This chapter is heavily inspired by the Exclusive Target sneek peak at Breaking Dawn Part Two. Although I have kept all the original dialogue, I have added a bit in the middle and taken it a bit out of context. This way seems more appropriate, to me at least. For those of you who have seen the clip, you will understand just how sad and hopeless this scene felt (the lovely yet emotional music didn't help!). I really wanted to get across Bella feeling helpless in this chapter, and Edward trying to comfort her whilst feeling the same thing.
I waited on one of the perfectly placed couches in our small, cosy living room, watching the fire burn low through blank eyes. I could hear Renesmee's heartbeat fluttering in the other room where Edward was putting her in bed. I couldn't bear to put my daughter down tonight, knowing her nights were limited. My new mind was far too good at math and calculations. Just twenty-nine nights, working on Alice's one month model. Only twenty nine more nights left with Edward, Twenty-eight more days with my amazing daughter. Less than a month to enjoy my new, no longer ever-lasting life.
Sweet music was in the air as Edward sung to Renesmee, a lullaby of her own. I closed my eyes, focusing on the music, but my thoughts couldn't be blocked out so easily. No matter how hard I tried, there was always that small voice in the back of my head bringing me back to reality, keeping me from hoping too much. I pulled the note from my pocket, carefully smoothing out the piece of paper until it was flat. I couldn't bring myself to read the words, staring at the writing, trying not to see what was written.
"Bella?" Edward asked, moving to sit next to me on the couch. I looked up at him, not bothering to conceal my expression. Edward would always see through me. I could not lie to him. But then, I had to. To protect whatever secret Alice was trying to keep from him, from Aro. Edward saw the look of shock or horror or whatever expression was on my face, pulling me into his arms tightly. I felt like bursting out in tears, but my new body wouldn't allow me to. So instead I settled for pathetically collapsing on Edward, letting him comfort me. After a few minutes, I pulled back, holding the note out in front of me, staring at the page blankly. Edward looked at the page too, not seeming to read the words. Neither of us wanted to relive what had been written.
"What are you thinking?" Edward asked quietly, looking at me with curiosity. The question, one I had heard so many times before, hadn't been asked in the last few days, we so full of worry that Edward and I hadn't had much time alone, to talk at least. In a happier, more hopeful mood, I would have smiled. Maybe made a joke about being a mental mute.
"It's strange. Physically, I feel like I could demolish a tank," I mused, flexing my muscles subconsciously. Sure, I was strong on the outside. "And mentally I just feel...drained." I could punch through a brick wall or stop a moving truck without breaking a sweat- figuratively, of course- but inside, I felt fragile, breakable. Like my whole world was about to collapse. Thinking back, I imagined being invincible as a vampire, not feeling fear or worry the way I had when I was human. I should have known it would be a hundred times worse now. The worry and fear was crushing, popping up in every thought, unable to be repressed.
Edward twisted our fingers together, squeezing gently in a gesture intended to be comforting, but nothing could comfort me in this mood. How I wished I could just lie down and close my eyes and sleep like Renesmee, escaping reality, even if it meant I would have to wake up eventually. I never thought I would miss being human, but the small things like being able to sleep and dream seemed like a luxury now. As if Edward could read my thoughts, he spoke.
"How about a bath?" Edward asked, a slight smile touching his lips. I almost smiled in return to his casual response. Although his face was relaxed, I could see the anxiety in his eyes. While Edward didn't wear his emotions on his sleeve like I did, I had a lot of practice reading his face, and I could see Edward was every bit as terrified as I was. I looked at the note again and took a shaky breath. All I wanted was for my family to be home and safe- was that so much to ask? Is this all some cruel trick of the universe, waiting until my life is finally perfect before destroying it?
I closed my eyes for a second, composing myself. It would do no good worrying. I would try and push these anxieties to the back of my head, for tonight at least. After all, how many night did I have left with Edward. A bath. That was what I needed. Something simple and human, something to make things seem normal. Of course my body didn't get dirty as a human body would. With no need to perspire or excrete chemicals from the body, dirt falling off my smooth skin easily, a bath wasn't high on my list of priorities.
"Sure. A bath sounds nice," I replied after a long moment of silence. Edward sensed my emotions, giving me a knowing smile. My eyes drifted back to Alice's note. Edward followed my gaze as I flipped folded and unfolded the paper, brushing my finger along the invisible indents created in the page by Alice's feather light writing.
"Do you really think she is okay?" I asked Edward in a small voice, not really knowing what difference the answer would make. Edward knew as little about this as I did. In fact, thanks to Alice's little clue, he knew less.
"I'm not sure. But Alice is Alice. She will be doing what is right. She won't want us worrying about her like this..." Edward trailed off; knowing neither of us could help but worry. She was like a best friend to both of us, always there, happy and chirpy, her energy contagious. The last image I had of her face has been embedded in my memory; her eyes empty like the inside of a tomb, her voice empty of hope.
"When do you think the next witnesses will arrive?" I asked, breaking the silence. My voice sounded too loud in my ears. Edward shrugged slightly, unsure himself.
"It really depends on who trusts us enough to come. Carlisle thinks his Irish friends will be the easiest to convince to come at such short notice. They feel they owe him a lot of favors. Maybe we can expect them next, or some of the nomads, if Rosalie and Emmett are able to track them down. By the end of the week we should have a full house, if everything goes to plan," Edward looked vaguely hopeful, his tone casual. A house full of vampires. I quickly turned to Edward as I realized what that meant.
"What will happen when it comes to...mealtimes? They won't hunt in Forks, will they?" I asked quickly, panicked. Charlie...
