-Chapter 4-
Over the next week Santana started packing up Brittany's things into boxes to be taken to Ohio and her own furniture to be put into storage, seeing as how Rachel and Quinn's apartment was fully furnished. Luckily for Santana's budget, the pair owned the apartment and so all that would need to be paid would be utilities. Moving day was quite possibly the most difficult day of Santana's life. She had thought the space she was now packing up would be hers and Brittany's for a long, long time. Instead, John was packing boxes into a small trailer attached to his SUV and movers were putting Santana's into another truck to be taken to storage and then to Quinn and Rachel's.
"They'll be taking her in a hospital van since the one we bought hasn't been fitted yet," John said when he shut the back of the SUV. "I know you heard about who's doing the work on the house. I'm sorry, sweetie, I thought you would've told them."
Santana only shrugged. "She's been my whole world since the fall. I haven't really thought about anything else."
"I know," John said with a nod. "I've already spoken with doctors in Lima and the therapists at the hospital there have talked with Delilah and all the doctors here. Things should run smoothly when we leave."
"When are you leaving?" Santana asked quietly.
"I'll be leaving tomorrow afternoon. Brittany and Anna should be leaving in four days."
Santana shook her head. It would be exactly four months to the day.
The next day passed slowly for Santana as she unpacked the remainder of her things in the master bedroom and bathroom. She talked to Rachel and Quinn and was again educated on the rules and regulations of the apartment (no smoking, no parties, no pets unless it lives in a cage, no butchering live animals, no voodoo rituals...) and the pair tried to cheer her up and get her mind away.
"If you have some time off soon you should come for a visit," Rachel suggested. "I believe the nice California weather could do you a world of good."
"I don't have any vacation time left," Santana sighed. "I used all of it. Sick time, too."
"That's very unfortunate. However, the offer is still open."
Through unpacking everything and coming home to an empty apartment that wasn't her own, Santana's thoughts were glued on Brittany and the fact that it could be months before she saw the blonde again. Hell, it could be years if Brittany got her way. She talked to Rachel and Quinn a few more times and listened to the kids talk about what they did all day. It was their way of distracting her and trying to cheer her up which did work for a while. After an hour or so she would go back to thinking about Brittany.
Three days later and all Santana could do was stare at the calendar. Twenty-four hours and Santana would be completely alone in the largest city in the country. All of their mutual friends had dissolved away. They weren't really good friends anyway, just people that they would go out drinking with on occasion and exchange Christmas cards. There weren't many people in her office that Santana conversed with beyond work matters or office parties. She was alone. But she was a Lopez and Lopez' didn't give up that easily.
Santana grabbed the apartment keys, her purse, and her jacket, a woman on a mission. She practically jumped out of the cab at the hospital entrance and stormed through the hallways, ignoring the irritated yells of people she knocked into or over. Brittany's laughter echoed down the hallway, leading Santana to her destination. She didn't bother asking politely if she could come in or knocking on the door frame. No. She marched right in. Anna and John were in chairs on either side of the bed and both immediately stood when Santana cleared her throat.
The sight of Brittany sitting up in bed and the utter shock and anger on the blonde's face after having not seen Santana in a month was almost enough to make Santana forget why she'd gone there in the first place. She thought briefly that Brittany might leap out of bed and try to tackle her out of anger and decided that probably wouldn't be a bad thing and she'd deal with it. Brittany just crossed her arms over her chest and growled.
"What do you want, Santana?"
"I want to come home with you."
"I can't stop you from going back to Lima," Brittany said matter-of-factly. "You do what you want."
"I want you, that's what I want."
"No."
"Honey…" John sighed
"Dad, this is between me and Santana."
"Brittany, I want to be with you, don't you get it?"
Brittany shook her head. "No you don't."
"I love you, damn it!"
"You feel sorry for me. That's how it's always been."
"This isn't about you anymore, Brittany! This is about me! Me and how I feel and the fact that I love you and I want nothing more than to be by your side when you take those first steps and you get back on stage! That is what this is about!"
"What part of 'it's over' didn't you understand, Santana?" Brittany shrieked. "I don't love you! I don't love you and I don't want you around me! You didn't want to be around me and so I let you go and you did! You left. Now get out!"
