Chapter 4

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves. "

-Henry David Thoreau

Bella looked around the room at her extended family. Eleazar and Carmen sat together on a loveseat close to the fireplace, while Kate sat in Garrett's lap in an overstuffed chair. The cold did not bother her as it once had as a human, but the warmth from the fire was welcome nonetheless.

Reneesme was currently tucked in under a veritable mountain of quilts, though it took Carmen a number of stories about her home in Spain before she had finally settled to sleep. Edward was currently outside on the porch, ostensibly waiting for Tanya, but Bella knew better. She had heard the exchange, and knew her husband was once again blaming himself for her sudden breakdown. In all honesty, Bella was surprised she had lasted this long.

She knew how Edward had felt being the only odd one out in the Cullen family for so long. And she knew how long Irina and Tanya were sisters. They might not be mates, but she couldn't imagine a much closer bond. For example, she had always felt that if she had been able to keep close to Alice during the time Edward had left her, she might not have lost all those months in her own mind. Certainly, she would've been depressed, upset, and hurt, but she liked to think that with Alice's help, she could have kept it together.

That being said, she had only been friends with Alice for a few months when Edward had left; she couldn't imagine how it would feel to lose Alice after more than a millennia.

Noticing how quiet it was, she looked around again, and saw how everyone was paired up. She had always been cautious of Tanya, but she couldn't help thinking that neither family could really help her right now. She choked back a laugh when she heard Emmett's voice in her head laughingly suggesting that he should start personals for vampires. Sometimes she wondered about herself.

Eleazar looked up thoughtfully from where he was running his fingers through Carmen's luxurious, dark hair. "If she has not returned by the morning, we should go out after her."

Garrett nodded. "There's a fine line between giving space and not being caring."

Bella looked thoughtfully at the men. "I know you called us because of this mysterious vampire, but honestly, I'm really worried about Tanya." She looked around again. "I'm not sure if our presence is a good thing for her." She heard Edward shift out on the porch.

Silence fell over the room again. No one could really disagree with the statement, but everyone felt powerless to help Tanya. Only time could help her now. Fortunately, time was something every vampire had in abundance.

Tanya pulled herself up in the shadowy light of a late dawn. She rubbed her venom-encrusted eyes and looked blearily out across the frozen expanse. Slowly, she lifted her body from the kneeling position she had held all through the night. The light wasn't very bright, it was January in Alaska after all. The grey of the sky melded with the grey of the snow, matching her mood, or lack of. The pain had receded and left her with a chasm of emptiness inside, but she could deal with that. Anything was better than the feelings she fought all night. She looked at the only color on the horizon, a copse of trees in the distance and realized where she ran.

Her mystery visitor.

She tilted her head slightly, considering attempting to see the vampire again before realizing it was foolhardy. Better to face the family, and have Edward and Bella come and speak with them. With a deep sigh, she turned and loped home.

She wasn't in any hurry to face her family.

As she ran, through the trees, she heard a herd of reindeer scraping their hooves through the snow in search of lichen for their own breakfast. Being over-emotional takes a lot out of you, she thought to herself before changing her course.

A large buck reindeer later and she felt a bit more centered. She walked the last mile back to the cabin, thinking toward Edward. I'm sorry, Edward. It's not you or Bella or Reneesme, it's me. I promise, I won't fall apart again. It just all added up. I'll be there in a few minutes.

As she finished these thoughts she reached the top of the ridge overlooking the house. She could just make out Edward's form waiting for her on the front porch.

She mentally shook herself, and drawing up her willowy frame, walked the last bit to the house. Edward nodded to her, but didn't say anything. The door swung open, and she could see the rest of her family waiting for her.

"Hi." She murmured it quietly, a bit raspily after all the crying the night before. Everyone's concerned eyes turned toward her.

"I'm sorry I worried everyone. I don't know if I'm okay, but I am under control...can we just leave it at that for now?" Her voice pleaded with them to not push the issue.

They all nodded slowly, understanding the careful balance she was holding. Eleazar pointed to the large kitchen table. "We pulled out the map of the area...can you show us where this vampire is holed up?"

She smiled thankfully at her brother. She led the others to the table, speaking over her shoulder. "You know the copse over near the reindeers' spring calving grounds?" she leaned over the table, and tapped an area on the map.

Garrett looked over Tanya's shoulder. "Nice. Judging by the contour lines, the copse is just at the bottom of a ridge line. Nothing can get to their back, and a wide open field before." He looked at the men. "This would be the place to be if the Volturi ever decided to come back for a visit. Its very defensible."

Bella looked thoughtful, nibbling on her bottom lip. "Do we think this was on purpose, or just dumb luck?"

Edward sighed, and pulled his arms around his wife. "Guys, I really don't think its the Volturi. I know we're worried, and while I agree, it's not over, I refuse to live in fear until they decide to do something. You said whoever it is is weak, and could make you feel nauseous. Well, here's the thing. When we fought the newborns, the girl we tried to save? She knew one of us was a mind reader. It's how we knew the Volturi were involved with that as well. One of her coven friends didn't think what they were doing was too straightforward and took off. She only came to the fight to look for her mate." He paused and looked around the table. "The girl, Bree, told me in her mind to be nice to Fred, and that we'd know him because his special talent is to protect himself by making undesirables sick when they even so much as look at him." Now Edward's umber stare focused on Eleazar. "You say you've never heard of it before, and gifts don't present themselves the same way twice, right?"

Eleazar's smile brightened. "I see what you mean. Indeed, considering we know of such a talent, and how close we are to where we know he was born, it certainly makes sense."

Bella hmphed. "Well, while you guys pat yourselves on the back, don't you think we should put the poor vampire out of his misery?" She stopped at the wide eyed looks she was getting from the others. "Oh, for goodness sake, not kill him! He's weak and alone. Why would a vampire run away to a place with no people guys?"

She looked around the room, waiting for the penny to drop. Blank faces looked back at her.

"Tanya, will you lead me? I'm anxious to see if my theory is right."

Tanya smiled hesitantly back at her newest cousin, slowly coming to the same conclusion as Bella.

"Race ya!" as she dove out the door.