Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just gonna throw Dora and Iggle Piggle into the mix and see how they come together. FYI Dora and Iggle Piggle don't belong to me either, but if I ever met them, I would probably roll them down a very steep hill.

Chapter III: Fur pants. Duh!

"Where's my mom?" Tyler asked.

Shit.

I realized then that Ange had left me with the kids while she went to tell someone dressed up as Dora what she thought about said fictional character. I made a silent prayer for the poor person inside the suit.

Please, Goddess for the insane, let that poor person be deaf, even if it's just temporary, starting about … now. I watched my friend approach them with a pointed finger and then I turned to her son.

"Your mom's just gone to have a nice little talk to – err – someone," I replied.

"Look! There's Igglepiggle! Let's go say hello!" I ushered the kids towards the blue … thing, hoping to distract them.

I could hear Ange from where we stood. She went from talking about how she was draining her bank account only to watch Dora's ridiculously repetitive show, to then suggesting that Dora find some new friends because hers were rather quite daft. Surprisingly, Dora agreed with a nod of her head. Either that or my prayer had been answered and Dora's sudden lack of hearing was making her agreeable.

Sunny and Tyler hugged Igglepiggle and his tart Upsy Daisy, who was already dancing around with her skirt blown up. You see, my theory has always been that that's the whole reason Igglepiggle even goes to The Garden. Let's face it; it's not for the conversation. I figured I'd never get another opportunity like this and so, taking a page out of my best friend's book, I decided to see if my theory was correct.

I held onto Igglepiggles arm and squeezed it gently to get his attention. When he looked at me I leaned in so no one would hear our one sided conversation and nodded toward the dancing Upsy Daisy.

"That's the real reason you go there isn't it? Coz she's always prancing around with her skirt up?"

Igglepiggle didn't like that one bit and promptly put a hand on his hip, or there about, and tutted me with his whole freakish hand. I wasn't about to let some stuffed blue Gumby doll telling me off like a child.

"Sure, creep. Truth's out now. By the way, I never liked you," I seethed. "C'mon kids, lots more to see and do." I grabbed both kids by their hands and coaxed them away from the creepy blue Gumby and Skanky Daisy.

I released their hands once we were at a safe distance and let them lead the way to where they wanted to go next. Naturally, Tyler began heading for his mother, and we watched on as Dora threw her hands up in the air and began yelling in Spanish.

"Usted es un idiota!" A female voice screeched out. With that, Dora turned on her heels and walked away from a flustered Angela.

"Mommy? What did Dora say?" Tyler asked after she joined us again.

"She said that I'm a great explorer, sweetie," Angela replied, slightly flustered. Then she leaned into me, "Did she just call me an idiot?"

I nodded, "Yep."

"That girl really does know Spanish." Angela seemed surprised.

I leaned into her as if I were sharing a top secret. "You do realize that's not the real Dora and the fact that Dora is a fictional character herself?" I whispered.

"Of course I do," she replied as if I was the one that'd lost my marbles.

Tyler was happy hanging onto his mother but I realized that Sunny had run off while we were soaking up our Spanish lesson. I looked around in a panic until I saw her a few feet away, talking to one of the people dressed up as characters. I told Angela I'd be right back and made my way toward Sunny. I had only taken a few steps when a figure stepped in front of me.

"You and your friend are making quite an impression on the people in suits." My heart skipped two beats.

It was Johnny.

I looked up at him, stunned for a moment. He filled the silence before I could get my nerves together to speak.

"Is it true that you propositioned Igglepiggle?" He smirked at me and, besides it making my insides tingle, it made me furious that he'd believe that dirty little…

"I did not proposition him. I simply told him that I was onto him," I replied, pulling my shoulders back, my stance now challenging.

"You're onto him?" He raised an eyebrow and I nearly melted into a puddle around his delicious orange shoes.

Fuck, orange shoes. Get a grip Bella! I shook my head to dispel the image of him plowing my garden while he wore his shoes.

"Well, it's obvious that the only reason he goes to The Garden is because Skanky Daisy flits around with her skirt blown up," I stated.

Chuck chuckled at this and the sound made my stomach flip. I looked over his shoulder to make sure Sunny was still in the same spot, upon seeing that she was fine, I shifted my attention back to him, momentarily.

"You make a good point. I'm sure Al – I mean, I'm sure Igglepiggle was impressed with that theory." His charming smile was out in full force, it was lopsided and it showed off one beautifully defined dimple. I continued to watch his dimple while I replied.

"He wasn't particularly pleased that his secret was out, no."

Johnny went from acting casual, to being back into character in a split second. He looked around him anxiously, as if he had just remembered where he was.

