Chapter 3 – Shedding the essentials.
Disclaimer – If I could own skins, my life would be complete.
The dream replayed vigorously on repeat before my eyes. It was an all too familiar scene. I had had it before, but this time something was new. The bedroom had replaced another part - the fear in that locked crypt. The fear when I would usually find my insides being pulled apart by something I would never figure out. But tonight I HAD figured it out, and it had thrown the whole thing off course.
I stared blankly at the beautiful lines of cursive blood I had created on my left arm. loved.The blood poured out of the deep wound as gracefully as it had been written, flowing freely in a nonstop line. It was starting to pool around the bottom of my ankles, all over the grey and black checks that were supposedly tiles. But I didn't really give a shit to be honest. If I died right here and now from blood loss, I don't think I would care. It would most likely be a relief from all the thoughts swimming around in my head the last half an hour.
She loves him,I had told myself repeatedly. She loves him more than she could ever love me… And in many more ways than she could ever with me. Why can't she see that I love her like he does?Why can't I TELL her how I feel? Statements, questions, countless thoughts – they had all brought me back to this pit of despair. What they had was different – special. Like twins born two years apart.
I couldn't figure out if what I had seen earlier that night was a memory or a fear or anything really, but I knew what it meant. It meant that as much as she said she loved me - more often than not she would deceive me by telling me I was the only one she loved – I knew it wasn't fully true. That no matter what happened, what Tony and Effy had was so different to what Effy and I, and certainly not a one way road.
I led myself to believe Effy didn't see me the same way as I saw her. It was safer that way. But it wasn't enough. I had given in to my attraction to Effy one night a few weeks ago.
I woke up screaming, Effy leaning over me, hands on my shoulders, shaking me into consciousness.Acting on instinct as soon as I regained my perception, I reached up behind her neck, pulling her head down to meet her lips in a light, but passionate kiss that just wasn't meant for siblings. It was wrong. It was so wrong. But I'd been repressing it for so long, I couldn't hold back. She was the one who broke away, looking down at me with pride and fear, realizing the longing Ihad just to hold her. I felt a round of fresh hot tears streaming down my cheeks as I dropped my hands from her neck.
"I'm sorry Ef… I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have done it and…" I was silenced by her index finger pressing softly to my lips. Slowly removing her finger, she leans down toward me, her soft brown hair barely brushing my face. A second later her lips were on mine again. I wrapped my hands around the back of her head once more, allowing myself to tangle my fingers in her hair.
Her lips were soft as she broke the kiss once again, but not moving her face more than a centimetre away from my own. I knew we had to stop. She seemed to know as well, jumping over me to the other side of my bed and tucking herself under the covers. The bed stirred as her right arm slid over my hip and across my stomach before taking my hand in her own.
"Can we just… stay like this? For a bit?" I bit my lip, thankful that she couldn't see the relieved smirk on my face.
"Yeah I guess… I'll make sure those dreams come back to try and get you," she giggled at the stupidness of what she said. My stomach dropped at her subtle cover up for wanting to keep me there in her warm embrace.
She loved me back. Not as much as she loved Tony, but she loved me back nonetheless. She wanted me to know. But like me, she just didn't know how to say it. And it was wrong. And she had Katie. And… god… everything was so confusing. I wished I could go back to that moment when I was wrapped in her arms.
The warm rush of blood still running down my arm as there was a rough knock on the door brought me back to reality.
"Jade…" the person let out a heavy sigh. I knew instantly that it was Naomi. "Jade, are you okay..?"
I panicked. "Uh, y-yeah, just… just give me a sec okay?" I looked around the room, my blood gleaming off the shiny edge of the razor I had used, my blood on the floor, my blood on my hands. "Fuck…" I muttered quietly to myself, but obviously not quite enough because Naomi responded again.
"Can I come in?" she started to sound more worried.
It's not like she hadn't seen me in this state before, helped me when I was in too deep in this same bathroom. "Y-yeah, I guess…"
The door opened slowly, revealing Naomi in all her blonde glory, in just an oversized band shirt and a pair of boxers. I could see why Emily loved her, why everyone else wanted her and why Effy and I loved her like another sister.
The realisation on her face hit me like a bullet to the chest. I couldn't be stuffed to stand up. She seemed to take this in and slid down the wall to sit next to me, removing the bloodied razor still in my hand, discarding it in the bin to her right, replacing it with her hand. Her eyes drifted down to my arm, reading the word which had been inscribed several times on my arm. Warm tears ran down both our cheeks as she pulled me into a tighter embrace, slowly rocking back and forth.
After several minutes of silence and rocking, the tension started building. "Um… we should… uh… clean this mess up, yeah?" I half whispered to her.
"Yeah… You start, I'll go and get a bandage for your arm, okay?" so sympathetic… sister material for sure.
I washed the excess blood off of my arm before rummaging through the bathroom cabinet to find a sponge or something. I was in luck.
I pulled the sponge from behind a bottle of shampoo and wet it a bit before scrubbing at the 'tiles.' I was just about finished when Naomi came back in with a bottle of disinfectant and a small bandage. I winced at the pain as she rubbed the disinfectant over my admirable handiwork. She wrapped the bandage around my knuckle, following it down my arm to the small freckle just underneath my elbow.
I was amazed at how well she had treated this. Emily was the trainee doctor after all, not Naomi.
"Go get some sleep Jade," she said softly, hugging me tightly.
She opened the door to leave but I grabbed her hand and pulled her back.
"C-can I… Can I sleep with y-" I hesitated, picking my words carefully. "Uh… Can I sleep in your room?"
She had seen it coming and a smile spread across her face. "Yeah, why not? It'll be fun. Like a little sleepover party… thing. Emily's still awake so… uh… wait one second?" giggling slightly as she half ran toward her room.
A minute later she bounded back into the bathroom grabbing my hand and dragging me off to her and Emily's bedroom. "Just had to make sure she wasn't naked," nudging me in my ribcage and winking as she said it.
That's when it hit me – I'm living in a house full of gay women. This was going to be funny
A/N:
Yes, I know, a bit shorter than usual (the computer is telling me its longer though, hahaha) but I'm too excited! Igot my report card today, and mum seems thoroughly amazed by it, so I get to use the laptop for a week (FINALLY!) which means I can write whatever I fucking want without her looking over my shoulder every 5 minutes, which is pretty good. Anyway, the whole idea of these first few chapters was to really introduce you to Phoenix Jade Fucking Stonem,and my goal has been reached, meaning the POV will now be changing (also worth a FINALLY!). I have some interesting ideas for the little sleepover, but let me know your ideas as well!I shouldn't ramble so much.
Oh and everyone – I'm going to see Spring Awakening tomorrow with my friend, and she's staying over that night and I'm going to a party on Sunday and staying at hers that night (Monday just happens to be my day off school :D so yeah, next update could either be tomorrow night or sometime next week. Hahaha. Anywhoooooooo – Tell me your ideas and REVIEEEW! You know you want to and it makes me extremely happy when you do. Bear it in mind.