Me: I decided to make another chapter (or maybe at least one more) Enjoy~

For some reason, I feel that we need more love for Donny~

One by One

I couldn't sleep, simple as that. I already have a bad case of insomnia but I would usually fall asleep by the time it is 3 o'clock in the morning. But now, it's 5 o'clock.

This would always happen when I'm in deep thought. Nothing new really.

Like right now, I'm thinking of my brothers that I had just met in the halls. It disturbs me to the fact that none of them recognized me. Or the fact that they don't recognized each other, despite they have been in the same district since middle school.

I wondered if they stashed the memories of us somewhere deep; so that it would hurt less. Heh, I found it unfair that I chose to keep my memories while they decided the easy way out. But at the same time, I couldn't blame them if they wanted to forget, not to mention we were pretty young back then. After many years, we were bound to forget something, no matter how important it is.

Leo loves Master Splinter. He found us abandoned as babies and kindly took us in. He became our father, our protector, our guidance and one of the many reasons that we live. Leo had always strongly felt that way towards our Master; he is someone that Leo admires constantly. To find out that Master Splinter just disappeared… must be traumatic for him. Even if he is our older brother, he's still just a kid.

I faintly remembered, while trying to get my own depression under controlled, that Leonardo was silent the whole time we were at the orphanage. Using my brothers to distract me from the wrong turns that our lives have taken, I remembered that I have to keep reminding him to eat. Sometimes I would feed him or help him do everyday things that he's capable of doing by himself. I took care of him like he was just a newborn. I didn't think much of it back then when I was little, but now, I found it horrifying. At that dark time, Leo seemed rather fragile, broken. Like some kind of lifeless, porcelain doll lying on a dusty shelf. That all changed suddenly when the people who wanted to adopt him came. For the first time since we had come to the orphanage, Leo spoke, refusing to be separated from us.

But then, they told him something that changed his decision.

Soon after, he went back to the old reassuring and nagging Leo, telling us that everything will be ok and that we all would be safe. I wasn't sure if I have believed him but, he looked confident for some reason. I have a feeling that Leo just took in the world's burden on his shoulder.

And just like that, he left us without even explaining why.

Raphael never did forgive him for that. First Master Splinter, now Leonardo, is gone from our lives.

Raphael was more tease and angry, lashing out to our temporary caretakers at the orphanage, the other children that are there, and us. Mikey tried to joke with him once, wanting to lighten up the situation, but Raph didn't take it as well and chewed our little brother out. It didn't help that Leo turned into a lifeless doll at the time, just giving Raph all the more reason to be angry. He was always angry at something; whether it would be the sun shining, the birds singing, the crickets chirping or how blue the sky is. I remembered that he would sneak out of the orphanage in the middle of the night. He got caught many times before but that never stopped him. Eventually, the caretakers gave up and just let him wander into the streets. I heard some say that maybe it would be better if he stayed there. I remembered staying up, praying that he wouldn't disappear too.

I was the only one persistent enough to stay near my brother. I don't hold him; I don't give him any gesture of love. He doesn't need kind of stuff. For him, that would be like pitying him. And he hates to be pity. So, I just would sometimes be in the same room as him, doing my own stuff while he just does his. Or I would sit near him sometimes when I know he's calm and tolerate enough, letting him know that I'm here for him. He would always notice these gestures and I could tell that he appreciates them. I won't judge him on his behavior, for I understood the feeling also. I just deal with them a different way. On really tolerable days, we would talk. Just about anything really, but Raphael always have avoid the subject of our father and our brothers. He's usually the realistic kind of guy, but I can understand that he doesn't want to deal with reality right now. When Leo left, his nightly outings have gotten more frequent as my prayers had also. His attitude is barely tolerable with others, even me, and he seemed to go darker and darker every minute to a place where we can't reach him. I could tell that he's getting the idea that everyone is leaving him, for whenever someone came to adopt a kid, he would drag Mikey and I to a room or a closet and lock us in there until they were gone. And then one day, his mood has reached a horrible limit.

