Disclaimer: I only own the plot. It's as simple as that.

Recap: Feeling guilty for leaving her on her own a lot, Shirou promised Illya he'll take her and Sakura to the amusement park the upcoming Saturday. The following Tuesday, Shirou finds out some interesting things that Rin found out while doing her own research in Magic. Not only does she have the power to perform Magic, real miracles due to the knowledge from an ancestor of hers, but she only found four ideal places where they could summon Saber once they get the information on how to do it. All the while Shirou's eagerness to see Saber is as strong as ever now that he starts to have flickers of hope form his research.

Chapter 7

~ Never too Late ~

I looked up from my book slightly, enough so that I could see Shirou's thoughtful expression as he poured himself into the book he was reading, but not too much so he won't think that I was staring at him. I studied him closely. The ghost of the grin from earlier was still on his lips ever so slightly, as the corners were lifted up while his dark brown eyes scanned over the line he was reading then switching down to the next. Despite the happiness that every cell of his body seemed to be emanating, he was still fully concentrating on the text in the book.

I always admired his determination, although usually it was annoying, over the edge and focused on the wrong things in my opinion. Nevertheless, he was taking advantage of the determination and unusual calmness he was blessed with. During these past weeks that we have been researching together, I have grown to wonder how he could go on like this.

I understood his reasons and his feelings, though not entirely and couldn't empathize because I have always been too preoccupied with my training in magic to even give any attention to the boys that were roaming around me, and every time one of them pursued me, I tried to cut it short. I wasn't merciless. I thought it was better to tell the person straight out front if I am not interested – the longer silence is kept, the worst it will be later. With Shinji it was different, because I hurt his ego much more than I hurt his actual feelings – if he had any.

As for losing somebody I loved, that would be my mother, Tohsaka Aoi, who I remember most vividly for her unearthly kindness and passive demeanor, both qualities which I do not posses. I am too much like Tokiomi myself: stubborn, proud and egotistical, and I somehow always regarded him more as a teacher than my father. No doubt because he always regarded me more as a student than a daughter. I remember staying at my grandparents' house with my mother while Tokiomi was in Fuyuki to fight in the Holy Grail. I remember her trying her best to assure me, a small child, of Tokiomi's safety, but then…all her reassurances were for nothing. After I lost my father, my mother went into a state of shock. She was not herself most of the time, mumbling under her breath supposedly either talking to Tokiomi or Sakura, both who were gone by that time.

She died not very long after that incident.

I shook my head vigorously, not understanding the sudden sharp turn my thoughts took on memory lane. It wasn't often I thought about my dead parents, mainly because since they were dead, I couldn't change anything. There was nothing to change. But there was something I could, and I thought of frequently. Sakura. My long-time separated sister.

Sakura was the only person alive who I could give my life for right this moment to save if it was necessary. Sakura was the only thing I had left of a family, and more so, I couldn't help not to feel responsible for her separation, although I was too young to know, not to mention it was Tokiomi's decision. Even so, I vowed I will repair our relationship, somehow, someday, although she has never been the same after she was taken into Zouken's "care." Boiling hot anger surged through me as it did every time I remembered the vampire's repulsive face. Although he too is dead now, I will never ever forgive him for soiling Sakura. Young as I may have been, although I didn't know what he did until later, I could still see what he did. She was never the same, nor did she ever look remotely like my sister since.

I only have one more image of her left since before she was sent to the Matou household, and I clung to it all this time, trying to picture her now with black hair and blue eyes instead of the purple colors that came along with the tainted Matou blood.

"Did I do something wrong?" Shirou's voice sounded hazy, distant-like and I tried to come back to our study table and leave my thoughts somewhere in the back of my head where I could return to them later. I focused on Shirou's face and his brows were furrowed worriedly.

"What?" I asked distractedly, and I cursed myself for letting me doze off while he was still here.

"You were glaring at me like I just ripped one of your books to pieces," he said and laughed, but it sounded shaky and forced.

I shook my head and made it seem like nothing. "No, I was just thinking."

