I feel I should point out that a 'fanny' here in Australia is different to America. Our front bum is our fanny, the back bum is just a bum. So when this chapter mentions 'fanny' it means her front bum.

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do not own them, nor do I own a squillion dollars. If I did, I would be paying people to read this ridiculousness coz no one's silly enough to do it on their own accord!

Chapter II: Fanny Bones

Saturday couldn't come fast enough. Really it couldn't. The days dragged on and suddenly, just watching Johnny on T.V wasn't nearly enough. Not when I knew that I was only days away from seeing him in the flesh. So I filled my days with work and mommy duties. I caught up with Angela on Friday for lunch and, while the kids played, she tried convincing me that telling Johnny Chuck that I wanted to 'eff you see kay' him would be a compliment and not creepy at all.

When Saturday finally did come, Sunny and I arrived at the mall at nine thirty. The whole way there, I kept telling myself that I went early to beat the crowds and, thankfully, when we arrived, there were quite a few people taking up the seats that had been set up in front of the small stage. I managed to keep the seat next to me free for Angela by sitting Sunny in it. I ignored the death glares from the other mothers when Angela arrived twenty minutes later and took her seat, while we ushered the kids to sit at the front.

"I see you have your CFM boots on," she noted.

"Yeah well, it was the only way I could take up your suggestion without being carried off by security," I whispered to her.

She went to say something else when the familiar tune of the Chuck and Cluck show began. I felt a shiver go through me and Angela must have noticed because she giggled under her breath.

"Shut up, bitch," I yell-whispered.

A voice over introduced Chuck and Cluck and hearing Johnny's name made my heart speed up. I anxiously waited to see his face when, suddenly, there he was. His smiling face beamed at the audience as his co-host fluttered about the stage, guided by strings. Johnny had a microphone on; it was a small one that went from his ear, along his cheek, to his mouth.

God his cheeks are beautiful. I focused on his lips as he introduced himself unnecessarily. I could kiss those, over and over. I looked over his usual purple and orange shirt, down to his snug fitting jeans and finally to his shoes. They were bright orange, but on him, fuck me they looked hot. And I was pleased to see that they looked better in real life than on T.V.

Oh shit, I've lost the plot. I'm delusional! I just called ghastly orange shoes hot! I need help.

I tore my eyes away from the stage and looked for Sunny and Tyler. They were both dancing along with the rest of the kids and I smiled as I watched Sunny do all the steps to the song. Angela pointed out the kids, probably thinking I was still eyeing off Johnny, and I laughed along with her.

We continued watching as Tyler stopped dancing and instead lay on his back and begun spinning around like a break dancer. We laughed at his antics until he stopped spinning and pushed himself back until his head was almost between another girls feet, looking up her dress. The girl looked a couple of years older than him, about six, maybe? She had no idea he was there as she bopped up and down.

"Oh shit," Angela groaned from beside me. I began laughing so hard that tears sprang to my eyes and I only laughed harder when I heard her mumble, "Tyler please get ... oh, for the love of God ... don't give me a reason to disown you today, son."

She turned to me then and, with narrowed eyes, she pointed at me and yell-whispered, "You! Shut-up or else I'll tell Chuckles up there how you want him to tickle your fanny bone." I tried to stop, but I was too far gone and that just made me laugh more.

She huffed at me and moved to get up and make her way down to the front of the stage when an almighty cry could be heard echoing throughout the mall. We both looked to the front at the same time to see Tyler holding his face and Sunny looking down at him with worry. The girl whose knickers he was admiring was nowhere to be seen. We both made a hasty exit from our seats and walked, at a fast pace, down to the front. Picking up our kids we looked around at all the parents and guardians with an apologetic smile. Most of them looked at us with sympathy but a few weren't too happy that we had a child screaming out the noise of the show.

I chanced a look up to the stage to make sure we hadn't interrupted. They were still talking about the importance of brushing ones teeth but Johnny looked directly at me. He had one brow raised and I had to mentally warn myself not to drool. I was frozen to the spot as our eyes met. He flashed me a small smile and within a millisecond he was back in character.

I hope that's butterflies and not gas.

It took Sunny pulling on my hand to bring me back to Earth. I let her lead me out of the crowd while I followed in a daze.

We decided that while everyone was watching the show, it would be a good time to get something to eat. We sat in a booth at the cafe and while the kids ate their lunch we had coffee and cake. It was death by chocolate so it just had to be eaten. I couldn't leave the poor thing just sitting in the window.

Tyler had a bit of a shoe print on his cheek, but the redness had gone down at least. Surprisingly the girl's mother didn't approach Ange to talk about Tyler's, ahem, hobby. They probably figured it was a fair tit for tat when the girl stomped on his head.

