Chapter 2
It wasn't coming off.
No matter how hard she scrubbed the blood; it just wasn't coming off.
"Come on!" Kate growled in frustration as she continued to scrub her hands to almost raw, nearly screaming in frustration as the blood stained the clear water. A gasp that sounded like a cry to anyone else who might have been watching escaped her lips as she turned the faucet off and watched the drain suck away the blood that still felt like it was on her hands.
She pushed away from the drain with a sob as she turned and felt the hard wall hit her back, the back of her skull hitting the cold wall as she slowly slipped down so she was sitting crouched in a fetal position as she closed her eyes in hopes that no tears were about to escape, she didn't need them now. The last thing she needed right now was to have emotions because that means emotions would bring on memories that she wasn't prepared to deal with – not when her friends were just outside that door – she could still hear the echo of Lanie's cries of her name as she rushed to the bathroom not looking back as her friend called her to slow down to stop.
She didn't stop though, not until she managed to push the door closed and lock it so no-one could get in.
She glanced at the door now, her stomach turning as she saw impressions of her bloody hands on the door which she leaned against, the blood trickling down the door.
Castle's blood.
That thought alone made her want to crawl to the nearest toilet and throw up. Not like there was anything to throw up.
She couldn't eat that morning not even for Castle...
Castle...
Kate's forehead hit the tops of her knees as she felt tears traitorously leaving tracks down her cheek. Silent sobs tore through her body as she tightened her eyes closed begging not to have memories, to forget everything.
Life was never that kind to her though...
-X-
Dawn broke just half an hour before Kate's alarm clock was scheduled to piece through the room, breaking the peace that had formed in the room after the gasps and moans had finished. To anyone else it seemed like a picture perfect scene.
Two people obviously in love with each other (which could be seen by just how tightly they were holding each other) sleeping off the exhaustion that was brought by the night that had been building for a while now – to be honest from the moment they both met each other.
The sunlight wasn't going to let that happen for too long though. It hit Kate Beckett's eyes first causing her to wince as she was slowly brought out of consciousness, her eyelids fluttering just before she opened her eyes, rapidly blinking to become alert.
Something felt different... something felt... right for a change.
She tensed as she felt arms tighten around her, her cop senses not resting until she heard the sleepy sigh of, "Shh ten more minutes – stay in bed."
Carefully she moved her head and couldn't help but let that small smile fall from her lips as the events of the previous night rushed into her head – it wasn't a realistic dream, it actually happened.
She silently draped an arm across his naked chest to let her hand play with his hair smiling again as Castle sighed sleepily and snuggled towards her.
"Castle." She whispered against the shell of his ear. "Come on – wakey wakey."
Castle moaned as he squeezed his eyes shut before opening them to see Kate leaning over him. A soft triumphant smile crossed his face as his hand started to trace patterns against her naked back, marvelling at just how soft her skin is whether it be against his hands or lips.
"Hey." He greeted.
"Hi." Kate greeted back, suddenly shy.
"Shy detective?" Castle smirked.
"You wish writer boy."
"Oh my dear detective I think I have proven last night of just how much of a writer man I am." He chuckled as he wrapped both of his arms around her to push her down into her pillow. She gasped as he leaned over her triumphantly.
A teasing smile passed Kate's face as she shook her head. "No you're still very much a writer boy." She stated holding her ground.
"Oh Detective Beckett – you better take that back."
Kate raised one of her eyebrows. "Oh? What are you going to do if I don't? I am the one with the handcuffs remember." She teased as a glint passed his eyes.
"Oh I do – and remember you still owe me a next time without the tiger." Castle smirked again as Kate chuckled before it hit them both of last night came to be – how there might not be a next time.
"I don't know Castle..." Kate whimpered still trying to keep away the storm clouds that were coming. "I don't use my handcuffs on boys."
"Oh you are going to regret that." Castle lightly threatened.
"What you going to do about it Rick?" Kate threatened breathing heavily as let another glint passed Castle's eyes.
"You just watch Detective." Rick warned before he started to mercilessly tickle her as she tried to get away by any means possible.
"Rick!" She breathed. "Stop!"
"Never – not until you- APPLES! APPLES! APPLES!" He screeched as she took the opportunity to pinch his ear causing him to stop his attack.
"Not until I what Mr Castle?" Kate raised an eyebrow as she released his ear but pushed him so she could straddle over his thighs.
"Cruel woman."
"You love it."
"I love you." He replied causing Kate to smile softly, an expression of tenderness cross her face before she looked at the time.
"You better go Castle." She tried to move but he stopped her coming up to sit just in front of her – both of their chests touching.
"I'm not going to let you run away from last night Kate – that's not how it's going to work."
She cupped his cheek. "I know." She simply replied. "But in 20 minutes the night is over – my alarm will go off and we have to-"
"We still have 20 minutes." Castle implored as Kate raised an eyebrow.
