A/N: Thanks some1tookmyname for the beta
Disclaimer: I wish.
We'd been off kilter the last few weeks. Temperance's confession resonated with both of us. Feelings that are locked away, forgotten about, or ignored come back. There is always going to be memory that brings these feelings to the surface. Whenever this happens, it's usually not a great time. These feelings may be of love. It could be lust or even hatred like these last few weeks.
Love is an all consuming word. Used too much and sometimes not enough. There are different kinds
of love through relationships with family, friendship, teams, colleagues, acquaintances. Love is about
connection; connection through happiness, sadness, trauma, companionship, war, survival, and just
being.
oOo
Sure, I loved him. I really did. I knew he loved me but he loved her more. He'd given himself to her along time ago. Her words were still with me, And it will be very painful for him if you aren't as serious about the relationship as he is. Partners protected each other, they protected their hearts. No one else would be able to break that hold. Others tried to chip at it, trying to take a piece. The piece never satisfied but it was something.
For seven months, I was fortunate to get a sliver. When the fairytale changed, when it began to seep in, I knew a sliver was all I would ever get. I had thought in time more would chip. I had thought wrong.
He caught me off guard one day. He called in the middle of the day and told me to dress up, we were going out. He said he'd see me at the mall at 9:30.
I met him at the Washington Mall, he complimented me then took my hands. He fidgeted and I knew something was amiss. I watched him reach in his pocket and pull out a ring.
I knew my answer immediately. I knew I wasn't the marrying kind. Is there a marrying kind? Do you just know? Maybe it was a good thing, a clean break. It was a way out. I knew we couldn't keep pretending, dancing around things left unsaid. Things that should have been said months before, maybe even said in Afghanistan. Had we been honest with each other? I knew he wanted to get married, I'd told him before I didn't want to. Marriage means a shared life. He already shared a life with someone and it wasn't with me.
Were we done for now? Yes. Was there a chance we could be together again? Maybe.
oOo
I turned and walked away. I stopped a little further up the Mall. I wiped the tear from my eyes, I had made the right decision. I couldn't keep going to this road. We didn't want the same things. He wanted love, partnership, a marriage and family. I wanted news stories, great sex, and the ability to come and go as I pleased.
I flagged down a cab to get back to his apartment. It was never really our apartment. I was just a guest.
I gathered my four bags, unhooked my key from the ring and placed it next to the Bakelite. I glanced one more time around this place. Collectibles, magazines, pictures, and other things I never asked about and things he never shared.
I closed the apartment door and took a deep breath. I would be alright. I was a wanderer, a nomad, the road I was walking on had twist, turns and detours.
I reached for my cell phone. I dialed a familiar number.
"Brennan. . . "
Thanks for reading and the reviews.