If it's just infatuation then, why is my heart aching?
Cat coughed through the smoke in the large room. She watched Jade with sorrowful eyes as her best friend laid on her bed, the dark girl was smoking, her feet propped up on her large satin throw pillows on her queen sized bed. "Jade maybe they weren't… you know. Kissing." Cat tried. "I don't. Care." Jade replied, exhaling a ring of smoke from her cherry red lips. "They wouldn't do that!" Cat exclaimed, eager to stand up for her friends. Jade felt cloudy. Who did she care about more? Beck or Tori? The two of them together sounded so muddled and sickly. She hadn't really seen anything, they just had their arms around each other. But it gave Jade a right to mope and complain. Considering the guilty expressions they wore, Cat wasn't questioning the whole thing. Tori, her perfect Tori. And her boyfriend. It wasn't the first time. It wouldn't be the last. Why couldn't she just leave him? She was in love with someone else, after all. Wait, no she wasn't. Fresh, hot tears sprung in her eyes, for the third time this night. "JADE!" cried a voice. It was recognizable instantly, and Jade's fragile heart dropped, realizing it was Beck, not Tori. Her stoic father ushered Beck into Jade's bedroom, where she didn't even bother getting up, but Cat immediately vacated her seat in the arm chair by the door. Beck gave Cat a look, and she slipped out the door so he and Jade could have some privacy. "Jade," he touched her hand "Nothing happened. She wanted it to, but it didn't. I swear. I stopped it. I would never do that to you." He paused for a beat. "Again." Something inside Jade stirred. Her feelings had been settling murkily inside her for so long, but had been swelled up tonight, seeing them together. Everything lay on the edge of her being. Unthinkingly, she jabbed the hot tip of the cigarette onto Beck's wrist. He cried in pain. "Jade!" Jade barely glanced at him. "Don't pin it on her. Don't bend it that way. All she did was kiss you back." Jade was guessing, hoping, wishing that this was right. Beck's silence wasn't exactly presenting a winning case for himself. "Are we over?" His tone was conversational. Jade needed Beck. She needed him because if she didn't have him all she had was herself. And she was love. And Jade West hated love. Jade rolled over, sitting up on her bed. She eyed Beck's cigarette burn, stared at it. "No." She told his hand. Complete silence. They knew the answer before he had asked the question. Only she knew the reason for her answer.
Do you even realize the sorrow I have inside?
"I regret it!" Tori cried at Trina, who was sitting on their couch watching television. "Wow. Sounds like that new school finally got you the personality transplant I've always wanted for ya." Trina quipped. "Thank you. That was helpful." Tori dead panned. "Did you enjoy kissing the hottie?" Trina asked. "Yeah, but… Jade." Why was she always Tori's answer? A pang in her chest. A pang bigger than regret or guilt. Something pure and new instead. Love pangs. For Beck? He was hot and sweet, when he wasn't being manipulative. Who else, though? Her brain went through every name she had ever heard before it landed on beautiful Jade's. And the name fit. It was hard to explain, but Jade was love. She just was. "I have to go!" Cried Tori, grabbing her keys and running out the door. "O-okay then." Trina said, confused. Tori ran into the night, her sweat pant legs swishing together. Cold tears sprang into her eyes. Why her? Why Jade? Why them? She wasn't a lesbian. She wasn't like that. Wailing down the street at midnight wasn't how she had planned on ending this day. "Tor?" A familiar voice cried from across the street. "Cat?" Tori wiped tears away from her eyes. Cat crossed the dark street and put her arm around her now sobbing friend, without question. After a minute, Cat started "You and Beck kissed." Tori rested her head on Cat's shoulder. "Jade's mad." Tori nodded. "She'll kill me for this but, she's more upset at you than at him." Cat gave a random giggle in the darkness. Tori just wiped her eyes.