Chapter 5: Never Let Go

"Let's hide the truth behind a really good lie
And hide from reality in a really great dream
Even though we're that sort of couple
I don't want to lose you~"

-Never Let Go by Utada Hikaru

Wiping the newly formed beads of sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, Relena Darlian quickly placed her hand back to the steel bar that was at the same level of her hips on her right. She gripped it tightly until her knuckles were almost white. The same went for her other hand that also gripped the steel bar on the other side with much effort. Concentrating, with her eyes casted onto the floor, she breathed deeply and fought the urge to fall down due to her limp and shaking knees.

You can do it, Relena. Just a little bit more, Relena told herself. Just three steps left. Just three more baby steps left and she will be at the other end of the steel bars to end this painful ordeal. After tightening her grip on the steel bar, with all her might she tried to lift her right foot to push for another step forward. But her tired arms slowly gave away and together with her equally tired legs, she surrendered to gravity. A man then immediately came to her side and caught her to break her fall.

"I'm sorry. Let me try again," said Relena, clinging on to her physical therapist as she breathed hardly.

Another man approached her and kneeled in front of her – her physician. He was older, about the age of her foster father if he were still alive. And he also bore the same brown hair and stubble, as well as the gentle eyes that he laid on the Peacecraft princess. "It's okay. That's enough for today."

"But I haven't completed this yet," Relena retorted.

The physician smiled at his patient's determination. "You're already tired now. We'll continue this tomorrow." He patted her head. "For now, you'll have to rest."

Relena was about to protest on her physician's declaration of rest, but was cut off when her physical therapist, a male who was about the age of Milliardo Peacecraft, lifted her and placed her on the wheelchair nearby.

"You're doing great now," said her physician.

"Am I really progressing?" asked Relena.

Her doctor beamed. "Of course! At first it was difficult for you to actually stand, but now you've almost reached the end of the bars."

"But I can't stand without them," said Relena.

"You'll get there, I promise," assured the doctor.

"Okay." Relena sighed in defeat. "Thank you for today."

"No problem."

"Can I get you anything, Miss Relena?" asked Pagan, the elderly butler of the Peacecrafts, now the Darlians.

Relena smiled and shook her head. "None at all. I'm fine, Pagan. Thank you."

"Very well." The butler nodded. "Just call me when you need anything, Miss."

"I will."

The butler then left the princess to her thoughts. She was still dressed in her usual attire of shirt, jogging pants, and rubber shoes, her golden hair on a ponytail. She was always dressed like this whenever her doctors will come to their mansion for her skill-building activities as part of her rehabilitation.

A month had already passed ever since she got home to the Darlian Estate, with her foster mother, Marleen Darlian, insisting that it will be best for Relena if she will recuperate in their own home rather than in the hospitals. For Relena's welfare, her foster mother, had a training room built in their mansion with all the necessary equipment for her daughter's recovery. She had also arranged with the family's personal doctors to be the ones to come to the mansion to assist Relena in her physical and emotional rehabilitations.

Ever since word got out that Relena had already awakened from her comatose state, the number of people from the media crowded the hospital. With the help of Relena's brother, Milliardo, and Lucrezia Noin, Relena's foster mother managed to sneak the princess away from the hospital and had her transferred.

Relena stayed in a different hospital for about a month and had already begun her rehabilitation. But after she once voiced a concern that she would love to be in her home, her mother made all the necessary arrangements to have Relena transferred in their mansion, still without a word to the media. Assured that Relena was safely in her home, Milliardo and Lucrezia bid them farewell and went back to Mars to help in the terraformation project.

Various politicians from the Earth Sphere Unified Nation came to visit the young Vice Foreign Minister the moment she had been transferred to the Darlian Estate. All of them were concerned and were welcomed into the Darlian home, even Mariemeia who came with Lady Une one day. There also came a time when the officers of the ESUN were called by Relena Darlian to discuss her condition and plans for the future.

Nobody objected when the Vice Foreign Minister proposed that she will leave politics for now, though they were already a bit troubled because she was the best person for that position. Everybody looked up to her as the dove of peace in the universe. Without her, who would the people listen to? But of course, her recovery was the top priority.

The Mars terraformation project, proposed by her, will also have a new point person, but she will still be part of the decision-making panel with any concerns regarding it. Three days after the said meeting, the ESUN prime minister announced the current condition of Relena Darlian and her decision to leave politics for the time being.

Relena was grateful for the recent events that transpired over the past few weeks as she felt like a huge burden had been lifted from her when the truth about her condition and her plans for the future were announced to the public. At least her previous position was already filled in by someone who was more experienced and capable than her, or so she thought.

