The next day Matt was still sick and he was playing his DS on the couch. Mello still wasn't back so he called his cellphone...
Near herd Mello's phone ring and reached into his pocket to get it. "Yay Matt finally called...heh heh!"
"Yo Mells where are you?"
"On mars eating mint ice cream."
"What?"
"Do you want to buy cinnamon rolls and macaroni pie?"
"Mello what's up with you!"
"I like fish cupcakes!"
"Did somebody give you catnip?"
"Yeah...but first I had to be their cat-TOY."
"Wha...Mello!"
Near sniggered at his extremely perverted joke.
"I lost my underwear in the ally. But Near found it."
Click. Matt hung up. He was pretty sure his neko boyfriend was goofing around but...he must have been on drugs or somthing...Matt KNEW there was a reason why his pupils were always so small!
"Damn Michael..." he muttered
The bathroom door opened and a very cross looking gothic Lolita neko.
"What the fucking hell were you laughing at?" Mello said flatly
"Your boyfriend just called!" The human sheep boy waved Mello's cellphone around teasingly.
"What did you say?"
"Hee Hee!" giggled. Your high eating ice cream on mars and you lost your underwear but I found it!
"YOU FUCKING TOLD MATT THAT?.."
"Yup!"
"I hope the Near haters attack and destroy you!
"Mel-Mel-Chan?"
"What...?"
"Put thees in your hair! I can help!" Near bounced up and down holding some black and pink ribbons."
"Oh crap..."
"Sit down!" Near chirped, pointing to a chair.
Poor Mello dragged himself over to the chair and sat down with his face in his hands while near tied the ribbons into his hair and gave him a lacy headband.
"Mel-Mel-Chan! Look in the mirror!"
"I don't think I want to..."
"Please! See how pretty you look!"
Out of sheer curiosity, Mello looked up into the hand mirror the albino was holding and groaned. There was absolutely no trace of his true gender now.
"Near..."
"What is it my badass mafia cat?"
"I think I died and went to hell. God's gotten pretty creative with his punishments." The blonde stared down at the rosary in his palm.
Suddenly A metaphoric lightbulb appeared over Near's head. "Mel-Mel, give me your necklace.
"Absolutely not." he clutched the crucifix in his hand.
"I promise I'll give it back!"
"NO!"
"Do you want me to get out my chloroform?"
"Not particularly...ok fine."
He took it of and halfheartedly handed it to Near who said "thanks brb!"
A few minutes later Near returned holding a cat collar, with his cross pendant hanging from it.
"Ta da!"
"Damn you Near!"
...but of corse he ended up putting on anyways...
Matt called again and Near took out Mello's phone.
"hmm..it's Matt again."
"Gimmie that!" Mello shrieked girlishly and lunged for his cellphone but near dogged and answered it.
"Hello"
"Are you still high?"
"No."
"Will you be serious or try and fuck with me again?"
"I don't wanna fuck with you I wanna fuck with Near."
"NEAR DON'T SAY THAT!" The gothic Lolita clad boy made a grasp for the phone, but skidded on his satin stockings and fell on his butt, which made Near giggle.
"This definitely isn't Mello because I just herd him in the background." Matt said.
"Ok...no it's not Mello.
"IT'S NEAR! NEARS GOT ME!"
"Near?" asked a bewildered Matt who had heard Mello's screams.
"Haha yep! This IS Near and Mello's MINE!"
"He is Not!"
"Is too! Sharing is caring, remember? That's what we learned in kindergarten at whammy's. You think I was gonna let you keep sexy badass mafia neko boy all to yourself?"
"D-did you rape him or something?"
"I didn't do that...yet...heh-heh!"
Matt hung up to start planning a way to get Mello back from the despicable perverted sheep genius.