Mist, Act 3

Soubi prepared the food as good as always. Sweet aromas filled the apartment air but he seemed indifferent as he cooked solemnly. Good food and balmy scents should make people happy but that was not nearly enough to change Soubi's mood now.

The menu was a bit deviated this time, easy to eat while you were in bed types of food. They were seasoned with things that Soubi noticed Ritsuka smiling at in the past. He always remembered those things so he could try and make better and better treats for his Sacrifice. It was a meal you didn't have to think about before taking a bite. A meal that a skinny child could eat a lot of, and eat until he was full without worry. Soubi sat on the couch and it seemed too far away to Ritsuka. He had silently cooked, silently passed Ritsuka his food, and silently sat on the couch with his own, smaller portion. And there he sat, still not looking at his Ritsuka's face and barely touching his food. Ritsuka wanted Soubi to look at him, but he didn't want him to do it by an order, he just wanted Soubi to act like normal.

"Soubi."

Soubi looked up, eyes focusing somewhere below Ritsuka's face.

"It's good, really good." He tried to support his words with a weak smile. But right now it seemed Ritsuka could've screamed 'I love you' and Soubi wouldn't flinch. Wouldn't care. No, he knew it wasn't that, Soubi did care. He was just distracted and consumed by his thoughts. Wondering how he could accept anything but punishment from a boy he had hurt so badly. Even so, Ritsuka wanted a hug, he wanted to be held, he wanted anything that was normal. He wanted to go back to the hours of the morning spent teasing and blushing, even if he had been in pain then, for a little while Soubi hadn't been quite so glum. Ritsuka felt like he must have failed as a Sacrifice, he must have done something wrong again.

"Ritsuka." Finally Soubi spoke, "You had a curfew, don't you? What about your mom?" Soubi's voice was riddled with confusion. How could he send Ritsuka back like this? He couldn't. School was on a weeklong break, but that would end soon, that break was the only reason they had been together so late. But Soubi couldn't send Ritsuka back to his abusive mother in a weakened state. He couldn't let him go back to school like this. It was terrible… Ritsuka was so hurt. Soubi felt like… He felt like he had done just as badly as Ritsu and Ritsuka's mother. He hadn't hurt Ritsuka with his own hands but he hadn't been able to stop it either.

"It's fine. Mom is..." Ritsuka's thoughts wandered to his mother who was alone at home. "She... won't notice I'm gone. Mom is uhh... sick but she won't let me take care of her…" Regret pooled around his words. It was barely a cold. But Ritsuka knew it could turn into worse in Misaki's hands. She would be raging, locked in her room, screaming, lost in her mind. Hopefully she would remember to eat. When Ritsuka tried to get her to rest and cooked her food she threw wild punches at him and locked him out, multiple times. He just wanted to take care of her and help her out. He wanted his mother to be healthy and happy. He was worried that she wouldn't take proper care of her cold. And there was no one else but him to help her out. His dad would ignore it, immersed in work, with visits to random bars merely to take up time. He didn't even seem to care if Misaki was sick. He just acted like it all the more bothersome to him.

Soubi regretted asking. He didn't even want to think about Ritsuka, it was so hurtful. All he wanted was to purge his thoughts. Forget. No, not that… Soubi wanted to repent. Asking for punishment would hurt the boy more so he couldn't even do that. He didn't deserve Ritsuka's presence but he couldn't just run away. So he just sat there, waiting for time to pass. Ritsuka was caught up in the awkwardness, he too unmoving. The environment around him and Soubi was never so awkward. Usually even if it was silent it was a comfortable silence, but not now it wasn't. He sat up to eat on his own and then back down when he stopped eating. Soubi hadn't even come over to help him sit up. He hadn't touched him since he bandaged him. Normally Soubi would be all over him if he was hurt, of course Soubi got upset and Ritsuka hated that but Soubi would still be doing everything he could to help the boy out even if Ritsuka didn't want the help.

"Soubi." Ritsuka spoke up.

"You should rest." was Soubi's reply, not even a 'yes?' or 'can I do something for you?' not even teasing.

'Rest…' Ritsuka sighed, he had slept for hours. The only thing on his mind was helping Soubi, not resting. He didn't even feel like he needed it. Sure he was in some pain but right now Soubi seemed a whole lot more stressed out than he was.