Placing her hand on the glass door that separated her from their vast garden in the backyard, Relena found herself calling the name of the man that she did not get the chance to bid farewell to.

"Heero."

She closed her eyes at the memory of his arms enveloping her in a gentle embrace before she had been transferred in a different hospital. The melodious tone of his voice calling her name while asking for forgiveness had forever embedded its place in her mind, making her long for him even more. It had already been two months since that day. Two months since she last held him close and forgave him for nothing. Had he been free since that day? Free from the guilt that supposedly tormented him for each passing day that she had not awakened yet? Relena hoped so.

There were times when she will ponder on what could have been Heero's reaction when he figured out that she was already gone in the hospital – gone without a word. Just like what he always does, she reminded herself. Though there were instances when she will feel like he will be mad about it, she tried to face reality and told herself that he would not mind it at all. After all, who was she in his life? Heero will never care for her the way she did for him. There was just no way.

Then again, this was what she wanted. She wanted to be away from him. She wanted him to live his life without her. Rather, without the obligation of staying with her because of his guilt that he was the cause of what happened to her. She couldn't. She couldn't make him stay for that reason. He should be free, free to do whatever he wanted to do. Wherever he was, she hoped that he was happy.

Reaching for the handle in the middle of the door, Relena slid the glass door open and breathed in the refreshing scent of the roses from their garden. It reminded her of Heero. Just a year ago, he had also been there in that garden with her as he tended to her broken ankle and feverish state. Back then, he wiped away her tears, let her sleep against him, carried her back to her room, and shared the secret of the Rose. The bittersweet memory made her clutch the fabric of her shirt just above her heart.

I miss him, she said to herself.

She then placed her hands on the sides of her wheelchair to manoeuvre it forward until she reached the center of their garden underneath a huge tree. A few sunrays made its way through the thick leaves and branches of the shady tree to illuminate her form. The cool breeze of winter blew against her form. It was refreshing to be in this kind of place, she thought. Looking back, it had actually been years since she had last basked in the gloriousness of nature ever since the war began and politics became her field.

There were no more battles to fight now. For Relena, the only thing that she had to overcome for the moment was her disability. She hated this – being helpless and too dependent on others. Tears stung her eyes as she dwelled on her condition. No, she will not be a useless seventeen-year old. She will get through this.

Firm on her resolve, Relena folded her arms and began to hold on to the arm rests of the wheelchair as she, with so much effort, tried to push herself to stand. When she was a few inches above her seat, as she held on to the arm rests, she tried to move her feet. It took a lot of effort for her to just make her right foot move ever so slightly. She forced herself once more to move her feet. A painful smile reached her face as her right foot finally made it on the grassy soil. For her other foot, she exerted the same amount of effort and mentally congratulated herself when it, too, had stepped on the grass.

Now the only thing left to do was to let go. Can I do it? she thought. For the past months, she had been learning how to walk again with the assistance of various medical professionals, her walker, and steel bars. Wanting to feel the liberty of being able to walk independently again, Relena mustered her courage and let go of her hold on the arm rests of the wheelchair.

For a while she just stood there, trying her best to maintain her balance. When she had somehow managed to gain her balance as she stood upright, she tried to take a step with her right foot. To no avail, both of her knees weakened when she moved and gravity took control, making Relena fall on to the ground.

Relena fell on her side with her arm absorbing most of the impact. She lay on the grass for a while, making no efforts to move from her position. The grass tickled her cheek and her golden locks were unruly sprawled on the ground as her hair lace was untangled. She lay there watching as the breeze blew on the grass and bushes, the sky a clear azure. Her view of Mother Nature was suddenly blurred in her vision as newly formed tears spilled from her eyes.

I feel so alone, she said, wallowing in self-pity. She felt so helpless, so alone. As she sniffed, more tears fell from her eyes. She closed her eyes and unconsciously whispered, "Heero."

Not wanting for someone to come and help her... again, Relena rose from her lying position. She planted both of her hands on the grassy soil and propped herself up with her gaze still casted downwards as a couple more tears cascaded down her cheeks.

Her heart then raced as she heard footsteps approaching her. Oh no. If anyone from their house will find out that she had been trying to walk alone and will find her lying on the ground, it will cause an uproar. Before she can immediately act on it and bring herself to sit on the wheel chair once more, she realized something. If someone from their house should be walking towards her, then the sound of the footsteps must come from behind her. But the one that she was hearing was coming from in front of her.

