Chapter 4: Stand By

"Like this I'm always beside you. Whenever, I'm always here

If together, always giving you energy and grateful to have me beside you

Like this, side by side, always your listener

Why don't you realize my wish to see you face to face someday?"

~Stand By by BoA~

Heero looked away from the window when Duo barged in his room along with Hilde.

"Yo!" greeted Duo happily; his arms were crossed at the back of his head. The look on Wing Zero's former pilot was enough to make him spill out whatever it was that made him look annoyingly happy. "The princess is fine, Heero. She's looking well!" For a brief moment, Duo felt like he noticed something flash in Heero's eyes. Was that relief?

It had been six days since Relena gained consciousness. And the doctors had already made it clear that due to the trauma and latest surgery that the Vice Foreign Minister endured, she was still not in a proper condition to receive visitors. Finally on the sixth day, the doctors gave their go signals to the close friends and relatives of Relena – Duo and Hilde included.

However the hospital's management and Relena's adoptive mother, Lucrezia Noin, and Milliardo Peacecraft all came to an agreement that none of them shall visit Relena for the meantime for it will attract the media's attention. And they would not want to reveal to the public yet of Relena's condition before they make the right decisions on what she will do after being discharged. So for the time being, video calls and phone calls sufficed.

Relena did not mind at all, according to Duo who was the first to see her when she had awakened, saying that she fully understood the situation.

"Go see her," offered Hilde to Heero.

"Yeah, you're the one she'll want to see the most," added Duo, putting a hand on Hilde's shoulder.

"I wouldn't think that," Heero retorted, as he looked at his callous hands.

Duo gave an exasperated sigh. Why are these two so dense about the feelings of the other? "Go to her and see for yourself."

And Heero did not need much convincing.

He had been in this kind of situation for several days. It should be easy for him by now to proceed from where he stood outside her room; after all, he had been doing this ever since he gained consciousness from the latest battle. So what was the difference now?

"She's awake now," Heero told himself, more of convincing himself that, that was the truth and not a dream anymore. For the past few days, he was a bit bolder to enter her room and watch over her without anyone knowing about it. But now knowing that on the other side of the white door that stood before him was an awake Relena Darlian, and it seemed to hold him down.

Different kinds of emotions welled up inside him. He was, for sure, relieved – more than that actually – at the fact that she was alive. The other one was of guilt he felt, like when he took advantage of her loss of consciousness as he stood close to her and even managed to briefly give her a kiss. More than that, the guilt of failing his mission to protect her still ate him inside. The fact that she was shot, got into surgery, had a coma, and was still incapacitated, were his entire fault. And the other one was of... embarrassment? He knew for one that he had not been his usual self for the past few days. Who would have thought that an assassin like him who had been trained not to feel any kind of emotion for years would experience a mix of grief, reprieve, fear, desperation, and a whole lot of plethora of emotions? And all of these can be attributed to the life of a 17-year old at the other side of the door.

The emotions were overwhelming and Heero tried to collect himself, wondering at how he will act or react if he ever did see her. Just when he was about to fully apply his belief to "Act on your emotions," he actually found this to be a hard task.

He was broken out of his reverie when the door in front of him opened slightly and Relena's doctor came out with a clipboard on his hand. The dark-haired doctor, slightly taller than Heero, nodded at him and smiled. "Good morning. She's up for one more visitor," the doctor regarded him kindly before walking away, leaving Heero alone once more.

Heero breathed heavily. It's now or never. He opened the door and entered the room almost with no sound at all even when he closed the door behind him. His rapidly beating heart instantly stilled the moment he laid eyes on Relena.

Relena, dressed in a white hospital gown, was sitting on her bed, while looking out the window with tired-looking eyes, her eyelids almost half-open. Her blanket covered the lower half of her body and her hands were clasped to each other. She looked pale, but still angelic as the light that came from outside reflected on her skin. Her golden hair was tied in a loose braid with some of the loose strands framing her face. She was real; and was perfectly alive.

Thinking that maybe he had indeed entered the room too quietly, Heero began, "Relena."

Relena turned her head at the sound of his voice, apparently surprised. "Heero," she whispered. And then she smiled. The smile even reached her eyes that were now wide awake, eyes that were full of life locked to his penetrating Prussian blue ones. And Heero felt like the whole room brightened up with that simple act.

