The plate of food before her had been prepared with such care that she felt obligated to take a few bites, but Kathryn Janeway wasn't hungry, and, this time, it had nothing to do with Neelix's cooking. "How is it, Captain?" he asked anxiously, standing over her.
She looked up at him, forcing a smile. "It's delicious, Neelix. Thank you." She had forgotten how eager to please Neelix had been at first, when he felt so uncertain of his place among her crew.
"I'm so glad you like it, Captain," the Talaxian replied. He paused awkwardly. "Well, I'll leave you to your lunch. I'll be right here if you need anything - anything at all!"
"Thank you, Neelix. I'll let you know." She watched him scamper away and leaned back in her chair, allowing her mind to drift with the view of the stars in front of her and thinking back on her conversation with her younger self. She couldn't imagine herself in the other Captain's position. From the moment she had decided to destroy the Caretaker's array and stranded her crew in the Delta Quadrant, she had had a single mission: to get her crew home. She would allow nothing to distract her from that task; nothing, least of all a personal relationship that had the power to compromise her ability to make good command decisions.
"May I join you, Captain?" a melodious voice asked from behind her.
She turned and smiled into the eyes of an old and dear friend. "Of course, Kes," she replied, gesturing to the chair across from her.
The small woman sat down and studied her in that quiet, observant way that was unique to the Ocampan woman. "How are you doing?"
"Me? I'm fine," Janeway replied.
Kes' eyes bored into her; she always seemed to see past the simple explanation that was right in front of her. "I don't mean to pry, Captain, but this must be very strange for you."
Janeway closed her eyes for a moment, allowing herself a small smile. Leave it to Kes to be the one to show compassion and concern for her well-being. It was one of the many aspects of having the young Ocampan aboard that she missed. "It has certainly been an experience."
"How does it feel, looking at a younger version of yourself?" Kes asked. She knew the question might be considered impolite, but her curiosity always got the better of her. If Neelix were sitting with them, he would have admonished her for asking the Captain such a sensitive question.
Janeway looked up at Kes and answered honestly, "I wonder if I ever was like her."
"In what way?"
The Captain shook her head as she looked over Kes' head out the window. Her gaze became far away as she spoke. "She's so optimistic and naive. She thinks that she can have it all. She acts like she's unstoppable."
The Ocampan woman cocked her head to one side as she listened. "And you don't recall ever feeling that way?"
Janeway shrugged. "Maybe I did, at one time, but that seems like a very long time ago. I've seen and experienced a lot since then. I tried to offer her advice, but she's too damn stubborn to take it."
"I think I can imagine how you feel," said Kes. "If I could go back now and meet myself before I left the Ocampan home world, I don't think I'd recognize that girl."
"If you could go back and meet that girl, what would you tell her?" the Captain asked.
Kes looked thoughtful for a moment, folding her hands in her lap and then placing them again on the table in front of her. "I'm not sure," she replied. "I don't know if I'd want to tell her anything. I wouldn't want to spoil the life she's about to experience." Janeway looked at Kes across the table and slowly reached out and took the younger woman's hands, squeezing them tightly in her own.
...
"She is infuriating, Chakotay!" Kathryn exclaimed as she paced back and forth across her quarters. They had escaped there for a brief respite, ordering Harry to alert them the moment they received a response to their transmission. "She thinks that she has the right to tell me how to live my life. As if her three extra years of experience make her omnipotent somehow." Chakotay stood silently, leaning up against the back of the sofa with his arms crossed over his chest, watching her growing agitation. "What the hell gives her the right to tell me how to run my life? What gives her the right to judge us for being together? She didn't experience what we did. She doesn't know."
"That's true," Chakotay said calmly.
Kathryn barely acknowledged his response, continuing to pace. "You said yourself that I'm not the same person as she is. And you're not the same person as her Chakotay. What right does she have to tell me that we're going to fight? How dare she threaten me by saying that this relationship is going to jeopardize my ability to captain this ship?"
Chakotay waited for a to see if she was going to continue, and only after she was silent for a moment, he spoke, "Are you really upset about what she said to you, Kathryn? Or are you upset because you're afraid that she's right?"
At this question, Janeway stopped pacing and faced him fully, placing her hands on her hips. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"She named all of your own fears about why this might be a bad idea. I think you're really angry because she said something you didn't want to hear."
Kathryn began to protest. "Chakotay, that has nothing to do with it. We said we would face this together, and I'm committed to that."