"Really? You should go – change your clothes, see your mother and daughter."
"And I will – just not during these 20 minutes Detective – we still got the night."
"Castle..."
"Give me this." He implored again already kissing her impatiently on her lips feeling triumphant as she moaned and pulled him closer to her. He smirked as he moved down so he could place kisses against her pause point making her sigh in want.
"Didn't you have enough last night?" Beckett breathed out heavily, her head slightly thrown back.
Rick sighed against her neck causing a shiver to pass through her body, he moved back towards her as he replied calmly only looking into her eyes and causing her to become breathless with his answer. "My dear Kate – unless it's a lifetime I'm never going to have enough."
"But really 20 minutes?" Kate asked ignoring how after these 20 minutes are over this short period of being in the calm before the storm would be over.
"Oh Detective just watch." Rick flopped down onto the bed. "I show you how much of a man I can be."
Kate giggled as she followed him, sighing as she was pushed down against her pillow again. "If it makes you feel better I don't really think you're a boy."
"Oh?" Castle asked a knowing smirk crossing his face.
"Yeah – I see you more as a man-child." Kate giggled again as Rick growled and clutched the sheet so he could throw it over their naked bodies.
-X-
The echoes of those last twenty minutes in bed tore from Kate's mind when she jumped only realising that when she collapsed on the floor she had done it right by the locked door which someone was now banging quite insistently.
"Kate open this damn door!" Lanie bellowed as she continued to knock on the door. "Open it before I get Javi to knock it down!"
"Woman, I'm not knocking anything down!" A beat past and then... "OW!"
Beckett couldn't help but let a sad smile pass at what sounded like her best friend hitting her on again- off again boyfriend around the head.
"JUST GO!"
Kate heard the whispered sound of what seemed to be Lanie shooing Esposito away before a more softer voice came through the door.
"Come on Kate – Martha and Alexis are here, they want to see you."
'God they must hate me.' Kate thought shaking her head as a fresh bout of tears even though she knew she wasn't being the detective all her friends were used to – how could she be when Castle... she couldn't even finish that thought.
"Lanie..." Kate whispered through the door. "I just... can't."
"Kate... he wouldn't want you like this." Lanie tenderly stated her voice sounding like it was closer to her... like Lanie had crouched down to where she thought she might be.
A catch in her throat caused Kate to freeze.
"You can deny it all you want but he wouldn't... he loved you Kate. He wouldn't want to see you in pain like this."
"I..."
"Just... take some time but just come out – we're all in pain I know it's different levels but when it was you he didn't leave your side... even though he was in so much pain. You know where we'll be when you need us Kate." Lanie finished touching the closed door sighing as she stood up. Leaving one glance at the door hoping that it would be flung open but then she imagined what she would be like if it was Javi who had stepped in front of her to take the bullet like Castle did for Beckett.
She walked slowly to where the rest of the 12th along with Alexis and Martha who were huddled together leaning on each other for strength as everyone was waiting. Lanie thought she would never be able to forget the look of the absolute terror on their faces as they rushed through the hospital doors half hoping that the call Captain Gates had given had been a cruel joke.
By the looks they were given they knew it wasn't a joke. Alexis broke first tears quickly following as she hugged her Gran as hard as she could. Martha just looked... in shock, totally blank at the news she was just given to process. They both fell into the small red waiting chairs just holding each other tightly. Lanie and the boys just couldn't help but watch wishing they could do more.
It was Martha who lifted up her head first and whispered.
"Kate? Was she..."
"No." Lanie replied. "She's... not doing so well emotionally though."
"Who is?" Ryan whispered as he leaned against the wall cut up about what he had just witnessed as Esposito placed a comforting arm on his partners shoulder.
"Javi? Can you come with me?" Lanie asked. "Let's find Beckett."
Whilst Lanie had returned alone the scene she left didn't really change the two red heads were still leaning on each other for strength tears marking their faces. It shocked Lanie slightly when Alexis had wearily lifted up her head asking silently where Beckett was.
Lanie shook her head as Alexis sighed her face troubled even more so now as she huddled into her Grandmother's embrace.
"She won't come out." Lanie stated as Javi wrapped an arm around her, she leaned into him for support.
Martha kept her position on her head leaning on top of her grand-daughter's head as she replied quite emotionlessly, "She'll know where we are?"
"Yeah." Lanie nodded. "I think she just needs more time."
A silence then transcended the group as none of them had the energy to say anything. Alexis was the one to break this stale mate first.
"I need some air." She said rushed pushing out of her grandmother's embrace. "I just need..."
"I could do with some myself." Ryan offered seeing Martha's look of reluctance – she didn't want to leave. "If you don't mind me coming with?"
"Not at all Detective Ryan." Alexis smiled weakly, grateful for the company.
