I closed the door and put my back to it for a second, waiting for my eyes to adjust.
I knew they weren't asleep. They were too deceptively still. I couldn't count the number of times I'd wake up with Murphy's knee in the small of my back, or unable to breathe because Connor had turned and flung an arm out, his bicep neatly covering my nose and mouth. I smiled in the darkness. They were restless, my boys.
I would miss them.
I knew that six or eight months from now something would happen and I'd want to tell them about it and wouldn't be able to. Or my hormones would flare up and I'd want nothing more than to see that flare in Murphy's eyes just before he came or feel Connor's rough padded fingers ghosting over my body and they wouldn't be there. If something bad went down in New York I might not even know about it. Couldn't even go to their funerals.
I felt my soul crack a little at that particular thought and swallowed down the sob that threatened to escape.
Rational, I thought, be rational.
So I stood there, like a freak, for a moment just taking them in. Both of them on my ridiculously small bed. Murphy closest to the wall on his stomach, still in his jeans. They rarely slept in less than their jeans anymore, another concession to the life they lead now.
Murphy. His skin almost shining in the darkness, the long, lean lines of his back exposed. The spot just below the hairline on his neck that if I breathed on it warm and wet enough, he'd shiver and break out in goosebumps. The outline of his face against my pillow, dark shock of hair carelessly tousled.
Connor, on his back, his healthy color more muted as he lay on his back at the edge of the bed. Those stomach muscles of his moving up and down as he breathed. One hand on his chest, the other arm out to the side, almost like he was waiting for me to curl up there.
"Are you gonna stand there all night, lass?"
"Just starin?" Murphy's muffled voice added.
"Like a perv?" I asked.
"Aye," they both replied.
I laughed a little. "Just taking in the scenery," I said untying my pants, yet again, and stepping out of them as I moved to the bed.
"Ye want us to strip down, then? Take in all the scenery, as it were?" Connor offered as I straddled his legs, climbing over him to lay between them.
"Shrubberies?" Murphy added, curling up behind me.
"Towers?" Connor said, taking my hand in his and placing it on his chest.
"Towers. Pfft," I said, snuggling in.
Connor bit my fingers and Murphy pinched my leg. "Ow," I half-laughed, "Ok, sorry."
Connor withdrew his teeth, but not his mouth, laving each of my fingers before kissing them, and Murphy's pinch turned into long strokes of his fingertips up and down the outside of my thigh. My eyes closed and my hips moved instinctively towards Murphy even as Connor pulled me closer to him.
My mouth found Connor's nipple and tongued it mercilessly, adding an occasional nip of my teeth for variety. He tensed under the attention and rolled towards me, now on his side, his hands holding my face and kissing me. Murphy was licking his way up and down my neck while his fingers roamed over my legs, ass, and stomach. I moaned into Connor as Murph's finger dipped into my underwear, sneaking towards my clit. My toes curled in anticipation and when he brushed my nub I bucked against him so hard I heard him hit the wall. I smiled against Connor and tried to pull away to apologize to Murphy, but Connor wasn't having it, he wrapped an arm around my neck and held on, kissing me with so much heat I couldn't breathe for a minute and I sank my nails into his chest and back, rolling my hips towards him, wrapping an ankle around his calf, bringing my clit against his knee, rubbing and mewling.
Murphy, not to be left out, moved his mouth south, licking and kissing a trail under my shirt, down my spine. His fingers ghosted over my hot spot soon followed by his breath and I thought 'Oh, God, yes!' until a tiny rational voice in the back of my head screamed 'NO!' for some reason my lust-muddled brain couldn't understand, until Murphy's lips and tongue made contact with the inked skin of my tattoo and my body convulsed… just enough to throw Connor (who had both hands on me while he teetered precariously close to the edge of the bed) off balance.
I felt him going over and (damn my self-preservation instinct) I tried to get loose of him but he had me pretty tight and our legs were too twisted to pull apart easily. At the last minute Murphy grabbed my hips trying to pull me back, but my weight and Connor's was too much and I felt his hands slide off of me just as I landed, shoulder-first, on Connor's stomach.
His breath whuffed out of him and his arm around me loosened so I tried to get off of him so he could get his wind back. Of course that was about the time that Rocco kicked open the door, causing Murphy to go for his gun aiming at the door that Rocco was coming though his own gun outstretched. I had time to stupidly cover my head with my arms and wonder briefly if I could get my security deposit back if I had patched up bullet holes in the wall. Just then Connor sucked in a breath and snapped everyone back to their senses.
Getting to all fours I crawled over to Connors head as Murphy and Rocco were both putting their pieces away. "You ok?" I asked touching his face lightly.
He coughed a little, sucked in a breath, and wheezed out, "Christ, lass, you weigh a lot."
I balled up my fist and hit him again in the stomach, probably not the nicest thing since I had just fallen on it, but still.
"That's what you get for laughing at me," Rocco said pointing at us with his gun.
"Go fuck yourself, Roc," Connor wheezed, sitting up.
Rocco slunk back into the living room, pulling the door closed behind him.
"Yer bed is too small, girl," Murphy said, taking my hand as I stepped over Connor's outstretched legs. Connor slapped my ass, playfully, with one hand as he scooted over to get to his feet.
"I'm sorry," I said, climbing into bed, again, spooning back against Murphy, giving Connor as much room as I could to settle back in. "Room for me and my two boyfriends to fuck was not on my checklist when I went bed shopping."
"Can't fault you for that, I suppose," Connor said, his voice and color returning as he settled on his back beside me. I moved into position curling against them both, our bodies relaxing into each other.
My eyelids started to get heavy and I could feel sleep tugging at me. "Tomorrow night," Connor said.
"Or the night after, at the latest," Murphy added.
My hand clenched in Connor's, and Murphy's hand slid from my hip searching for my other hand and he squeezed it. "That soon?" I asked, trying to sound calm, but my voice cracked.
"Aye," Murphy whispered against the skin at the back of my neck, kissing me lightly, reassuringly.
"Aye," Connor agreed, his bicep contracting against my cheek as he lifted his hand to stroke my hair.
"Aye," I whispered against his shoulder, closing my eyes. I dropped off soon after that with Murphy's thumb stroking the back of my hand and Connor's heart beating against my palm.
It was the most peaceful night of sleep I have ever had, before or since. But somehow the heat of the twin's bodies surrounding me never touched this sickly cold spot in my belly that told me something was very, very wrong.