Assuage Through Altruism 3/4
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.
ANotes: Again, thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! Very much appreciated. :)
AN2: This story has been from Penny's POV because I wanted to show her subtle realizations regarding Sheldon, but with that being said, the last part will definitely present a peek into Sheldon's head as well. At least I hope it will. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this chapter.
Penny dreaded the sixth day only because it landed on a Friday and she had forgotten completely the last time she had not spent Chinese Food and Vintage Game Night with the boys. Her attendance was expected or as Sheldon would say mandatory, especially for the food part. She looked at her watch when she got home from work, the boys would be home in a little over thirty minutes so that left her just enough time to take a quick shower and make herself presentable.
An hour later, Penny found herself sitting on the edge of her bed, a bag of ice resting lazily on her left foot and a Sheldon knocking at her door. He said her name with both patience and annoyance, a tone only he could pull off. A tone he had gradually perfected since the day they met.
She hesitated only a moment, "come in!"
Sheldon was through the door instantly, "Penny you are late," he declared, his eyes scanning her empty living room.
"I'm in here, Sheldon," she summoned. He closed the door behind him as he made his way to her bedroom. Penny smiled when he entered, the frustration on his face and lecture on the tip of his tongue immediately melting away when he surveyed the bag of ice on her foot.
"It appears you are in some sort of distress," he said quietly.
"Yeah," Penny looked down at her foot, "I was getting out of the shower and I twisted it."
"Your ankle?"
"No, my elbow. Yes, my ankle."
Sheldon rolled his eyes, "I only asked because you are clearly not icing your ankle. It appears you are more likely icing your toes."
"Really? Cause the whole thing feels numb."
"Furthermore, you are supposed to elevate your foot," he let out an exasperated sigh, apparently annoyed at the fact that she did not know such basic knowledge, "here…"
He moved quickly, somewhat gracefully, taking a seat next to her on the bed and carefully reaching down to her left foot. He lifted it off the ground slowly, Penny swallowed as she helped, swinging her leg so that it was now resting on Sheldon's right knee. Thank goodness I put on underwear, Penny thought as she grabbed a pillow from behind her to place on her lap. After he made sure she was in a comfortable position, Sheldon reached past her leg to grab the ice pack from the ground, his forearm brushing across the exposed skin of her lower thigh. Goosebumps broke across Penny's skin, and every fiber in her being fought her instinct to grab his face and show him what a Big Ol Five was capable of doing.
He examined her slightly swollen ankle as he placed the small towel she was using for the ice pack on his knee so that her foot was resting on it. He brought the ice pack down where it was supposed to be and finally met her eyes.
"I don't understand how one can slip even with the adhesive bunnies I placed in the tub three years ago."
"No, those worked," Penny assured him, "I fell when I got out of the tub, I forgot to grab a towel before jumping in and floor tiles are apparently slippery too."
"That is what bath rugs are for."
"Yes, but my bath rugs don't cover every square foot."
"Point," he uttered, before adding softly, "then it is apparent you just need to be more careful."
"Yes, I'll do that," she said with obvious condescension, wanting to pick a fight rather than let it sink in that he admitted to actually caring about her well-being. To her surprise he did not reply, instead letting a cold silence fall upon the room. Sheldon's eyes remained downcast, focused on the task at hand while Penny's roamed over his entire person.
He was slightly hunched over her foot, carefully adjusting the ice, making sure it was in an optimal position. Penny watched the muscles in both his neck and jaw flex a few times, she found it both fascinating and oddly comforting. This feels almost normal. Her eyes landed on his fingers, long and delicate as they held her foot and ice pack in place. She watched with lips slightly parted as his right thumb made slow circles on the skin right above her ankle. Penny let out a soft sigh, if only he knew what he did to me.
"I took the liberty of placing your food in our fridge to keep it from spoiling," he said, breaking the increasing tension Penny had building up. Had she really been checking out Sheldon for the past five minutes?
"Thank you," she swallowed.
"We're going to play Super Mario 3."