"It's not over, Britt." Santana said. "It won't ever be over."
Before Brittany could respond, Santana turned and walked out of the room, head held high. She didn't stop until she heard Brittany begin screaming.
"Mom, where are you going? Don't talk to her! Mom!"
Santana turned only to be met with a hug by Anna. She held on to the woman tight and attempted not to cry into her shoulder...she lost and the tears began to fall.
"I'm so sorry, sweetie," Anna whispered. "We've both tried."
"Mom!" Brittany yelled again.
Anna growled and pulled away, pointing a finger at Santana. "Stay right here, Santana."
Santana nodded and watched as Anna walked back into Brittany's room. The Latina peeked in and heard Anna growl.
"What do you want, Brittany?"
"Stop talking to her!"
"Since when are you allowed to tell me who I can have a conversation with?"
"She's mean! Don't talk to her!" Brittany spat.
"Brittany, you're an adult; stop acting like a child. Now, I am going to go back out there and talk with Santana and you are going to get over it, do you understand me?"
Silence rang through the room. Santana stood in the hall, waiting as she had been instructed, now with her eyes wide and jaw dropped. Anna was the single most patient and tolerant woman she'd ever known and she'd never heard her talk to anyone like that. Ever. Brittany's mother stepped back out into the hallway and put a hand on Santana's shoulder, glanced toward the room, and then back to Santana.
"Santana," Anna said loudly enough that the brunette knew she meant for Brittany to hear this, "I want to let you know that anytime you're in Lima you are more than welcome to come by for a visit. John and I will be happy to have you."
"Thank you," Santana said quietly. She hugged her once more before she slowly made her way out of the hospital and to a bench outside to wait for a cab.
XXXXXXXXXX
Santana kept herself flooded with work and conversation with Quinn and Rachel to fill her time. She went out for drinks with co-workers to try and feel a little less alone. Anna would e-mail her updates when she asked. Another month went by and Brittany was at 98% of her original upper body strength with physical therapy every day and had just been put into a regular wheelchair. It was bright pink. She was assisting in giving dance instructions as something to do and she had regained quite a bit of feeling in her legs and some movement but was still unable to stand.
Brittany's progress should've been exciting to Santana but the brunette couldn't be enthusiastic. She wanted to be there, no matter how much Brittany didn't want her there. She wanted to be in Lima with Brittany helping her with whatever she needed. A month and a week after Brittany left, Santana started packing and turned in her request for transfer to Lima. She had heard from John that the manager of the Chase Bank branch had retired and they were looking for a new one. She got the job almost immediately.
Although her salary wasn't near what it had been in New York but it would more than cover her cost of living in a rather nice duplex in Lima. She moved in two weeks before Christmas. John was able to get out of the house to help Santana get settled even though she'd hired movers.
"Come have dinner with us on New Year's Eve," he offered. "I insist."
Santana swallowed hard and nodded. "I'm going to LA for a few days this week to see Quinn and Rachel. I got some time off for the transfer."
"Be sure to say hello for us, will you?"
"Definitely."
XXXXXXXXXX
The first night in Los Angeles, Santana spent with Quinn in a dive bar drinking their weight in hard liquor.
"What you need is to get really, really drunk," Quinn had said, pulling Santana out of the house only moments after she'd dropped her suitcases and said hello to the Fabray-Berry children. "I mean it, we're getting completely trashed."
"Whatever you say, Fabray."
Quinn had been right. They were getting completely trashed. The pair sat at the bar with only a few other bar patrons with numerous glasses in front of each of them and a very happy bartender behind the counter keeping track of their tab.
"You're a fucking genius, Q," Santana said. "You know, I just...this is totally what I needed. Drunk!"
"See? Now just remember...know this forever and it'll all be good."
"Fuck I think we...whole bottle of stuff is gone!"
"I feel sorry for you two in the morning," the bartender said. "Time to pay?"
"Hey, hey, hey," Quinn slurred. "Do you know who I am? I am Rachel Berry's wife and a very awesome real estate agent! I sold Brangelina their last house, you know? So can I get a li'l discount?"
"Nope. There's your bill."
"Well fuck you, too!"
"I got it," Santana said. "Don't...no worries."