"I didn't hear you come in," said Relena softly.

Heero did not move from where he stood by the door. He heard her, but it was difficult to formulate a response. He just looked at her, trying to see any traces on her features, anything of what happened on the night that she was shot. She looked fine. She looked beautiful. It was almost as if she had not endured such incident.

A clearing of throat was heard in Relena's direction. "Have a seat," she offered, motioning to the chair beside her bed.

Heero did as he was told. "How are you?" The words finally left his mouth.

The smile remained on Relena's lips. "I'm... coping well. My chest and back still sting from time to time, but other than that I'm fine." She tilted her head a bit. "How about you? I heard that you were also in a comma."

"Hn." He nodded. "I woke up a few days before you did. I was told it was from over-exertion."

"Are you okay now?" asked Relena, sounding concerned.

"My broken bones are healing fast. So it's just only a matter of time," answered Heero monotonously, even the emotions in his eyes were unreadable.

Just only a matter of time. The voice of Heero resonated in Relena's mind. It was obvious what he meant by those words. He will leave again. As soon as he was capable of going, he will leave as soon as possible. Things will be back to what they used to be before the Barton uprising. They will go separate ways and Heero will only show up only if she were in danger.

This train of thoughts brought sadness to her eyes, but on her lips. Relena retained the smile on her face. "I see. At least drop by here before you leave the hospital, okay?"

Heero nodded as his response. Then he stood up and walked to the window to take a look at the view of the city below. He caught a glimpse of two to three media vans across the street, apparently waiting to get the latest scoop on the Vice Foreign Minister's health. "What will you do now?" he asked, scrutinizing the vans. "You're still the Vice Foreign Minister."

"You're right. That's a good question," said Relena, her gaze never averting from Heero. As the former Gundam pilot stood by the foot of her bed in front of the glass window, the Peacecraft princess took in his features. His unruly brown hair had grown a bit longer, his arms had long cuts that were about to be healed, but the intensity of his eyes on his attractive face still remained.

"But it seems that my brother and Lady Une already discussed this," she continued, "I will be temporarily replaced until I get better. The doctor said that my rehabilitation will take at least five months, depending on my progress. But my mother called and was strongly against it. She said that it will be best to let me leave politics for now."

He took in her words, but said nothing, which made Relena continue, "That's okay I guess. I'll just have to run on the next election." She chuckled.

This time Heero looked at her. "Rehabilitation?"

Relena nodded. "I was told that I have an incomplete spinal injury. The bullet sort of affected my thoracic spinal level." She sighed. "I'm a paraplegic now. And I have to stay in the hospital or any spinal injury center for skill-building activities."

Though he seemed stoic on the outside, inside he was crumbling. He heard everything she said and cursed himself for what happened to her now that she will not be able to walk for months. Again, the familiar question from the voice at the back of his mind reverberated: "How could you have been too late?" How was he going to leave now? Leave her?

He made no notion of it but he saw the sadness in her eyes despite the sunny disposition that she had been putting up. Suddenly, the thought of her always putting up this kind of facade at everyone sickened him. Relena did not have to, he thought, especially with him. He would not judge her for being herself. No, he was the one who should be judged.

Relena's melodious voice broke him out of his reverie. "How about you? Where are you going to go after this?"

"I haven't thought about it yet," he said out loud, but on the inside, he had already made his decision. He turned his attention back outside at the busy crowd on the street. There were still the vans parked where he had last laid eyes on them and busy people walked in and out of his view on the street.

A comfortable silence passed between them for a while until the doctor that Heero met earlier came in with two female nurses.

The doctor, while holding a clipboard on his hand, regarded the two. "Hello, Miss Relena."

"Hello, Doctor Cid."

"Sorry for interrupting but it's time for your x-ray," said the doctor. He turned to Heero. "The x-ray, though, will be done in the room."

Heero understood what the doctor meant, and he would not want to be exposed to radiation. "I understand." He looked at Relena who had a hopeful glint on her eyes.

"Will I see you again today?" she asked.

"If you say so," said Heero before walking out the door, passing by the doctor who had a sheepish grin.

Later in the afternoon, Duo had entered Relena's room with Hilde following right behind him. "Princess!"

