and Prussia almost felt bad for the spineless wimp.

"That's great," Gilbert said. "Hey, Russia, did you happen to bring any vodka?"

The bear smiled unnervingly. "Why, yes, moy droog. Would you like some?"

"Er," Prussia stammered. "Y-yeah. That'd be great, actually."

Russia smiled and reached into his bear costume. He pulled out an unopened bottle of vodka.

"Here you are," Russia said, proffering it to Prussia. "Do not drink it all at once. I know vodka makes you do… unusual things."

Prussia blushed like a madman and snatched the bottle. "It does not! Don't say such weird things in front of a kid!"

Latvia trembled and Russia chuckled. "Little Latvia understands. The first time he snuck into my liquor cabinet he did quite a few embarrassing things himself. Truly, Latvia, I had not known you were so well educated in invasion techniques!"

Latvia squeaked. "That's a lie, Russia! I didn't do that!"

"Kolkolkol," Russia laughed. "I tease, I tease."

Prussia scowled angrily at the (creepy) asshole. "Well, thanks for the vodka, Russia. I'll just be…"

Prussia tried to roll away, but Russia stuck his foot in the spokes of the wheel and stood up. "Where are you going so fast?" he asked. "We were about to start the party."

"P-party?" Gilbert stammered.

"Da," Russia smiled. "The party. Would you like to party with us? It is more fun with three people than with two."

Prussia moved as far back in his wheel chair as he possibly could. "I…I…"

"Kolkolkol," Russia laughed. "Do not be ungrateful, moy daragohy. Stay with us and join our party."

"I don't really…"

Russia pulled the wheel chair closer to him and Prussia squeaked. "I know you will like to party with Russia. And if you have fun, perhaps you will like to become one with Russia once more, da?"

"D-don't… Help!"

Spain and France appeared at the door. "Gilbert, run!"

"He's got my wheelchair!" Prussia yelled back.

"You aren't actually crippled, you idiot!"

"Oh," Prussia said. "Yeah." He stood up and, cradling the hard-won vodka, ran out of the room.

Russia, stared after him in disappointment. "Oh… I suppose it is just you and me after all, Latvia."

Latvia squeaked as Russia put a paper party hat on his head.

"Now then," Russia smiled. "Go fish?"

…

The trio ran until they were out of breath, right outside the main party room.

"O…kay." Spain panted. "That went… better than I thought."

"You guys," Prussia panted. "You guys are assholes. You know I hate Russia."

"Sorry, cher," France said. "We didn't realize you were still so afraid of him."

"I'm not afraid!" Prussia shouted. "That guy just makes me want to puke blood! I hate him!"

Spain took the bottle of vodka. "Well, the important thing is we have the alcohol now. We just have to find a way to slip it to Austria without him realizing."

"Francis," Gilbert said. "We refer to your expertise in the matter. How do you slip something unexpected in someone's drink?"

"Someone peek inside," France said. "What do his defenses look like?"

Prussia and Spain slowly peered into the enormous room and gasped. The entire party was sitting around the raised stage area. The piano had been moved. In its place, Japan stood with a microphone, singing a vaguely familiar and utterly ridiculous song.

"They're doing karaoke!" Spain whispered.

"Oui," France said. "You made one of the notes on the piano flat. Austria does not play under those conditions."

"That means… it worked!" Gilbert whispered. He high-fived Spain.

"Yes, yes," France said impatiently. "Defenses."

"Right." Antonio said.

Prussia spotted Austria. "There! Back of the crowd! He's… shiesse!"

"What? What is it?"

Prussia pointed at Hungary. "She's got her Mama Lion look! Dude, we'll never be able to get close to him like that!"

Spain looked at the vodka. "Wait. If I remember correctly, Austria always makes a special punch that no one ever touches except him."

"Why doesn't anyone ever drink it?" Prussia said.

"It's got Squirt in it," Spain shrugged. "As far as I know, he's the only one who likes Squirt."