"No, no. Mariah Carey's beach house is paying for this one."
Rachel had already set the pair up with a hotel room for the night, citing that she didn't want the two of them drunk around the children. Quinn called the driver they had on standby to get them to said hotel room where the pair both fell into the separated beds and into a fit of laughter. It eventually turned into tears for Santana and she began sobbing, the hot tears rolling stinging her skin.
"Why doesn't she love me, Q?"
"She totally -hic- does. She's just pissed or whatever."
"No...no she hates me. She doesn't want me. How the hell do you get to be happy and I get shit?"
Santana was met with a deep snore. She would've cared but sleep overcame her.
After the hangover subsided, Quinn and Santana made their way back to the Fabray-Berry household where they were met with four small bodies, two girls and two boys, colliding into their legs and welcoming them home. Santana immediately picked up Gabriela, getting a faceful of dark brown hair, and held her close, the six-year-old clinging to her godmother.
"Are you gonna be happy now, Aunt Tana?"
"I'll try just for you, okay?"
"Aunt Tana?"
Santana looked down to see Susan, the three-year-old blonde with Quinn's eyes tugging at her shirt. "Yeah, Suzie Q?"
"Is Rocky okay?"
Santana knelt down and let Gabriela go. She smiled at the blonde curls and Susan's bright eyes as the young girl inquired about her favorite stuffed bear she kept in New York.
"He's just fine. He said to tell you he loves you."
"Kay!"
Ethaniel and Adrian, the five-year-old twins (brunette and blonde, respectively), took that opportunity to tackle Santana to the ground and proceeded to pin her there.
"Didja bring us anything?" Ethaniel asked, smiling to show off his missing two front teeth.
"Looks like you need new teeth."
"Adrian knocked 'em out. We was playin' ninjas an' he kicked me in the face. It was so cool!"
"There was lotsa blood," Adrian said. "Mama tooked him to the hopsickle."
"Sweet," Santana said with a smile. "Give me a minute and I'll get you guys your presents, okay?" Ethaniel and Adrian both shrieked with delight and took off to the living room, their sisters following.
"Santana!" Rachel shrieked. "You need to stop spoiling them."
"It's my job, Waddles."
Rachel only scoffed.
Much to Rachel and Quinn's frustration, it took them an extra hour to get the kids to bed no thanks to Santana's antagonizing. She had given them their yearly Christmas savings bonds before dinner along with giant Pixie Stix for each kid which she quickly opened before any protests were made.
"How are you holding up?" Rachel asked, handing Santana a cup of coffee.
The trio was in the living room, the mess of the house being forgotten for the night as they caught up and Santana was sure that Rachel would probably outline a new life plan for her.
"Alright, I guess. I start at the bank right after I go back."
"Good," Rachel said with a nod. "Work will be good for you."
"Yeah. You guys better love me, I traded my Christmas bonus to get more vacation days."
Quinn reached over and put a hand on Santana's knee. "We're really glad you're here."
"Have you thought any more about New Year's Eve?"
"All the time," Santana sighed. "I can't say no to John and Anna but I know she'll be pissed off."
"They want you there," Rachel said. "Brittany will come around. She'll have to."
"I know you, Santana. I know you won't give this up."
Santana nodded and took another sip of her coffee before leaning over to settle her head on Quinn's shoulder.
"I just want her to love me."
It was reminiscent of nationals their junior year only now it was Santana being comforted. She probably wouldn't go insane in the coming months, she'd have to suck it up and move on if Brittany repeatedly rejected her. They had been through so much together, though. Brittany had been Santana's life since they were kids and she sure as hell wasn't going to give up. She loved Brittany more than anyone or anything. She would even love to have a family with the blonde. Rachel and Quinn proved that it wasn't too late.
The vacation did as Rachel said it would, a world of good for Santana. She felt refreshed and relaxed as she flew back to Lima that weekend. She forgot how much she love seeing her god-children and her best friend...and yes, even Rachel. The other brunette made an amazing cup of coffee and provided a little comic relief for Santana when she got to make jabs at Rachel's height or the way she was already beginning to waddle when she walked.