"Well I hope you enjoy the show!" He said excitedly and held his hand out for me to shake again. "Bella, isn't it?" he asked, his voice a little deeper this time.

"Yes," I confirmed as I shook his hand.

He squeezed my hand gently and ran his thumb over my skin; a slow burn followed it. He pulled his hand away rather quickly and politely excused himself. I watched him leave for a few moments, drooling over the way his jeans hugged his ass, and those shoes…

Ugh!

I found Sunny telling her life story to one of the people dressed up as a bear from one of the many bear shows.

"…so we came back so Mommy could get tickled – " I grabbed her hand and pulled on it lightly before she could share anymore.

"C'mon honey, the show's about to begin." I managed to pull her from the pant-less bear.

What is it with bears never wearing pants? Do they have something against them? A personal grudge, maybe?

We managed to get a seat in the front row this time and the kids moved to sit on the floor, right out front. While we waited for the show to start, I leaned into Ange and spoke lowly.

"Why is it that bears never wear pants you think?"

"Coz they have fur pants on."

"Huh?"

She turned to me and looked at me as if I were daft. "They have fur pants on! You know…"

Blank.

She huffed and explained it to me slowly. "Their fur covers their business." She pointed down to her nether region for emphasis. "Pants would just be a waste of money."

She faced the stage again as if everything she had said was exactly right and there was no need for further discussion. I couldn't find a flaw to her explanation, I mean; I don't remember seeing any bears on T.V with their dingalings flapping around in the breeze; so I accepted that she was right and focused my attention back to the stage.

Wow, I'm learning a lot today! So far I'd learned that the best way to stop a guy looking up your skirt is to stomp on his head. That snorting with your mouthful was hazardous to those around you. That Igglepiggle really is a dirty old biddy. Most importantly I learned that Johnny Chuck was even sexier in the flesh, that his dimples and his one eyebrow trick weren't just stage make-up and that his touch was like that small electric shock you get when you stick a knife in the toaster.

My heart was still beating wildly from our last conversation, when he was introduced back on stage. The second show was much like the first, but the last twenty minutes of it was new to us. I was entertained plenty. I watched as Johnny sang and danced, and when he sat on his prop couch, I had a sudden urge to go up there and snuggle against him.

I made a conscious effort to sit all the way back in my seat and tore my eyes away from him for a second. I took a deep breath and then looked back. I was jolted as his eyes met mine. Not fleetingly, not as a general scope of the audience, but right at me, as he sang a song about going to bed.

It was all about steps you take before bedtime and I followed each one in my mind as he sung them.

Brush your teeth. Minty fresh breath, perfect for kissing.

Put on your pajamas. I would put on something nice and sexy and easy to take off.

Read a book or sing a song. Ooh, yeah, he could make me sing … Shit! I was openly drooling over him. His eyes suddenly looked away and I snapped out of my daydreams.

"Fuck, Ange, I just drooled onto my jeans. Please, kill me now. Do it, do it quick." I sank down as far as the hard plastic chair would allow me and put my palm up to hide my face.

"Bella, he was seriously looking at you. I think it's the boots, hold them up, make sure he gets the message." She then proceeded to grab my leg and try to lift it up.

With my body already at an awkward angle from all the shrinking away, and me trying desperately to stop her from lifting my leg, I slipped right off my chair. My ass landed right on a little girls hand while the heel of my boot hit another kid in the back of his head. Luckily I had somewhat prepared for the fall and so it didn't hit him too hard, however it didn't stop both kids from crying.

I fumbled as I tried to right myself and then I began apologizing to the kids profusely, begging them to stop crying. They weren't crying loudly but we had caused a bit of a scene and most of the people near the front were now watching the commotion.

Ange, forever my heroine, started waving around ten dollar notes in the air then knelt down until she was in their tear streaked faces.

"Here! Here! Stop crying. Ssssh. Here, go buy your selves something nice." The girl instantly stopped crying and snatched the money from Angela's fingers. The young boy, seeing what the girl had done, followed suit. Angela looked at them in disapproval, "You're welcome," she huffed and then sat back in her chair. I climbed back up onto mine and hid my face through the rest of the show.

The minute the show was over; we grabbed both of the kids and headed for home. I couldn't stand the embarrassment any longer. There was no way in Hell I would be able to face Johnny, especially if he'd seen my spectacular show of child abuse.

I had just gotten home and put some groceries away when Angela called.

"Pack your bags, the kids are having a sleep over and we're going out."

"Where are we going?" I asked hesitantly, Angela was a little wild when drunk; I wasn't sure I was up for a night of yahooing.