Relena raised her head when the person stopped in front of her, his shoes only a few inches away from her face. Her fast heart beating suddenly came to a halt the moment she saw who had come to her side. His figure was against the sun's light, but she could clearly see his piercing Prussian blue eyes, his unruly brown locks that hung over his eyes. She could clearly make out his broad chest and shoulders underneath the white shirt and denim jacket. He was there – real and beautiful.

"Heero," she managed to utter. Letting him see her in this kind of situation was even worse than Pagan seeing her like this. She wanted to slap herself.

His eyes held no emotion in them, they were unreadable. And so was anything about him. Relena held her breath when the man in front of her suddenly kneeled down so that they were on the same level, his eyes locking into hers. He did not say anything even as he lifted his hand and wiped her tear-stained face with his thumb.

"You've been crying," he finally said as if stating a fact.

Of all the people that would see her cry, it was Heero. This was not what she expected nor wanted to happen. Now he will think of me as weak. After all, I am. Am I? Relena said to herself. However, against her will, more tears fell from her eyes as his knuckles brushed against her cheek. She already told herself that she will not allow herself to be seen crying again, but she could not help it. His touch was too comforting.

Without a second more, Heero leaned closer and gently wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face on the intersection of his neck and shoulder, and her arms wound its way around his neck. He let her cry against him, her tears wetting his skin and shirt. And he only held her tighter when her sobs grew louder. One of his hands caressed the top of her head before sliding down and played with her golden locks.

When her sobbing ceased she pulled away from him to wipe her own tears, looking away from him as she did so. After she had done so, her gaze remained on some patch of roses at the other side of the garden, refusing to look at Heero in the eyes.

"What are you doing here?" she asked firmly. She will not bother to ask on how he had gotten inside through the tight security of the Darlian Estate. That question will be futile for this is Heero Yuy. Now the only thing to know was his purpose for even being here.

"To see you," answered Heero, not moving from his place.

Now that was the answer that she did not expect. Why would he want to see her?

"You're kidding." Relena brushed it off and finally turned to look at him. "I'm no longer the Vice Foreign Minister. My life is not in danger anymore from any threats."

Heero's gaze did not falter and still maintained its intensity. He moved closer to her, just enough for his hand to lightly go over her reddish arm that hit the ground. Relena flinched at his touch.

"I didn't come here for Relena, the Vice Foreign Minister," he said. "I only came here for Relena Darlian, the seventeen-year old who saw me at the beach two years ago."

Relena wanted to melt at his words. She wanted to tell him she wanted to see him too, but decided against it. "For what?"

Heero sighed. "Why did you leave without saying anything?"

"What?"

"At the hospital."

"My brother and mother came later that night. Everything happened so fast." Relena balled a fist on her chest. "They told me that they had already arranged everything in another hospital, and that I had to be relocated immediately because of the growing number of reporters outside. I didn't know about it. I didn't get to tell you."

Too smooth, Heero thought. She explained her reason smoothly, as if it were rehearsed, as if she had been preparing to be asked this question for quite some time. It bothered the former Gundam pilot. There was something missing.

"You could've told me, Relena. I know you could, but you didn't," he said.

Relena gave a sarcastic laugh. "I don't know where you're getting at, Heero. But don't you also leave without saying a word all the time?"She did not intend to sound too harsh, but the irony of the situation and his unexpected visit cracked her up. She choked on her guilt as Heero seemed to be affected by her retort.

"You're right. I am like that." His gaze softened, and Relena felt her resolve slowly diminish with the attractive sight.

"So then, why?"

"I still haven't forgotten my promise. I'm here to continue protecting you," said Heero, his tone still monotonous.

Relena's other hand clutched a chunk of grass at his words. "Heero, I already told you. I'm not in any danger any more. I'm not a politician anymore too. I'm just..." a useless, irrelevant, disabled girl now. "An ordinary girl now." The princess felt like she something in his eyes that could not discern as she spoke.

Her words insulted him. Relena was never just an ordinary girl. He knew it the moment he had laid eyes on her and had been verified as they both fought through the war.

"If I can't protect you from outside threats anymore," began Heero as he stood up and dipped down to scoop the fallen princess in his arms. "Then let me protect you from yourself."

Relena yelped in surprise as she was lifted from the ground and was placed once more on her wheelchair. "What?"

"You were careless today, Relena. You could've hurt yourself more if you had gone way too far by trying to walk alone," he said, standing in front of her.

"I can go far by myself, thank you very much," Relena retorted. "I'm not as weak as you think I am."

There it was again. Heero suddenly recalled her words before she fell into the dreamless abyss. "I'm sorry... for being weak."

"I never thought of you as weak," he whispered softly, but it reached her. And to be honest, she did not know what she should feel about it.

Silence passed between them, with both wondering why their conversation went in this kind of direction.

