Exile Wrath: I had to. This idea was bugging me since last night. Prepare for lots of implied Yullen ^. ^

Rating: M

Summary: Rei has reasons for moving out- the poor boy is a yaoiphobe and his brother and best friend are loud. "Tyki, PLEASE LET ME MOVE IN! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'VE BEEN TRAUMATIZED!"

To say that Tyki Mikk was surprised that Ryuukei Hitoride was on his doorstep not a minute after he had finished moving was an understatement. It was like Rei had staked out the house the whole time, then scurried in the moment the mover's truck left. "Err, good morning, Rei?" he said in confusion. Rei collapsed on the doorstep kneeling. "What's wrong?"

"I'm begging you, PLEASE LET ME MOVE IN!" the poor Viet shrieked, nearly knocking out Tyki's eardrums. Wincing, the man opened the door more to let him in.

"What for? I don't get it?" He asked. Rei had obvious bags under his eyes, and wore two suitcases full of necessities, such as clothes and the whatnot. Arranging himself on the sofa, Tyki stared incredulously at Rei.

The visitor lunged forward to grab Tyki's shoulders, coming face to face. "Do you see the bags under my eyes?" he asked hysterically, voice shaking. Tyki nodded hurriedly. "Do you realize why?" With this he shook Tyki's shoulders and the man shook his head. "They're loud. I moved into the room at the end of the hallway AND I CAN STILL HEAR THEIR MOANS!" Rei ranted. Tyki's face was now a picture of confusion. "I've been traumatized. TRAUMATIZED I SAY!"

"Please…clarify?" Tyki tried. Rei stepped closer, face now a few scant centimeters from Tyki's nose.

"Do you realize that Yuu Kanda is my adopted brother?"

Tyki nodded.

"Do you realize that Allen Walker is one of my best friends?"

Nod.

"Do you realize that Allen moved in last week?"

Nod. "And against my wishes, too." Tyki said peevishly.

"Do you realize that they are deeply in LOVE with each other?"

"Yes."

"DO YOU REALIZE HOW LOUD THEY ARE WHENEVER THEY…DO THAT!"

"Pardon?"

"Sex."

"…" There was stunned silence as Tyki processed what Rei just told him. "They…have s-e-x?"

"Yesssss." He hissed, letting go of Tyki's shoulders and curling up, fetal position, on the couch. "I've been traumatized, I tell you. Traumatized. Every night, moans come from Allen's or Kanda's room. I moved to the closet at the end of the hall on day three. Living room couch on day five. And yesterday…WAS THE LAST STRAW!"

"What happened?" Road asked curiously, appearing in the doorway licking a lollipop. "Hi, Rei."

"Gay sex happened. THEY WERE DOING IT IN THE SHOWER! THE SHOWER!" Rei yelled. "I WAS JUST GOING TO BRUSH MY TEETH, AND…WHEN I OPEN THE DOOR…they're doing it!"

"Oh my GOD." Tyki gasped.

"Kanda makes so many sexual innuendos during the day that they've done it in the kitchen, the couch- not mine yet- they make out in the hallways…I hate yaoi now. But I haven't said anything to them because..." Rei quaked nervously. "I'm scared of Mugen and Dark Allen."

Tyki's own face was a picture of horror, while the fujioshi, Road, ran out to go to Kanda and Allen's house. "Please, I'm begging you, for the sake of my sanity." Rei said again. Tyki nodded slowly, a shotgun appearing suddenly in his hand.

"And here I thought I said no sex until marriage." The brotherly Noah followed Road out of the house, cackling evilly and Teases appearing around his head.

Rei poked his head out of the door the call after Tyki, "They eloped. FOUR DAYS AGO!"

Torturing OCs are fuuuuun.

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