"So, did you bring something for him to sign?" Ange asked me with a knowing smile.

"Yep," I replied simply.

She looked at me expectantly, I looked around to make sure both the kids were pre-occupied and no one was listening in, then pointed to my chest with my fork. Ange snorted and, as if in slow motion, we watched as a small piece of chocolate cake flew from her nose and landed with a disgusting splat on the face of the guy at the table next to us. I heard Ange's sharp intake of breath and I held my own as we waited for his reaction.

He either didn't notice or he ignored it while he continued to read his paper and sip his coffee.

"Oh shit. Let's get out of here!" Ange whispered quickly.

"Hey!" Sunny called out, getting the attention of almost everyone in the cafe. "You said-" A five dollar note was shoved into her hand and I looked over to see Ange looking at Sunny pleadingly.

"Here, get yourself something nice. C'mon kids, let's go."

"Why does she get money?" Tyler whined and crossed his arms over his chest with a humph.

"Firetruck," Ange mumbled as she fished through her purse for more money. Shoving it into her son's hand, she grabbed his arm and told him it was time to go. I laughed at her, before following her lead.

We made our way back to the show but it had finished. There were a few people dressed as characters from the morning cartoons, walking around and talking to the children. We approached a few of the characters with the kids and took their photos while they asked questions. We had just been assured by the Fat Controller that he didn't get that way by eating too many donuts when I heard a familiar voice.

"Hello there! How you doing, buddy? I saw you fall down before, are you okay?"

"Oh, he didn't fall down, a big mean girl stood on his head when he was lying down," Sunny explained.

I spun around and, again, froze to the spot as Johnny, in the flesh, was leaning down and talking to our children. He had a confused look on his face and I remembered what had just been said. I looked quickly to Ange to see her face going bright red.

"He likes to - ah - break dance," Ange said, unconvincingly.

"Right," he said, before standing up. He extended his hand to Ange, "Johnny Chuck."

"Ange Cheney," she replied, shaking his hand. I watched as his hand curved around her hand. I had a sudden urge to push Angela out of the way and warn her to never touch him again.

Get a grip Bella!

"This is my friend, Bella. She's a huge fan. Huge fan." She empathized overtly on the huge. I did my best to keep my cool and not kill my friend with laser eyes.

"Oh, It's always nice to meet the huge fans," he said and turned to me with his hand extended, a big smile on his face.

I melted and then returned his infectious smile. "Bella," I shook his hand and curtseyed before I realized what I was doing and could stop myself. My body flushed and my ears tingled as the heat rose to my face.

His friendly smile became an amused smirk but he didn't pull me up on my ridiculously odd behavior. I silently hoped that he'd met crazier mothers than me and I wouldn't be a funny story he told his mates about later.

"Did you get to stay and enjoy the show?" he asked, still looking at me.

My voice was stuck in the back of my throat. I tried to reply but nothing came out. Ange saw my dilemma and stepped in.

"The kids were hungry and Tyler was making a bit of a fuss, so we had some lunch instead," she replied.

"Oh well, lucky there's another show in half an hour." He smiled and looked at all of us expectantly.

"Yes. Lucky … very lucky," I said slowly, almost dreamily.

That amused smile made a comeback and I mentally slapped myself out of my daze. I stood up tall and smiled back at him as an awkward silence fell around us.

"Well, it was … interesting…meeting you all. I best move on. You have fun, kids." He waved at Sunny and Tyler, and then he was gone.

I sighed with relief when he was out of sight, but a part of me was sad to see him go. I turned to give Ange the death glare I'd been dying to give her from the start when Sunny walked up to me and threw her arms around my hip.

"I like him Mom, he's really funny," she talked up to me.

"Yeah, well get in line, kiddo. You're mum's got something she wants him to tickle," Angela said sarcastically. I turned to chastise her when I heard a cough from behind us.

I turned around slowly and there stood none other than Johnny Chuck with a charming smile on his face and a crisp five dollar bill in his hand.

"I believe this belongs to the blonde beauty?" He handed the money over to Sunny and she thanked him with a blush in her cheeks.

I stood there agape, I could barely stutter out a thank you before he turned and walked away again. With visions of my best friend dying a very violent death, I turned to glare at her.

"You are a bee eye tee see-"

"Yeah, yeah." Ange cut me off with a wave of her hand. "I can see Dora; I have a bone to pick with her." Ange walked off with her shoulders set, looking much like a woman on a mission, leaving me there to swim in my own embarrassment.

NB:

Love to Q & celesticbliss who helped with this chapter.

Looking for a new read? Check out these ladies: Claire Bloom and AcrossTheSkyInStars. You'll find them in my faves list.

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