"About what?" he asked me almost immediately, and I felt a pang of fear mixed with guilt. Shirou didn't know. He didn't know any of this. I never told him or anybody, because this situation never arose before. I cursed myself again for losing focus so easily.

He regarded me calmly, waiting. I hesitated. Should I tell him? I asked myself, not knowing exactly what to do. I looked away automatically, his intense gaze too much at this time. It would be easy for me to just smile and give him a trivial answer, one that will satisfy his curiosity, but wouldn't be interesting enough for him to ask further and continue studying. I was just about to do just that, I even put on the fake smile before I stopped. I felt my brows furrow in confusion because I somehow wanted to tell him. Never before I have told anybody this and now that I had a close friend I could share something as important as this with, I almost felt the need like I wanted to get it off my chest, as if telling him would somehow ease the ailment in my heart.

And he cared for Sakura too. He said it himself he regarded her as a sister. Maybe…

"No, it's nothing, Shirou," I told him firmly, but he still looked concerned. He continued to stare at me with that expression for a while, as if waiting for me to change my mind on what I said. I ignored his intense gaze as I tried to continue reading and forget about the recent thoughts that plagued my mind. Even so, they kept intruding in between the lines I was reading. I clenched my fist that was on the table while my other hand struggled to remain in control and keep the page lightly between my thumb and index finger as opposed to crumpling it.

Promise me! The voice rang in my head and I looked away from my book, scowling. I couldn't understand what exactly gave my thoughts of the past such power today when they were usually stored in their own separate self, apart from everything else, in my mind. I continued to stare at nothing in particular until succeeded in shutting out that voice. Later, I told myself, as I always did. I told myself that for 12 years now.

When I looked back on my book, my gaze swept over Shirou, who was, once again, looking at me, his brows furrowed in concern.

"Tohsaka," he said quietly, "what's wrong?" I sighed. I supposed that it was still pretty obvious, my struggle. I cursed myself for it. Usually I was in complete control, especially when I had people around. Was it because I revisited the shelf today that they suddenly started piling up in front of my eyes, demanding for me to take action?

I didn't know how to answer his question. I wasn't sure if I should tell him. Telling him would in no way atone for my sins, then why should I spill my soul out to him? What good would it do?

"You can trust me, Tohsaka," he said and I knew that he was right. I could trust him, but the question was, would he trust me?

I sighed and faced his dark brown eyes that were just as patient as before. "It's Sakura, Shirou," I said finally, making my voice sound strong, trying not to betray the heartbreak that I felt inside. I was glad to hear it turned out how I wanted it to.

Shirou's expression immediately changed to fear and I felt another deep pang of shame when I saw it. He cared for Sakura so much. What would he think of me when he'll hear what I've done? Or, better yet, what I haven't done. Because I haven't done anything, and that was my biggest mistake of all.

"What's wrong? Did something happen to her?" he asked quickly and I felt my eyes turn away from his worried gaze despite myself. Looking away when asked a direct question was a sign that I had something to hide or was about to lie to his face. I, however, looked away because the question was too straight-forward, because it made me feel ashamed. Something did happen to Sakura, but not in the sense that he was thinking. I didn't quite know how to answer his question, so I took a safe route and disregarded it completely.

Instead, I asked a question of my own. "Do you know why Caster kidnapped Sakura that time, Shirou?" I asked, not knowing exactly how to start.

Shirou looked confused at my sudden change of subject. "Because she had magical blood?" he asked, and though I couldn't see him I knew he was looking at me for a confirmation. When I remained unmoving and silent, he continued, "Because the Matou family is a family of magi?" Again, he waited for a confirmation.

I shook my head, but he took it the wrong way.

"I thought you said the Matous—"

"The Matous are a family of magi. But she is in no way related to them," I said and Shirou looked downright lost at my vague statement. I sighed heavily. "She did have magical blood. But it wasn't Matou," I paused, but as I briefly closed my eyes. When I finished my sentence, I looked him straight in the eye. "It was Tohsaka blood."

Shirou stared at me, his face completely expressionless, but his eyes registered the shock I was expecting. "So," he said, uncertainly, "So, Sakura is—"

"My sister, yes," I finished for him, wanting to get it out in the open as soon as I could.