For the first time in our lives, he punched Mikey.

I was surprised too, but I put it aside to tend to my little brother. I have no need to lecture Raphael, for he had the most horrified expression on his face. Instead, I try to reassure him that he's fine. That Mikey is fine. He didn't believe me when blood ran down from Mikey's nose.

He ran. And I knew he had no intention of coming back.

During the two days that Raph disappeared, I would wait for him at the front door. I would sometimes go back to check on Mikey, who was still getting over the shock that Raph punched him. But, I would wait for my older brother at the door, hoping he had enough sense to go back. I haven't slept during the time period, and the caretakers didn't stop me. They know that this is something that I have to do. Then on the third day at midnight, a stranger came with baseball bats and hockey sticks in a bag on his back. A stranger with a mask. But I wasn't scare, for he has Raph in his arms. He's unconscious and bit beaten up but alive. With the key that the caretakers have given me, just in case that Raph would return, I opened the door for him. What I first noticed is how carefully and gently he's holding my older brother. I then noticed the eyes that I can see through the mask, how caring and soft they are. And then, I saw dry tear streams down on my brother's face. Raph would never cry, even in front of our father.

I just knew that this have to be the man to take Raph out of this horrific hole.

Walking to him, the stranger tilting his head in confusion, I grabbed his pants. Or what is left of it anyway.

This was the stranger that was protecting Raph the whole time, isn't it? They probably met at some place random, a place where Raph is probably trying to kick the butt out of someone. This man probably couldn't leave a kid like Raph out there alone, and couldn't stop him from going out into the dangerous streets. And before they know it, they became a team bring down punks and gangs, despite my older brother's young age. I just knew that there was a guardian angel there for Raph, for I found the very same mask that this stranger is wearing under my troublemaking brother's pillow. He probably took it back by accident. But he treasured it the same.

"Please." I have begged. "Please. Adopt Raph. Take him out of this place-"

-It's choking him. Every minute Raph is here, he's dying inside. The reminders of our father and Leo. I don't want to watch that and do nothing to help it.

The man didn't even need to hesitate on the answer. He understood what is best for Raphael. And he said in an accent that made me smile:

"Sure lil' dude. I'll protect him with my life."

The man was back in the morning to sign the adoption paper for Raph. But my brother refuse to be separated from us, even fighting against the man who I'm sure he trusts more than anyone else. It made me a bit angry. I'm not going to let my brother stay here while he dies little by little inside. How does he think that made us feel? Sure, we're the youngest, but we were able to live without both Raph and Leo for this long. And like he- my brother is going to lose this one chance of happiness. I hoped desperately that this chance would bring him back to the old Raphael at the very least, and that it would make him have a bright life. I don't want him to be burden by us when he deserved to be happy.

"Go with him Raph. We don't need you."

It's the truth, but I said it in a much crueler way. It's the only way for him to leave, even if he hates us in the end.

"I don't want you here."

'I hate you' was the last thing he said to me. I expect this much from Raph; though I wished I didn't have to make leave like this. But, it is necessary for I wanted Raph to have a better life. Sure, it's not with us, but things need to change for the better. Even if I did silently cry to myself as soon as Raphael was gone from my sight. Even if I whispered an 'I love you' to the leaving figure. Sheesh, I'm so selfish.

But Mikey then had become clingier, since I'm his only older brother now. And in return, I would hug him and protect him as much as he needed it.

Mikey wasn't the same back then. He wouldn't smile as often, he wouldn't laugh or play anymore. He became a scared and lost child. Back at the orphanage, he would cling to me. Not to Leo, who's as lost as Mikey is, or Raph, who is probably too scary for Mikey to go to at the moment, especially when Raph chewed him out before. So therefore, I was the only option. He would follow me everywhere, from our bedrooms to the lobby, from the playroom to the kitchen. Even to the bathroom. I didn't have the heart to tell Mikey that I wanted to be alone for a while. My one and only little brother need me.

