Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took longer than usual, it's just a little more difficult for me to write serious chapters than happy, funny, fluffy ones. But the next chapter should be up soon. And, for those of you who have not read the story this is a sequel to, Summer Memories, all you need to know is that Steph and Jodi are a lesbian couple and family friends' of the Lopez's and helped Santana come out over the summer. Although you should still read Summer Memories anyway! And, as always, thanks for your reviews!
Santana tried to clean off her face before walking through the door to her house, crossing her fingers that no one would be downstairs when she came in. She briefly considered going around to the side door and entering through the kitchen, but she figured it was more likely to find someone in there. She really didn't want to cry anymore, and she knew that any conversation with her mother would end in tears. She quietly opened the door to her house and tiptoed up the stairs. It may have been unnecessary though, she was getting the feeling that no one was home. She lay down on the floor of her room; it had always been Santana's comfort place, staring up at the ceiling. When she was ten, Brittany had talked her into spending her allowance on stick on glow in the dark stars. The day before they started the fifth grade, they'd stayed up all night while Santana stood on a chair and Brittany sat on her shoulders, pasting the stars on Santana's ceiling. That was seven years ago, but still, when the lights went out, sometimes she and Brittany stayed up pointing out fake constellations made up from the haphazard placement of the stars. Santana reached for her phone and texted Brittany.
Everything is going to be okay,
I promise. Call me when you can.
I love you, always.
She looked at her phone again. As much as she hated to admit it, she needed someone to talk to. She scrolled through her contacts and pressed send.
"SANTANA!" Her name came out as a shriek on the other end of the phone line. "JODI! Get in here, Santana has finally made good on her promise to keep in touch and has given us a fucking call! Hold on, Santana, I'm putting you on speaker," Santana could hear Steph fumbling with the phone, and despite all of the emotion she was feeling at the moment, she couldn't help but laugh at envisioning the older woman trying to figure out how speaker phone worked. Steph was a lot of things, but she certainly was not good with technology.
"CAN YOU HEAR ME?" Steph yelled into the phone.
"Yes!" Santana shrieked, moving the phone away from her face. "Jesus, Steph. You're on speaker phone, you don't have to yell."
"Oh…" Steph chuckled bashfully to herself, she really was not good with technology. "So how's it going, Baby D?" Santana rolled her eyes at the nickname. It started with Steph just calling her "Baby Dyke" all the time, which really grated on Santana's nerves, so eventually Steph conceded to shortening it. Santana wasn't sure she like the shortened version anymore than the full one.
"I'm here too!" Jodi cut in. Santana smiled.
"Seriously, Santana, how's it going? We haven't heard from you since like, September when you were planning that whole ballad thing for your Glee Club. I'm assuming you and Britt are good now and that's why we haven't heard from you?" Santana was silent, not knowing how to respond. It had been so long since she talked to them.
"Everything okay, Santana?" Jodi asked, her voice softer than Steph's. Santana could feel her tears welling back up.
"Do you think you guys could update me on your lives first?" There was silence on the other end of the phone.
"Sure, Baby D," Steph's voice finally came through, and Santana breathed a sigh of relief. "Jodi has started taking a cooking class…we're lucky she hasn't burned the house down yet…" Santana laughed.
"Hey! I'm not that bad! She's exaggerating, Santana."
"And your Aunt Rita is still dating that personal trainer, which means she never goes out with us anymore."
"I think she doesn't go out with us anymore because you always get too drunk and try to force everyone to take shots with you!"
"True," Santana said.
"I don't force people to take shots…I make strong offers…people just accept because they like me so much…I'm charming…" Santana rolled her eyes and then laughed. It was weird how much Steph reminded her of herself. There was another silence on the phone.
"Things aren't so great right now guys…" Santana began, but she could feel that signature tightening in her chest, the tears threatening to come shooting out of her eyes, and for, like, the millionth time that day, she started to sob uncontrollably.
"Did something happen with Brittany?" Steph asked, softly. "Because I know that you two will get through it, whatever it is…" Santana could hear Jodi softly telling Steph to be quiet and let Santana speak. She tried to organize her words, but she knew that she couldn't.
"Britt and I are fine," she started, "we're out at school and all, and no one seems to care," Santana choked up a sob, and could fell her word vomit coming on. "But then Britt got on this kick about us coming out to our parents, and you know it's like, impossible, for me to say no to her for very long, plus the gay boys in our Glee Club made us join the Gay-Straight Alliance, and Britt wouldn't let the whole coming out thing go, so I told my family first, and they couldn't give a shit, everyone seemed to know already, and then we made this plan for telling Britt's family, but I fucked it all up." Santana took a deep breath.
"What happened?" Steph asked.
