An:/
Soo here we go, first chapter.
Wrote this when I was procrastinating for my exams, year 12 does that to you.
Let me know what you think of this one, and whether I should continue with it or not...
Thanks Lottie
Disclaimer; the usual..

Previously: They hadn't the chance to prepare themselves for what was to come, the death of a fellow NCIS colleague.

Deeks and Kensi sat at their respective desks, both too shocked to even try maintaining a facade that they were 'fine'. It was late and they were the only ones downstairs in the dimly lit bullpen.

Kensi was staring into space at the now empty desk across from her. She kept replaying the final moments in her head, analysing it from all directions, thinking of the could haves and what if's.

If only they'd made the connection sooner, NCIS wouldn't be mourning the loss of one of their own.

Deeks was watching Kensi, waiting for her to finally say something. He was worried about her, she hadn't spoken a word since being released by the EMT's at the scene, she didn't even respond to Hetty when they finally returned. She'd just sat down at her desk and had been staring into space ever since.

Deeks leaned back on his chair and let out a long breath. He clasped his hand behind his head and looked up at the Ops ceiling. 'This really is a mess' He thought to himself, to afraid of the repercussions if he expressed this out loud for someone to hear.

"Pardon?" Kensi whispered in a voice that sounded very unlike her. It sounded lost and fragile, nothing like Kensi's usual confident and sassy self. She whispered it so quietly Deeks almost missed it.

He sat up quickly in his chair and caught the last of what she was saying. "What did you say?"

"Ah, nothing Kens. Just thinking about it all, can't stop" Deeks said quietly still not really understanding what had happened.

"Yeah me too" Kensi whispered in reply looking at the empty desk again, whilst she tried to keep her silent tears from falling. The last thing she wanted to do was break down in Ops, especially in front of Deeks.

The two fell silent again, this time Deeks looking over at Hetty's office wondering if she'd been able to find any more answers to the whole situation.
As though she knew what Deeks was thinking, Hetty appeared at the bottom of the stair case, the staircase that the team had climbed earlier that day, bantering and making quick jibes at one another, not knowing that all this would change by nightfall.

"Ms Blye, Mr. Deeks, I believe you can pack up and go home now." Hetty informed.

Deeks looked at Hetty and subtly nodded his acknowledgement, whilst Kensi just continued to stare.

"Where's Callen?" Deeks asked. He had not seen the older agent since the crime scene with the ambulance.

"He's still at the hospital waiting until after the surgery is complete." Hetty said solemnly.

"How is he?"

"Critical" Hetty informed bluntly "And Callen said don't bother coming to sit with him, he wants to be alone and that we are to respect his wishes" Hetty quickly added noticing that Deeks went to object.

"Hetty he just lost a close friend, he can't be alone, not now" Deeks protested.

"Just like you two shouldn't be, Mr. Deeks please take Ms Blye home; she is definitely in no state to drive. And I don't expect to see either of you to late
tomorrow morning." Hetty firmly decided.

Deeks nodded his agreement, not having it in him to argue.

Kensi however differed. "Hetty I'm fine, I don't need an escort."

"I beg to differ Ms. Blye, you haven't spoken a word to just now and you are not in the right mind frame to drive. And let's not forget that gash on your head. I don't want to add you to the body count too."

At that Kensi nodded her compliance. Deeks and Kensi gathered their belongings and wished Hetty good bye.

The drive home was just as silent as it was in the bullpen and the tension still remained. The radio was playing softly in the background, but to the passengers is sounded as though nothing but humming.
A news report came on reporting a mass shooting in down town L.A and Deeks turned it off immediately.
Kensi sighed and closed her eyes, hoping this would help combat the tears that were once again forming.

"Kens, do you want me to stay with you tonight?" Deeks asked sincerely. He was worried about her, he'd never seen her so vulnerable and drained before, and the gash above her right eye looked very painful.

"Deeks, I just want to go home and sleep, so no I'll be fine." Kensi replied. Whilst she did want to go home and sleep, the last thing she wanted to be was alone. She wanted Deeks with her, to comfort her, so she didn't have to be alone with her thoughts. But she would never tell him any of this, she needed to be strong for the others.

"Kens, but Hetty said..." Deeks started

"Deeks please" Kensi pleaded staring intently at him. Deeks turned, reading her expression, despite all the pain and anguish she was unknowingly showing, Deeks could still see the stubborn spark that he had learned to love about Kensi.

"Okay" Deeks relented internally sighing. The last thing Kensi needed was to be alone with her thoughts. She will be playing back the events all night and it will drive her crazy, she needed a distraction and support, but Deeks knew she would never allow this.

By the time the two arrived at Kensi's apartment the gloomy rain had ceased, leaving a humid moist air. Deeks exited the car, but Kensi stayed put.
Deeks sighed sympathetically, ensuring that it wasn't loud enough for Kensi to hear. The last thing he needed was a very emotionally angry Kensi. Creepy, silent Kensi was bad enough.
Deeks opened her door and coaxed her out.

"C'mon Kens, we are at your apartment." Deeks said leading her towards her front door that was barley lit by the overshadowing street lamp.
Kensi allowed herself to be lead by Deeks, which concerned him even more.

Once he unlocked the door and turned on the interior light, Kensi wouldn't let him go any further past the threshold.

"Thanks Deeks..." Kensi whispered weakly looking into Deeks deep blue eyes. "For everything"

Deeks smiled sweetly, "Any time Kens" Kensi softly smiled in return. Deeks glanced sideways observing the empty apartment.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay? Because that bump up close doesn't look to friendly"

Kensi nodded. "I'm fine Deeks, really I am, go home and rest, here take my car." Kensi said forcing the keys to the SRX into his hands.

"Keep them; I think I'm going to run home, help clear my head." Deeks said tentatively placing the keys back into Kensi's hand. Kensi nodded and stepped inside and began closing the door.

"Really thanks again Deeks." She softly spoke.

"Your welcome Kens, just remember if you need anything just call me and I'll be here in no time."

"I'll remember, goodnight Marty."

"Goodnight Sunshine" Deeks smiled as Kensi closed the door.

Deeks hit the pavement hard, his house was several blocks away, but the idea of running to clear his head overruled his body's objection to running in jeans and boots.

Despite the lack of rain the ground was still sodden and Deeks didn't even try to avoid the puddles, but rather just ran head on through them.

Like the team had. They just ran head on into the situation as soon as the comms went out. Had they waited just one more minute, they could have prevented the loss...