He stood and walked over to her, standing only a few inches in front of her as he reached out and brushed his fingers along her cheek. "I know you are, Kathryn. But that doesn't mean you don't have doubts and fears about whether you made the right decision. I know that I do."
She looked up into his eyes, searching for clarity in their chocolate brown depths. "You do?" she asked, her voice shaking more than she wanted it to.
Chakotay ran his hands from her shoulders down her arms to take both of her small hands in his. Her fingers were cold and he subconsciously began to rub them in his own to warm them. "Of course I do," he said gently. "Seeing you injured or in danger before was hard enough. Now? I don't know how I could get through the day if you were lying on a biobed in sickbay, injured or dying. I don't know how that would affect me. I can't guarantee that my judgment will never be compromised because of how I feel." He realized that his voice was shaking, too.
"I know," she whispered, squeezing his hands.
"But I know that I'll do my best, and I know that you will, too, and I'm not willing to sacrifice every other aspect of my life out of fear for how it might affect my work." He let one of her hands go and brought one hand up to cup her cheek. "This is worth too much to me. You're worth too much." Kathryn reached her hands up around his neck and pulled his face down to hers. When they parted from their kiss, he saw a tear running down her cheek, and he leaned over and kissed the spot where it had trailed down her face. He felt that his chest was about to explode as he looked down at the beautiful woman who had become his life, his world, his soulmate, and impulsively, he crushed her body to his, tightening his arms around her, feeling her arms encircle his waist as she gripped him in return. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo, and swallowed hard to hold back his own tears. He felt Kathryn shudder against him as she tried to contain her emotions; he knew that she was fighting for control as much as he was. They remained locked together for several moments, as they collected their emotions and regained control of themselves.
Kathryn broke away first, taking a deep breath and giving his hands a squeeze. She walked over to the window to look out at the stars, crossing her arms over her chest and turning away from him. "You're right, of course," she admitted slowly. "In a way, she's the first person to know. I mean, I'm sure the crew suspects, but it's not exactly as though we've made a public announcement. I guess I wanted her to be happy for me, but instead, she threw all my fears and doubts right back in my face."
"What did you tell her?" Chakotay asked, coming up behind her and placing his hands reassuringly on her shoulders.
"I told her that I wasn't her, and that she had no right to tell me how to live my life."
"You're right about both of those things, Kathryn," he reassured her, squeezing her shoulders. "You're not her. You've chosen to face your fears. You've taken a path that she obviously would never have taken, and no matter what happens, I don't think that you're going to regret it."
She reached across her body to place her hand over his. "I hope not," she replied softly. Then she turned to him with a devilish grin, "And if I do, you're going to regret it more!" She poked him in the stomach, teasing him, and they both burst out laughing, as the tension of the situation melted away.
"Bridge to Captain Janeway."
Kathryn pulled herself together, forcing herself to stop laughing as she tapped her comm badge. "Janeway here."
"Captain, we're receiving a response from the probe."
Kathryn's expression suddenly became serious as she locked eyes with Chakotay. "On my way," she replied, leaving her quarters with him at her side.
...
"Ensign Kim, how long has it been since we transmitted our reply?" Chakotay asked, drumming his fingers lightly on the arm of his chair.
"It's been four hours, Commander. Still no response."
Chakotay grimaced. "Hold position. Continue scanning the anomaly for any changes."
"Aye, sir," said Kim.
"Sir," Tuvok interjected, "how long do you intend to hold position here?"
"Until we figure out what's going on, Commander," Chakotay replied, trying to keep his tone patient. He had been expecting resistance from Tuvok; he had not expected it to take this long to come out.
"And if we are unable to retrieve the Captain?" Tuvok asked. "It is not logical to remain here indefinitely awaiting a response."
"We received one transmission, Tuvok. I'd say it's likely that we'll receive another, wouldn't you?" Chakotay asked pointedly.
"Perhaps. I am simply pointing out that it may be time to consider other alternatives."
"Alternatives such as giving up and leaving the Captain behind? If any of us were missing, you know she'd do whatever she could to get us back. We owe her the same."
Before Tuvok had a chance to respond, the comm beeped. "Seven of Nine to Commander Chakotay."
Chakotay tapped his comm badge. "What is it, Seven?"
"Please report to astrometrics. I think there is something here that you should see."