Work at the bank went smoothly. Santana's employees were ecstatic to have a new manager, none of them had cared for the old one. It took a while to get used to working in a small branch office rather than the corporate office in New York but there was much less stress and her work hours were actually normal. The employees constantly invited her out with them and she went a few times. The older woman that worked the front desk brought Santana a basket of basic food items and other household necessities.
It actually felt good for her to be back in Lima, despite how much Santana hated it in high school. She didn't know if she could stay there forever, but it felt good to be there at the time. If she had it her way, she and Brittany would be heading back to New York in the future.
Santana spent Christmas with her family and she agreed to house-sit for Rachel's dads while they flew to California to spend the holiday and new year with the Fabray-Berrys. Anna still updated her with how Brittany was doing to avoid any surprises for New Year's Eve. The blonde was getting stronger every day, her fine motor skills had returned to near normalcy with the occasional slip-up.
New Year's Eve got to Santana more quickly than she would've liked. But she still braved the cold to drive to the Pierce house and honor John and Anna's invitation to dinner. The house was still lit up with Christmas lights; Brittany had always loved them.
It was with a shaking hand that Santana pressed the doorbell to the Pierce house. John peeked out the window and smiled at her before unlocking and opening the door to let her in. The house was familiar and inviting as it always had been to Santana. The aroma of herbs and spices met her as she stepped inside, memories flooded her from days of innocence where she and Brittany would come running into the house after having a snowball fight on a snowday or for a glass of lemonade after playing in the sprinkler all afternoon.
"Good to see you, Santana," John said with a smile. "You look very well."
"Thanks," Santana said.
"Dad!" Santana heard the call from the kitchen. "Who was at the door?"
"Go on," John whispered.
Santana nodded, her heels clicked on the hardwood floor as she made her way to the kitchen. Brittany was at a lowered counter tearing up lettuce and tossing it into a bowl. She looked healthy and strong, Santana's breath caught in her throat at the rosiness on Brittany's cheeks and her smile that always lit up a room. But one look at the doorframe where Santana stood, the smile dropped and Brittany's face paled.
"Dad," Brittany snapped. "Why-"
"Santana is our guest," John said firmly. "And as our guest she is to be treated with respect and civility."
"You still enjoy chicken Alfredo, don't you Santana?" Anna asked. "It used to be your favorite of my cooking, I remember."
Santana grinned. "Of course."
Despite the fact that Anna had gone out of her way to prepare Santana's favorite, the Latina was still quiet and dinner was still awkward. Brittany refused to speak except to ask her parents to pass her things.
"How's work, Santana?" John finally asked.
"It's great, thank you."
Anna's Chicken Alfredo was sublime, as always. Santana practically licked her plate clean. Once finished she helped gather the plates and followed Brittany into the kitchen. The blonde positioned herself at the lowered sink and locked her wheels. She said nothing as Santana placed the plates in the sink. Santana figured it was up to her.
"Hi."
"Why are you here, Santana?"
"Your dad invited me for dinner."
"Well you had dinner. You can leave now."
Santana sighed. She was beyond frustrated. "You know, I'm pretty sure you're the one that broke up with me. If anyone has a right to be pissed off here, I do."
"You were going to leave me."
"No I wasn't!" Santana shrieked. "I was mad at you because you weren't trying! You wanted to give up and it made me mad, Britt! I never had any intention of breaking up with you!"
"Then why did you leave! Why didn't you fight to stay?"
Brittany rolled out from behind the counter and directly in front of Santana, looking up at her with red-rimmed eyes and tears threatening to spill over. Feeling awkward hovering over the blonde, Santana quickly retrieved a kitchen chair and sat, dark eyes now level with bright blue.
"Because you're Brittany," Santana said softly. "You get everything you want. You didn't want me, you said it. I knew I wouldn't win."
Brittany was silent. Her lips twitched and she clenched her jaw.
"If you still don't want me then I'll leave."
Brittany was still silent and her gaze fell to her lap and that was when Santana knew she had lost the battle. She stood and prepared herself to walk away, her heart shattering into a thousand pieces when Brittany didn't ask her to come back. Santana was completely defeated. She stopped before stepping into the living room and with a deep breath she gave her last words.
"I love you, Brittany. I never gave up on you. I never gave up on us."