He and I would always sleep in the same bed than the beds we were assigned to. I didn't mind for it would also give me a peace of mind to know that my brothers are here. But despite my little brother's clinginess, he always left me alone when I went to tend to Leo or when I went to comfort Raphael. I couldn't help but feel proud that even in this situation, he knows that his big brothers wouldn't like it if their youngest brother was to see them in such a weak state. And even more so that he'll be willing to give up his own comfort to help his two older brothers.

When Leo left, Mikey didn't protest or whine. I can tell that Mikey is holding his sorrow in behind the broken smile he gave me. I hugged him, and together, we cried. He kept sobbing about how selfish he is; for wanting Leo to stay with him. He wanted for his big brother to be happy; but rather with them, were he can actually see him smile. I told him I was selfish too. I told him he wasn't the only one who wanted for Leo to stay.

After then, when Raph became unbearable, and Mikey and I would hide under our bed from him at times. We would talk about random things, anything that would keep our minds off our family; from comics, to fundamental physics, to stories, and to life sometimes. Mikey never complaint when Raphael lock us in a room or a closet, for he also didn't want any of us to be adopted. And just like when we were under our bed, we would talk until Raph would let us out. Or until someone finds us. And then came the day that Raphael punched Mikey. Mikey just tried to joke with his older brother a little for the first time in a long time, but Raphael didn't take it well as always, especially today when his state of mind is rather fragile.

After Raph ran away, Mikey buried himself into our bed, trying to hide himself into the mattress. I tried to console him many times, but he refuses to get out of the bed. Sometimes, I would see Mikey silently cry, tears falling down on his cheeks. He would sometimes ask me in a quiet, broken voice; "Did I do something bad? Is that why Master Splinter and Leo left? Is that why Raphie punched me?" My heart shattered at how vulnerable Mikey looks whenever he asked that. All I could do is repeatedly tell him that it's not his fault and hold him tightly, to help him know that I'm here.

When the discussion about Raphael's adoption came to an important subject between the two of us, Mikey said that he rather have the man adopt Raph. Not out of the grudge at the fact that his older brother had just punched him, he knows that Raph didn't mean it; because he also didn't want to see Raph die little by little the longer he's here.

Despite that he decided to let Raph go, he was still rather sad about it, and he never let me out of his sight. I didn't mind, for I wanted to keep an eye on my brother also.

It had been half a year already and just in time for Christmas. Mikey had always love Christmas; the joy, the feelings, the decorations, and the presents that goes along with it. But it's hard for Mikey to celebrate when three of the most important people in our lives are gone. There was a tradition that we all would do. Before Christmas, our family would always go out and look at the Christmas lights that hung around from building to building. Then we would go to the toy store and look around to see what toy we had wanted. We could only pick one toy to put on our letter to Santa, for Master Splinter had said that Santa already has the entire world's good girls and boys to take care of and that we shouldn't stress him more than necessary. So, for Mikey, I just did that. I never did really believe in the one called 'St. Nick'. Just a fictional character to make kids excited for the holiday that is supposed to be originally for celebrating Jesus Christ's birth. But I'm just going to have believed this year. Just for Mikey.

And true to our tradition I took Mikey out to see the Christmas Lights. I begged and argued with the caretakers nonstop, trying to get them to give me permission to take my brother out. Eventually, being stubborn as I am, they approved it.

I took Mikey outside to see the lights; it was snowing when I did. Just gently and softly, as if Mother Nature knew that it would probably break Mikey if she let it snow even harder. From time to time, I can see my brother's eyes light up, looking at each beautifully decorated building that we pass. The man who owns the candy store nearby was giving out free candy canes. We were given four for some reason or another. After that, we went a few more blocks down, still admiring the lights one way or another, till we were in front of the toy store. No one would be able to describe how happy I was when I saw the big grin on Mikey's face. And when I did see that familiar big grin, I grinned myself. A smile always did look better on Mikey any day.