Prussia grinned. "That's perfect! We just slip the vodka in his special punch and wait! You're a genius, Toni!"

The trio snuck into the room as Japan started singing another song. Hungary snapped her head at them and guarded Austria protectively. Almost everyone else watched Japan, bored.

Prussia flipped Hungary off and the trio found their way to the punch bowls.

"Alright, dude," Gilbert said to Spain. "Go for it. Francis, help me guard him."

By this time, Elizaveta stood up suspiciously. She walked slowly to trio.

"Dude, hurry!" Gilbert said. "Psycho Hungarian at… um, now!"

"Got it! Done!" Spain said. He stuffed the empty vodka bottle in France's ridiculous wig and faced Hungary.

"Liz!" Spain said pleasantly. "How are you enjoying the party?"

"What are you three doing?" she demanded.

"Just… getting a drink," Prussia said.

"Ma couer," France smiled. "You are so needlessly suspicious."

Hungary glared at them. "Gil, would you mind getting me a cup of punch?"

Prussia jumped. "Um, s-sure…" He reached for the ladle.

"No, not that one," Hungary said. "The Squirt punch."

"What?" Gilbert panicked. "But… you hate Squirt!"

"It's growing on me," Hungary blushed. "You mind?"

"No!" Gilbert said. "Hang on! You can't just hate something one day and love it the next! It doesn't work like that!"

Hungary blew a strand of hair from her face and Prussia gulped. "I'm a woman, Gilbert. I can hate and love whatever I want. Now can you pour me some punch or is there something you don't want me to know about Austria's punch?"

"O-of course not! I just don't think you should be basing your opinions on whether or not Austria likes it!"

Elizaveta turned red. "Gilbert, punch me or I'll punch you."

Prussia turned around slowly and mechanically poured Hungary a cup of punch. Spain squeaked and paled. Hungary snatched it from Gilbert's hand and sipped it. She gagged.

"S-something wrong?" France said.

"N-no," Hungary said. "It's delicious. I love Squirt."

The trio looked at each other. "Really?" Prussia said.

"Mm," Hungary nodded. "Totally. I'm just gonna go…"

"Wait," Prussia smirked. "I don't believe you."

"You don't what?"

"I don't believe you. You're not making it very convincing."

"What are you talking about?" Hungary blushed.

Prussia quirked an eyebrow. "I don't think you actually like Squirt. I think you're doing this because you think it bothers me."

"I do so like Squirt!"

"Prove it," Prussia said. "Go on, drink. You look thirsty."

Hungary scowled. "I-I am not!"

"So why did you walk all the way over here for punch?"

Hungary glared at Prussia and sipped the punch. She winced.

"Mm," she said. "Yummy."

"Is it good?" Gilbert smirked.

"Really good."

"Let me get you another cup."

Prussia smirked as he poured another cup. He handed it to her. "In case you get thirsty later too," he said.

Hungary glared at the ground and walked back to Austria. The trio nearly ran out of the room.

"HAH!" Prussia cackled. "Her ridiculous man-pride won't let her admit that it tasted weird! She didn't even realize there was vodka!"

Spain covered his face. "Gilbert, I screwed up! I put the vodka in the other punch bowl!"

Prussia turned slowly to his friend. "…what?"

"I mixed up which was Squirt and which was Sprite! The Squirt punch was clean!"

Prussia and Spain slapped their foreheads. "How could you mix those up?" France said.

"Squirt's the nasty one!" Gilbert yelled.

"I'm sorry!"

The trio went back and peered into the party room. The countries were quickly drinking the spiked punch and growing excited. America took the next karaoke song, to Japan's relief, and sang a very loud Katy Perry song. Others began to clap along and join him on the chorus.

"Wow," Prussia said.

"That's going to get interesting real fast," Spain marveled.

France squealed. "Look at my little Mathieu! He's trying to dance!"

Hungary spotted the trio at the door and pointed at them accusingly. They ran away before she could stomp toward them.