"Who gives a shit where we go? Ben's looking after the kids and he's giving me a free pass. Oh, I know! How about that new bar that opened down the road? They say it's really nice, it even has its own mini brewery," she suggested excitedly.

"You don't drink beer," I reminded her.

"I know that, but I might like to try some. Shut up. Just get your ass over here and dress nice, we're going there for dinner." She hung up. No goodbye meant there was no time for me to argue. The bitch knew me too well.

Sunny was excited when I told her she was having a sleep over at Tyler's. Apparently Tyler's play room was way better than hers. My child sure knows how to make her mom feel special.

We were just about to head out the door when the phone rang again and I rushed to pick it up.

"Hello," I huffed.

"Bella, you been running, dear?"

"No, I was just on my way out –"

"Oh, I know you were …. Say that laughing boy is nice isn't he?"

And so began one of the weirdest conversations I'd ever have with my Aunt Alice. And that's saying something because Aunt Alice was … something else.

"Laughing boy?" I asked, feeling confused and a little agitated. I was anxious to get out of the house. I didn't have time for one of her cryptic conversations.

"Yes, the one on T.V. You know, he laughs all the time … and he has that bird, Bella. You know, that man with the bird." She sounded frustrated. She was mad that I hadn't given her fumbling brain an answer yet.

I wracked my brain and then suddenly it hit me. My keys slipped from my hand, making a clang as they hit the kitchen floor.

"Johnny," I whispered down the phone line. I was stunned.

"Johnny! Yes, that's the one! Yes, yes. Now he's a handsome boy, don't you let go of him. Now listen, darling, that's not why I rang," she prattled on.

"Oh?" I asked, now extremely confused.

"Now, sweetheart, don't go getting upset, but God will call upon me next week and I would love to see you and Sunny before I go. You'll bring her in to see me won't you?"

I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized we were now in familiar territory.

"Oh, Aunt Alice, you said that last week," I replied, as usual.

"I know! Can you believe I was wrong? No one's ever bet against me before and it seems God wanted to be the first. Now, are you going to bet against me, Isabella?" Her voice grew fragile as she said my name and tears sprang into my eyes.

We had, had this conversation every week for almost three months and the worst part of it all was, that one of these weeks, it wouldn't be a word of a lie.

"No, Aunt Alice. I would never bet against you. I'll see you tomorrow."

"All right dear. You go have fun tonight. Kisses to you all. I love you."

"Love you too." With that she hung up and I stared at the phone in wonder.

Aunt Alice was amazing. She was the one that gave Nessie the nickname of Sunshine and had made it stick. She had always been cryptic in her messages she got from her sight, but she had always helped guide me through my life. Now that she was getting old, her visions were hit and miss, but she was still a beautiful soul. I'd dread the day that she would be taken from us.

Sunny calling for me from the front door shook me from my daze; I picked up my keys, and then made my way out the door.

Once at Angela's we got the kids settled with dinner and a movie before sneaking out and taking her car.

The pub was gorgeous. It had an old English style to it with a few vats behind the bar. Everything was strong in color and the materials raw. The large wooden beams seemed to be made especially for holding up buildings such as this. The bar was a dark slab of wood that looked as if it had just been cut down and nailed in.

I took off my small jacket as we waited to be seated at a table. The waitress took out two menus and asked us to follow her. We meandered through a few small table settings and smiled politely as we passed by the diners. In the middle of the restaurant area a large table had a group of people seated around it and we smiled as we moved to pass them, but then my eyes captured someone and I stopped dead in my tracks.

Johnny Chuck had his knife and fork poised to continue eating his dinner but he was looking up at me, complete surprise on his face. This look of surprise turned quickly to amusement and I felt heat flush my body from the tips of my toes to the roots of my hair. I snapped my eyes away from him and looked around the table. There were easily ten or fifteen of them.

My eyes found a tall, quirky looking man and I couldn't help but look at him as if I knew him from somewhere. My intense glare must have made him aware that he was being watched. He looked up at me slowly. My confusion quickly turned to recognition and it all came crashing down around me when he put his finger up and began pointing it side to side. He was tutting me!

Igglepiggle. I was seething. I wanted to jump the table and smack his old biddy head sideways.

I looked back to Johnny and realized his shoulders were shaking as he laughed silently at the exchange in front of him. I narrowed my eyes at him but he only smiled in return and then uncurled a few fingers from his fork as if in a wave.

NB: Love to Q & celesticbliss who helped with this one, too.

My rec's for today:

Vampmama and ZenOne

You'll find them in my faves list.

What children's TV character do you despise and why? What would you say, or do, to them if you ever met them?...Forgetting that they are just characters of course ;)