"Is that the one you throw radishes or the one Mario gets all puffy and floats around?"
"Neither, it's the one with the warp whistles," he explained, a smile at the corner of his lips, "…or magic flutes as they have more commonly been identified."
She nodded, "sounds fun."
"Are you ready to come over now? You may eat while we play. You can join when you are finished."
"But Sheldon," she weakly protested, gesturing at her icing ankle.
"You can continue to ice it in our apartment and later I can wrap it properly," he offered, his eyes round and innocent and Penny found her head titling again. Snap out of it, Penny! And so she did, her head straightening as she tore her eyes from his. It was so easy for her to get lost in those pools of blue. She sighed again, telling herself he was only adamant about having her over because it was what his schedule dictated. His unbending, relentlessly organized schedule. But he's always adjusted his schedule for you, her heart whispered. Only because the alternative was a threat of physical violence, her brain reminded.
"I think I'll just stay here."
"Oh good lord, Penny," he huffed, "you have once again pulled me into a situation in which I cannot just simply walk away. If I had not come over and found your inadequate use of an ice pack, you may have..."
"…lost my foot?" She finished cheerfully, grinning at him.
He rolled his eyes again, "…been in far more discomfort later tonight."
"So you're saying, instead of staying right here comfortably icing my foot, the more logical choice is to go over to your apartment where on the way there, I could aggravate my ankle even more?"
"That is not an issue," he countered, regaining his composure.
"It's not?"
"No."
"No?" she repeated, unsure where this line of conversation was leading.
"No. Now what is your decision?"
Penny shrugged, weighing her options for just a moment before looking at him shyly through her lashes, "well, I am a little hungry."
"All right then," he nodded, and suddenly, he was moving over on the bed, his shoulder pressing against her arm. He quickly adjusted his right arm around her back, with his left he handed her the icepack and towel.
"What—," she did not know how to react, let alone what to say.
"Hold this," he commanded, taking a second to make sure she had a secure hold on the items. He shifted even closer, his left forearm now moving under both her knees. Her left arm naturally moved, wrapping around his back, her fingers lightly gripping his left shoulder.
"Sheldo—," his name died on her lips as she finally made sense of what he was trying to do. Before she could protest or even wrap her brain around a coherent thought Sheldon lifted her into his arms. Paying close mind to her injured foot he made his way out of the room. Penny could not close her mouth even if every cell in her brain told her to do so, she was completely dazed. On pure reflex, she laced her fingers together over his left shoulder. Her eyes remained wide as she just stared at him, astounded that he was actually carrying her. She had been carried like this before by previous boyfriends, but they all had been regulars at the gym, not a tall, lanky super nerd. Then, as they reached the door, Sheldon's voice instantly replayed in her mind, when you understand the laws of physics, Penny, anything is possible. And damn, if they weren't.
"Penny, you'll need to get the door," Sheldon said, momentarily pulling her from her thoughts. He turned their bodies so that she could easily reach down to the door knob. When they exited her apartment, he hooked his foot behind the door to pull it closed behind them. That was so hot.
It only took a few steps to reach his apartment door, but Penny's mind raced. The Penny from a week ago would not have cheeks burning crimson or think of the implications of an action like this, hell, the Penny from a week ago would not be completely enamored by this knight in shiny red and yellow Flash shirt armor, and she most definitely would not be so incredibly turned on to the point of utter distraction. She finally admitted to herself, in those few seconds it took for them to reach his front door, that yes, she had feelings. And hell yes, they were for Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper.
Penny turned the knob to his apartment door as he again side stepped to fit them both through the doorway. The boys, who she had downright forgot existed since Sheldon lifted her off her bed, all turned to them in unison. It was almost comical, each mouth dropping one after another, all pairs of eyes wider than she had ever seen them.
"What—," Howard was the first to regain some sort of composure, but whatever question he intended to speak fell from his lips.