"I'm on my way." He closed the comm channel. "Commander Tuvok, you have the bridge." Chakotay strode into the turbolift and hurried to astrometrics. He hoped that whatever Seven had discovered would shed a little light on their predicament. He had argued with Tuvok, but the truth was, he shared the Vulcan's frustrations. He didn't like sitting here waiting for a response. He was a man of action, and action was what he wanted to take. The problem was that he couldn't figure out what action to take. It seemed like, at this point, waiting for a response from the other Voyager was their only option. He walked into astrometrics to see Seven standing over her console, absorbed in her work. "I hope you have good news," he said.
She turned around to face him, lacing her hands behind her back. "I believe that I have discovered why it took so long for the other ship to respond to our transmission."
"Why?" he asked, approaching her console.
She pointed to a set of figures on the screen, and he began to see what she was talking about. "We neglected to compensate for a temporal variance in the transmission. I believe I know how to adjust our frequency so that we can engage in instantaneous communication."
Relief flooded Chakotay, and a smile spread out over his features. "Good work, Seven," he said, giving her a satisfied smile. "Transmit this data to the bridge, and we'll try to contact the other ship again."
"Yes, Commander," Seven replied, and if Chakotay didn't know better, he'd say the unemotional drone was wearing an unusually self-satisfied expression herself.
...
The transmission was slightly garbled by static, but the words and the voice could still be clearly made out. "Captain, it's good to hear your voice."
The Captain stole a glance at her first officer. He was maintaining a calm facade, but she knew it must be strange for him to hear his own voice over the comm. "Open a channel, Ensign Kim," the Captain ordered.
"Channel open," Kim replied.
"Commander Chakotay, are you receiving this transmission?" she asked. The entire bridge crew waited with anticipation, but only silence greeted them in return. Captain Janeway stood and turned to Harry and Tuvok. "Suggestions?" she asked.
"Perhaps the anomaly is delaying the transmission of our messages," Tuvok suggested. "We seem to be receiving messages from the other ship, but there is a delay of several hours."
The older Captain Janeway stood near the entrance to the turbolift, behind the tactical station, silently observing the interactions of the bridge crew. Her conversation with Kes in the mess hall had affected her deeply, and she had been struck by the younger woman's words about not wanting to spoil the life her younger self was about to lead. When she saw things that way, it was true, she didn't want to take away from this Captain Janeway the opportunity to experience and discover all that life had to offer. She had a very different path to follow, and while Kathryn would deny it to herself, she wouldn't deny it to this younger, more passionate, more optimistic woman. She wondered if this really was the self she used to be, or could have been, had circumstances played out differently.
"Is there a way to compensate for the delay?" Chakotay asked.
"Unknown," replied Tuvok.
Suddenly, Harry spoke up from his station. "Captain! We're receiving another transmission, audio only."
"Let's hear it, Ensign." Harry tried to play the transmission, but it was garbled. "Can you clean it up, Ensign?" the Captain asked.
"I'm working on it, Captain." Harry's brow furrowed as he adjusted different aspects of the transmission, trying to eliminate the static. He was so engrossed in his work that he didn't realize that the older Captain Janeway had moved towards his station and was looking at his console over his shoulder.
Suddenly, she pointed. "There."
Harry studied the diagram she indicated. "Where?" he asked.
"There," she pointed again, and Harry allowed her to step up to the console. "It's a temporal variance."
Harry looked puzzled. "I see the variance, Captain, but how do we compensate for it?"
She grinned up at him, accessing his controls and pressing several buttons. "The things you learn in the Delta Quadrant, Ensign," she commented wryly. A moment later, the transmission came through loud and clear, mid-sentence.
"...a temporal variance in the transmission that has prevented us from having real-time communication with you." It was Chakotay's voice. The older Captain Janeway released a sigh of relief. Her crew had discovered the same variance and had figured out a way to compensate for it. She saw her younger counterpart turn around and look at her with a nod, acknowledging her gratitude for the older woman's help. The Captain returned the nod gracefully and stepped away from Harry's station, allowing him to resume his post.
"We discovered the same variance," replied the Captain, "and we're compensating for it now." She looked back at Harry, who nodded to her, indicating that the modifications were complete.
"Captain, where are you?" Chakotay asked.
"Commander," Janeway replied, taking a deep breath, "this might be hard to explain, but I'm not your Captain Janeway. I'm from a different timeline than you, and three years in your past. Your captain is here with us. She was somehow transported to our ship via the anomaly that both of our ships have encountered."