"Of course not. We will ask them to give Forks a wide berth, maybe even request that they hunt out of state. I guess that means I should start loaning out some of the faster vehicles..." I shuddered as Edward explained. I didn't like the idea, knowing that innocent humans would be killed, wherever they are. Edward stared into my eyes for a long time, and I stared back into his. How many hours had I spent looking at Edward? A countless number so far, and I only had a month left. We only had a month left. Edward out his finger under my chin, keeping my eyes locked to his.
"You need to hunt too, Bella. I keep forgetting that you are still young. It hasn't been fair to keep you this long without hunting. I'll find some way for you to go tomorrow," Edward promised. In truth, I thought little about the burn, too focused on more important matters, but it had been quite a few days since I had last hunted, and I felt thirsty. My hand touched my neck, as if to sooth the flames, ones I had become more skilled at ignoring these past few months.
"I'm fine," I told him, though the burn in my throat was more pronounced now that it had been brought to my attention. But inside, I was far from fine. Everything felt empty, like I was stuck in a bad nightmare I would never be able to wake up from. Every heart-breaking moment I had suffered, every bad memory I had surfaced into my mind; Writing my goodbye note to Edward, begging not for him to come find me in the ballet studio, watching Edward cringing in pain on the floor of the Volturi castle, seeing Jacob turn his back on me as he went off to fight, the moment when the blackness had almost won. Nothing compared to what was coming; the end. The end of me, the end of Edward. The end of the Cullen's, maybe even the end of the wolves. The end of everything I had ever loved, my reason for life. I couldn't even bear to think about the end of my daughter. I would do everything in my power to save her, to keep her alive. I could live with my own death, with Edward's death, knowing we were together, so long as she was able to live. Edward watched the multitude of emotions on my face.
"I've had a bad habit of underestimating you," Edward said, his lips inches from mine. I looked at him in confusion. "Every obstacle you've faced...I'd think you couldn't overcome it. But you just did." Edward looked deep into my eyes, past their fiery surface, as if he were staring straight into my sole. I couldn't place the emotion in his eyes. Was it gratitude?
"You are the reason I have something to fight for," Edward said powerfully, capturing my face in his hands. "My family." The emotion was almost too much to bear, even with so much space in my head. Yes, we had a family. A small but absolutely perfect little family of our own. There was something to fight for. Maybe Edward and I were doomed, but not all our family would be destroyed. That was the only thread of hope I clung onto so desperately.
I didn't know how to respond. My mouth opened, but no words came out. No words would accurately cover my emotions. I leaned forward until my lips pressed against Edward's, feeling the familiar but still shocking spark as our lips met. As far as distractions go, this was the best one, the one I could live with. I would get to the end of my life and look back and not regret a single night we had spent together since being sentenced to death. Edward understood my mood, kissing me back desperately, the way he always kissed me when he felt like our time left together was about to end.
Only now I kissed him the same way, desperate and passionate, remembering every touch between us, every kiss, and every gentle caress. So many things had become easier to manage in this new body, but not my emotions. Sadness, fear, desperation, overwhelming passion...the emotions were quick to run through my body. After a long minute, Edward pulled away, smiling slightly as I clung onto him.
"I'm going to go get the water running," he said softly with one last kiss, gracefully rising from his seat and disappearing from the room. Less than a second later I heard the water running in the bath. As I went to stand, the piece of paper I had sat down on the table caught my attention. 'The Merchant of Venice.' The cover page. The one page missing from the book which burned in the fireplace, upon Alice's instruction. Of course she had only meant for me to burn the note, but it felt right to get rid of the whole book. Everything but this page in my hand.
I contemplated throwing it in the fire, as if the burning page would somehow make the hurt and loss go away. But I knew it wouldn't. I would watch the last words of my sister burn away, disappear. The words would be chiselled into my memory forever, but there would be nothing tangible, nothing to look at outside my brain.
Wandering over to the bookcase, my steps were slow and silent. I ran my finger across the titles of some of my old books- ones from my father's house- feeling their ragged, worn spines. Romeo and Juliet...Wuthering Heights...Pride and Prejudice... all the classics were there, all but one. My hand froze on the gap where The Merchant of Venice sat only a few days ago. There was a gaping hole in the lines of books, empty and black, just like the hole in my chest. Slowly I rearranged the books, one at a time, until there was no longer a gap. It was as if the burning book was never there. But the hole in my heart could not be covered up or closed over.
I heard the water cut off, and light footsteps along the short hallway. I had my back to the doorway, but I could feel Edward's presence as he entered the room, coming to stand right behind me. I turned to look at him immediately. It had been too long without seeing his face, especially with so little time left to stare at his perfection. Edward looked at me like he was thinking the same thing. Without speaking, he took my hand in his, leading me towards the bathroom. As we passed the small coffee table, I placed the note, folded in half, down on a stack of books.
I didn't look back at the note or the burning fire or the remains of my once beloved book. I had to focus all my thoughts on the here and now. Edward kept me pinned against the side of his body, and for that I was grateful. All this seemed slightly more bearable knowing Edward would be at my side right until the very end, a team, united. One of us wouldn't live while the died. Our lives were intertwined, no longer two pieces of a puzzle, but the same piece. If Edward were to be taken out of this world, then I would be right by his side. Forever.
I would love ideas for the next chapter. There are so many witness vampires that I won't be able to cover all of them, but if there are some key covens you would like me to write about meeting Renesmee, I will. I am also doing other things taking place during this time, possibly a hunting trip with the Denali's and a visit to/from Charlie. I would really like to hear what you think of this story so far, and where you would like it to go.