"We got the solo for our Sectional's competition this year. And we sang Take Me Or Leave Me, Santana could feel Steph's smirk through the phone. "And we did an amazing job, and we fucking won. We fucking won three years in a row. And we had this whole plan to tell Brittany's family after the competition, but I got so excited about winning that I kissed her, on stage, in front of her family, and her dad was so angry…I've never seen him so mad in his life…" There was silence at the other end of the phone. "And you know me and Britt…we're not some goody-two-shoes pair…we always manage to find trouble…but he wouldn't look at me afterwards. He was so mad that our teacher was afraid he was going to like…abuse her or something…" Santana trailed off.
"He won't, will he?" Jodi asked, her concern raising the pitch of her voice.
"No, he's definitely not like that. He was just really really mad."
"I'm sorry you have to go through this, Baby D," Steph said. "You deserve to feel love, and you deserve to love whomever it is your heart desires. No one has the ability to take it from you."
"I think," Jodi cut in, "that it's probably the surprise of it all. You know, I came out to my parents my freshman year of college. I was on the phone with my mom, smoking a cigarette, because at the time I thought it was the cool, rebellious thing to do. She was trying to get off the phone but I wanted to make her stay until I finished my cigarette. So I told her I was dating someone. The first words out of her mouth were 'is it a boy or a girl.' I realized I had my opportunity and told her it was a girl, and she hung up on me. The next time we spoke, she told me that she always suspected, but she wanted to stay in her closet…she said something about there being a lot of shoes in her closet, and that she liked shoes. She later told me that she was not going to pay for college anymore because she knew what we did at that 'girls camp'. For the next year she referred to Steph as 'that friend' or, occasionally, when she really had to use a name she would find some other name that began with S. Eventually she got over it though. Much later, she described it to me as my her own coming out process. It takes a while to accept that you may be different, and it can take our parents awhile to accept that their children are different. Now, she's one of those parents of gay people who pretends to know everything about being gay."
"You think Britt's parents may be like that?"
"I don't know Britt's parents," Jodi said, truthfully, "but knowing Brittany, I doubt they can be some homophobic crazies who are going to kick their child out. It might be hard for awhile, Santana, but you'll both get through this." Just then, Santana heard the garage door open.
"I have to go, my parents are home…" Santana said.
"Okay," Steph said. "Promise you'll keep us posted?
"I promise. And thank you." Santana whispered.
"Always, Baby D," Steph said. "It'll all be okay. We'll talk to you soon." Santana was about to remove the phone from her ear. "Wait! Are you still there?"
"Yeah," Santana said.
"I just couldn't let you off the phone before I said this," Santana waited for a moment, hearing the door to the kitchen open.
"What?"
"Really, Santana? You guys sang Take Me Or Leave Me?" All three women burst out in loud laughter. "You really are the gayest. I love you, Baby D. Talk soon."
"Definitely. Love you guys too." Santana placed her phone on the ground and took a deep breath. She definitely felt better, but now she had to prepare for what was ahead of her. She could hear her parents talking downstairs and considered going down there and talking to them, but she knew her mother would make her cry again and she really wasn't ready for more tears. She heard the door slam again and commotion downstairs. Daniel must be home. She really couldn't go down there now. She knew he was trying to be supportive, but she really couldn't deal with him looking so disappointed with her right now. His feet barreled up the stairs, he must be taking them two at a time. Her door swung open.
"DAN!" She yelled, squeezing her eyes shut, I really really can't deal with you right now. Can you please just leave me alone?"
"It's me, San," came a quiet voice, which was definitely not Daniel's. Santana's eyes shot open.
"B…" She looked up. Brittany was standing in her doorway, her face red and streaked with tears. Before Santana could get up, Brittany shut off the light and crawled on the ground and curled into Santana. "What happened, baby? Are you okay?" Brittany just nodded and nuzzled further into Santana's shoulder.
"I don't want to talk about it yet." They just lay there in silence. "It's dark already. Can we just lay here?" Santana nodded. They lay still for a few minutes while Santana traced designs on Brittany's back. "Look, San," Brittany said, breaking the silence. "It's a flying squirrel." She grabbed Santana's hand and pointed to a star formation in the corner. Santana laughed loudly.
"There's the duck holding a heart," Santana said quietly into Brittany's hair, pointing to a spot above her bed.
"You always say that you can't she the duck with the heart," Brittany said.
"I finally see it, B, right above my pillow." She kissed the top of her girlfriend's head. They picked out constellations until Brittany fell into a deep sleep on Santana's shoulder. Maybe everyone was right, Santana thought, as the familiar smell of Brittany's hair lulled her to sleep. Maybe everything was going to work itself out in the end. After all they had made it through, of course they'll make it through this. It was like Jodi, Steph, and Mr. Schuester all said. This will pass. She thought those three words over and over again, as she drifted off into sleep.