"But—but—how—she looks nothing like you!" he cried as if I was making no sense at all. And to him I probably wasn't.

I sighed sadly and got up from my chair, motioning him to follow. "Come with me," I told him and he obeyed. I took Shirou up another flight of stairs, around the big wooden railing, past Tokiomi's study, past my parents' bedroom which I let exactly the way it used to be 11 years ago before the 4th Holy Grail War even started. I walked past the hallway full of guest rooms that have almost never been used and stopped in front of one that was to the side of a completely separate staircase. If Shirou was curious about the unknown stairwell, he didn't voice it. Instead, he followed me beyond the fancily carved wooden door and into my bedroom.

He was the first outsider to ever step into my sanctuary; oddly enough, I didn't feel uneasy with his presence in there.

I surveyed the room with my eyes and waited for Shirou to get accustomed with the environment. I looked at the heavy armoire, the big, king sized bed draped in a fancy, blood-red comforter and pillows with many tassels that covered almost half of it seemed to conquer the room, the two nightstands on each side and the heavy dresser with the round mirror and a small chair in front of it. All the furniture in the room was made out of cherry wood, carved in the same spiral-like design as the rest of the furniture in the house. Silk curtains were draped over the many windows that dominated the entire wall opposite from us. There was also a crystal chandelier in the middle of the ceiling, the tiny crystals glistening softly in the now-setting sun.

Everything in the room was placed very neatly, almost as if nobody even lived in this room.

I left my favorite part for last though, as I looked at the small, twin bed that seemed to be just a third of mine in comparison. It still had the same, pretty baby blue comforter with blooming cherry blossoms that Sakura loved since she was little. A small, pink heart-shaped pillow was placed in the very middle of the bed and behind it, resting against the pillows, was a large teddy-bear.

I kept Sakura's things the way they were, despite my father's protests. The day that she was taken away is still a blur in my mind, but I can assume that because she left her prized possessions here, the moving process was rushed and careless. My first impulse was to send them to the Matou residence what she left behind, but I was afraid she would take that action as "goodbye for good." Therefore I decided to keep her twin bed in my room with her favorite comforter, her favorite pillow and her teddy bear exactly the way they used to be, thinking that by doing so I was giving hope to myself that someday she will come back to her real home.

Sakura, however, never came back, not even once, not even to visit, and I didn't either, nor did I try to persuade her to come back after Tokiomi died. I let those 12 years pass by and distance us further until from sisters we have become mere acquaintances.

Thinking that Shirou had more than enough time to look around, I walked around my bed and toward the nightstand where lays my most prized possession. I looked at it only briefly and handed it to Shirou. I knew it by heart. I knew every single wrinkle of laughter from her face, every single strand of hair how it was in the picture and every little detail in the background.

I looked at Shirou and watched how his eyes widened as they moved from one little girl to the other.

In the picture, I was five and Sakura was close to four years old, both of us laughing merrily at something I don't remember while hugging the teddy bear from both sides. The same teddy bear that was on her bed now. Despite the fact that we had the same features, such as the dark hair the blue eyes, we didn't necessarily look alike. While I got Tokiomi's facial features, the hard jaw and the sharp eyes, Sakura inherited our mother's soft beauty.

Shirou seemed to be looking at it for the longest time and I tried my best to wait patiently for him to say something. Finally, after the longest time, he spoke.

"That's…Sakura?" he sounded chocked. Seeing her like this must come as a real shock to him. Although people change considerably in time, the difference here was too big. Only her facial features were the same. Her hair used to be dark, not purple, and her eyes used to be blue. Also, before she was taken away, Sakura used to have a wonderful glow in her eyes that portrayed her innocence as well as her adventurous and inquiring spirit. Now that glow was gone. Every time I looked into her plum eyes I saw absolutely nothing, as if life has been sucked out of her.

I nodded at Shirou's question. I saw the muscles of his arm tense as he tightened his grip on the picture frame. "How did this happen?" he asked, his tone sounding relatively calm. If I didn't know him I couldn't have heard the boiling hot anger that was ready to spill. He was keeping it all reined in though.