"Don't ask," Penny told him, trying to be as casual as possible given the current sight of her in Sheldon's arms. How does one really explain being carried into 4A by the quirky beautiful minded, emotionally handicapped, germaphobe who prided himself on his lack of physical contact with other members of the human race? There is no such explanation, at least not one that would not lead to an unfavorable line of questioning.
Leonard, who literally had to shake his head to clear his thoughts, was the first to notice her swollen foot.
"What happened? You okay?" He asked, and Penny smiled at him, grateful that his concern for her was probably the only thing that could trump his need to know what the hell she was doing being carried around by Sheldon of all people.
"Twisted it," she explained as Sheldon stepped past Leonard and proceeded to lower her to the ground. Penny hopped into place once her feet touched the ground, reclaiming her spot next to his. She adjusted herself so that her foot was resting on the coffee table in front of her. Sheldon took the towel and ice pack from her, placing them in their proper positions around her foot. When he was satisfied, he moved to the kitchen to heat up her food.
Sheldon had not said a single word since arriving back in the apartment with Penny in his arms like some famed hero straight out of a comic book. As he patiently waited for Penny's food to heat in the oven, the boys continued to glance from him to Penny who was sitting quietly on the couch, her hands folded neatly on her lap.
From the corner of her eye, Penny saw Raj whispering in Howard's ear and Howard nodding while mouthing a barely audible, "yeah I'll ask…"
"Okay, what the hell, Penny?" Howard spoke softly, shifting away from Raj and leaning in to her right side. Leonard and Raj on cue, also leaned in closer from their respective spots.
"What?" She said, turning to look at him with wide innocent green eyes.
"Leave it alone, Howard," Leonard said half-heartedly. Penny appreciated the effort, but she knew all too well Leonard was not immune to wanting a reasonable explanation.
"Don't what me, you know what," Howard scolded, ignoring Leonard entirely, "setting aside why and the fact that he was actually able to lift you…"
"Hey, I'm not that heavy…"
"…aside from that, you let him?" Howard finished, clearly confused.
"He basically kidnapped me, okay?" She did her best to defend her actions, "I didn't have a choice in the matter."
"Oh, there's always a choice, Penny, especially when it comes to you," Howard replied, "you never let him get away with crap like this."
She opened her mouth to speak but stopped herself. It was futile, Howard was right. The Penny that they knew, the Penny from a week ago would have put her foot down, twisted or not, she would not have let Sheldon carry her across the hall, but to be fair, neither her or the boys thought it was even physically possible for him to do so. But point remained, the old Penny would have made him bring the Chinese food over to her apartment. Whereas, the new and debatably improved Penny, allowed unexpressed feelings to cloud her better judgment.
"Well, I was hungry, and food takes priority over dealing with Sheldon's nonsense," she finally spoke, silently praying Howard would just be satisfied with that and let it go. He stared at her curiously for a few lingering seconds before shaking his head and turning back to the TV screen where it was his turn to play.
Penny let out a sigh of relief and also turned her eyes to the TV screen as Sheldon arrived with her food in hand. She uttered a quick thanks to which he simply nodded, quietly taking his place next to her. The rest of the night was a blur. After Howard and Raj had left and Leonard hesitantly retiring to his room, Penny found herself once again alone with Sheldon. They did not speak as he wrapped her ankle vigilantly, careful not to cause her any discomfort. Penny did all in her power to keep her thoughts pure as she watched his steady hands at work.
And though he timidly offered to carry her back, Penny regretfully declined, knowing too much physical contact with him was doing her sanity no favors. However, as she exited his apartment, her insides filled with a warmth she had never experience before as she noticed he was waiting patiently at his front door, watching her limp slowly to hers, making sure she got home safe. She refused to look back at him as she closed the door behind her, leaning against it, completely drained.
A few tears slipped from her eyes that night as she wrote.
How can I even look at Amy now?
