Chapter 9

"It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution" -Oscar Wilde

Tanya broke in, "Now that you know, I'm curious. I understand why you ran out on the army, but what did that have to do with finding you up here, starving to death?"

Fred bowed his head, and slowly reached into his jean pocket, only to realize the paper he was searching for wouldn't be there.

"No," he whispered, agonized. "Where is it? Where did it go? I need it!"

Tanya was at his side before the men in the house would consider his erratic behavior a threat. She reached out to him, stroking his arm. "What, what is it, Fred?"

"A paper, I had a paper in my pocket. You put my clothes in the wash."

His eyes widened, looking utterly lost.

"Fred, it's okay, I checked your jean pockets in the laundry room before I put them in the wash. It must've been important to you, so I put it aside. Would you like me to bring it to you?"

A deep shuddering breath and a needy, "yes, please," had her sprint down the hall to retrieve the worn newspaper cutting.

A moment later had her pressing it into his shaking hand. "Thank you," he murmured, stroking the paper with his thumb. He looked at it a moment, then cautiously handed it over to Edward. Fred seemed certain he would breakdown if he had to read it aloud to everyone.

Edward nodded and carefully took the tattered piece. "Do you mind, Edward?" Fred looked him in the eye, and pleaded in his mind, knowing he wouldn't be able to tell this part of the story.

Edward nodded once more. "It's painful for him. The paper is a story about a ferry that was sunk, no survivors." He closed his eyes a moment, as Fred thought out the details of the real story. A look of horror crossed Edward's face, and he was glad that Fred was looking down into his hands.

"The night before they came to fight us, Reilly took them out to the sound. 21 vampires, and one disabled ferry. I almost wish I could kill Reilly again. The army killed every last man, woman and child on that boat that night, then sunk the ship."

Tanya could see the pain Fred was going through, and dropped her hand to his back, rubbing it in soft, slow circles.

"It gets worse." Edward's eyes filled with venom. "He found this article while he was waiting for Bree. His sister-his real, human sister-was on that boat. With everyone in a blood frenzy, he's not even sure..."

"Enough!" Fred lifted his tortured face as he growled. "Enough." he said again, quieter, more constrained. "I will never feed from a human again. I swore it the day I learned of Susie's death."

He looked up at each of the people he was surrounded by, making eye contact with each one. "This is why you have my gratitude. You have no idea what it means to me to be able to feed and not have to kill someone. Someone who could be somebody's sister, brother, mother, father, lover. It gives me hope that maybe I can do something with this half life we have."

Fred's eyes shot up angrily at Edward's sudden laugh. He clenched his hands, afraid he might attack the guy for his insensitivity.

"No, no, Fred, you misunderstand me. It's just, for a moment, you sounded like you were channeling my father."

The entire room chuckled softly and nodded their heads. Fred looked around questioningly, his anger dissipating.

"My father, my creator is Carlisle Cullen. He was turned in 1663. He was the son of a Pastor, who had rather harsh views of our existence. Carlisle had no wish to harm people, and like you, ran far away from humanity. In his case, it was just by chance he learned he could live on the blood of animals. And to the second part of your statement, about doing something with your life? Carlisle is a doctor."

Now it was Fred's turn to laugh. "When Victoria bit me, I was in med school."

"Perhaps we can get Carlisle to come visit then? You might find it...beneficial."

"It sounds interesting-but in a little while." He looked around the room, "I think I have enough going on right now."

Everyone chuckled in agreement.

"Wait. Your father?"

"Remember I said that we are closer to our humanity than most?" Bella responded. "Drinking animal blood lets us retain more of our humanity. While covens are more about power and control," Fred snorted in awareness. "Our group isn't like that. We are family. It is more than mates, more than creator and created. We would do anything to keep our family together."

"And you are all family?"

Tanya answered. "Loosely speaking. We don't live together. We tend to consider ourselves cousins. The Cullen family has 9 members; we are the Denalis, and except for Bella and Edward, we are all here. And you, if you wish to stay." Her stillness gave her away.

She wants me to stay?

Tanya continued. "You see, being a vegetarian-it's harder on your own. We help each other. The desire for human blood never totally goes away, but it does become easier to control."

I could so live this life. But everyone who has ever gotten close me has always ended in tragedy. Why would they want me here? The thoughts rushed through his vampiric brain, even while his mouth opened, his eyes and fists clenched shut, "If you are sure it wouldn't be a problem?"

This time, it was the small dark hair woman sitting with Eleazar who added to the conversation. In a quiet, accented voice, she said, "Fred, you may think you need us, but I think I can speak for all of us, I think we need you too. There is more history here than you know, and we understand your pain better than you might imagine. We can work on healing together."

Fred's relaxed and bent his head at the compassion pouring off this petite woman.

"Okay then. I'll stay."