Quickly, we ran into the toy store looking around at the different toys. We would talk about which toy should go into our letter to Santa, we would argue about which toy is better, and we would laugh and commented on the toys that looked kinda weird to us. Just like back then, before all the bad things happened, Mikey was hyper once again, saying sentences too fast for me to understand completely.

It was then we have met the Daimyo and the Daimyo's son. The Daimyo is a kind man who welcomed us into his store. We both liked him immediately. Daimyo's son was… well, his attitude is rather unlikable at times. He was rather rude and stubborn, just a few years older than us. He seemed to make sarcastic remarks every single moment he can. I don't agree with his attitude, but Mikey seemed to like him just fine. And in return, the Daimyo's son seemed to like him back. I could tell by how he seemed to joke back with Mikey readily and how they would laugh with each other and play with each other. He tried to hide it, but the Daimyo and I can see it so clearly. Mikey always did have this special gift that made him very likable.

From that day on, Mikey would visit them frequently, from the next day, to the next day, to the next; to the point that I don't need to go with him anymore. He loves that place with the Daimyos. I could tell because whenever he comes back, he always has this big grin on his face… that seemed to falter as soon as he entered the orphanage.

We started to make our letters to Santa and we both agreed that we would show them to each other after we were finish.

I wrote down a polite letter to Santa:

Dear Mr. Claus,

My name is Hamato, Donatello. All I asked for Christmas is the first edition of the Justice Force comic please. With protective cases. Thank you for your cooperation on making this a happy Christmas for me and my brother.

Sincerely,

Donatello Hamato

He did question to why I would want a comic, for he expected some kind of expensive machinery. I just told him that he just got me hooked onto it and didn't question anymore. Mikey smiled when he gave me his letter so I couldn't help but smile back. It slightly faltered, not noticeably enough for Mikey to see it, when I read the letter.

Dear Santa,

What I want for Chirstmas is a family. By the way, I'm Mikey so come and visit soon!

Love,

Michelangelo

A present that I'm not sure I could give to my little brother; our family being fragmented as it is. I saved up enough money doing little jobs to get Mikey a Christmas present, but I'm not sure if I could give him something like this. I'm his family, yes, but only part of it. He needs a parent to depend on. I hate to admit it being as prideful as I am, but I just won't be enough for Michelangelo.

It was the night before Christmas, and I was delivering our letters to the Daimyos. The caretakers wouldn't let us mail our letters to Santa for some reason. Probably thinking it's a waste of postage or something. So I told Mikey that I would take them to the Daimyos and see if they would be so kind enough to mail them for us instead. Mikey had wanted to come but I told him to stay. I told him that I have to talk to them about an important matter. Mikey obviously didn't know what the matter is; but he understood that this is something that I have to do. I promised him that I would be back before the clock strikes twelve and be there for him in early morning Christmas. With that, I left.

It was snowing like it had been all month, making the air chilled and cool. I took my time getting there, feeling that there is no need to rush. But despite so, I found myself in front of their door in just a few minutes, slightly panting. I didn't even notices that I ran all the way here.

When I came in, it was obvious that the Daimyos were expecting my little brother. Mr. Daimyo just smiled politely, not wanting to be rude. His son rather frowned at me but didn't say anything. I didn't bother to greet them; I went straight to the point.

"I wished to speak to you on an important matter." I remembered that I had said that with much authority, probably shocking them both. Their reactions didn't matter much to me at this point. What I want to know is how they feel when I tell, without even bothering for permission, them this:

"Adopt Michelangelo."