They stayed like that for awhile, not knowing what to say. It started to get dark eventually, the day had crawled by slowly but it had to end at some point. And it was an early sunset. Last night they slept together, but that didn't seem possible if Soubi was unwilling to even be near his little Sacrifice. Ritsuka remembered how nice it felt to sleep together, he missed those nights with Seimei. Ritsuka wasn't sure that he would be okay with sleeping with Seimei now but he wanted Soubi by his side. It was embarrassing, but sill he knew it was the truth. Even at his age he didn't know if it was normal to want to share a bed with someone, Seimei had never made it seem bad. So was it okay…? Ritsuka was lying on Soubi's bed already, and the Zero's bed looked like and unhealthy mess. Would Soubi even sleep? If he wasn't willing to come near Ritsuka to share a meal was he really going to sleep in the same bed? If he did sleep at all he would probably just be pretending, Ritsuka thought. He knew enough about the man to know that Soubi didn't have very good sleeping habits.

Then he remembered how long he'd been away from home. Two days. Ritsuka fairly was clean from Soubi washing him when he was cleaning off the cuts, but Soubi's hygiene had faltered a bit.

"Soubi, take a bath."

Normally Ritsuka would get a sarcastic reply. Are you calling me smelly? Normally.

"But you're here." Soubi replied, not even an option, not even 'yes' or 'no' or 'I'm fine,' just a non-relevant fact.

"Yeah, so?" Ritsuka's patience was wearing thin. 'Look at me! Touch me! Act like Soubi!'

Soubi's gaze traveled to the bathtub in the middle of the room, against the wall and surrounded by a thin curtain. As if his gaze could answer Ritsuka's question.

Silence.

Ritsuka was exhausted. Not wanting to sleep exhaustion, overwhelmed by tension exhaustion.

"It's an order." Ritsuka spit out the words that he hated.

Soubi cringed slightly. He wanted to explain what he meant. But it didn't really matter now. Now he just wanted to follow what Ritsuka wanted of him.

It's not like Soubi had been very dirty but Ritsuka just wanted him to act like normal, do the things he should do without thinking. Stop sitting around. Certain things about just what he ordered Soubi to do, hadn't occurred to him until his Fighter started to undress in front of him. Until he saw rippling muscles, until his mind devoured the elegant torso before him.

"Soubi!" Ritsuka yelled, he calmed down when the man stopped removing clothing. Completely surprised he just flopped his body upside down on the bed and pulled the blankets over him. "I'm going to sleep!"

Normally Soubi would've chuckled at the boy's embarrassment. Normally. He finished undressing. Quickly he stole a glance at the lump in the bed. Expressionless, he got into the tub. Moving mechanically and not at all savoring the warm water.

Rubbing in soap.

'He is in pain.'

Glance at the clock.

'I hurt him.'

10

'He is in pain.'

:30

'I hurt him'

:04

'He is in a lot of pain.'

10:34

'I hurt him badly.'

Rub in Shampoo.

'Repent.'

Rinse.

'I deserve punishment.'

Dunk.

'I need punishment.

I am terrible.

Terrible.

Worthless.

Scum.

Stupid.

Incapable.

A beast.'

His thoughts filled with every imaginable insult. Hurling the words at himself and believing every one of them. Tears streamed down his face. Hot tears blending with hot... 'No... it's cold.' Hot tears blending with cold water. He lifted a hand out of the water, letting the chilling bath drip off his fingers in a deluded wonderment of why it was so cold.

A small sob escaped him. Like a tiny hiccup. Immediately his mouth clamped tight. Silently he cursed to himself, how weak. His tears were gone, like they never even occurred. 'Pathetic, making such immature sounds…' he knew better, he had to do better.

"Soubi!" Ritsuka's voice was hushed, as if night meant you couldn't speak loudly. Soubi turned his head, eyes looking nowhere.

"What are you doing?" The boy asked.

Soubi's mind spun. He was washed over with disgrace. 'Did he hear...?'

"How long are you going to bathe? Did I order wrong?" Ritsuka's words were unsure, but not sleepy. Soubi hadn't noticed but the boy never fell asleep. Just laid in bed, hiding. At least it seemed he hadn't heard the sob.

Soubi looked at the clock. Over an hour had passed. He sighed at himself.

"Soubi" That tone, the slight squeak, everything about the voice speaking his name, he loved. He loved hearing Ritsuka say his name. A lack of honorific for no good reason, a confidence that quickly falters at the final syllable. He loved it.

Soubi stood up, his graceful figure slightly illuminated by the moon slinking in through the open curtains. Ritsuka made a bad decision of looking up right then and he quickly tore his eyes away.

Wrapping a towel around himself, Soubi stepped out of the tub and into the room.

x

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a/n:

*Edited 10/4/11- Grammar

*Edited 2/25/12- Writing