The seventh and final day proved to be the loneliness Penny had felt in a while. She cleaned her entire apartment to keep herself busy and her thoughts on anything but the oblivious scientist across the hall. After her apartment was spotless she moved on to her laundry. Her ankle felt much better, but she made her way down the stairs slowly anyway. Besides she wanted to get her laundry done before Sheldon did his later that evening, and she knew her ankle would lengthen her allotted time.
Penny flipped through her notebook as she sat waiting for her clothes to wash. Not only did she write her daily thoughts on the experiment, she included Sheldon as well as her own reactions to the various interactions the two shared over the course of the week. Of course, every instance was open for interpretation, she had no clue how he really felt. Up until last night she did not even know for sure of her own feelings. Heck, she was still trying to convince herself that him carrying her across the hall last night had really happened. It was like she strayed into a dream, one in which her curiosity of the feel of having her arms wrapped around him was finally satisfied. The boy was more toned than he looked.
The past week had been like having an absurd addiction. She was in denial at first, not even willing to entertain the possibility that she harbored more than friendly feelings for him. Then it began to gradually sink in, till she finally accepted the fact that she had a problem. The problem of being in love with someone I shouldn't have fallen in love with.
In love?
Really?
And now, she had to work on overcoming the problem, and she had no clue where to start. One thing was for certain, she regretted doing such a stupid experiment to begin with because she felt a guilt ten times worse than she originally had. Yet, it was a different type of guilt. It was a guilt stemming from betraying her 'bestie' by realizing too late, something that was probably there the entire time, but she was too foolishly blind and stubborn to comprehend it. Or she refused to. Either way, the outcome remained the same, she wanted someone she definitely could not have. Not now, not after Amy. Classic. Such a Penny thing to do, not making a move when she had the chance.
She regarded the blank page in front of her while she tapped the tip of her pen on her chin. She was planning on avoiding him at all costs today so it was a good time as any to conclude her findings for the week. Conclude them, and never address them again. Besides, they were out playing paintball so chances of running into him were slim. Her thoughts proceeded to the likelihood of Sheldon and Amy's relationship lasting longer than a few more months and the more she considered it, the more she understood the hopeless situation she had unintentionally placed herself in. Sheldon and Amy were perfect together, compatible in every sense of the word.
Penny cursed at herself as her vision blurred while staring at the page below. Her hand slightly trembled as she wrote, the pen only lightly moving across the paper.
Options on how to proceed:
-Tell Sheldon how I feel (CROSS OUT)
-Be miserable (CROSS OUT)
-Move back to Nebraska (CROSS OUT)
-Move back to Nebraska and be miserable.
She let out a soft laugh, void of humor, as she wiped a stray tear. Moving back to Nebraska had not crossed her mind till now, but she saw no other way out of this. Yes, she could be that girl and actively try to steal her best friend's boyfriend, whether or not she would be successful she would never know, it was simply not in her. She respected them, loved them too much to do something like that. She realized she loved them all, a ridiculously intelligent group of friends that had no right to capture her heart the way they had. One in particular that had no right to have stolen it. Penny forced a smile, thinking if their lives were a comic book, her group of friends could either make the most unlikely team of heroes or the scariest bunch of super villains. Like Sheldon had mentioned years ago, it was a common trend for villains to have Dr. in front of their names.
-Move back to Nebraska and be miserable. (CROSS OUT)
It was a silly thought, she could never leave them, especially for purely selfish reasons. Penny continued to scribble unconsciously for the next, she loses track of time. A few hours later she made her way slowly back to her apartment, feeling less than adequate. When she got home she did not bother to put away her clean clothes, simply throwing the laundry basket next to her closet and curling up on the bed for a nap. Sleeping was the only way to escape as long as she did not dream of him, but knowing Sheldon he was going to occupy those as well.
Penny did not stir till a little after 10 that night. She moved trancelike to her kitchen after realizing she had not eaten anything all day. To her relief there was a single cup of noodle left in her pantry. After boiling water and mixing it in with the noodles she relaxed into her couch to eat. She felt slightly better after sleeping.
