Genre: Humor/Romance/Parody.

Rate: T.

Warning: OOC-ness, AU and my shitty English. Wait, let's not forget crack ^^.

Disclaim:…*blinks* I own everything that is mine~! Gosho-sensei can keep the boys to himself, I'm merely borrowing them for my sick fantasy~.

A/N: As always~! Thanks for taking time to read and review ^^~! And I believe I've turned this host club into a shounen ai haven x3…hope you don't mind? *swoons* have you guys seen Kaoru-chan in his college years 8D! The hair! The hair! Too much of a hottie~!

…

Chapter 2: Hi! I'm the Shota Type.

…

Let's see where were we?

Oh right, our favorite shrunken detective had stumbled into a Host Club then he had had his moment and now, in this little chapter, he shall pay for his thoughtless actions.

"…No, seriously, what are you oniichans talking about?" he backed away while sweat began to form on his forehead.

His blue eyes were open widely and innocently as if they could hypnotize all the people in front of him and make them forget whatever had been happening. Then he would make his escape and never think about that terrible day ever again.

"Maaa, Kudo, you think you can fool us with those fake innocent eyes?" Hattori smirked and Conan mentally cursed him to hell. Damn it, damn it, damn it! He should have gone to his room instead!

"…Uhm…" and just when he had nothing to say to defend himself and was ready to run away- maybe phoning his parents and told them to prepare a plane ticket to an island that no one had ever discovered yet…Yes, he wasn't making any sense, you notice?, the doors were yanked open and he distinctly heard the males murmured 'it's time' to each other.

And then the room was full of the female students. Conan looked around with wide eyes as the girls seemed to enjoy themselves by gathering around the hosts that they liked.

"So long, Kyogoku-kun," a girl blushed as she stood in front of the dark-skinned and glassed host. The other hosts were all in the same situation as they smiled and greeted the girls.

And guess what was running through Conan's head?

This is my chance!

With that thought, he spun around and ran to the doors as fast as his small legs could carry him. But before her could actually escape, someone picked him up by the back collar of his shirt.

And then he was raised up to eye-level with a smug-looking Hakuba, "Still refuse to work with us eh? Kudo-kun?"

"….It's Edogawa, Hakuba-niichan!" Conan grinned brightly at him while his blue eyes narrowed in defiance. Not a chance in Hell, pal.

Hakuba looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding, "I see…"

Damn, whatever respect he had for the fellow Holmes fan disappeared as Hakuba cleared his throat loudly, getting the room's occupants to him.

"My princesses," he smiled and the girls swooned, "Welcome to the Host Club. I believe us hosts have been missing your company terribly so."

Some girl blushed bright red as Kaito held her hand to his left chest and murmured sweet nothing to her while Hattori looked away, pretending to be shy as he mumbled something about Hakuba being right. But Conan knew better, his green eyes were glinting rather bemusedly at the way the girl blushed and told him that she too, missed them really much.

"…I want to start our Club activities right now but unfortunately, I have something that need to be announced first," the blond continued and Conan began to panic. Don't tell me…

"Then announce it, Hakuba-kun," a girl spoke up and it seemed that the girls finally noticed Conan as they whispered to each other while looking at the not-child child curiously.

"This is Edogawa Conan-kun," Hakuba smirked and looked at Conan smugly, "…he is a student in the Elementary level, he's in the class 1-B," then he paused for the dramatic effect, Conan was sweating furiously, God, no, please just no, "And he is Ku-"

"The new host, oneechans~!" a brightly sunny and sparkling smile went a long and at that, the girls screamed at the top of their lungs about how cute he was. Conan winced…now he got no room left to back out of this ridiculous Club.

Glancing at the blond, Conan shot him a dead glare which he got a smirk in respond then he was yanked out of his roommate's arms to be crushed against another uniformed chest.

"Don't man-handle my cute brother like that!" Kaito huffed, still hugging Conan tightly to his chest while Hakuba just shrugged carelessly.

"Okay," he clasped his hands together, "Please get to your booked host and seats, my ladies."

He smiled sweetly, "As for being able to be Edogawa-kun's first customer, my ladies," he held out a clipboard, "…It'll be a fair price."

"Me!" a girl screamed and immediately the other girls followed suit.

Conan groaned, bastard indeed, Kaito wasn't wrong when he used that word for the blond…

…

"…Kaito-kun, it was really lonely last night," the girl held her hand to her chest while tears prepared to roll down her chest.