"Thank you." Martha mouthed as Ryan gestured for Alexis to lead the way, Ryan just nodded as the two walked out of sight.
Lanie walked over to the actress and placed a comforting hand on her knee giving her the opportunity to break down if she needed to without her grand-daughter there to watch.
Martha just shook her head and closed her eyes as she leant across the wall. She did place her hand in Lanie's though grateful for the support.
Esposito went to sit next to Lanie slipping his hand in hers as silence won yet again and minutes had passed and it seemed like Martha had fallen asleep.
"I didn't think..." Esposito started before shaking his head as Lanie turned to look at him. "I've just never really seen Beckett like this."
"She bottles it up but – she's just in pain, she lost her mother because of this and now she finally catches the bastard who did it and..." Lanie sighed. "Imagine if that was you Javi – if the person you loved most was in that room."
He kissed her forehead as he shuddered imagining the medical examiner in front of him was currently in that room. He nodded as he pulled back. "Plus can you just imagine the regret she must be feeling?" He whispered.
"Oh my dear boy," Martha answered causing both of them to jump and look at the older women, "Richard went out last night after much debate with himself and didn't come back till this morning before he headed out again and with the look on his face – he didn't have any regrets." She smiled softly.
-X-
Kate took a deep breath watching herself in the mirror her eyes looked abnormally red and puffy and her hair was a mess, tear tracks had ran all over her face but she couldn't bring herself to care. She desperately tried not to see the blood that had stained her clothes. If she ever made through this day she was going to burn them. She never wanted to see them again.
With an ache in her chest which she feared would always be there she slowly unlocked the door which was keeping her "safe" and opened it timidly half expecting Lanie to ambush her. As she walked out her steps small and measured she realised that Lanie wasn't waiting for her she must have gone back to...
Kate took another deep breath and willed herself to stop these tears from falling – she just felt... numb. A small part of her brain wondered if she was ever going to be truly able to feel again. She got the bastard who took her mother away from her but not before... She willed herself not to remember – she knew she was going dream it, have nightmares about it but not... 'please not now...' She prayed to anyone who could be listening though if there was someone what had she ever done to them to be given this... she shook her head as she walked seemingly no-where, her body knew where it was going though.
She stopped at the end of the corridor to see her boys and Lanie along with Martha and Alexis huddled together outside the room where... where Castle was. Her resolve to come out diminished when she saw Martha and Alexis and was just about to turn away when Lanie spotted her.
"Kate." She almost shouted shocked to see her friend there.
Alexis looked up first and in a move which shocked most of her company removed herself from her grandmother's embrace and ran towards Kate hugging her before she even had the time to react. Kate timidly wrapped her arms around the teen that was in just as much pain as she was right now.
Kate found comfort as she gently rested her head on Alexis' shoulder, feeling tears stain her top causing her to will herself not to cry again – Alexis was in pain, she didn't need her falling to pieces. When they pulled apart Alexis smiled softly, it never really met her eyes.
"We'll get through this together darling." Kate looked up to see Martha there who suddenly pulled her into her arms and gently tapped her on her back, Kate felt a rush of comfort that she hadn't experienced since the last time she hugged her own mother and it just made her want to cry, everything at the moment just made her want to cry.
Lanie, Esposito and Ryan looked on at the three most important women in Castle's life finding comfort in one another that they missed when the doctor came out of Castle's room.
"Miss Castle? Ms. Rodgers?" He called out as the two red heads turned and all three women rushed back to the top end of the corridor.
"Yes?" Alexis asked as she clutched onto her grandmother once again.
"You can see him now." The doctor smiled sympathetically. "Though I'm afraid only family at the moment." He gestured to the others.
"What?" Lanie, Esposito and Ryan protested – not for their own sake but for Beckett's who looked so lost.
"I'm sorry but it's hospital policy."
"Young man I don't care what your policy is but my son in there loves this woman." She pointed to Kate who's eyes opened wide. "And he would want her there."
"I..." The doctor tried to explain.
"She is family." Alexis protested as well as Kate's eyes widened.
"Really guys... I..." Kate tried to protest. "I'm not-"
"You are!" Alexis exclaimed passionately. "He would want you here."
"I would assume you are his fiancée then?" The doctor prompted making it obvious what he was doing.
"Yes, she is." Martha agreed without a beat.
"Then you be free to go see him as well." The doctor nodded and made his hasty retreat.
Kate blinked suddenly at how this was turning out.
"Go on dear." Martha prompted to Kate who backed away shaking her head.
"No... I'm not... I mean..." She looked around helplessly.
"It's okay." Alexis grabbed her hand squeezing it. "We'll go in first – just come in when you're ready."
Kate nodded gratefully as she stumbled over to the chairs and the two red heads walked through the door.
"Kate you have to..." Lanie started but stopped at the expression on her friend's face.