I sighed and sat on my bed, head bent slightly so that my bangs would cover my eyes on the weight of my confession. "Magi familiar usually pick only one heir for the knowledge in magic and the Circuits, only one person to train further. It is a common procedure in magi families that if there are more than one child born, the ones beside the chosen heir – the first born child, the oldest – are to be given away, in hope that it will not rise competition between siblings," I looked at Shirou briefly and when I met his repulsed glare, I looked down again. "Tokiomi gave Sakura away to the Matou family a year before the 4th Holy Grail War started. It was an agreement between the two families.

"The head of the Matou family, Matou Zouken was his name, knew the new Grail War will start soon, but the Matou family didn't have any other heir to participate in it because the only capable magus, a friend of my mother's named Kariya Matou, ran away about 10 years prior. Zouken wanted to use Sakura so that she would be able to participate in the war."

"Wait, hold on a second," Shirou stopped me, his palms raised and facing toward me in a sign for me to stop. "You said that magi families only have one hair? Only one person that inherits the Magic Crest?" he asked me, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm getting there, Shirou," I said, my voice sounding tired to my ears. "Because Sakura didn't have the Magic Crest, Zouken had to implant them into her body." His hands, resting peacefully at my sides were now balled into fists, using the soft fabric of my comforter as a cushion against my nails. "The Matou family has a very…unique way of doing that. Zouken implanted what is called a Crest of Worms into her—"

"Worms?" he said, revulsion thick in his voice.

I nodded, still looking down. "They act as artificial Matou fMagic Crest, but they also eat prana once activated and shorten the host's lifespan once it happens. It is also incredibly painful, to tame and to manage."

"Then how come…" he trailed off, as if afraid to utter the words, but I knew where he was going.

"Sakura never activated them. She didn't need to," I answered.

"What about the Grail? Wasn't that Zouken's plan all along?" Shirou asked and I heard confusion in his voice. So he wanted to know the whole truth.

"Kariya Matou saved Sakura, although his plan was different from what actually happened," I looked up, knowing I would meet the eyes of the still confused Shirou. I continued. "Kariya loved Sakura and was incredibly angry when Tokiomi gave her away, especially to the family that disgusted him so much that it made him run away. He went back just for her and gave his own freedom to Zouken and his Worms in exchange for Sakura's freedom if Kariya wins the Grail," I answered almost mechanically the words I remember him telling me so long ago.

It was a secret visit, out in a secluded area of my grandmother's house's yard while I was playing. I remember that he looked dreadful that day, unrecognizable. His hair that was initially a brilliant blue had gone grey; his eyes that I remember being plum were now black. At least his good eye was. The right side of his face was mangled in a frozen grimace and one of his eyes had gone white. He didn't walk very well either. It was the first time I've seen him after that day in the park where he found out Tokiomi gave Sakura away.

He told me he wasn't supposed to be there. The Grail War started for a while when he did, and it seemed to be drawing to an end. I remember asking immediately if father was all right, and although I didn't understand it at first, there was a pure and frightening trace of hate that flashed in his good eye that I recognized even at that early age. He masked it right after and put on a smile that to me, now, it looked fake and said he was fine. Then he told me the reason he came. He told me everything I told Shirou earlier, including the pact that he made with Zouken.

"Your father's Servant is very strong, Rin. There aren't very many chances that I can defeat him, and if I don't defeat him I can't bring Sakura back," I remember him saying in his ragged voice. "Promise me you'll go back after her if I fail," he urged me. "Promise me, Rin!"

"I promise, Uncle Kariya," I said through my tears. Then the left side of his face, the good one, split into a grateful and genuinely happy smile. That was the last image I have of him because I never saw him ever again. My heart skipped a beat and my stomach clenched painfully.

I broke my promise. Or, better yet, I never fulfilled it.

"And I know that the remaining two servants were Saber and Gilgamesh, although I don't know who his Master was. It wasn't Kariya was it?" Shirou's voice cut through my reverie.

"No," I answered quickly so that he wouldn't notice I haven't even been present the past few minutes. "My father was Gilgamesh's Master. I don't know at what point in the war Kariya's Servant was eliminated," I said.