"…Don't be so, my princess," Kaito handed her a white handkerchief, "Seeing you so makes my heart break and…" as the girl was taking the white piece of cloth from him, Kaito quickly grabbed her hand and held it to his lips, "…I am here by your side now, don't worry, my sweet princess…"

And as she fainted with a happy expression on her face, Kaito turned to another girl with a charming smile on his lips, "And what about you, princess? Did you dream of me last night?"

Conan shook his head bemusedly at how the second girl fainted under Kaito's charm before he too, turned a girl in his table with a bright grin, "So, one-chan, why do you come here?"

The girl he was asking was quite cute with her long brown hair cast over her blue uniformed shoulders. Smiling at him, the girl twisted her thumbs, "…Well…because come here helps me relax a lot." She looked around, "The atmosphere here is nice and well," she giggled, "All the hosts here are all hot."

Conan smiled along while his inner self was shaking his head.

But he had to admit…the atmosphere was nice with the beautiful plants here and there, then the sun shone into the room through the large windows brightly too. Everything was nice and relaxing…

"…Then Conan-kun, how did you become a host?" another girl in his table asked curiously and Conan scratched the back of his head shyly. Mother, you should be proud, really.

"…It was fate, I guess?" more like stupid curiosity or his rotten luck.

The three girls in his table giggled at the way he chose words.

"How cute," they said while blushing brightly.

"And then guess what?" a loud voice echoed in the room and Conan's table's occupants turned around to see Hattori was waving his arms frantically, the girls at his table were looking at him adoringly.

"I tell him," he cleared his throat and continued in a lower and serious pitch, "'You can never escape the laws. You shall shoulder the sins you've committed.'"

And he bowed at the girls clapped.

"That was so cool of you, Hattori-kun!" a girl spoke up and the dark-skinned boy grinned brightly.

"Then there was another case which the kidnapper…" the Passionate type host continued but was soon cut off by Hakuba, who just happened to pass by his table.

"Please stop telling those stupid stories to our princesses," the blond deadpanned and Hattori glared at him, Conan raised an eyebrow as the girls at Hattori's table held their breath.

"What are you talking about, Hakuba-jerk-kun," the dark-skinned host smiled sweetly and Hakuba responded without missing a beat.

The blond leaned in until his face and Hattori's were mere inch apart, "I'm merely stating the facts."

And the three girls at Hattori's table fainted after shouting something like, 'beautiful rival relationship.'

Conan shook his head at the idiocy and he bit back any smartass comment just in time.

"Sorry for the wait," another cheerful voice echoed and Conan's glassed eyes followed a cheerful Eisuke as he glided past his table with a tray of drinks in his hands.

A few feet away, a group of girls was waiting for him while giggling to them.

Then it happened. Eisuke slipped on the not-slippery floor and he would have ended up on his rear on the floor if not for Makoto caught him by wrapping his arm around the smaller and pale boy's middle, while the other hand shot out to catch the tray with the drinks perfectly intact.

That did draw a few gasps from the girls as Eisuke looked up and Makoto looked down, their eyes met in a daze. A faint blush appeared on the pale boy's cheeks as he stammered a 'thank you' while getting back to his feet.

Makoto looked as indifferent as always at first but when he turned away, a quiet 'be careful' could be heard clearly. And some girls swooned. Conan wondered what all of that were.

"Neee Conan-kun," a girl addressed him and Conan turned to her with wide innocent eyes, "What kind of cakes do you like?"

Honestly, he answered, "Lemon Pie." And immediately, a dish of Lemon Pie was thrust in front of him. Blue eyes blinked in confusion as he looked up and saw Kaito grin down at him.

…What's with this idiot?

"…yes?" he asked, still looking up in confusion.

"For my little brother~!" Kaito's grin widened as he lifted Conan up before sitting down and placing the not-child on his laps, ignoring the shrunken detective's protest.

"Say ahhh," he cooed and held up a piece of cake to Conan's mouth, the girls blushed at the sight…as did the not-child.

And reluctantly with his cheeks still heating brightly, Conan attentively allowed the cake to go past his mouth while glaring at the fellow host, who was beaming brightly at him like a child.

Chewing absently, the not-child wondered again why he didn't go back to his room to read instead. And he wondered how long would he have to suffer this ridiculous Host Club.

…It was going to be a long time, dear Conan-kun.

xxxxxXxxxxxXxxxxx

It's just me or that Hakuba does suit the Shadow King's role? Next chapter we shall meet Sonoko and Ran then, if the plan in my head doesn't decide to change by itself :3.

Naturally, I enjoy writing Kaito in his hosting mode, guess why? Because I can unleash my cheesy lines which I use pretty much in real life xD. Though I usually flirt with the girls and occasional boys but well, you know, I flirt with girls most of the time which earns me a 'Pervert' title~!...I believe I've flirted with some of you here too :3.