Hilde closed the door behind him and stood beside Duo. "Hello, Miss Relena."

The Vice Foreign Minister dropped the book that she had been reading and beamed at her two visitors. "Duo, Hilde! You guys are still here!"

"Of course we are!" Duo exclaimed, putting his hands on his waist. "Can't believe we're baby-sitting the Perfect Soldier at the other room."

The two females giggled at the statement of Deathscythe's former pilot.

"Well, we actually came here to say goodbye for today," said Duo.

"It's really great to see you well, Miss Relena," said Hilde.

"Thank you. I'm grateful that I got to live another chance. I'm sorry for worrying you all," answered Relena, shaking her head.

"No sweat! Actually..." Duo rubbed the back of his head. "The one who's most worried about you was Heero."

Relena blinked. Did she hear Duo right? "Heero?"

Deathscythe's former pilot sighed. Why are these two always in denial of what the other feels? "Yeah. He is." Pausing for a while, he wondered if it will be all right to tell on Heero about him visiting her every night. No matter what I do he'll kill me anyway. "He visits you..." Every night. And I mean EVERY freaking night. "Frequently. Yeah, he often visits you here when you were still unconscious."

"Really?" a surprised Relena asked. "I never thought."

"You didn't?" asked Hilde.

"No. To be honest, I didn't expect him to still be here. You know him, he just leaves," replied Relena.

Duo put his hands in his pocket. "I've been thinking about that too. His bones are nearly healed now and he's perfectly capable of walking and leaving this place but he hasn't yet."

"Why do you think that is?" asked Relena.

It was Hilde who answered. "We've been thinking that he's probably waiting for you to wake up or something."

It's only a matter of time, Heero's words earlier came to her again. Inside, Relena denied the thought that Heero was just waiting for her to wake up. Why would he? Who was she to him? And he himself said that it was only a matter of time. That pertained to him leaving, right?

"It can't be," dismissed Relena.

"I know, right?" said Duo, lifting a finger to emphasize his point. "That guy's totally unpredictable. But who knows, he may stay this time."

"Maybe." Relena shrugged.

Taking a look at his wrist watch, Duo said, "I'd love to stay and chat but we got to go for now. We'll drop by again, Princess!"

"Rest well," said Hilde.

"Thank you. Take care you two." Relena waved them goodbye as they turned for the door.

Heero, what are you planning?

A few minutes after Duo and Hilde had left, Heero arrived, still clad in the white hospital shirt and pants. When he approached Relena, he noticed that her bed that was adjusted on a sitting position was slightly reclined. Her eyes were closed; her hands were on her stomach. Heero felt a surge of fear run through him for a while. The last time he had seen her like this was before she was sent to the intensive care unit when she flat-lined. Relax, he told himself. She's just sleeping. He watched her chest rise and fall with every breath she took. She looked so serene lying there.

Within seconds, Relena's eyelids fluttered opened slightly. She smiled when she saw the person standing by her bed. "You're late," she said softly.

"Doctor won't let me out."

Relena closed her eyes again and giggled. "Heero?" She opened her eyes and looked at him. "Can we go outside?"

She saw the look of surprise and uncertainty in his eyes. "My doctor said I can go outside, on the wheelchair of course. I don't know when's the last time I just went out to breathe some fresh air."

Heero did not need much convincing. Even if it were not for her justifications, he still would have accompanied her. It was all he could do for her. "Hn."

Relena then removed the blanket on her, and Heero leaned forward to gently place his arm underneath her legs. His other arm then gently snaked its way on her back, careful not to make that much contact at the upper part of her back that was affected by Dekim's bullet. With one swift movement, he lifted her from the mattress, while Relena locked her arms around his neck. Unconsciously and probably still drowsy, she leaned her head against his well-toned chest and felt his heartbeat.

He gently placed her on the wheelchair located at the opposite side of the bed, making sure that he did not hurt her in the process. When Relena made sure that she was comfortable on her new mode of transportation, Heero went behind her to push the wheelchair.

They went to the back of the hospital at the grassy area where patients were free to play around safely. Trees were planted around and benches were seen at every corner of the greenest area of the hospital's compound.

Relena inhaled the fresh air, closing her eyes as she did so. "Feels nice."