"I see," said Chakotay slowly, obviously trying to assess the situation from afar. "May I speak with her?"
"I'm right here, Chakotay," the older Janeway spoke up from her position at the back of the bridge.
"Captain." The relief in Chakotay's voice was evident. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. We have to find on a way for me to get out of here and back to my ship."
The younger Captain Janeway added, "I suggest that we work on it from our end, you work on it from yours, and that we reestablish communication in a few hours to see what we come up with."
"I think that sounds reasonable," Chakotay replied. "Captain?" Somehow, he had known that the voice had been that of the other captain, not his own.
Janeway smiled inwardly, acknowledging his perceptiveness. "Agreed. Commander, have Seven and B'Elanna work on it. They might be able to adapt the technique we used to transport the Romulan through that wormhole that led to the Alpha Quadrant in the past."
"I was thinking the same thing," put in the younger Janeway.
"I'll have Seven and B'Elanna get right on it," Chakotay replied.
"I'll have my people start working on it, too," said the Captain. The older Janeway could see herself trying to puzzle something out, and she was willing to bet that her counterpart was wondering, Who is Seven? Suddenly, an explosion rocked the bridge. Janeway was hurled forward into the railing. Tuvok and Harry grabbed their stations, and Chakotay and the Captain were nearly thrown out of their chairs. "Report!" barked the Captain.
"A ship has appeared off our port bough," replied Tuvok. "They fired some sort of plasma discharge. Our shields are down to eighty-two percent."
"Appeared?" the Captain asked incredulously. "From where?" Before Tuvok had a chance to reply, she ordered, "Red alert. Shields to maximum. Hail that ship."
"They are not responding, Captain," said Tuvok.
"Open a channel on all subspace frequencies." Tuvok nodded to indicate that the channel was open. "Alien vessel, this is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship Voyager. We are on a peaceful mission and have no hostile intentions."
"Captain, what's happening?" Chakotay's voice came over the comm channel, distorted by interference.
"We're being attacked!" the older Janeway responded. She heard a burst of static, and then nothing.
"We have lost the comm link with the other Voyager," Tuvok reported.
"Any response from that ship?" asked the Captain, holding her chair as the bridge rocked from another blast.
"Shields down to sixty-seven percent," said Tuvok. "No response to our hails."
"Open another channel," Janeway ordered. "Alien vessel, why have you attacked us?" Another blast jolted Voyager, and still no response came to their hails. "Return fire, Mr. Tuvok," Janeway ordered. "Target their weapons systems." Voyager swooped around, evading another blast from the alien ship and firing phasers at it in return.
"Direct hit," said Tuvok. "Their weapons systems are down. They are hailing us."
"On screen."
An imposing alien appeared on the view screen in front of them. He towered above the Captain, at a height of over two meters, and his grey skin stretched over his face, creating thick folds above his black eyes. "Federation ship, I am Tkltcx of the Qrtpch," the alien said with a series of clicks and chirps that Janeway couldn't even hope to replicate. "Leave this vicinity immediately, or I will consider it an act of war agains the Qrtpch."
"Please," said Captain Janeway, "we mean you no harm. We are merely trying to return someone who is lost to their own vessel, and then we will be on our way."
The alien's eyes seemed to narrow. "You are trespassing in Qrtpch space. We have a claim on this singularity, and we will not allow you to steal what is ours."
"I assure you that we have no intention of stealing from you. Someone was accidentally transported here through your wormhole, and we just want to get her back to her own ship."
"You have violated our space. I cannot allow you to stay here. You have disabled our weapons for now, Captain, but reinforcements are on their way. I assure you, your ship will not be able to withstand an attack by our fleet."
"If you would just be willing to negotiate..." Janeway began.
The alien cut her off, "There will be no negotiations. Leave now, or prepare to face deadly force."
"Sensors are detecting five additional alien vessels approaching," reported Tuvok.
The Captain looked back at her older self, whose lips were pressed together tightly in a thin line. She nodded briefly at her younger counterpart, granting approval for the retreat she knew was coming. Janeway looked over at Chakotay, whose eyes made his agreement clear as well. "Tom, set a course away from the anomaly. Warp 6. Engage."
"Yes, ma'am," Paris replied, keying in the appropriate course correction.
As Voyager jumped to warp, Kathryn Janeway stared at the view screen in front of her, eyes dark with determination. "I think you'll be surprised to discover that I don't give up that easily. We'll be back."