Holy crap on a cracker! Penny's mind screamed as she jerked up right on the couch, almost losing grip of the cup of noodle in hand. I left my notebook in the laundry room! She clumsily placed the cup of noodle on the coffee table before making a mad dash to the door. Oh, god, please don't let him see it. Please don't let him have seen it! She repeated in her mind, only because entertaining the thought of him actually reading her notebook might be enough to break her completely.
She swung her door open and immediately stopped short at the figure standing there at the ready to knock, her eyes widened and her breathing ceased as she stared into those beautiful blue eyes.
"Sheldon," she gasped, knowing she must have looked like a crazy person, her hair up in a messy ponytail, oversized Huskers T shirt just barely covering past her bottom. In her haste, she had not even stopped to consider a) she had no pants and b) she was barefoot, except for the wrap still on her left foot. She suddenly felt naked, but that thought fell into the abyss when her eyes traveled from his down to the item gripped so firm in his hands that his knuckles were white.
Oh, god.
"I believe this is yours," he said hoarsely, unsure of himself.
She continued to stare at the notebook, her breathing deep and unsteady. What could she say? The words did not come, her mind was blank. How does she explain? Why had she not come up with an emergency plan to deal with this type of situation? Years of knowing Sheldon, his habit of planning out and being prepared for every possible life scenario should have at least rubbed off on her a little, right?
"You…you didn't…read it, did you?" She is surprised she can even speak. She is surprised she is still standing at all.
After a few painful seconds, he replied softly, "I did."
That's it then. I'm dead.
Penny slumped, her face falling into her hand as she closed her eyes. This was the single most embarrassing moment of her life, hands down. There was and never will be any that would compare to it. If someone were testing if it was possible to literally die of embarrassment, this would be the perfect opportunity to do so. However, much to her dismay she was still breathing, though erratically, and still standing in front of a man who could make all her dreams come true as easily as he could rip them to shreds. And she had no one to blame but herself, she had given him that power.
"Penny, I think we should discuss…"
"No," she retorted, her senses snapping back. She was not going to do this.
"No?"
"No. Forget it," she told him, knowing it was pointless to tell someone with an eidetic memory to forget anything. She reached out and grabbed her notebook, basically tearing it from his grasp. She hugged it tightly to her own chest, "thank you, now please leave."
"Penny," he exhaled sharply and she forced herself to look up at him.
"I can't, Sheldon," she breathed, shaking her head, "please, just go."
She stepped back and moved to close the door. His hand shot out to stop her, fingers firm on the door frame, elbow holding open the door. She could tell even he was surprised by his actions. Penny let the door fall open again, but her hand remained on the door knob. He stood there, and Penny could tell he was mentally debating what to do or say in this type of situation. Her emotions were beginning to overwhelm her, they were making her physically weak, unable to resist the urge to see this conversation through.
She bit her lower lip as they just stared at one another. He opened his mouth a few times to speak, but nothing came out. Tell me it's me. Tell me it has always been me. Slowly, and against her will, her body betrayed her. A tear escaped her eye and she made no move to wipe it away. Subconsciously, she wanted him to see how much this was hurting her right now, but she knew his ability to read facial expressions was still only sub par. This display of emotion could go over his head completely. However, as she looked at him, she caught his bottom lip trembling ever so slightly before he regained composure. Look at what you do to me, you selfish, infuriating, stupid, stupid boy.
"Penny…" he whispered with a tenderness she had never heard before.
She instantly softened, "yes?"
She waited, and right there in front of her, she witnessed his control, his self-preservation fail him. She was taken aback as his face twisted into a mask of anguish. It lasted only seconds before he blinked and licked his dry lips, his mind taking back control. She held her breath, she had not thought it possible for his delicate features to ever show so much emotion, even if it was fleeting, it was there. His eyes stared back at her, somewhat pleadingly now.
"I am…truly…sorry," is all he said.
Penny's own lip trembled now, as she nodded. So that was it. He chose Amy.
"Good night, Sheldon," she said weakly, looking away from him as she moved to close the door again.
This time he did not fight her.