Heero watched her as he stood behind her. Once again, the guilt that he had been harbouring was welling up inside him. So close. How close she had been in losing the opportunity of living life again.

"Heero?" her voice brought him back to reality. "Can we go over there?" She pointed ahead where bushes adorned with budding red roses were sprouting.

Heero pushed the wheelchair forward without further ado. Little by little, he vowed, that he will make it up to her for everything that he had done since the day they met.

It took about an hour and a half until Relena told Heero that she will be returning to her room now. The sun was beginning to set; its rays were starting to fade as purple and orange hues painted the sky. For the past one hundred twenty minutes, the former Gundam pilot sat on a bench nearby and observed how Relena interacted with her fellow patients – old and young, on a wheelchair or not. Despite her condition, Relena still managed to light up the place with her smile and personality. The patients loved her. Heero noticed how the elderly and the children whom she had shared conversations with enjoyed talking to her and left with pleasant expressions on their faces. Relena can indeed change any place she went to. To think that Relena kept on saying that he was one who can give people inspiration and strength to go on. How can he be?

Getting out of the elevator and finally entering her room, Heero went to Relena's side to carry her back to her bed as the princess encircled her arms around his neck. When he had sat her down on the mattress, he was surprised that Relena's arms did not leave its place around his neck. Relena looked up to meet his gaze, fully seeing himself in her soft cerulean eyes, their faces so close to each other he can feel her breath against his chin.

No one said anything. It seemed as if a million lines had been exchanged when the ex-soldier and princess stared at each other. Heero was the first to move as he wrapped his arms around her lower back, careful not to hurt her, and pulled her in an embrace. They both buried their heads in between the other's neck and shoulder. Heero closed his eyes and savoured the feel of Relena's petite frame in his arms. If this were still a dream then he would not want to wake up. To feel her against him like this, he wished that this was real.

"Tell me," said Heero, still in embrace.

"Hm?"

"Tell me this is real," he choked. "Tell me you are real."

Relena giggled against his shoulder. Her stifled laughter filled his being. "Of course this is real." Pulling away to look at him, she was startled when she saw a different look in Heero's eyes. It was that of... sadness? An emotion that she rarely saw from him. No, there was something else. Lost? That was it. He seemed lost, like a child who was separated from his mother. The princess looked at him quizzically, trying to discern what caused him to show these kinds of emotions.

Heero's right hand left its place on her back and moved to brush his knuckles on her cheek before lingering there. "Forgive me."

"What?"

"Forgive me," he repeated. "For everything I've done, for being late, for almost killing you when I targeted the mansion. It was my fault. I could have been there sooner. I failed. I failed you. I failed my mission."

The words poured out, words that he had been harbouring for a long time. He stopped when Relena's hand reached for his hand that was on her cheek and squeezed it tightly.

"Is this what this is all about?" she asked. "I don't blame you for anything, Heero. Never. You have done more than what you think you can do for the welfare of the residents of the Earth Sphere. So please don't think that. What happened to me was the result of a difference in perspective between me and Dekim, nothing more," she voiced out, almost pleadingly.

"You died," he retorted.

Relena laughed a bit. "Yeah, I did. But that was out of our hands. You came for me, didn't you? That's all that matters."

Those were the same words that she uttered when he saw her in a dream, and Heero felt the déjà vu. He heard Relena chuckle again and she closed the gap between them as she pulled him in for another embrace.

"Don't be like this. This isn't the Heero I know," said Relena. "I am not forgiving you because there is nothing to forgive."

Grateful for her words, though it did not fully take away his guilt, he kissed her neck and pulled her closer.

The next morning, Heero knocked on Relena's door. When nobody answered, he turned the door knob and found it unlocked. Her nurses are careless, leaving her door unlocked like this, he thought to himself. Just as he was about to open the door, a petite nurse came up to him.

"Excuse me, Mister?" said the red-haired nurse.

Heero eyed her and noticed that she was one of the nurses who aided in Relena's x-ray session.

"If you're looking for Miss Darlian, she has already been discharged last night."

What?

"Her mother and brother came here last night to have her transferred in a different hospital," added the nurse before regarding him and walking away.

Why, Relena?

Author's Note:

Yey, update! Sorry for being gone for a long time. I hope you're all contented with this chapter. :)

Take care always guys!

Song translation credits to juxi at BoAjjang.