If I remembered the expression they had, they haven't thought that Mikey was an orphan at all. I wouldn't blame them. If he was as happy as I have seen him when he came back from the toy store, then I wouldn't have thought he would be all alone… But I know my brother better than that. I explain to them that Mikey is an orphan at the orphanage in Eastman and Laird. That he was lonely and that he wanted a family for Christmas. I left out the fact that I'm his brother and the more personal facts about his past. When both of them look at each other, as if they had an agreement; I knew that I have nothing to fret over. I smiled and said my many thank-yous before leaving the shop, picking something up along the way.

When I came back from the orphanage, Mikey was still awake, watching for the clock to strike midnight, to be awake for the beginning of Christmas. I couldn't help but grin when Mikey rush down off our bed to go and hug me as soon as I was in his sight. Despite how happy I was at my little brother's show of affection, I scolded him on the fact that he should be asleep. I told him that his present from Santa would come in later on during Christmas morning. He pouted and I sighed. We made a deal that I would give him his Christmas present from me early at twelve if he would go asleep after. He was reluctant to agree but that was the deal.

When the clock struck twelve, he continuously pestered me to give him his gift. I remembered how happy he was when he received the wrapped gift that I gave him. And he was even happier when he found out that I got him five volumes of the Justice Force comic books. I have to tackle him and cover his mouth so that he wouldn't have to squeal so loudly. And even though I have been happily showered with Mikey's love and affections along with kisses (attempts of kisses since I rather not have Mikey kiss me) and hugs; I enforced our deal with a whispered voice of authority. Mikey booed at me, mumbling about how I just ruined a great brotherly moment but decided to comply nonetheless. When he went to sleep, he refused to let go of my arm; which was being deprived of blood at the moment.

I didn't sleep that night, I didn't bother. I was thinking about what would happen tomorrow. My father has left me and my two brothers. When Mikey is gone, I would have no one left. I would be alone. I push those selfish thoughts, the pain, deep where no one could see them. I need to be strong for Mikey. I need to encourage him to be happy. That he didn't need to worry about me. I want him here with me… but I want him smiling.

The next morning, the Daimyos came to adopt Michelangelo. As expected, Mikey didn't take it too well at first, which confused the Daimyos. I asked them to fill out the paperwork while I talk with Mikey about the current situation, using the excuse that he couldn't believe it at first and was actually shocked but happy nonetheless. With that, leaving the rather baffled family, I took Mikey up to the bedroom we had shared with Leo and Raph before. I had him sit on our bed with me and explain a little more clearly about the fact that the Daimyos had wanted to adopt Mikey. He was happy but at the same time, he was sad.

"I-I d-don't wanna l-leave y-yuh D-Donny!" he bawled in between sobs.

Gently, I took him into my arms, letting him cry on my shoulders. My face was perfectly calm and deprived of any emotion that it might show. I shoved my selfish feelings even deeper. I ignored my feelings of wanting to complaint; to tell Mikey to stay with me. But I can't do that. I just simply can't and won't.

"Mikey." I said in an even and nonjudgmental voice, waiting for a sign that would show me that my little brother is listening. His head perked up slightly against my shoulder. "Don't worry about me, it's fine. I'm fine."

Slowly, Mikey took his head away from my shoulder, looking up at me with big tear-filled eyes. He was still not sure. I dare not to show any emotions.

"How about this then? One day, when I'm old enough, I will buy a big house for you, me, Leo, and Raph. One day, I will come and get you and we could all live in that very same house. We'll be together again."

"Promise?"

I remembered smiling softly, connecting our foreheads together as a way to seal our promise.

"I promise."

Sniffling once again, he pulled out a thick lensed, black framed glasses; saying that they fit for a geek like me. He told me that this is my Christmas present. I wouldn't let him go for at least 30 minutes, and Mikey had no complaints about that.

With that, he left, holding Mr. Daimyo's hand while skipping quite happily. I told him he couldn't look back no matter what. Before that, the Daimyo's son asked what kind of relationship does me and Mikey have. I just told him that we're friends.