Shirou remained silent, pondering over what I just told him. I yearned to ask him what he was thinking, but I knew it was too son for him to blame me yet. My fault came later in the story. I heard him inhale a little loudly, still frowning over something he didn't understand.

He must've realized he was still standing, because he sat on the bed beside me, his eyes revealing deep sadness.

Silence filled the air between us, and for once in a longer time than I can remember, I was uncomfortable with it and longed to break it, but didn't. I was the one talking most of the time; I wanted to give Shirou some time to speak up too. Finally, after what felt like few hours instead of just a few minutes, he finally broke the silence. "Did you go after her?" he asked the inevitable question.

I closed my eyes briefly and fought back the tears that were surprisingly close to spilling. Tears? I searched my memories. The last time I recalled crying was…when Uncle Kariya came and told me what Zouken had done to her. I almost thought I lost the ability to cry. I supposed I should be grateful, but instead I felt empty, numb.

I opened my eyes and faced my judge. "No."

Shirou revealed only a small flicker of anger, but otherwise remained expressionless. "Why not?"

I tried not to look away and be honest although I hardly knew the answer myself. "I guess I was afraid to face her. I was afraid that she would make the blame on me official."

Shirou frowned at my words. "What do you mean?"

"What I mean," I said slowly, "is that I always blamed myself for what happened. But that fact is easier to accept than knowing she blames me as well."

His frown deepened, but this time not because of confusion but determination. "Tohsaka. I don't see how you have any fault in your dad's decision. It was pure luck – or bad luck, however you want to look at it – that you happened to be born first," he said firmly. "Surely Sakura knows that."

"I still didn't go back after her," I said and tried, with my last drop of will to keep the tears at bay.

"That's nothing you can't repair," he said in a futile attempt to comfort me. More so, after he said that, all I wanted was to hit him in the head.

"Really?" I asked with as much sarcasm as I could muster. Sarcasm was good. It gave me the control that I previously felt slipping. "You honestly think that after 12 years of doing absolutely nothing, letting that monster torment her and letting those worms eat her alive, if I went right now at her doorstep and apologized and asked her to come back, she would?" my voice gained strength with each word I uttered. I stared at Shirou hard, feeling my face heat up in anger. I didn't give him time to reply. "Would you do it, Shirou?" I challenged. "Would you forgive me for turning a blind eye if you were Sakura?"

He was silent, thinking my words through as I waited the inevitable negative answer to come.

"I would, eventually," he said and I suppressed a groan. Instead, I rolled my eyes.

"You can't know that for sure since you've never been through an even similar situation such as this," I told him, not bothering to hide my irritation.

"No, but I know Sakura," he replied and sounded confident. I almost regretted telling him, knowing he couldn't possibly understand that it wasn't that easy if I wouldn't be secretly feeding off of his encouraging words.

"It's too late, Shirou. I waited too long."

"It's never too late to fix a wrong you've done."

I exploded, more out of bitterness than anger at him. "That's fool's talk, Shirou. It's been 12 years," I repeated.

"Exactly why shouldn't waste anymore time," he urged. I wanted to believe. I really did, but I didn't see how I could possibly repair my relationship with Sakura. I remained silent and looked away.

Shirou had his eyes on me for the longest time, enough that I started feeling uncomfortable. Then, quite suddenly, he rose from the bed. "I should be going." His voice sounded strained, odd, but he was right. He shouldn't keep Sakura waiting. I nodded.

Just as he was about to leave the room, I said called out his name. He stopped in his tracks and looked at me. I was glad to see that his eyes were completely free of any blame he would have put on me. "I'm sorry." He nodded and gave me a weak smile.

"I know. We'll fix this." And with that, he left, leaving me to wonder what he meant when he said "we." There was nothing for him to fix.

This is all my fault, I thought and in that moment of weakness, a small tear erupted from my lid, slid off my cheek and soaked in my skirt.

A/N: There. A nice, long chapter only in Rin's POV. One of the best chapters i have so far, i think. I'm really happy with this one. I hope you guys will like it too.

Thanks again for the faves and alerts and reviews (including PMs).

Read and review, please! Your comments help me a lot!