"I'm going to." Kate reassured not really sure if it was for herself or Lanie. "I just need..."
"Time." Esposito finished. "It's alright Beckett – come on Ryan we'll give you a ride home." He gestured to his partner giving Beckett a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, Ryan doing the same as well.
"Call me." Lanie implored. "If you need anything please..."
"I will." Kate nodded smiling slightly watching as her team and friends walked away after promises of coming back tomorrow.
She practiced some of the breathing techniques her therapist had given her as she tried to calm down at the thought of what she could see in there. She closed her eyes willing herself to see an image of Castle but instead she got the last thing she wanted.
-X-
Kate huffed in frustration as Castle continued to tap impatiently on the car's dashboard.
"Castle!" She snapped glaring at him causing him to stop and look sheepish.
"Sorry." He murmured before blessed silence swept through the car. He broke it again in a matter of seconds when he started to make a beat on his knees.
Kate sighed pushing her head back so it could hit the head-rest.
"Still?" She asked as Castle looked at her confused.
"Still what?"
"How long have we been partners Castle and you still can'tsurvive a stakeout?"
Castle tried to defend himself but shut his mouth out with a small huff which caused Kate to smirk... just that little bit.
"I just don't get why we're waiting." He whined.
"Because back up is stuck in traffic, Gates would kill us personally if we went in there with no back up."
"Hey!" Castle protested. "I'm your back up." He whined slightly.
Kate couldn't help but smile as she took her partner's hand, stroking her thumb against the back of it – the only sign she had given to him that she was acknowledging what had happened between them last night and this morning.
"I know Castle – you're my partner but this is... I'm playing by the book this time – even though it's killing me to do it." She huffed feeling the need to kick something – what the hell was taking them so long?
"It'll be over soon." Castle tried to sooth as Kate tried to take a deep breath her police bullet vest weighing down on her as she tried to stay focus on what was happening, what was about to go down – not on the person who was in the building she had parked opposite side of the street if she did that she be out of the car that Castle would find it hard to catch up with her. "We're going to get him Kate." He promised softly as Kate turned her head to look into his eyes.
"I know." Kate nodded smiling slightly. "We will." She looked down at their conjoined hands trying not to picture what would happen if this turned sideways – she needed to stay alert, stay focused not give into how the thought of how wonderful her hand felt in his.
"My mother knows." He confessed still looking at her, smiling softly when she looked up to see him "She knows about last night."
"Did she say anything?"
"No." Castle shook his head. "But...my mother always has a way to tell me something without actually saying it out loud – it's a gift really." He nodded before pulling a face. "You know when it's not a pain in the arse."
Kate laughed resting the side of her head on her head rest. "We still need to talk."
"I know detective – I promise we will."
"Castle you don't –"
"We will." Castle smiled promising. "Like I said one night is not enough."
"That one night happened because..."
"Kate." He chided, exasperated. "Stop fighting me on this – even if it does... do you really want your last memory to be of us fighting?"
Kate rolled her eyes shaking her head. "We weren't fighting – we were bickering there is a difference Rick."
"My dear detective I have been married 2 times I know the difference..." He trailed off as Kate glared at him almost daring him to continue with this conversation. "So I can know for certain that we were bickering and not fighting."
"Like I said." Kate smiled slightly smugly laughing slightly when she heard Castle grumble something under his breath as he looked out the window. She knew if the boys were here there would have been calls of 'whipped' by now.
Kate looked out of her window starting to be impatient again as the minutes rolled by, a sense of dread that traffic should take this long – it was then her phone vibrated causing her to jump. It was a text from Ryan they finally managed to get away from the traffic and E.T.A. was just under 4 minutes.
She place the phone back in the pocket and sighed.
"Kate?" Castle asked.
"From Ryan, they finally cleared the traffic he said they be there in 4 minutes."
Castle nodded smiling slightly, "I told you our way was better." He said quite smugly remembering how he advised her of a different route when he saw the boys unknowingly head into a grid-lock because of road works.
Kate just glared at him but didn't say anything which Castle looked as a sign of he was right. It was when he kept staring at her did she give in.
"Okay! You were right but you're still not driving my car."
"Beckett." He whined.
"No." Kate shook her head.
"Fine but when we go out on a date, I will be the one driving."
Kate smiled slightly as she saw the boys and a police van finally pulled up.
"Okay." She turned back grabbing his hand again looking directly in his eyes, the situation in which they were in really settling in. "We have a deal."
-x-
Please Review! Now I know I'm going to get some hate for this but TRUST me with this... just keep going with it! You hopefully won't regret it! (If I do it right I mean!) I was planning of having this chapter and then having an epilogue but the events which are going to follow I didn't want to rush it or have a too big of a chapter so I spilt it in two! Also I doubt I be able to publish the next chapter before this year is out so I want to wish everyone a happy new year and Please Review (just not too hateful or flames please?)