Where was everyone in the house? Relena thought.

Heero then placed his hand in his jeans pocket and looked at the sky and spoke, "Before you fell into a coma..."

Relena's eyes focused on him, and he looked back at her. "You told me you love me."

It was Relena's turn to look away, her face starting to redden with embarrassment. Her hands balled into fists as she tried to hide it from trembling on her lap. She said nothing.

When no response came from the princess aside from her flushed features, which he found rather cute, he approached her. He leaned and placed one of his hands on the armrest of the wheelchair, while his other hand tipped her chin so that they were eye-to-eye.

"Tell me," he started, his eyes searching hers for an answer. "Is it the truth?" Tears once again made its way up to the windows of Relena's soul, and Heero's heart broke at the sight.

To Relena, how can she possibly deny it? All throughout the war, ever since she met him, she had always known how she felt. However to be asked by him of all people so directly, she could not help but recoil. But then again, how can she deny him?

After seconds of waiting, Relena nodded.

For once ever since their time together at the Libra two years ago, Relena finally saw Heero smile again. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. Relena could not hold back her tears any longer.

"Until now?" asked Heero, still smiling – a smile that even reached his eyes.

Relena nodded again.

"Then let me stay with you," he said softly. His hand that was on her chin then found its way on her cheek to wipe away her tears.

Relena shook her head.

"Don't push me away." Heero leaned closer to steal her breath as he sealed her lips with a kiss. His hand on her cheek made its way at the back of her neck, while his other hand was still pressed on the armchair for support.

Hesitantly, Relena gave in and returned the kiss as one of her hands also reached for his neck before Heero pulled away to look into her eyes.

"I can't..." Relena spoke, her voice cracking. "I can't make you stay out of guilt."

"What?" Heero gave her a quizzical look.

"Duo told me," she said. "You didn't leave the hospital even when you're already fully capable of leaving because you blamed yourself for what happened to me. And back then in my hospital room, you asked for my forgiveness."

"I can't make you stay out of guilt, Heero." Relena shook her head. "No, I don't want you to stay because you think you failed to protect me." She sighed. "It's true. I didn't want to tell you anything because I knew that you will come find me and try to atone for it."

"I don't want that, Heero," she said, finally letting out the words that she had kept for long. "The Earth Sphere's now in peace. I want you to be able to live your life fully in this peaceful universe that you had helped create. And not to be stuck here baby-sitting me out of guilt." His figure of her was obscured by the newly formed tears in her eyes. She choked back a sob. "There's so much more out there than being with a disabled girl like me."

So those were her reasons? That he searched for every hospital in Europe just to find out where she was, to know if she were all right, and to see how she was doing all because of guilt? A small part of him agreed that he felt guilty about it, he could not deny that. But she had already forgiven him, right? And he knew that deep down inside of him that he was here standing in front of her, asking her permission for him to stay because of something more. It was for a reason that transcended keeping a promise, fulfilling a mission, and atoning for a sin. It was more than that. And Heero had finally welcomed this new emotion he never thought he would be capable of attaining. Sadly, he learned it the hard way.

"Relena." He kneeled down and took her hands in his. "I'd rather be by your side than live out there knowing that you're taking risks in trying to walk again."

"When you fell into a coma, it hurt." Relena stared at him, surprised at what she had been both seeing and hearing. She bit her lip as she fought her tears from spilling. She did not see this coming. If she were dreaming, she would never want to wake up. This was too good to be true.

"That's when I realized that I love you. He kissed the back of her hand. "I'm sorry it took this long for me to realize it. It's the first time I felt this way, but I do know what I feel."

Overwhelmed with happiness, Relena leaned down to wrap her arms around the former soldier's neck. Heero returned the gesture as his own arms made its way around her petite form.

"When I get better..." she whispered as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Are you going to leave again?"

Heero's hold on her tightened. "I will stay for as long as you want me to."

The princess smiled at his words as she breathed in his scent. After being torn apart countless times by uncontrolled circumstances, they were finally home.

End

Author's Note:

Hi all! So with this chapter, I officially declare this story COMPLETE! :) I had to finish this one right away because in a few days from now, I'm going to work on my thesis again. Ugh. Haha. At least with this story's ending, now I can allot my free time into finishing my other pending stories. Hihi.

Additional note: In this chapter, some garden scenes that Relena were remembering were from the Gundam Wing manga Ground Zero. It was set after the series, before Endless Waltz? Okay? :)

Thank you to everyone who gave a bit of their time to read and review this from start to end. Really, thank you! :)

P.S.

Sorry if the ending looked a bit... rushed.

Love lots,

Lady-Rinoa14