I remembered how the other kids in the orphanage back then asked; why didn't I go with them? The people who adopted them were nice and they would understand if I told them that I am their brother.

The answer was always: "Because". With a cryptic smile.

Leo went out to find his own happiness and so, Raph and Mikey should do the same thing. No matter if Raph hated me or if Mikey decided to be happy without me. I just love them too much to let them waste away their life with sadness. Beside, we weren't related by blood in the first place anyway.

I gave a mirthless laugh as I seemed to be enclosed with the darkness of my mind. That's no excuse. They're my family, even if we weren't related by blood. It was an excuse to make the pain of loneliness more bearable.

After Mikey has le- been adopted, I asked the caretakers if I could know where my brother is living. They said it was classified information. I knew that the Daimyos still owned the toy store, but they moved somewhere else to live. They told me not to long ago before they adopted Mikey that they would move. I remembered that one of the caretakers took pity on me and told me that they would still be in the state of New York. That was close enough for me.

Three months has passed; that is when I've met April.

She had told me that what caught her attention was me fiddling with a toy car remote. She was just passing by the orphanage, not planning to come in and do anything. But something pulled her in. I remembered the time when I was fixing the remote for the toy car. It had been a long time since I've fiddled with anything and the opportunity came when some of the kids were disappointed to have been given a broken toy. The car was fine itself, but the remote was a total mess. She told me that she was mesmerized by how swift, graceful, and precise I was working with my hands. In my opinion, since I was out of practice, I thought I was rather clumsy. She told me that when I finished the remote and made it work for the car, she swelled with pride. Even more so when I just gave it back to the kids with not any desire for a thanks.

I remembered faintly, that she boldly walked across the room towards me, and then kneeled down to my height. And with that caring and affectionate smile that I love so much, she asked me what I thought no one would ask. She wants to adopt me.

At first, I was in shock. Then soon after, I was in denial. I asked her why. Why me? Why someone like me? She should pick the other kids; they have been through a lot and deserve someone like her. I'm no one special. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm really fine. Please go to the others who needed someone to care for them. Who don't want to be-

"Did you think you'll always be alone?" April had asked me then.

Yes.

Everyone is gone and I feel so lonely. My family is so far away, but I don't want to ruin it for them; their chance to become happy.

Do I need to sacrifice my own happiness though?

I remembered that I cried. I cry and cry, but April was there the whole time holding me. The kids that were here since me and my four brothers came to the orphanage actually encouraged me to go with her, saying that I deserved it.

I, despite the doubts in my mind, agreed with April's offer and she readily signed the paper works.

It's probably a bad idea to go with a person that you have just met in a few minutes; but I have a feeling that I could trust her with my life. There was something warm about her that just

"I promised not to be much of any trouble and I won't ask for much. I'll try not to be in your way and I won't try to touch your stuff. I'll be respectful for you and I'll call you Ms. O'Neil if you wish. I'll do whatever chore you ask of me and-"

"It's fine. It's fine, just be you."

Man, I remembered the first time that I fell in love with her smile and hugs.

"It's ok to be selfish at times." And that is what I wanted, to be a kid, to be selfish. To know that someone who cares for you would do something for you.

"… Can I have some ice cream then?"

"Sure."

"Donnie, it is time for you to wake up-"

I blinked in surprised as I look back at April with an owlish stare. I didn't notices that the sun is already out onto the horizon. April gave me the same look, before it turns to a look of anger.

"DONATELLO HAMATO O'NEIL, DID YOU JUST STAY UP THE WHOLE NIGHT AGAIN?"

"WAH! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT APRIL, I SWEAR! I JUST LOST TRACK OF TIME!"

The single jogger that usually passes the antique shop in the morning just shakes his head as he ran pass.

"The O'Neil's are at it again."

Me: This was rather a hard chapter to write (was never a good emotion provoking kind of writer) but I do love the funny ending (I just have to put something hilarious in the end). Have a good day!